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About this blog

My life has had so many ups and downs. I have followed the road less traveled all my life, meaning my own individual path. This is a blog about those ups and downs and being on the road less traveled. 

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Entries in this blog

 

Outrage

I am seething with anger and outrage towards my abusive narcissistic husband. He has deceived me and lied to me far too many times, and I fell for it too many times. Now he's playing all innocent, as though he's the victim, when HE abused ME for 2.5 years in our marriage. Now he's claiming that I have nothing but hatred to spew at him, when he treated me the whole time as though he hated me for those years! And now I have nothing but outrage and anger towards him, I am letting it out, and he kee

RiverLight

RiverLight

 

Manipulations and Lies

My husband manipulated me and lied to me throughout our entire marriage and relationship. He broke many promises, which turned out to just be empty promises, in the end.  Getting back together with him again was a HUGE mistake, but I was in such a vulnerable place in my life, that I gave into his manipulative love bombing. I didn't realize it was manipulation in the moment - I thought he had a genuine desire to change his ways, and I hoped or thought that his declarations of love for me wer

RiverLight

RiverLight

 

Married to a Narcissist

My husband is no doubt a narcissist. I think he could honestly be diagnosed as NPD. He's never been diagnosed as such to my knowledge, so I am diagnosing him myself, based on all I know about narcissism, and I do know a lot. I've dated 6 narcissists in my life, my father is one and I've read a lot about narcissistic abuse. My husband fits the bill to a T.  All I've heard over the last couple months since we revived our relationship is how HE feels, what HE wants and what HE thinks. Despite

RiverLight

RiverLight

 

My Husband I Got Back Together And...

A LOT has happened in the last 2 months since I was last on here - a lot of crap happened, and my husband and I got back together when I was in a very vulnerable place in life. Back up - he had been abusive and we were on the verge of a divorce. Then I began a new job, which came with an inordinate amount of stress. My husband's father was in and out of the hospital during this time, and my husband called me, in tears, looking for support. So I supported him, despite the pending divorce. Th

RiverLight

RiverLight

 

My husband cheated on me

We had had at least 100 conversations about infidelity and cheating - at least and no joke! He KNEW full well that I had been cheated on several times in the past, causing me IMMENSE PAIN and MISTRUST of men. He promised me in those 100 conversations that he "is not wired to cheat", that it's "not in his DNA to cheat", that he "never thinks of other women", that he "doesn't think of other women sexually",  and he promised he would NEVER EVER cheat on me. He also had promised that IF there were E

RiverLight

RiverLight

 

The fight of my life

My husband is making separation and divorce SO much harder. It's the fight of my life. Thing is, I thought I had met "the one". I thought he was wonderful and amazing in the beginning. Then slowly, over time, the abuse started. It began in more subtle ways in the early stages. He was testing the waters, I know now. Then, just before we were to leave for the wedding and honeymoon, he exploded on me in an angry rage over a pair of pants I was to buy him. I knew then that I was in trouble, but it w

RiverLight

RiverLight

 

Divorce

I am getting a divorce, sadly and unfortunately. My husband turned out to be an abusive narcissist. He is not the best man, and he is not who I thought he was. At first I thought he was the most incredible man i had ever met. He mirrored everything I had ever wanted in a man and partner. But, he has NPD, which is impossible to treat, and he has been on and off abusive towards me. I was in denial of the abuse for a very long time, but it finally all came to a head, and I couldn't take it anymore.

RiverLight

RiverLight

 

TW: My Ex Fiance Passed Away

Trigger Warning: I am in shock and feel immense sadness. I just found out that my ex fiance had passed away in August. I happened to Google him this morning for some unknown reason and found his obituary. No cause of death was mentioned. He had tried to leave this earth once before. He had always had a very rough time of things and was very mentally unstable. He and I broke up, what, I think four years ago now? He also had a drug and alcohol addiction problem that he struggled with, but I suspec

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RiverLight

 

Eve of 50!!!

I am nearly 50 years old!!!!! Tomorrow is my big day!!!!  Well, that's about it. FIVE decades old. YEP. I can now say, 40 years ago, I was doing this, that and the other. LOL. WOW.  This was a bday present from my family --- another WOW. 

RiverLight

RiverLight

 

Bullies are just envious

I have been a target of bullying for almost all of my life - both online and offline. The other day, I experienced bullying on another forum, so I read up (again) on bullies and whom they target. It's not what you may think - yes, schoolyard bullies may pick on the more vulnerable kid in the pack. But adults? Adults typically bully those whom they envy and those who threaten them or their status in some way. My old boss was like that, and he bullied me.  So I got into it a bit with this mem

RiverLight

RiverLight

 

Everyone is Struggling Right Now

No one is alone - none of us, though it may feel that way. I read Facebook posts from friends who are really having a hard time right now and who are reaching out for comforting words and love from all their friends. It's a really crappy time in the world between COVID, the fires out west, ridiculously messy politics and soaring unemployment.  I have had my share of bad days lately too. I have some better days and some super depressing days. I'm unemployed, but for the first six weeks or so

RiverLight

RiverLight

 

What IS it about me?

