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About this blog

My life has had so many ups and downs. I have followed the road less traveled all my life, meaning my own individual path. This is a blog about those ups and downs and being on the road less traveled. 

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Entries in this blog

In Love With Me or Not?

So based on my last blog entry, now I am wondering whether he is in love with me or not. He said he is, then backtracked, then disappeared entirely saying it's unhealthy for me to even be friends with him. If you're falling in love with someone, wouldn't you want to still be in touch with that person? Wouldn't it be hard to stay away? And wouldn't you want to carry it through and see where it leads? There is no feeling in the world like being in love. You're floating in the air and in the clouds

RiverLight

RiverLight

Leaving on a Jet Plane!

WOOOHOOO!!!!! It's vacation time! Not sure if I'll ever come back! LOL. I haven't been on a plane in three years, and I absolutely LOVE flying, so I am beyond excited. There is nothing that compares to that most delicious feeling at takeoff, when you have nothing to do but sit back, enjoy the scenery, have a blood.y mary and put all your troubles behind you. My bags are already packed and I'm ready to go. I packed a week early I was so excited, lol. And today, a Friday, the end of the work w

RiverLight

RiverLight

You Pi** Me Off

I am tired of getting kicked around. I am tired of being abused. I am tired of people trying to trample on me and take advantage of my good nature. I am done. Just done. The latest is that this recruiter for a job I really want is asking me to do all sorts of work upfront for the company, without getting paid. W T F??? I have done this before as a consultant and was totally burned! She did not hire me, yet used some of my ideas. So I did work for free! Never again will I do this. His suggestions

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RiverLight

My husband cheated on me

We had had at least 100 conversations about infidelity and cheating - at least and no joke! He KNEW full well that I had been cheated on several times in the past, causing me IMMENSE PAIN and MISTRUST of men. He promised me in those 100 conversations that he "is not wired to cheat", that it's "not in his DNA to cheat", that he "never thinks of other women", that he "doesn't think of other women sexually",  and he promised he would NEVER EVER cheat on me. He also had promised that IF there were E

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RiverLight

Everyone is Struggling Right Now

No one is alone - none of us, though it may feel that way. I read Facebook posts from friends who are really having a hard time right now and who are reaching out for comforting words and love from all their friends. It's a really crappy time in the world between COVID, the fires out west, ridiculously messy politics and soaring unemployment.  I have had my share of bad days lately too. I have some better days and some super depressing days. I'm unemployed, but for the first six weeks or so

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RiverLight

Avoiding Toxic People

I’m on another forum and have run into more toxic people there than I care to even deal with lately. I’m contemplating leaving, and have been recently feeling like that forum is unhealthy for me. It hasn’t always been this way - just lately. But it’s beginning to drag me down, which is not good for me. Specifically, I am tired of people trying to pick arguments and fights, and there seems to be a lot of that recently. I go there for support and to offer my support, but for what good? I

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RiverLight

Abuse Throwback

UGH! JUST as I was starting to feel better today, embrace my newfound freedom and make a turn, my ex texts me asking to talk. He said he was very frustrated on Sat and wanted to apologize, and make things civil between us when we run into each other. I debated about whether I should respond or not, opening myself up potentially to more abuse. And my mistake? I responded. I told him on no uncertain terms that he was emotionally and verbally abusive, that I don't wish for him to contact me, that h

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RiverLight

WOW ~ REALLY???? This just doesn't happen!

So, now on top of everything else that has been going wonderfully in my life, now, after THREE LONG YEARS of looking for a good job, I am getting a full-time job offer! I am STUNNED and blown away! I am SO used to rejections at this stage! One after another after another I faced during those years. The LAST thing I expected after my last round of interviews was an actual job offer. They haven't extended it yet and probably need to check references first, so I don't want to jynx myself, but I thi

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RiverLight

Job Performance Anxiety

So I started a new job this last week and I am worried about my performance. I am trying to hire an expert as a mentor -- someone in my field who really knows their stuff. I should have more confidence, but I don't. I was kind of demoted in my other job, so I am worried it's because I wasn't doing a good enough of a job. But it could be because they hired a new Marketing Director who is reallocating internal resources. It may not have been a true demotion. The one thing that gives me confiden

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RiverLight

Broken Toes?? Ouch!

Yikes! My boyfriend dropped a large piece of heavy wood on his foot and I think broke his toes or his foot. He is in agony and is headed to the emergency room today. I feel SO badly. It was my broken desk he was trying to move downstairs to the trash.... I know it's not my fault, but I still feel enormously guilty. He is one brave soul though and tough! He is enduring the pain even though he squeals with every step. I would have been at the emergency room right away asking for pain meds. I ca

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RiverLight

Weekend To-Do's ... So Much Going On

I have a big to-do list right now. I have to buy snow tires, investigate wedding/honeymoon options, buy a new mattress for the bed, buy my dad a bday present and prepare for a work presentation... all this weekend and next. The honeymoon/wedding planning is actually a fun task and I am very excited to get going on this. I contacted a wedding planning company yesterday. Hopefully they won't charge an arm and a leg for their services, but after researching the options, it would be far easier

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RiverLight

Thanksgiving Cheer!

I am in the holiday spirit full swing! Today is a day of thanks and gratitude for all that we have and appreciate. Happy Thanksgiving! Every day should be Thanksgiving! There is sooo much to be grateful for that we cannot even see..... piggybacking off of my last entry about gratitude, having gratitude for all that we DO have and all that we CAN and DO appreciate in life creates greater happiness overall. The more gratitude one has, the happier one can be. And today my heart is just so full of l

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RiverLight

Divorce

I am getting a divorce, sadly and unfortunately. My husband turned out to be an abusive narcissist. He is not the best man, and he is not who I thought he was. At first I thought he was the most incredible man i had ever met. He mirrored everything I had ever wanted in a man and partner. But, he has NPD, which is impossible to treat, and he has been on and off abusive towards me. I was in denial of the abuse for a very long time, but it finally all came to a head, and I couldn't take it anymore.

