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About this blog

My life has had so many ups and downs. I have followed the road less traveled all my life, meaning my own individual path. This is a blog about those ups and downs and being on the road less traveled. 

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Entries in this blog

CoronaVirus Anxiety

My whole company is now working from home. My husband is still working his job. My anxiety is starting to go through the roof over the Corona virus. Everything in my state is shutting down left and right, the store shelves are empty, and it feels like the apocalypse.  If and when my husband can no longer work, we lose his income and therefore cannot afford our rent and bills. We will have to take out a bank loan in that case, and go further into debt.  I am very scared. I am also sick

RiverLight

RiverLight

Everything is SO Great, I Think I'll Move on

So, I went down the list of things today of everything in my life that is happening... one after another GOOD things are happening, I cannot even believe it. I have an amazing boyfriend/almost fiance, I love my new apartment, I have a new full-time job coming, and I am successful in my current role... I just received an $1100 bonus at work for exceeding the benchmark goals! WOW oh WOW EEEEEEEEE!! WHEEEEEEEEEEEE as my boyfriend Ken, says! So I think I'll take a wee break from here. I always

RiverLight

RiverLight

Religion ~ Is There a God?

I was a Comparative Religion major in college. I studied and compared world religions in an anthropological, analytical sort of way. No matter what your faith is, it is not right or wrong, whether that be atheist, pagan, Catholic, Christian, Buddhist, Muslim or so forth. I personally tend to think that atheists are a bit short-sighted to not think that there is something much greater than them governing the universe, yet I can understand why someone may not believe in a "God". After all, to beli

RiverLight

RiverLight

Negative People Annoy Me

Chronicly negative people really annoy me. No matter how much you try and help, they always come up with a roadblock to your positive suggestions or a negative response. I am tired of it. Generally, I am a very positive person with a positive outlook on life. Sure, I suffer from depression and anxiety, but I am a fighter and a survivor and I always believe in looking for silver linings. You can view a situation from both sides -- a positive and a negative one, like two sides of a coin. I choose

RiverLight

RiverLight

Bitterness Turned to Sadness

Now I am sad about my DF friend. He was a great support to me during the day when my boyfriend cannot talk and when I work from home all alone. I relied on our communications to help pull me through. And now that is gone. It brings tears to my eyes. I wrote an entry earlier about lost friendships, and I feel like this is yet another one, and it's all my boyfriend's fault for being jealous and insecure. I just don't get it. I mean, my DF is friend is married and very much in love with his wife. T

RiverLight

RiverLight

Bitterness

I am very bitter right now. I have a DF friend -- a male -- that I've been close friends with for months now. We email a lot, confide in each other and support each other. We both have relationships that we're committed to. My boyfriend is not comfortable with this friendship though and made me cut down contact with my friend. He says it's practically an emotional affair, or that if we continued our regular communications and continued confiding in each other, that it would be an emotional affai

RiverLight

RiverLight

Unhappy People LOVE to Drag Down Happy People

I am seeing a lot of envy on this other forum where I post, coupled by meanness and lashing out at me because I am truly very happy. GEEZ! Calm down, people, and gain control over your emotions. I fought for my happiness. I climbed over mountains and fought through miserable circumstances. I pursued what made me happiest, but don't condemn me because I have made it to the other side and you have not. Don't condemn me because you're miserable and cannot stand your own life. Make it happen. P

RiverLight

RiverLight

Very Painful Breakup ~ Severely Disappointed

I am processing this break up. Today I feel very heartbroken, in a lot of emotional pain, and very disappointed. We talked about going to couples' therapy for months now. And he's been willing all this time. Then suddenly he changed his tune yesterday and said what good would it do. I feel he threw in the towel, so I broke up with him. I know what the problem is -- -he's not willing to take responsibility for his behaviors and reactions that were causing huge problems in our relationship. He was

RiverLight

RiverLight

What He Does to Me.... Abuse?

His accusations: I don't like the way you communicate --- when I wanted to go to bed in the middle of a conversation You're unstable --- simply because I confronted him about his behaviors and how they made me feel You take me for granted (twice he's said this) --- simply because I didn't text for a few hours while in transition from a party You feed me all BS;

RiverLight

RiverLight

Boyfriend Ramblings ~ Torn and Conflicted

I am having strong doubts about my relationship and feel conflicted. He now says that my relationship with my DF friend makes our own relationship less special---that he thought he was my main support, and now that I have someone else to go to, it lessens the specialiness of our relationship, in his mind. That to me is ridiculous. My online DF friendship cannot replace my IRL relationship. My boyfriend does support me as much as he can throughout the day while he's working, but it's not enough.

RiverLight

RiverLight

TOTAL ASS>HOLE

This guy I've written about, that I thought I fell in love with, has proven himself to be unworthy of me. What a total dickwod. I called him tonight, and he was cold as ice, as though he could have cared less about me or about how I feel now. Just two weeks after saying he loves me, or was falling in love. So F him...  ****HIM AND THE HORSE HE RODE IN ON!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cared for him. Stupid me. Never again will I fall for someone's "charms". I was an awesome friend to him and this is what I get?

