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About this blog

My life has had so many ups and downs. I have followed the road less traveled all my life, meaning my own individual path. This is a blog about those ups and downs and being on the road less traveled. 

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Entries in this blog

I want you all to know....

Hey, someone pointed out to me that I've been blogging all about my happiness right now. I realize that this may rub some people the wrong way --- those on here who are struggling and having a hard go of it. I want people to know that I've struggled a LOT in my life, for most of my life. I've had on and off depressive episodes, I've had complete breakdowns and have been hospitalized twice in a psychiatric ward. I've been through many abusive relationships and I've been abused by multiple bosses.

RiverLight

RiverLight

Extraordinary Inner Peace

Today I felt a very potent and noticeable sense of deep inner peace like I've never experienced. I just felt that AHA moment of WOW, I am really at peace and everything in my life has fallen together. It's the most extraordinary feeling in the world! I feel very content and satisfied. I have only work woes to complain about periodically, and I'd love to win the lottery, quit my job and travel the world, but aside from that, I have zero complaints. It is the most satisfying feeling after years of

RiverLight

RiverLight

Blissful Weekend ~ Blissful Sunday

Ken and I had an amazing weekend together. We hung out, just the two of us, having fun. We did some extracurricular activities both Friday and Sat night and watched the live Phish shows from home. What a blast! We needed some fun after a weekend of dealing with his elderly parents. It was great to cut loose. We also had just seen Phish earlier in the week in Albany, NY. I think our show was the best one so far. It was pretty amazing!!! I am floating from a nice weekend of blissful fun.  I w

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RiverLight

We Got Our Wedding Rings!

Just back from visiting his parents in Florida, which honestly was a little hard since they're elderly and not well, but we still had a great time. We returned home to find a package containing our wedding rings! We bought them ahead of time, but now we have them. We tried them on and they're both really nice! Now we just need to figure out a wedding!!! We still don't know how we're going to pay for the wedding. It's going to be very small! LOL. Just immediate family. But it will be fun!!! And t

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RiverLight

Yeah, More $$ But is It Worth it?

This job is well.... there's pluses and minuses like any job I suppose. There's good people. I love my boss. They have win.e and be.er hour every other Thursday, summer Fridays where we get to leave early on Fri (half day), and the culture is warm, supportive and inviting. The CEO loves me and I'm doing a great job so far -- all positives right? BUT........ I have to do these freaking long as.s reports each month for every client -- they're seven pages long each. Then I have to do a client

RiverLight

RiverLight

Can't Sleep Tonight...

Ugh, I can't sleep. My fiancee is peacefully asleep and I am wide awake. I have a big client presentation tomorrow, and I am extremely nervous. I had no idea when I got into this job that I would have to present in front of a room full of people -- my worst nightmare. I am sure it will get easier in time, but right now it scares the heck out of me. I suffer from anxiety and PTSD and talking in front of groups of people can make me physically shake.  What if they ask me something I can't ans

RiverLight

RiverLight

A Great Reminder for Myself

Stemming off my last blog entry, I ran into an extremely toxic person on a different forum. Her poison seeped into me for a full day, I was enraged about her rude, vicious and obnoxious behavior towards me, and it was a GREAT reminder for me that I am avoiding these types of people like the plague. She even wrote a poem about me, which I had to report. It has yet to be removed, but I am sure it will be soon.  Toxic people are awful people. At the heart of it, they're miserable --- however,

RiverLight

RiverLight

Unhappy People LOVE to Drag Down Happy People

I am seeing a lot of envy on this other forum where I post, coupled by meanness and lashing out at me because I am truly very happy. GEEZ! Calm down, people, and gain control over your emotions. I fought for my happiness. I climbed over mountains and fought through miserable circumstances. I pursued what made me happiest, but don't condemn me because I have made it to the other side and you have not. Don't condemn me because you're miserable and cannot stand your own life. Make it happen. P

RiverLight

RiverLight

He's Talking About Eloping

So, wedding plans, part II! We're now talking about eloping! We cannot afford a wedding, and neither one of us cares too much if we don't have one. At least I don't, and it's his second marriage, so he doesn't mind either. But now he's also talking about doing it soon, like in the next few weeks. He's already picked out our wedding rings, with my input and help, which we can afford. But I may want to wait and elope somewhere exotic, like where we will go on our honeymoon. Then again, I don't rea

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RiverLight

Wedding Plans!

So, we don't know how the wedding will be paid for -- we may need to elope! LOL. I need to ask my parents if they are willing and can help. I could pay for at least a part of it, and so could my fiancee. Together we have some money, and if my parents pitch in, we could probably afford a small family wedding. We've talked about it and only want family there. Our friends won't mingle very well with our conservative families, or rather, my conservative family, so we decided to keep them separate. W

RiverLight

RiverLight

9/11 Tragedy: Loss of Life

It's 9/11. My now fiance lost his beloved, precious brother at the age of 32 in the Twin Towers terrorism act on this day 17 years ago. I am sitting with him in grief and horror as we watch the 9/11 events, reliving it all over again on TV. I also lost a friend from college on this day, in the Flight 93 terrorist attack. My fiance and I have been crying all morning. It hits me deeply -- his pain, suffering and loss. He cried to me that he never got to say goodbye. And now I cry, imagining it wer

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RiverLight

We're Engaged!!!!!!

We did it! We're officially engaged!!! He proposed last night. His proposal was soooooo sweet! I am ridiculously in love and we are both ecstatic. I couldn't have asked for a better man to spend my life with. I am soooo very lucky!!!! ❤️💕💘 WOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

RiverLight

RiverLight

He Bought My Engagement Ring!!!

