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Same Old Story

I made a move on a girl that I've known for a while as friends. She rejected me. But that's okay cos at least I had the courage to make the move. Again I'm going to a foreign country. I've visited that country once before. Last time I had a traumatic experience where I didn't realise that I needed to approach two girls and try to make a move, and they ended up leaving. It was like the Twilight Zone cos it's almost the only time a girl let alone two girls have shown interest to me like that.

qwerty21

qwerty21

 

Stupid

Not much hope in sight. Nice to visit my granma though. I'm going to a vacation again. I gotta try to change my situation, and going some place else is the only way to have a chance of change. I'm playing poker every now and then. It's nice to play cos I get some enjoyment from it, a tiny bit. When I'm playing I forget the state that my life is in, which is nice.

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No Enjoyment

I get practically no enjoyment from anything. I used to think that it would be fixed by having a social life, but I'm not even sure about that. Casual sex doesn't/wouldn't bring me very much enjoyment cos I would need someone to support me. And having a gf, idk, I think I would just bring suffering to that person. I am so boring. Also I have a disgusting stomach disease. It's not my fault and it's not contagious, but it's still disgusting. Also I have a character flaw that when I'm together with

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Maybe Improvement

I've started taking depression medicine. Before I was against it because I wanted to get healthy natural way, but that's really not gonna happen, so I'll take the blue pill rather than red pill (referring to the paradox).  Also the medicine helps me with my appetite, which is good, cos I'm underweight. I'm going to a vacation in five days. I will try to find stuff to do, but prolly it's not gonna go well. At least I'm trying to make something happen. The alternative is to sit home and

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Tough Situation

I would like a change to my current situation, but it's extremely hard to accomplish. My hope is that I would like to have a social life, but it's tough cos I'm living with my parents. And there's like no way I can meet people or approach them or anything. I have Crohn's so I'm not in school or work, and I have Asperger so it's near impossible to approach people. Oftentimes I think that my life sucks and it's true. And it's not getting better. My therapist is of no help. There's just no solution

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Rage Attack

I am feeling really depressed in general right now. My mom was cutting my hair. She kinda complained that I was not standing up straight. I yelled really loud: "F***!". She said is that how you thank me for cutting your hair. I said that I don't really feel like thanking her cos I'm so depressed. Afterwards she handed me the brush and told me to clean up the hairs. She has never asked me that before. After she left a room I started banging the wall and closets with the brush until the brush brok

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Bored Loser

I have nothing to do. I'm talking to actually two girls online, one of them is more of a friend and the other one I'm hoping that maybe more than friends. But I'll prolly screw up the latter relationship by suggesting that I maybe visit her city, which prolly would be ridic for two reasons. First is she prolly doesn't like me that way. I mean there has been maybe slight hints, but maybe not. Second is that it's way too soon, we've been only talking for a week now. Also I live kinda far from her

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Plan

My mood lately has been I guess okay. I mean I am in a constant state of depression I think. I was watching a part of a documentary on Youtube about depression and first of all it had these people who they were interviewing and in all their stories the depression was more severe than mine. So in a way it's good that I don't have that severe depression, but in another way it was slightly annoying that I couldn't relate to any one of them, and also maybe it created kind of a stereotype that depres

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Random Thoughts

I don't like people telling me they know better. Also I'm depressed. Also I don't want comments to this blog post maybe.

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Taking It Easy

A lot of stuff has happened to me within the last month. Almost all negative. That's why I've decided to just mostly stay in my house cos the outside world is scary and stressing. I haven't experienced anything good outside. So now I'm mostly inside. And I'm bored as ****. I don't know what to do with my life. I'm 22. How am I gonna spend the last 60 years of my life? I have nothing to do. I'm all alone. I live with my parents, but I'd almost rather live alone. But I don't have to pay rent, so I

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I'm ********

Hi, I possibly did the most ******** mistake of my life so far. I'm too embarrassed to tell what it was. Actually I made a lot of mistakes, but one mistake took the cake. I was scammed 2k. And it was the stupidest thing I've ever done. No normal person would've been scammed that way. Why am I like this? Why am I alive. Why can't I **** myself? There's no point in letting a person like me to live. The good thing that comes out of this is that I'm gonna give money to my brother and paren

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Life

Hi, Vacation was I guess okay, albeit boring and in the beginning it was awful. By the end of it nothing bad happened, but it was just boring. Now I'm back home back to my boring, depressing life. I'm thinking of starting smoking tobacco. In fact I have decided I will. I've heard that it has worked for some people for Ulcerative Colitis, which is a serious disease that I have. Medical illegal drug has had fantastic results for that disease, but it's illegal in my country, so I'm gonna

