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About this blog

My life has had so many ups and downs. I have followed the road less traveled all my life, meaning my own individual path. This is a blog about those ups and downs and being on the road less traveled. 

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Entries in this blog

The Road Less Traveled ~ Come With Me

I think of that time in Nepal when those old ladies told us hungry hikers, "It's not rice time yet!", LOL. I think of when I hiked the Himalayas for a full month without washing my hair, and the time we got lost and had to sleep in a cave. I think about the time I lived in my tent in Alaska, gutting fish for a summer, and created a home on the side of a mountain, covered with fish guts each and every day. Then of the time I traveled out west for a year all on my own, working at a ski resort as a

RiverLight

RiverLight

Where Am I? Finding Me Again...

Where am I? I know who I am and I know where I've been. She's been buried though, that light that shone so brightly once upon a time. Stress has taken hold. Far too much stress going on. I have traveled off the beaten path all of my life. I like that. I am independent yet need social interaction and desire partnership. Sometimes I miss my independent self and wish that things could be different. I recall driving across the countryside not too long ago, all on my own. I packed my car and moved

RiverLight

RiverLight

Overwhelmed and Ungrounded.... Lost Without Direction

I feel lost right now, or very ungrounded. Normally, I feel pretty grounded within myself. Right now I am lost. I mean, I know pretty much what I want in a relationship and what I need, and I have a sense of where I am heading, but I am afraid that he cannot change. What is going on is making me feel very uncomfortable, and I am wondering if I have given him too many chances. The feeling is overwhelming. Plus, I have far too much going on right now and am overwhelmed generally. I am on men

RiverLight

RiverLight

Dark Clouds Over Us...

There are dark clouds hanging over us right now. I fear the next time he gets upset with me. I feel a bit like I'm on egg shells, waiting for the next blow up. It happens rather infrequently, but when it does, it's bad. Now I'm afraid of mis-stepping at all. This weekend we had an awesome time, but Fri night I was very anxious, on edge and uncomfortable around him. Then I eased into the weekend and everything was back to "normal" and we had a lot of fun. But still, I see the clouds there and

RiverLight

RiverLight

Interrogation....

Friday night he interrogated me when a guy said hello. He was all over me for it. I finally said, you are not allowed to interrogate me like this! And I kept repeating myself. He said I sounded robotic, as though someone had taught me to say that. And someone did.... my therapist is teaching me limits and how to walk away from a conversation that crosses my boundaries. I have never really had healthy boundaries and am learning them. But this was over the top. I mean, seriously. There was no flir

RiverLight

RiverLight

What He Does to Me.... Abuse?

His accusations: I don't like the way you communicate --- when I wanted to go to bed in the middle of a conversation You're unstable --- simply because I confronted him about his behaviors and how they made me feel You take me for granted (twice he's said this) --- simply because I didn't text for a few hours while in transition from a party You feed me all BS;

RiverLight

RiverLight

Harsh Reality....

Depression has sunken in today. This is exactly what my boyfriend does when he's upset with me.... all of these tactics, that my therapist say border on verbal abuse. Your Arguing Style Tells A Lot About The Future Of Your Relationship   What behaviors are most damaging to a relationship? All couples have conflicts, but disagreement or fighting in and of itself isn’t predictive of divorce. What is most damaging, the researchers report, is the kind of

RiverLight

RiverLight

Abusive Boss, Abusive Ex, Abusive Current BF?

I have an abusive boss. I am out of work on mental health leave now because of her. It's been three months. She repeatedly yelled at me, falsely accused me, berated me in front of teammates and humiliated me. I didn't deserve it one bit. I work hard and do a great job for her. I contribute ideas and solutions to problems. She is not adept in her own job, is failing at it, and is insecure, therefore, she bullied me. My PTSD gets triggered by her..... anxiety full blown. I also have an ex abusi

RiverLight

RiverLight

Reinvent Yourself... With Your Head up High..

A song that moves and inspires me every time I am down about my life or my own shortcomings and losses. This song gives ms strength to hold on and keep going. It inspires me to pick myself up again each and every time I fall down. Hope it inspires you, too. Reinvent Yourself, Chris Chickering When you're all alone and cryin' in a doorway And you haven't got a second chance to lose When you've tried it all, and hit the wall and dyin' And you're on your own, with nothing left to

RiverLight

RiverLight

Anxiety go Away....

A psychic told me once that my biggest problem is my nerves. I suffer greatly from anxiety and PTSD to boot. Every morning I feel it creeping up into my stomach.... this nervous energy that takes over physically so that I can't sit still or focus. I smoke as a result & need to quit. But my anxiety & stress drives me and I smoke more. Each day I feel the stress building more and more. Anxiety, old friend, go away. I am done with you. I am now driven to tears and I don't even know why.

RiverLight

RiverLight

I am Beautiful....

Every day I need to remind myself of this poem I wrote and the meaning of the words in it~ no one is going to knock me down, ever. I need to remember this.   Poem by RiverLight~ I am Beautiful I am beautiful because I have a good heart & care about the world and others in it I am beautiful because the flowers, wind, rain, mountains, rivers and oceans always astound me and leave me in great awe I am beautiful because I am strong and won't let others push me down I

RiverLight

RiverLight

Trying to Control Me...

I am a free spirit. When he becomes controlling, I feel like acting out and sometimes have. I want to rebel and let him know, you can't control me! How dare you! Why am I with someone who is trying to control me? Not always, but sometimes. Will he change his behaviors for me?? This song I feel is very much representative of who I am. A free spirit I will always be ---- my wings cannot be clipped, nor should they be. Wailin Jennys "Bird Song" I hear a bird chirping, up in the sky

RiverLight

RiverLight

Survivalist... I will Survive

Poem by RiverLIght ~ Survivalist I will survive.. By sheer will and determination I will pick myself back up again And live the life I am meant to Life can go on, life will go on I have survived many crises, Many heartaches, many losses, Many catastrophes And will continue to I am strong i am powerful, by sheer will To continue on Strength lies within Always and forever It is always there for me whenever needed I just need to see it, grab it and hold on This ro

RiverLight

RiverLight

Can't focus.....

I haven't studied all week. Completed O job applications. Only have gone to therapy and been on DF (my other therapy). Spirits are very low. Energy is very low. I think I am burnt out. I have far too much going on at once between leaving my job (or being on mental health leave), dealing with an insane boss, trying to find another job, and dealing with relationship issues. I just want to hide and run away from life right now.  

RiverLight

RiverLight

Torn.....

I don't know what to do. My boyfriend has exhibited some qualities I really don't like and cannot tolerate. When he is upset or overly anxious (mainly because I have upset him), he accuses me, attacks me, criticizes me and berates me. It is not OK, and I have told this flat out. I have given him an ultimatum bc it has happened too many times now and I felt beaten up as a result. Then on top of that, he manipulates in arguments. He needs things to be on an equal playing field, even when he's most

RiverLight

RiverLight

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