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About this blog

My life has had so many ups and downs. I have followed the road less traveled all my life, meaning my own individual path. This is a blog about those ups and downs and being on the road less traveled. 

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Entries in this blog

Meh

Another person who has been in my life passed away while hiking. Yet another one gone. I've known so many people whose lives have been cut short, it's ridiculous. And so sad.   As far as how I am doing? Meh. I am definitely middle of the road these days. I am trying yet again to find a different job. My new-ish job is unsatisfactory, so I interviewed with a company and am waiting to hear back. It's been over a week, and I haven't been rejected nor have I been offered the job. It's frustrati

I had to take medical leave from my new job

WOW - HUGE BUMMER happened only just three weeks into my new job. I became very overwhelmed by the stress involved in a very steep learning curve, and for being placed in a pressure cooker environment, that I began to have a breakdown again and had to take a month-long unpaid medical leave. I am still on leave, and I am trying to find ways to support myself financially during the time I am out, and I am pretty much out of luck.  My new pdoc added new medications, which haven't helped all to

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RiverLight in Personal

Unloading

I have been through the wringer. If it's not one issue or life crisis, there's been another, and it feels like I've gone through one bad experience only to enter another bad experience I have to then again escape from. For example, I was let go from my current company in July 2020 - they laid me off. I had had a difficult experience there. Then I was hired elsewhere, and that place turned into a nightmare, so badly then I ended up hospitalized and sick. Then my old company came back to me a

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RiverLight in Life Issues

A Job Offer... Finally!

Last week, after months of many failed interviews and after months of sheer anguish, I finally received a great job offer with a new company and finally, I get to leave my toxic work environment! My CEO is reacting very poorly to the news and is behaving like an immature brat. He is not being professional, kind or respectful, so F him. I cannot wait to be out of there - what an awful place to work.  So, yeah, I am thrilled - not only that, but I also got a healthy and very generous raise in

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RiverLight in Employment

It's a Mixed Bag Right Now

My husband and I have been back together since June, so 6-7 months. And we've been almost living together fully for the last 3 months. We are happy again and he has changed by 180 degrees. He is sweet, he is loving, he is generous, and he is kind. He is everything I ever wanted him to be towards me. Gone are all the yelling and the toxic elements of our relationship, that all stemmed from HIM. He is in individual therapy and we are also in couples therapy. So I am very happy to say that he has e

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RiverLight in Emotions

I had a curse on my career, and now it's removed

My personal Angels told me, once I asked, that I had a curse on my career, so I had them remove it.  Well, now, this makes PERFECT sense to me, because I've had one misfortune after another with my career throughout my entire life. I have felt that a force beyond myself and within the universe was at play. A negative force. And there was!!!!  I had been told two years ago as well that there was a curse by an astrologist/spiritualist. I did a curse removal ritual to get rid of it, but i

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RiverLight in Employment

Stuck Between a Rock and a Hard Place (??)

I hate my job and I want to leave it SO badly. I am interviewing with a company right now that wreaks of eery similarity to a nightmare company I had to leave after only 5 short weeks of employment, except for the position itself. I am waiting to schedule the final round of interviews and my mother tells me to be extremely cautious. IF I get the job offer, I feel I have to take it given my misery in my current company. This may all be null and void because I may not get an offer, but if I do, I

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RiverLight in Employment

Why do bad things always happen to me?

I've been in a toxic work environment for 2.5 years in total. I was laid off a year ago and they hired me back on this past April. I came back to escape a far worse environment that I desperately needed to escape from. So I went from one bad company back to another. Why does this seem to always happen to me? I've had the WORST luck with jobs - over and over and over again, I land in a toxic work environment, with bully bosses and/or bullying co-workers.  Since being hired back on, my former

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RiverLight in Employment

Salvaging the marriage

My husband and I are trying again. He starts his individual therapy next week, and I am to give him a list of things to work on in therapy (he asked me for this list). It's interesting how this occurred. I had gone out with another man one night while my husband and I were still separated. This man kissed me goodnight and then left, and I burst into tears, thinking about my husband. Then I went to a concert without my husband for the first time, we ran into each other at the concert and said hel

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My Husband I Got Back Together And...

A LOT has happened in the last 2 months since I was last on here - a lot of crap happened, and my husband and I got back together when I was in a very vulnerable place in life. Back up - he had been abusive and we were on the verge of a divorce. Then I began a new job, which came with an inordinate amount of stress. My husband's father was in and out of the hospital during this time, and my husband called me, in tears, looking for support. So I supported him, despite the pending divorce. Th

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My husband cheated on me

We had had at least 100 conversations about infidelity and cheating - at least and no joke! He KNEW full well that I had been cheated on several times in the past, causing me IMMENSE PAIN and MISTRUST of men. He promised me in those 100 conversations that he "is not wired to cheat", that it's "not in his DNA to cheat", that he "never thinks of other women", that he "doesn't think of other women sexually",  and he promised he would NEVER EVER cheat on me. He also had promised that IF there were E

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The fight of my life

My husband is making separation and divorce SO much harder. It's the fight of my life. Thing is, I thought I had met "the one". I thought he was wonderful and amazing in the beginning. Then slowly, over time, the abuse started. It began in more subtle ways in the early stages. He was testing the waters, I know now. Then, just before we were to leave for the wedding and honeymoon, he exploded on me in an angry rage over a pair of pants I was to buy him. I knew then that I was in trouble, but it w

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Divorce

I am getting a divorce, sadly and unfortunately. My husband turned out to be an abusive narcissist. He is not the best man, and he is not who I thought he was. At first I thought he was the most incredible man i had ever met. He mirrored everything I had ever wanted in a man and partner. But, he has NPD, which is impossible to treat, and he has been on and off abusive towards me. I was in denial of the abuse for a very long time, but it finally all came to a head, and I couldn't take it anymore.

