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About this blog

My life has had so many ups and downs. I have followed the road less traveled all my life, meaning my own individual path. This is a blog about those ups and downs and being on the road less traveled. 

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Entries in this blog

Make or Break Me

While sitting having morning coffee with my parents, I was restless in my chair, tapping my fingers energetically on the armrest. My mom said I looked like the energizer bunny, lol. I am filled with so much energy over this job, I think I need to take a long fast walk today. Getting this job could make or break me, I said to her. She said it won't break you, it'll just set you back. But so much is dependent on this job right now and whether I get it or not. If I get it, I can move anywhere I wan

RiverLight

RiverLight

Overwhelmed and Ungrounded.... Lost Without Direction

I feel lost right now, or very ungrounded. Normally, I feel pretty grounded within myself. Right now I am lost. I mean, I know pretty much what I want in a relationship and what I need, and I have a sense of where I am heading, but I am afraid that he cannot change. What is going on is making me feel very uncomfortable, and I am wondering if I have given him too many chances. The feeling is overwhelming. Plus, I have far too much going on right now and am overwhelmed generally. I am on men

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RiverLight

5 AM and Wide Awake

I don't know how to feel. I woke up at 3:30 am and couldn't go back to sleep. I feel tortured by something, it's gnawing at me and I can't let it go. Hence why I can't sleep, but I don't know what it is. I've been thinking about how life sometimes is just not fair. How come life loves to throw monkey wrenches and curve balls, give things to you and then take them away? I had a great job offer I could have taken, then when I tried to negotiate more benefits, they took the job offer away, saying I

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RiverLight

Really Down About Myself

I am feeling really down about myself and very low atm. I react very strongly to some things, mostly when I am hurt or offended by someone; sometimes I even overreact and then say hurtful or angry things back. Fight or flight response.. well I fight back. I don't like this about myself. I have been abused and bullied a lot in my life and I stand up for myself against it (well, most times). I wonder if my reactivity has something to do with that history? But I have a kind heart, I am a good pe

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RiverLight

Nearly One Year Wedding Anniversary!

Wow, I cannot believe that nearly a year has passed since I got married! In two months it will be our 1st wedding anniversary! I was remembering the other day how just ten years ago, I had packed my bags and car and drove across the country for school, and how fast time has flown since then. Time is getting faster as I get older, I swear. lol.  Well, hubby and I are doing great. We've had many challenges to contend with over the last year - financial, family, work, and life challenges - and

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RiverLight

Big Let Down

When someone builds up so much expectation then takes something away from you, it's a huge let down. I am really disappointed in someone. He let me down pretty badly after building up so much. That is not fair and it is not nice. This is a short entry because I have not much else to say on the matter except for the fact that I am beyond pis/sed off.

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RiverLight

Back to the Office

There's a book called the Artist's Way that talks about writing "morning pages" each morning to let your creativity & thoughts flow, writing down whatever comes to mind without worrying about organization or logic. So that is this blog entry... my morning pages. I am more tired than usual this morning, even though I had a good night's sleep. Many thoughts are floating through my head. Abuse I've suffered at work, my upcoming interviews, my studies, this workshop I am taking tonight, my job,

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RiverLight

TW: My Ex Fiance Passed Away

Trigger Warning: I am in shock and feel immense sadness. I just found out that my ex fiance had passed away in August. I happened to Google him this morning for some unknown reason and found his obituary. No cause of death was mentioned. He had tried to leave this earth once before. He had always had a very rough time of things and was very mentally unstable. He and I broke up, what, I think four years ago now? He also had a drug and alcohol addiction problem that he struggled with, but I suspec

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RiverLight

Snowy White Christmas!

I am sooooo excited! It snowed 3-4 inches last night and is still snowing! We're going to have a white Christmas this year, which means the world to me. Growing up we used to go skiing on Christmas day and opened presents Christmas eve. I remember that for many years, it rained on Christmas day and we couldn't actually ski. It was such a bummer to drive three hours north in the pouring rain, only to be able to go to the only open store, LL Bean, because of the rain. We would eat out and stay in.

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RiverLight

Interview is Finally Over

Well, my final interviews at Velcro are over now. Thank God! I know I did my absolute best, and I think I did well. I am pretty sure the VP of HR was impressed by me, which counts for a lot. Now I need to wait until Monday to hear whether I am offered the job or not. Sigh..... I am not good with patience sometimes. At least now I can breathe a little. I have been waiting in anticipation for this interview for weeks now...... I wrote my thank you letters this morning, so now my work is done. I

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RiverLight

Chinese Thanksgiving

Hoorrrrayyy!!!!! I am pardoned from having to attend Thanksgiving dinner this week with my small family unit. Each year, my sister gets to skip out on this event and goes somewhere fun with her boyfriend. Last year, I tried to bail out, but my mom guilt tripped me into joining them. So this year, I have once again brought up the fact that my sister will not be there (who is a saving grace plus my three nephews), that I am adult and should be able to skip the family event and do something on my o

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RiverLight

Quit Smoking ~ The Psychology of Smoking

So I haven't posted here in a long while. My now fiance and I both quit smoking and are vaping instead. Yes, we're now engaged and are living together!! So back to the topic... we quit smoking but have both cheated together with cigarettes now and again. We're making note of the differences between cigarettes and vaping. There really is no difference because you're getting the nicotine but with a really nice delicious flavor like Nerdz candy or strawberry and watermelon jolly rancher flavor. The

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RiverLight

The Road Less Traveled ~ Come With Me

I think of that time in Nepal when those old ladies told us hungry hikers, "It's not rice time yet!", LOL. I think of when I hiked the Himalayas for a full month without washing my hair, and the time we got lost and had to sleep in a cave. I think about the time I lived in my tent in Alaska, gutting fish for a summer, and created a home on the side of a mountain, covered with fish guts each and every day. Then of the time I traveled out west for a year all on my own, working at a ski resort as a

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RiverLight

We're Engaged!!!!!!

