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About this blog

My life has had so many ups and downs. I have followed the road less traveled all my life, meaning my own individual path. This is a blog about those ups and downs and being on the road less traveled. 

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Entries in this blog

CoronaVirus Anxiety

My whole company is now working from home. My husband is still working his job. My anxiety is starting to go through the roof over the Corona virus. Everything in my state is shutting down left and right, the store shelves are empty, and it feels like the apocalypse.  If and when my husband can no longer work, we lose his income and therefore cannot afford our rent and bills. We will have to take out a bank loan in that case, and go further into debt.  I am very scared. I am also sick

RiverLight

RiverLight

Everything is SO Great, I Think I'll Move on

So, I went down the list of things today of everything in my life that is happening... one after another GOOD things are happening, I cannot even believe it. I have an amazing boyfriend/almost fiance, I love my new apartment, I have a new full-time job coming, and I am successful in my current role... I just received an $1100 bonus at work for exceeding the benchmark goals! WOW oh WOW EEEEEEEEE!! WHEEEEEEEEEEEE as my boyfriend Ken, says! So I think I'll take a wee break from here. I always

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RiverLight

Quotes of Inspiration

“A bit of advice Given to a young Native American At the time of his initiation: As you go the way of life, You will see a great chasm. Jump. It is not as wide as you think.” “You enter the forest at the darkest point, where there is no path. Where there is a way or path, it is someone else's path. You are not on your own path. If you follow someone else's way, you are not going to realize your potential.” “We're not on our journey to save the world but to save

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RiverLight

Negative People Annoy Me

Chronicly negative people really annoy me. No matter how much you try and help, they always come up with a roadblock to your positive suggestions or a negative response. I am tired of it. Generally, I am a very positive person with a positive outlook on life. Sure, I suffer from depression and anxiety, but I am a fighter and a survivor and I always believe in looking for silver linings. You can view a situation from both sides -- a positive and a negative one, like two sides of a coin. I choose

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Loving Heart ~ Love to My Friends

My heart last night and this morning has been so full of love for everyone it is bursting. I feel so full in my spirit, simply because of loving people. I love all of my friends. I love all of my close DF friends. Everyone is just so dear to me. So many have helped me along my path of life, and so many have brought joy, laughter, and support in my life, I am so very grateful. Thinking back on all the memories with my IRL friends, and how much I value those fun times we've had. My friend, Stacy,

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RiverLight

Religion ~ Is There a God?

I was a Comparative Religion major in college. I studied and compared world religions in an anthropological, analytical sort of way. No matter what your faith is, it is not right or wrong, whether that be atheist, pagan, Catholic, Christian, Buddhist, Muslim or so forth. I personally tend to think that atheists are a bit short-sighted to not think that there is something much greater than them governing the universe, yet I can understand why someone may not believe in a "God". After all, to beli

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Unhappy People LOVE to Drag Down Happy People

I am seeing a lot of envy on this other forum where I post, coupled by meanness and lashing out at me because I am truly very happy. GEEZ! Calm down, people, and gain control over your emotions. I fought for my happiness. I climbed over mountains and fought through miserable circumstances. I pursued what made me happiest, but don't condemn me because I have made it to the other side and you have not. Don't condemn me because you're miserable and cannot stand your own life. Make it happen. P

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What He Does to Me.... Abuse?

His accusations: I don't like the way you communicate --- when I wanted to go to bed in the middle of a conversation You're unstable --- simply because I confronted him about his behaviors and how they made me feel You take me for granted (twice he's said this) --- simply because I didn't text for a few hours while in transition from a party You feed me all BS;

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RiverLight

Child of a Narcissistic Father

My father was/is narcissistic. No wonder I've been involved with so many narcissists! I am now seeing how much damage this did to me internally and externally. I am used to or was used to not getting my emotional needs met. I have been used to bowing down to the narcissist's self-centered behavior, i.e. my father's and other narcissists in my life. I am using to my needs being neglected, or even criticized. To this day, my father still criticizes me when I have an emotional need. He cannot be th

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TOTAL ASS>HOLE

This guy I've written about, that I thought I fell in love with, has proven himself to be unworthy of me. What a total dickwod. I called him tonight, and he was cold as ice, as though he could have cared less about me or about how I feel now. Just two weeks after saying he loves me, or was falling in love. So F him...  ****HIM AND THE HORSE HE RODE IN ON!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cared for him. Stupid me. Never again will I fall for someone's "charms". I was an awesome friend to him and this is what I get?

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RiverLight

Life's Adventures.. Every Day is One

I'm feeling reflective today. Life is most certainly one grand adventure... each day is an adventure, if we choose to look at it that way. Full of highs, lows, successes, failures, scary dark corners, the unknown, things that can go right or wrong.... no matter what each day brings, the good, the bad and the ugly, we must face everything that comes with confidence, bravery, and strength. I remember when I was being bullied in school as a kid and rather than being afraid to face the day, I wou

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RiverLight

Flower Power!

