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About this blog

My life has had so many ups and downs. I have followed the road less traveled all my life, meaning my own individual path. This is a blog about those ups and downs and being on the road less traveled. 

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Entries in this blog

Anxiety and Depression Getting Worse

Things have gotten far worse. I am filled with anxiety every waking moment. I don't know how we're going to be able to make our rent payment next week. I don't know if we'll have enough money for groceries and other necessities. I decided today that I am not good at my job. I cannot figure out Google, so I suck at my job and what I do. I should know this after seven years, but whatever I am doing, it's not working. Depression is sinking in and worsening. All I can do is lie down during the day t

RiverLight

RiverLight

Annoyed by Work Now

So they expanded my responsibilities, but now I'm totally overloaded and overwhelmed. GRRRRRR.  I'm totally excited to be doing something different and new, but I am not happy that once again, my plate is overfull. I have to talk to my boss and worry that he's going to push back. I wrote him an email on Friday letting him know that I was working Friday afternoon (when on one else was), that I have to work this weekend too, and that I want to discuss removing 1-2 clients from my plate on Mon

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RiverLight

Angels and Demons

So, through my channeling experience (cont'd from my last post), I experienced Angels and Demons, Satan, spirits of light and of dark, and I spoke with the Lord our God. I experienced it all. Their energies moved my body at times, and I felt their energy within and around me as it occurred. They spoke through me and to me. They read my thoughts, and spoke my exact thoughts and questions out loud through my own mouth. I talked to my deceased family members and to old friends and loved ones who ha

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RiverLight

All Moved In! Day Two of Living Together

Well, my boyfriend and I have moved and the apartment is PERFECT! It's HUGE.... I get lost and keep losing where things are, lol. There's sooo much to unpack still. The first morning of living here, he called me to tell me he wants me to be his wife and that he cannot wait to marry me. He's not divorced yet, so that's a little monkey wrench in the equation. But that will finish up very soon (long, dragged out legal issues), and I suspect he will present me with a ring shortly afterward. He is ge

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RiverLight

Ahhh.... Stress Lifted?

Well, it seems that my fiance got some work finally, but neither one of us is convinced until he actually starts working. He's had two false starts now, with two different restaurants that both hired him, but couldn't get their act together to actually start him. This went on for an entire month with each restaurant. Who's ever heard of such a thing? It's been INSANE... the waiting, the multiple phone calls every day and night, trying to get a hold of someone who could put him on the schedule. I

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RiverLight

Abusive Boss, Abusive Ex, Abusive Current BF?

I have an abusive boss. I am out of work on mental health leave now because of her. It's been three months. She repeatedly yelled at me, falsely accused me, berated me in front of teammates and humiliated me. I didn't deserve it one bit. I work hard and do a great job for her. I contribute ideas and solutions to problems. She is not adept in her own job, is failing at it, and is insecure, therefore, she bullied me. My PTSD gets triggered by her..... anxiety full blown. I also have an ex abusi

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RiverLight

Abuse Throwback

UGH! JUST as I was starting to feel better today, embrace my newfound freedom and make a turn, my ex texts me asking to talk. He said he was very frustrated on Sat and wanted to apologize, and make things civil between us when we run into each other. I debated about whether I should respond or not, opening myself up potentially to more abuse. And my mistake? I responded. I told him on no uncertain terms that he was emotionally and verbally abusive, that I don't wish for him to contact me, that h

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RiverLight

A Pat on the Back

Well, my worries about work have suddenly subsided since I learned that I got my client to rank #1 on Google for their most important search term!!!! This happened this week.. they've been teetering between positions #1-#3 since I worked on that page, but yesterday & now again today, I saw them ranking at #1. I am SO thrilled!!!!! I have been worried that I am not doing my work correctly, but I edited the whole page and now it's ranking at the top of Google -- HOORRAYYY!!!! This is for their

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RiverLight

A New Year ~ Reflections & New Goals

I LOVE the new year. It's a time to refresh oneself, to reflect back on all that happened last year, and to gear up for new adventures and new goals.  Last year was very good to me... it was a landslide of blessings. I met my now fiance, I moved out of my parents' home into a beautiful apartment with him, we have shared a very fun and adventurous life together so far, I got a new full-time job with a huge raise in salary, and then we got engaged. And this next year? Well, we have our w

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RiverLight

A Job Offer... Finally!