RiverLight

RiverLight

Screwed Over.... Again

Well, he canceled the trip on me, and I have no idea why. Third time in a row that I've been screwed over in a relationship. I am beside myself with upset. Yesterday I was suicidal for the first time in months, and now I am not eating again I am so upset. What the hell happened I have no idea, but he changed his mind. Maybe he got scared, but it's no excuse. Plus now I am out $300 in airfare which is non-refundable. He could at least pay me half, but now he won't respond to any of my messages be

RiverLight

RiverLight

Extraordinary Inner Peace

Today I felt a very potent and noticeable sense of deep inner peace like I've never experienced. I just felt that AHA moment of WOW, I am really at peace and everything in my life has fallen together. It's the most extraordinary feeling in the world! I feel very content and satisfied. I have only work woes to complain about periodically, and I'd love to win the lottery, quit my job and travel the world, but aside from that, I have zero complaints. It is the most satisfying feeling after years of

RiverLight

RiverLight

Survivalist... I will Survive

Poem by RiverLIght ~ Survivalist I will survive.. By sheer will and determination I will pick myself back up again And live the life I am meant to Life can go on, life will go on I have survived many crises, Many heartaches, many losses, Many catastrophes And will continue to I am strong i am powerful, by sheer will To continue on Strength lies within Always and forever It is always there for me whenever needed I just need to see it, grab it and hold on This ro

RiverLight

RiverLight

Sweetness Doesn't Belong in Business

I have been told I am a very sweet person. Well, that trait has hurt me in business in a multitude of ways. Previously, I used to say "yes" to everything, without boundaries or limits, and ended up overwhelming myself. I couldn't say no because I was "being nice" all the time. Well, with my current boss, as a former consultant and she as my client, she yelled at me from one of the very first moments I spoke with her. I wanted her to sign a contract work agreement, laying out the terms of payment

RiverLight

RiverLight

Nearly One Year Wedding Anniversary!

Wow, I cannot believe that nearly a year has passed since I got married! In two months it will be our 1st wedding anniversary! I was remembering the other day how just ten years ago, I had packed my bags and car and drove across the country for school, and how fast time has flown since then. Time is getting faster as I get older, I swear. lol.  Well, hubby and I are doing great. We've had many challenges to contend with over the last year - financial, family, work, and life challenges - and

RiverLight

RiverLight

Every Relationship Has Abuse?

I cannot believe what just happened. I was with my mother talking about the fact that my therapist says what my boyfriend does borders on verbal abuse, and that I didn't feel comfortable going to his daughter's graduation right now. Plus, logistics are tough. My mother just gave me a stern lecture by saying every relationship has some amount of abuse, and if I cannot accept that, then I will be alone for the rest of my life! W T F?????? SERIOUSLY??????????? NO. I do not believe this, nor is i

RiverLight

RiverLight

Back to the Office

There's a book called the Artist's Way that talks about writing "morning pages" each morning to let your creativity & thoughts flow, writing down whatever comes to mind without worrying about organization or logic. So that is this blog entry... my morning pages. I am more tired than usual this morning, even though I had a good night's sleep. Many thoughts are floating through my head. Abuse I've suffered at work, my upcoming interviews, my studies, this workshop I am taking tonight, my job,

RiverLight

RiverLight

5 AM and Wide Awake

I don't know how to feel. I woke up at 3:30 am and couldn't go back to sleep. I feel tortured by something, it's gnawing at me and I can't let it go. Hence why I can't sleep, but I don't know what it is. I've been thinking about how life sometimes is just not fair. How come life loves to throw monkey wrenches and curve balls, give things to you and then take them away? I had a great job offer I could have taken, then when I tried to negotiate more benefits, they took the job offer away, saying I

RiverLight

RiverLight

Ex Boyfriend Mess Up

My ex called last night to talk, acting as though nothing bad had happened between us and as though we are best friends again after hooking up the night before. I endured the conversation, then told him that I am not ready for friendship, that I have not exactly forgiven him, and that I am still in pain from what he did to me. He wanted to talk about dating with me... dating other people that is. I couldn't stomach it, even though the night before while drunk I had run my mouth about my own dati

RiverLight

RiverLight

True Love Is..

True love is caring for and loving someone else more than yourself. True love is giving of your WHOLE self, not just a part of you, or a sliver of your heart. True love means giving it your all, 100%. I found true love, and will hold onto it for dear life. He is my everything, my world. If I didn't have him in my life, I would feel lost without a paddle. I don't ever want to lose him, not ever. I just re-read all of our early messages back and forth and started crying. We were good friends t

RiverLight

RiverLight

Is He Worth It?

Is he worth it? I've been through so many relationships at this age. Never been married, came close a few times, but never did. I am over 40 now. Most relationships have been short-lived except for one in my 20's that was over three years. Even that one was on and off. I've been with my boyfriend now for almost a year and a half -- the longest relationship I've had since my 20's. We started out as friends and met years ago. Then we became closer years later while he was having trouble with hi

RiverLight

RiverLight

Black Widow

I have four boyfriends who died. Sadly, a black widow I am. The first was in high school, John. We were more just friends, but I cherish the time we spent together while at my grandparents' home after being kicked out of school. I don't recall how you died, but you were my buddy and were there for me, when my grandparents looked at me with scorn and harsh criticism. Then there was poor Pete from college who was stung by a swarm of bees while trying to save his dogs from the deer that were attack

RiverLight

RiverLight

You Pi** Me Off

I am tired of getting kicked around. I am tired of being abused. I am tired of people trying to trample on me and take advantage of my good nature. I am done. Just done. The latest is that this recruiter for a job I really want is asking me to do all sorts of work upfront for the company, without getting paid. W T F??? I have done this before as a consultant and was totally burned! She did not hire me, yet used some of my ideas. So I did work for free! Never again will I do this. His suggestions

RiverLight

RiverLight

Make or Break Me

While sitting having morning coffee with my parents, I was restless in my chair, tapping my fingers energetically on the armrest. My mom said I looked like the energizer bunny, lol. I am filled with so much energy over this job, I think I need to take a long fast walk today. Getting this job could make or break me, I said to her. She said it won't break you, it'll just set you back. But so much is dependent on this job right now and whether I get it or not. If I get it, I can move anywhere I wan

RiverLight

RiverLight

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