We did it! We're officially engaged!!! He proposed last night. His proposal was soooooo sweet! I am ridiculously in love and we are both ecstatic. I couldn't have asked for a better man to spend my life with. I am soooo very lucky!!!! ❤️💕💘 WOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

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RiverLight

Finally, a Healthy Relationship!!!! Love is NOT a Battlefield!

FINALLY, I have found a HEALTHY relationship! OMG, so THIS is what I have been missing ALL these years!!! I am astounded. I am in awe. I am very happy and I feel VERY loved, appreciated, respected and honored, each and every day! FOR ONCE!!!!!! ALL this time, for ALL these years, I believed I would never find a TRULY GOOD MAN. All this time, I thought he didn't exist. All this time, I've been meandering and getting involved with ALL the WRONG types of men -- men who used and abused me, men wh

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RiverLight

Lost Friendships

I have lost several friendships in my life, which makes me sad sometimes. Some people are only meant to be in our lives a short time though and serve a purpose for us, I do believe--to help us through a difficult time or to teach us a lesson. I don't think all friendships are meant to last or be lifelong. And when those friendships no longer serve us, we must let them go. I had to let go of a seven-year long friendship last summer with a raging narcissist. After seven years, I couldn't take it a

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RiverLight

Toxic People 2

I said I was leaving DF -- I have and am. However, I need to get this off my chest. Some people are just plain TOXIC. They cannot help but meddle in others' lives, lie outright and manipulate people. I am done with these types of people. I don't deserve any crap from anyone. I do not lie, nor do I try to manipulate people or mess with people's lives. I say it like it is to people, and whether they like it or not, it's the plain truth. I am honest, loyal and I am a good friend. Thank God I have c

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RiverLight

Is He Worth It?

Is he worth it? I've been through so many relationships at this age. Never been married, came close a few times, but never did. I am over 40 now. Most relationships have been short-lived except for one in my 20's that was over three years. Even that one was on and off. I've been with my boyfriend now for almost a year and a half -- the longest relationship I've had since my 20's. We started out as friends and met years ago. Then we became closer years later while he was having trouble with hi

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RiverLight

Post Honeymoon ~ Reality of Work Life

I am coming down from an amazing wedding/honeymoon/vacation and it was a tough crash landing back to reality. Work? Really?? We were driven around by our three butlers at our resort all week, sipping on frozen mudslides and banana rum drinks, swimming in the warm ocean and pools and lapping it up in our soaking tub on the balcony overlooking palm trees and the calming ocean. You cannot beat luxury living, and that's what we had. Then back to the work grind. The last two weeks of work have been b

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RiverLight

The Narcissist

A narcissist, or someone with narcissistic traits, infects and poisons all those around them. They have no empathy, their motives are always selfishly oriented, they lie, the manipulate, they deny fault, and are superior, beyond reproach or constructive criticism. Everyone else is always at fault or to blame. They care only about themselves and their own feelings, and not another's. They will stomp on you ruthlessly, and treat you ruthlessly. They are cold-hearted, cold-blooded, ruthless animals

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RiverLight

Moved on, kissed another man, dating another

Well, I am moving on. I met someone who is really interested in me that I really like! We have the same energy and love the same music. He loves to dance as much as I do, and has SO much energy, it's infectious! He is happy, kind and decent. I LOVE dancing with him. We had a very passionate kiss the other night. We're going out on a date soon. I met another guy too, and we've agreed to a dinner date next week. We had fun, too! Being single again is fun!

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RiverLight

Stupid Stupid Stupid!

OMG. I made such a big mistake last night. I ran into my abusive ex and went home with him. Holy crap. How freaking stupid can I be???? I was drunk. My judgement and inhibitions were down. No excuse, but I'm using it anyways. What a fool I am. This person emotionally abused me and at times verbally too. But last night for some reason, I let all logic, reason and self-respect fly out the window because I wanted to. And now I am over the top anxious about it and had to take an Ativan. I cannot fac

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RiverLight

Laid off.... Partially

As though I didn't have enough on my plate to worry about career-wise, I just got partially laid off. They cut my hours from 40/week to 20/week, which includes a half salary reduction. So my fiance and I are now under a lot of pressure financially, and we probably cannot move into our new apartment. I put $4500 down on the new apartment and am praying that with 30 days notification, I can get all of that money back. Stress Stress Stress...... life sure does come with unexpected twists and tur

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RiverLight

My Corrupt Former Employer

I was recently laid off due to COVID. And honestly, I am relieved. I am far happier now that I am no longer dealing with such a corrupt, unhealthy and toxic company. The leadership throughout from the CEO and downwards was lacking in ethics, morality and effective leadership. I was asked to lie to my clients. I had a co-worker above me who tried to take all the credit for my hard work right in front of me while we were on a client call. My boss took credit for all my hard work and lied to t

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RiverLight

Every Relationship Has Abuse?

I cannot believe what just happened. I was with my mother talking about the fact that my therapist says what my boyfriend does borders on verbal abuse, and that I didn't feel comfortable going to his daughter's graduation right now. Plus, logistics are tough. My mother just gave me a stern lecture by saying every relationship has some amount of abuse, and if I cannot accept that, then I will be alone for the rest of my life! W T F?????? SERIOUSLY??????????? NO. I do not believe this, nor is i

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RiverLight

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