This may be a lame/boring entry, but I just LOVE flowers. They make my heart sing! I love walking in fields of wildflowers of varied, brilliant colors. I love keeping fresh flowers in my home. This makes me so very happy. If I had fresh flowers in my room each day as I worked, my heart would be filled with joy each and every minute. Sometimes I will walk into flower shops just to smell them and experience their natural beauty. I used to buy myself flowers from time to time, especially when I was

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Extraordinary Inner Peace

Today I felt a very potent and noticeable sense of deep inner peace like I've never experienced. I just felt that AHA moment of WOW, I am really at peace and everything in my life has fallen together. It's the most extraordinary feeling in the world! I feel very content and satisfied. I have only work woes to complain about periodically, and I'd love to win the lottery, quit my job and travel the world, but aside from that, I have zero complaints. It is the most satisfying feeling after years of

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RiverLight

When Life Gives You Lemons

When life hands you lemons, grab teq uila and salt and call me! When life hands you lemons, throw them at someone! When life hands you lemons, get sugar and water or your lemonade will suck! When life hands you lemons, make apple juice then sit back and let the world wonder how the heck you did it! When life hands you lemons, throw them back and ask for chocolate!!! When life hands you lemons, be grateful they are gluten free! When life hands you lemons, add vod ka! When life hands you lemons, u

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In Love.. Can't Sit Still

I can't sit still or concentrate on work... I'm forgetting to eat, lol.. I am sooooo in love, so excited and ecstatically happy talking to my baby 24/7... I cannot wait to see him in a month... this is the greatest happiness I have ever felt in my entire life.. he is the most amazing man I have ever met in my entire life. How did this happen & how did I get so very lucky??? I am pinching myself. I am floating on cloud 9 in some alternate, surreal universe right now. The stars aligned for us

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Helping Others

Sometimes, there's just only so much you can do or say to help another. Sometimes, people don't want to listen to another viewpoint or even consider another viewpoint. That is very frustrating to me and I hate to see people continue to suffer, but sometimes there is only so much you can do. People need to help themselves, and if they can't help themselves, you can't help them either. I used to want to be a therapist, but I dropped out of school twice for it. It just didn't work out. I am better

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RiverLight

True Love Is..

True love is caring for and loving someone else more than yourself. True love is giving of your WHOLE self, not just a part of you, or a sliver of your heart. True love means giving it your all, 100%. I found true love, and will hold onto it for dear life. He is my everything, my world. If I didn't have him in my life, I would feel lost without a paddle. I don't ever want to lose him, not ever. I just re-read all of our early messages back and forth and started crying. We were good friends t

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RiverLight

Ahhh.... Stress Lifted?

Well, it seems that my fiance got some work finally, but neither one of us is convinced until he actually starts working. He's had two false starts now, with two different restaurants that both hired him, but couldn't get their act together to actually start him. This went on for an entire month with each restaurant. Who's ever heard of such a thing? It's been INSANE... the waiting, the multiple phone calls every day and night, trying to get a hold of someone who could put him on the schedule. I

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RiverLight

Wanting the Deepest, True Love of my Life

I've dated plenty and have had plenty of relationships. At this stage in my life and at the age of 45, I am ready to find that truly special someone to be with for the rest of my life. I'm tired of just perpetually "dating". I've come close to marriage several times, I've talked about marriage with many partners, and was even engaged once briefly, but no one "fit the bill". It was never completely right for lifelong, and I knew it somewhere inside me that it wouldn't last. Plus, I am very free-s

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RiverLight

Injustice ..... or Justice?

I feel rage. I want to scream at him at the top of my lungs. I want to kick him in the balls and watch him squirm in pain. The injustice of the false accusations, treating me as though I were to blame and the one who mistreated HIM. The cruelty of his words aimed to hurt me like sharp daggers. How dare he treat me this way. I do not deserve it one bit. For two years, I gave nothing but my loving heart, my kindness, compassion, patience, understanding and support. I gave him all the beauty of my

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RiverLight

My Husband I Got Back Together And...

A LOT has happened in the last 2 months since I was last on here - a lot of crap happened, and my husband and I got back together when I was in a very vulnerable place in life. Back up - he had been abusive and we were on the verge of a divorce. Then I began a new job, which came with an inordinate amount of stress. My husband's father was in and out of the hospital during this time, and my husband called me, in tears, looking for support. So I supported him, despite the pending divorce. Th

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RiverLight

He Just Doesn't Care ~ Forget Him

Now I think he just doesn't care, that he doesn't care enough about me to even be friends. That the friendship we had wasn't special or important enough to him. Mind you, it was a short time, so maybe there wasn't enough time for him to develop those kinds of feelings and he completely changed his mind. But for me, it was a strong connection, a deeper soul connection, and one that I hadn't felt in quite some time. Guess it wasn't the same for him and did not have a similar impact. And now it's j

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RiverLight

Rays of Hope

Today I received an interview invitation for a role I applied for yesterday. In my darkest hours, I was able to muster up an application for a job. This gives me a ray of hope in my otherwise gloomy state. Yesterday was the worst day I've had in two years. My depression was at an all time high. That has lifted somewhat with the prospect of an interview and after a good night's sleep. I don't stay depressed for too long, which is a good thing about my own depression. It comes and goes and lifts a

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RiverLight

Positivity in the Face of Adversity

Today is a brand new day. I am choosing the positive over the negative and am embracing positivity in the face of adversity. It really has been a s***ty few weeks starting with a car accident costing me $500, almost getting frauded out of $5200 by thieves, then losing a supposed good friend & getting treated poorly by him, then getting turned down for a job I really wanted. I've had it, but I still see the silver linings through all this crap and am thankful for them.... I still have my job,

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RiverLight

Bitterness

I am very bitter right now. I have a DF friend -- a male -- that I've been close friends with for months now. We email a lot, confide in each other and support each other. We both have relationships that we're committed to. My boyfriend is not comfortable with this friendship though and made me cut down contact with my friend. He says it's practically an emotional affair, or that if we continued our regular communications and continued confiding in each other, that it would be an emotional affai

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