Last week, after months of many failed interviews and after months of sheer anguish, I finally received a great job offer with a new company and finally, I get to leave my toxic work environment! My CEO is reacting very poorly to the news and is behaving like an immature brat. He is not being professional, kind or respectful, so F him. I cannot wait to be out of there - what an awful place to work.  So, yeah, I am thrilled - not only that, but I also got a healthy and very generous raise in

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RiverLight in Employment

A Great Reminder for Myself

Stemming off my last blog entry, I ran into an extremely toxic person on a different forum. Her poison seeped into me for a full day, I was enraged about her rude, vicious and obnoxious behavior towards me, and it was a GREAT reminder for me that I am avoiding these types of people like the plague. She even wrote a poem about me, which I had to report. It has yet to be removed, but I am sure it will be soon.  Toxic people are awful people. At the heart of it, they're miserable --- however,

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RiverLight

A Good Boss

So I broke down and cried in front of my boss yesterday -- I finally cracked under all the stress and angst I've been feeling at work. I was so embarrassed and humiliated, but I gotta say, he could not have been more supportive. And it dawned on me -- I have not had a great boss, even a good boss, in years upon years. I've mainly been abused at work in recent years. So this is a very pleasant surprise for me, to say the least! He said all the right things to make me feel supported and comfo

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RiverLight

A Down Day

For the first time in a long time, I feel really depressed today and I don't know why. My boyfriend and I had a bad night last night for the first time, but everything is totally fine now. We didn't fight, we didn't argue -- it was a misunderstanding with hurt feelings on my part. I am just far too sensitive sometimes, and I took a comment he made super personally and to heart. But right now he is at work, it's late Sat morning, I am still in my pajamas and cannot motivate to do anything that I

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RiverLight

A Brand New Day

It's a brand new day, full of new hope, vision and possibility, just as each new day is. I am over feeling angry, my dreams took away the anger. Today I feel refreshed and ready to tackle the world.... or at least my studies, lol. A friend of mine pointed out that each day is a new beginning. I liked that concept. A new way to look at things, a new way to approach your life. Each day presents a new opportunity to grow and learn from yesterday's mistakes or foibles. I will pick myself up today, s

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RiverLight

9/11 Tragedy: Loss of Life

It's 9/11. My now fiance lost his beloved, precious brother at the age of 32 in the Twin Towers terrorism act on this day 17 years ago. I am sitting with him in grief and horror as we watch the 9/11 events, reliving it all over again on TV. I also lost a friend from college on this day, in the Flight 93 terrorist attack. My fiance and I have been crying all morning. It hits me deeply -- his pain, suffering and loss. He cried to me that he never got to say goodbye. And now I cry, imagining it wer

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RiverLight

6 AM Ramblings

I woke up at 6 AM. GRRRR. The Wellbutrin I'm on wakes me up early now and I love sleeping as late as possible. So this is a rambling entry before I've had any coffee. I do feel sooo much better, but am still processing the emotional and verbal abuse I endured with my ex. I developed a list of over 50 items listing out all that he did that was bad/wrong/mistreatment of me. New ones come every day. He said I treated him like he's some sort of monster in the end. That was in his pleading email to g

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RiverLight

5 AM and Wide Awake

I don't know how to feel. I woke up at 3:30 am and couldn't go back to sleep. I feel tortured by something, it's gnawing at me and I can't let it go. Hence why I can't sleep, but I don't know what it is. I've been thinking about how life sometimes is just not fair. How come life loves to throw monkey wrenches and curve balls, give things to you and then take them away? I had a great job offer I could have taken, then when I tried to negotiate more benefits, they took the job offer away, saying I

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