Does anyone care For some grated Gruyére? I'm just a piece of cheese For you to slice as you please * One for my sister One for my brother The damage is done What harm is another?
I'm trying to change how I behave. Show enthusiasm, talk although I don't fee like it, exchange pleantries. But it's just never enough. Why do I try to change myself this way? So others will like me. If my efforts dont yeild the desired results because it's just either not enough or I'm just not worth anything to anyone, why bother? Why bother at all? If I just feel like not saying a word, be damned what anyone thinks because damn it it's not like anyone cares if I try anyway. Trying to change i
And it keeps getting worse. Everyday normal things just really upsets me, everyday normal things that are not part of my not-normal life that I see. I can't even watch television (woe is me can't watch TV woe me and my west world problems people are homeless, Bell, get over yourself boo-******-hoo-hoo) and I avoid must threads because it just takes less and less to just trigger a flood of tears. But you know I strive to... welll, not stay positive per se in a sort of cliche-spewing lala-it-gets-
So, for some reason I want to write. Ok, not for some reason. Because it seems glamorous to take walks in the forest at 6 am while still in my bath robe and then sit before a type writer with a mug of steaming hot coffee and perhaps a croissant after and then pop into the local book shop for research material and exchange pleasantries with the book keeper while riding a mobile ladder in a Belle-like fashion... Yes this is how I envision the glamourous life of a best selling author. (And mobile l
Sometimes I watch buddhist vids on youtube. It always makes sense while I watch and then I make a note to myself to not forget what is said but of course I do anyway and if I remember I probably remember wrong but anyway. I can never remember their eloquent ways of phrasing things and when I try to repeat it it always comes off as clumsy but oh well. But one thing that resurfaced today was the concept of interpreting situations and reacting to them. Say I'm in a situation. Someone might say some
Castor and Pollux Twins in the sky Blinking and winking Each night, side by side Looking so close, brothers and stars So hard to believe They're so far apart
Being selfless is hard. Even when I think I am being selfess it turns out I'm really being selfish. For example, I might not want to see certain people sometimes. Mostly that is because of how ashamed I am of myself. And because I feel that way, I think nobody would be interested in seeing me and thus I might as well spare people from my presence. But, I am aware that it might also come off as rude. I shouldn't be so focused on myself, I should be more 'out there' just to show others that I am i