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RiverLight

Mediation Meeting with HR and my Boss

I have to return to work on Monday, and to my ultimate chagrin, I have to report to my bully witch of a boss again. Last week HR told me I could report to her husband instead, the company co-owner, but they changed their minds. So now I am having a mediation meeting with HR and my boss on Monday to mediate/discuss the issues. I have no idea how to handle this.... I have to tell her that yes, I am open to hearing constructive criticism and welcome that in order to perform better, but that it cann

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RiverLight

Old Bully Boss Strikes Again ~ I Can't Win

I got laid off from one of my jobs and my boss from that position now is refusing to give me a reference. Or at least she hasn't responded to my email requesting a reference from her. She bullied me severely for a year, I reported it to HR, ended up in the hospital suicidal over it and had to take off over four months from work. Then when I returned, HR watched over my boss and was involved in every single employee interaction that occurred with my boss. So, I assume my boss is extremely resentf

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RiverLight

Through Tough Times, Have Things to Look Forward To

This is going to be long. Both my fiance and I are having a rough time right now. Together, we are doing great and are strong, so that's not an issue. But we are both facing enormous and mounting work stress. His job is now 100% commission and his checks have significantly dwindled lately, to no fault of his own but due to dysfunction within the company. He is beyond stressed about the dwindling income, naturally, which makes things harder for us financially. I am very stressed about my own job

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RiverLight

Yeah, More $$ But is It Worth it?

This job is well.... there's pluses and minuses like any job I suppose. There's good people. I love my boss. They have win.e and be.er hour every other Thursday, summer Fridays where we get to leave early on Fri (half day), and the culture is warm, supportive and inviting. The CEO loves me and I'm doing a great job so far -- all positives right? BUT........ I have to do these freaking long as.s reports each month for every client -- they're seven pages long each. Then I have to do a client

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RiverLight

Deliriously Happy!

I am SO happy, it's nuts. I have never been this happy in my whole life - except perhaps when I was living in Nepal having an adventure of a lifetime when I was 18. But I cannot imagine a happier time in my life than right now. But because I am so happy, I fear that the other shoe will drop at any time. However, with my most loving boyfriend who supports me fully and who has my back at all times, I am more confident that I can face and handle anything -- job rejections, interviews, catastrophes,

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RiverLight

He Came Back

Well, all has turned around once again! He came back to me.. the man I was falling in love with two months ago. We're back together and we're both deliriously happy. All is grand, right and beautiful in the world again! Actually, it really couldn't be any better than this. I feel like singing from the roof tops! I am head over heels in love.... it feels soooooooo damn good! I think I've found my soulmate. I am very happy he came back.

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RiverLight

Angels and Demons

So, through my channeling experience (cont'd from my last post), I experienced Angels and Demons, Satan, spirits of light and of dark, and I spoke with the Lord our God. I experienced it all. Their energies moved my body at times, and I felt their energy within and around me as it occurred. They spoke through me and to me. They read my thoughts, and spoke my exact thoughts and questions out loud through my own mouth. I talked to my deceased family members and to old friends and loved ones who ha

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RiverLight

I got a Job!

After months of searching and failing through many many interviews, I am finally get a job offer!!!! Granted, it's a part time (20 hour/week) contract role, but I will be working full time between two jobs now, which is awesome! No benefits of course, so I will have to buy health insurance, and I don't get any paid days off, which sucks. But I will have the extra money now to cover any unpaid days off I take. The hourly rate for the new job should be pretty high. I have yet to receive the offici

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RiverLight

Blaming the Victim

So I almost had to go to ER last night. I was suicidal. I am glad my boyfriend helped me through it and those on chat, too. But man, was I a wreck! And a part of it doesn't even relate to my boss. It has to do with my mother's response to what is going on. She said point blank "you've brought this on yourself". Meaning, what is happening at work now, ie, me being isolated from all my teammates. I have mental health issues including anxiety, PTSD and depression, all of which I am being treated

RiverLight

RiverLight

Keeping Spirits Up During Unemployment & COVID

Right now life is a challenge. I am not working, it's COVID, I am not finding many jobs to apply for and I am a bit bored. I go to the beach at least once a week for therapy. I went yesterday with my husband, and today I am going to the beach alone, which I don't mind doing at all.  It is very cathartic for me -- the lapping ocean waves, the seagulls, the sand, the sun and just good 'ole R&R. The beach does wonders for me mentally and emotionally so I am going as much and as often as po

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RiverLight

I Got Lost and Buried ~ Retrieval

I have forgotten who I really am. I realized this morning how truly lost my real self has been over the last three years and now I'm crying about it. I lost myself, my true self, in my last relationship of nearly two years and in another relationship for a year before that. My deeper, spiritual and philosophical side got buried... with my most recent ex, we did not discuss deep or spiritual topics. We kept things on a more lighthearted, fun level.. going out drinking, seeing music, traveling and

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RiverLight

Poisonous, Venomous Ex Factor Creeps Up Again

The only thought that brightened my day when I first woke up is that I get to see my boyfriend in just one week's time. It was the first thought I had and that made me feel really excited and happy!!! Other than that, I am still shaking off the abuse that occurred with my most recent ex last night over email. It really shook me up pretty bad. My PTSD got triggered big time. I am much calmer now than I was last night, but it did take several glasses of win.e and an Ativan for me to stop shakin

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RiverLight

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