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TW: My Ex Fiance Passed Away

Trigger Warning: I am in shock and feel immense sadness. I just found out that my ex fiance had passed away in August. I happened to Google him this morning for some unknown reason and found his obituary. No cause of death was mentioned. He had tried to leave this earth once before. He had always had a very rough time of things and was very mentally unstable. He and I broke up, what, I think four years ago now? He also had a drug and alcohol addiction problem that he struggled with, but I suspec

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Eve of 50!!!

I am nearly 50 years old!!!!! Tomorrow is my big day!!!!  Well, that's about it. FIVE decades old. YEP. I can now say, 40 years ago, I was doing this, that and the other. LOL. WOW.  This was a bday present from my family --- another WOW. 

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Bullies are just envious

I have been a target of bullying for almost all of my life - both online and offline. The other day, I experienced bullying on another forum, so I read up (again) on bullies and whom they target. It's not what you may think - yes, schoolyard bullies may pick on the more vulnerable kid in the pack. But adults? Adults typically bully those whom they envy and those who threaten them or their status in some way. My old boss was like that, and he bullied me.  So I got into it a bit with this mem

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Everyone is Struggling Right Now

No one is alone - none of us, though it may feel that way. I read Facebook posts from friends who are really having a hard time right now and who are reaching out for comforting words and love from all their friends. It's a really crappy time in the world between COVID, the fires out west, ridiculously messy politics and soaring unemployment.  I have had my share of bad days lately too. I have some better days and some super depressing days. I'm unemployed, but for the first six weeks or so

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What IS it about me?

What the hell? I go on a different forum, and yet again, someone finds me and attacks me! I am constantly being attacked and bullied on forums. I'm not talking about DF - I'm talking about a variety of forums I have joined over the last many years. I am SO fed up with it and am wondering what the hell? All I am is myself -- I give advice, I try to help, I am honest yet compassionate. And yet, over and over again, I get targeted and attacked by toxic individuals. Wash, rinse, repeat! Is it me OR

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Messages of Light and Love From Beyond

Messages of light and love: Be compassionate with yourself and be kind to yourself. You've been through SO much in life, and you've fought many battles thus far. You are a warrior spirit -- keep fighting to make it through. And you will.   Heal your wounds through the gifts of kindness and love from others. Embrace those who care for you and those who show love for you, and give them your caring heart in return. The blessings will be manifold.   The gift of giving hel

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Angels and Demons

So, through my channeling experience (cont'd from my last post), I experienced Angels and Demons, Satan, spirits of light and of dark, and I spoke with the Lord our God. I experienced it all. Their energies moved my body at times, and I felt their energy within and around me as it occurred. They spoke through me and to me. They read my thoughts, and spoke my exact thoughts and questions out loud through my own mouth. I talked to my deceased family members and to old friends and loved ones who ha

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Channeling Experience

I wrote a post on this recently, then deleted it. I need to write about this though because it's sooooooo surreal and I don't know what to do with it or what to make of the whole experience. This is a spiritual journey and an awakening that I had.   Twelve years ago, I made an "attempt" and then "opened up" just afterwards and starting hearing many voices around me. Prior to my attempt, I did not hear ANY voices. At first, the voices were all dark, evil ones. Then I also experienced benevol

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Keeping Spirits Up During Unemployment & COVID

Right now life is a challenge. I am not working, it's COVID, I am not finding many jobs to apply for and I am a bit bored. I go to the beach at least once a week for therapy. I went yesterday with my husband, and today I am going to the beach alone, which I don't mind doing at all.  It is very cathartic for me -- the lapping ocean waves, the seagulls, the sand, the sun and just good 'ole R&R. The beach does wonders for me mentally and emotionally so I am going as much and as often as po

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My Corrupt Former Employer

I was recently laid off due to COVID. And honestly, I am relieved. I am far happier now that I am no longer dealing with such a corrupt, unhealthy and toxic company. The leadership throughout from the CEO and downwards was lacking in ethics, morality and effective leadership. I was asked to lie to my clients. I had a co-worker above me who tried to take all the credit for my hard work right in front of me while we were on a client call. My boss took credit for all my hard work and lied to t

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Career Opportunity Arose!

I haven't been on here in a long time! I finally got the call for an interview regarding a Director level role in my field. I couldn't be more thrilled!!!!! The first interview is with HR, so that's just the initial screening before I can talk to the hiring managers. I had begun applying in January and received only one response that did not work out. This is the second response I've received in several months. AND, it's with a Web design company, just the type of company I've wanted to work for

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CoronaVirus Anxiety

My whole company is now working from home. My husband is still working his job. My anxiety is starting to go through the roof over the Corona virus. Everything in my state is shutting down left and right, the store shelves are empty, and it feels like the apocalypse.  If and when my husband can no longer work, we lose his income and therefore cannot afford our rent and bills. We will have to take out a bank loan in that case, and go further into debt.  I am very scared. I am also sick

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