Ken bought my engagement ring today!! I’m soooooooo excited!!!!! It’s absolutely stunning. I helped pick it out. Now it just needs to be shipped and then he just needs to ask me!! 😍  

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RiverLight

Getting a New Car!

I am soooooooo excited! I made the decision the other day that it's finally time to get a new car! My '03 Corolla has served me well for the last ten years, it took me all over the country and back, but now it has mold in the trunk and it smells, so it must go!!!  I am pumped to shop and I know what I want. I want another Corolla, but a 2019 hatchback, automatic transmission. NO more standard transmission cars for me -- no thanks. I'm done.  So tomorrow my bf and I will go to the deale

RiverLight

RiverLight

Drunk with Love ~ SO happy, SO in Love

I am deliriously in love and am SO very happy. I spent the weekend with my bf, just the two of us and we had a total blast! We hung out, listened to music, talked, laughed, ate fabulous meals and stayed up rockin' it until dawn. Then this morning, he went to Starbucks for iced coffee, brought home a gorgeous bouquet of flowers for me and delicious danishes. I couldn't ask for a better boyfriend!! He is SO sweet, SO loving, SO supportive and SO endearing... he's everything I could have hoped for

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RiverLight

Eating Humble Pie ~ I May Change Career Directions

A month ago I had written how everything was SO great in my life that I may take a break from DF. Well, that went out the window with my new job, which I thought was going to be amazing. And now it turns out it's far too technical for me and that possibly my field, or this particular niche within my field, is not the best fit for me. ARGH! SO frustrating!!!! So now what? I am considering applying for other jobs within my field that are are a different type of position - more writing and edi

RiverLight

RiverLight

He Really Does Love Me!

I wrote an entry on why does he love me so much, and sometimes I still wonder that, but I know now that my boyfriend really does love me. I think he truly is here to stay for good, for better or for worse. I've been super stressed for the last month plus with my new job, and I've tried to suppress it or not show a lot of it so it doesn't effect him. We live together, so I don't want my stress to make him unhappy. But he feels whatever I am feeling and he can tell when I'm not right. He can

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RiverLight

If it Doesn't Challenge You, It Won't Change You

I just read that quote on FB. This could not be more meaningful for me right now. I did pray for better things, a better job, and one that would give me what I needed and wanted. I suppose be careful of what you ask for!!!! Still.... the question I've been asking myself: do I really need this right now???? I know I don't want it, but in fact, I probably DO need it in my life. It's one of the biggest challenges I've faced in my career to date -- is this job right now. But did I need to

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RiverLight

Surviving at Work

Well, so my work themed posts on here continue on. I am in survival mode -- not thriving, but surviving. We have to take an Analytics certification exam in a couple weeks, and I am worried I will fail. That is not just fear and anxiety talking, I have failed certification exams previously, so my concern is based on experience. Well, I failed one certification exam, in all actuality, but still, I failed. As a group yesterday, we took the prep quizzes together and I passed those because I stu

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RiverLight

A Good Boss

So I broke down and cried in front of my boss yesterday -- I finally cracked under all the stress and angst I've been feeling at work. I was so embarrassed and humiliated, but I gotta say, he could not have been more supportive. And it dawned on me -- I have not had a great boss, even a good boss, in years upon years. I've mainly been abused at work in recent years. So this is a very pleasant surprise for me, to say the least! He said all the right things to make me feel supported and comfo

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RiverLight

Small Victories ~ I Feel Encouraged

My dad, who is a psych doc, has always told me when you're overwhelmed, to look at and celebrate the small victories. I had a small victory at work on Friday, though of course, today I am full of anxiety again in anticipation of the work week ahead. That aside, my strategies for a client were approved and are being presented to the client on Monday. My boss loved them, along with the internal team. I've been overwhelmed at work by all that I have to learn in order to do my job there. It's a

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RiverLight

Everyone Believes in Me, Except Me!

More about work. I talked to HR today because she could tell I was upset yesterday. I was about to burst into tears right at my desk. Well, I was candid with her and told her my weak spots. She believes in me though and so does the CEO. Everyone does, except for me. I talked with my parents today who gave me a big pep talk. There's just SO much I don't know and I feel inferior to those more junior than me, which I've written about. But I am neglecting to see that perhaps I know more than they do

RiverLight

RiverLight

Regret

I regret taking this job. I am challenged more than I've been in a LONG time. Years. I not only have to learn several technical tools, I have to learn advanced Excel and Powerpoint, plus advanced strategies in my role. I cannot do this, I feel. I feel anxious all the time now during work. I wish I could go back in time and I wish I had turned down the job. I miss my former cushy job, but there I wouldn't learn much. This is what I need to learn. I know this. But I am not happy about it. Being ch

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RiverLight

Why Does He Love Me So Much?

I cannot figure this out. He says he loves me soooooo much, and more than anyone he's ever known. I have not been feeling great about myself lately, and I wonder what it is about me that he loves so much. I even asked him. He told me valid reasons, reasons which I cannot even embrace right now in my head. He says I'm the greatest person he's ever known... one of the nicest he's ever known, and one of the sweetest. I know I'm a nice person, and I do sweet things for him, but I suppose also given

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RiverLight

Anxiety is Going to Be the Death of Me

This anxiety is just awful. Each day before work, I need to take an Ativan. My anxiety is through the roof. I need to calm down and realize three things about myself: I am intelligent and a quick study, I am driven to succeed and I am willing to learn. These three qualities will help me get through this job (I hope). I am giving myself a pep talk! LOL. Bottom line is, I am scared of failure. I need to acknowledge to my boss today where my strengths and weaknesses lie, and where I need to grow an

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RiverLight

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