What the hell? I go on a different forum, and yet again, someone finds me and attacks me! I am constantly being attacked and bullied on forums. I'm not talking about DF - I'm talking about a variety of forums I have joined over the last many years. I am SO fed up with it and am wondering what the hell? All I am is myself -- I give advice, I try to help, I am honest yet compassionate. And yet, over and over again, I get targeted and attacked by toxic individuals. Wash, rinse, repeat! Is it me OR

RiverLight

RiverLight

 

Messages of Light and Love From Beyond

Messages of light and love: Be compassionate with yourself and be kind to yourself. You've been through SO much in life, and you've fought many battles thus far. You are a warrior spirit -- keep fighting to make it through. And you will.   Heal your wounds through the gifts of kindness and love from others. Embrace those who care for you and those who show love for you, and give them your caring heart in return. The blessings will be manifold.   The gift of giving hel

RiverLight

RiverLight

 

Angels and Demons

So, through my channeling experience (cont'd from my last post), I experienced Angels and Demons, Satan, spirits of light and of dark, and I spoke with the Lord our God. I experienced it all. Their energies moved my body at times, and I felt their energy within and around me as it occurred. They spoke through me and to me. They read my thoughts, and spoke my exact thoughts and questions out loud through my own mouth. I talked to my deceased family members and to old friends and loved ones who ha

RiverLight

RiverLight

 

Channeling Experience

I wrote a post on this recently, then deleted it. I need to write about this though because it's sooooooo surreal and I don't know what to do with it or what to make of the whole experience. This is a spiritual journey and an awakening that I had.   Twelve years ago, I made an "attempt" and then "opened up" just afterwards and starting hearing many voices around me. Prior to my attempt, I did not hear ANY voices. At first, the voices were all dark, evil ones. Then I also experienced benevol

RiverLight

RiverLight

 

Keeping Spirits Up During Unemployment & COVID

Right now life is a challenge. I am not working, it's COVID, I am not finding many jobs to apply for and I am a bit bored. I go to the beach at least once a week for therapy. I went yesterday with my husband, and today I am going to the beach alone, which I don't mind doing at all.  It is very cathartic for me -- the lapping ocean waves, the seagulls, the sand, the sun and just good 'ole R&R. The beach does wonders for me mentally and emotionally so I am going as much and as often as po

RiverLight

RiverLight

 

My Corrupt Former Employer

I was recently laid off due to COVID. And honestly, I am relieved. I am far happier now that I am no longer dealing with such a corrupt, unhealthy and toxic company. The leadership throughout from the CEO and downwards was lacking in ethics, morality and effective leadership. I was asked to lie to my clients. I had a co-worker above me who tried to take all the credit for my hard work right in front of me while we were on a client call. My boss took credit for all my hard work and lied to t

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RiverLight

 

Career Opportunity Arose!

I haven't been on here in a long time! I finally got the call for an interview regarding a Director level role in my field. I couldn't be more thrilled!!!!! The first interview is with HR, so that's just the initial screening before I can talk to the hiring managers. I had begun applying in January and received only one response that did not work out. This is the second response I've received in several months. AND, it's with a Web design company, just the type of company I've wanted to work for

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RiverLight

 

CoronaVirus Anxiety

My whole company is now working from home. My husband is still working his job. My anxiety is starting to go through the roof over the Corona virus. Everything in my state is shutting down left and right, the store shelves are empty, and it feels like the apocalypse.  If and when my husband can no longer work, we lose his income and therefore cannot afford our rent and bills. We will have to take out a bank loan in that case, and go further into debt.  I am very scared. I am also sick

RiverLight

RiverLight

 

Nearly One Year Wedding Anniversary!

Wow, I cannot believe that nearly a year has passed since I got married! In two months it will be our 1st wedding anniversary! I was remembering the other day how just ten years ago, I had packed my bags and car and drove across the country for school, and how fast time has flown since then. Time is getting faster as I get older, I swear. lol.  Well, hubby and I are doing great. We've had many challenges to contend with over the last year - financial, family, work, and life challenges - and

RiverLight

RiverLight

 

VP?

I got the gumption to apply for a VP role in my field. I haven't heard back on a single application, which is pretty damned frustrating. I am highly employable, so it's a bit maddening. I've applied for Director level roles, one notch above the role I am in now. But the VP role? I couldn't help myself, lol. It was far too tempting... it's a great, well-developed website at a startup company that is seven years old, with a lot of potential and a lot of appeal. It's a work-from-home job to boot. S

RiverLight

RiverLight

 

Manager blew up at work

Our manager completely lost it late yesterday. He has already blown at me, which HR is aware of. Next, he got angry with a client, so he hung up, or rather, slammed the phone down, then he slammed his computer shut, stormed out of the office, slamming the office door HARD. Our boss and our boss's boss witnessed this. If he doesn't get fired for that, I am going to be incredulous. IF I behaved that way, I would be fired in a heartbeat. So what should make him so immune and special? I am truly hop

RiverLight

RiverLight

 

WOW, what a NIGHTMARE

Holy crap. Work is SUCH a total nightmare. It's making my life difficult right now. I am away from work at the moment so I finally have a chance to breathe and reflect, but it's simply just ******* me right now.  My manager yelled at me last week. He totally blew up at me unnecessarily and unprovoked. I didn't deserve it, and he eventually apologized after I went to our boss about it, but that sucked. Then my account manager tried to take over the direction of my account, that I am in charg

RiverLight

RiverLight

 

My Continued Work Saga

Wow, I haven't written a blog entry for months! I finally am sitting down to reflect further on my work situation, which continues to be a thorn in my side and an emotional roller coaster ride.  Last summer, my boss tried to get me fired because I threaten his job security and because I am far more successful and knowledgeable in our field than he is. I had a talk with my CEO where it was hinted I could be fired, followed by a second conversation during which I was then told I could be laid

RiverLight

RiverLight

 

Job Choices and Bad Timing

I may have a new job offer coming, from a well-known national brand. It would be a great opportunity -- it's a big job and is 15K more in salary. Then there's another position that I REALLY am interested in, that is 75K higher in salary, a Senior Director of eCommerce role for a travel company. For the latter job I had to take two personality tests and a math test. I didn't even finish the math test -- it was timed and it timed out before I could finish. I may not even make it to the interview s

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RiverLight

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