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Mistakes

I keep making mistakes. A lot of them are involved in my social life. I'm alone. I'm frustrated. I hope I don't screw up so badly that my situation gets really bad. Emotionally I'm already a wreck. If something happens to me physically, I'll prolly **** myself.  I don't wanna say what kind of mistakes I might make/am making, but I just fear that something's gonna happen to me.  It's easy to say that I should avoid making those mistakes by taking no risks, but then I would just live my

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Horrific vacation

Im having a bad vacation.  Two weeks still. This is nightmare. Why must life be like this.  My life sucks at home too.  THERE IS NO HOPE

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Hopeless Situation

Ive been depressed recently. All i do is play on my computer and argue with people online basically.  Im gonna go to dominican republic in april. But idk if somethings gonna go wrong with that. And also idk what im gonna do when i get there,  just lie in bed? My health situation is bad, so thats gonna restrict my mobility.

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Outburst

Hi, Months now I've been planning my trip. That has kept me from being depressed, the hope that there is something better, something to look forward to. Now there was a thing that my supposed future landlord is not perfectly honest regarding the apartment, so that made me really scared and I started doubting whether the trip is a good idea or not so I started bawling cos it occurred to me that my life is complete ###### and it's very likely not gonna get better.

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Latest Developments

Hi, I haven't posted in here for a while cos I haven't been that depressed. I have been going to the youth centre and also I've been planning my trip to Fiji so they're distractions. Right now I'm a bit depressed cos I don't know. I'm lonely. Also there's some problems with planning my trip. Just with all the formalities. It's so hard. I hope everything works out in the end. But it would suck though if I had to postpone the trip. Also I don't know what I'm gonna do after the trip. It sucks if

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Outsider Of Outsiders

I'm going to that youth activity center. It's for youth that have social or mental problems. On Friday it's someone's birthday party. It seems as though they've invited everyone except me :( That's so funny when you think about it. Even in a group of outsiders that are usually left out of a group, I'm the only outsider out of them. The rest are insiders. I'm that hopeless. I couldn't get a friend/gf to save my life (as a figure of speech). In other news online I happen to be doing kinda well.

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Stalemate

I hope stalemate is the right term for my situation. It's like I am in a pretty good situation in my life. I go to a youth activity group three times a week and it's fun discussing things with people my age. My problem is that I am not happy cos I'm still alone. As in I have no girlfriend. I would like a girlfriend, but I don't know how to get one. It's kind of hopeless, cos I look 14 (I am 22) and I have Asperger's (mild autism). If I had a girlfriend, I would be happy to start playing poker a

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Dream

I'm going to this youth activity center for six hours three times a week now. I guess it's slightly better than staying at home when you take into account that it kills time and it's slightly cheaper than buying food from the store. Today we were talking about dreams. My dream is to move to another country within three years cos maybe I would be happy in that country. I'm just so bored of my life in this country. I don't quite know how to explain. I live in a constant state of not quite depress

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Positive Change

Yesterday was my first day at a youth activity center. It's nice to be able to spend time with others and not be bored and lonely. I'm gonna start going there four times a week. My doctor has said I'm out of options for medicine and he's pitching surgery where they would place a temporary bag on me. I'm firmly against that cos I just don't want that and that's my decision! I've been searching for alternative treatments to my Crohn's disease and there is one where I grow a plant for like 10 week

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Unpopular

I was really short and thin when I was a child. Also I have Asperger's. That's why I kinda got left out of social circles starting from age 7. Then when I hit puberty, there was some change of course, but still I was left looking very young, short and thin. Maybe what worsened my condition was Crohn's disease, so it's possible I would've developed more without that. So I never got invited to parties and I never talked to girls. I just fully realised this today. I was downtown and I saw young pe

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Sad Thoughts

I'm so lonely. I would like to have a girlfriend. I've realised that my ex-gf and I are prolly never getting back together. The thing that sucks is that if she wanted to get back together again I prolly would be fine with it cos I'm such a doormat. I would just like to be with someone though. But no-one wants me. Who would want me? No-one. I have no purpose in life right now. I guess my goal would be to find someone good and have a kid/kids, but that seems so impossible right now. I am kinda si

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Rough Day

My day started with me playing a computer game, just trying to **** time. Even when playing the game I thought about my ex-gf. Then I smell a bad smell coming from somewhere. I check my cat's litter box to see that she hasn't pooped so it can't be that. Then the game goes badly so I'm a little mad and I also get a headache. I quit playing and then I see my cat and I see that she has a major dingleberry. Like a big lump of loose poop stuck in her fur in the rear. I try to get it out using paper

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I'm Okay

In recent weeks I have been feeling better than earlier. I'd say I'm not depressed anymore. I'm taking mood medication so that might affect. Also my Crohn's has improved slightly. I'm eating like a powder that I bought from pharmacy. I stir it into yogurt and it's just like muesli so it tastes okay, so that actually has helped my disease so I'm feeling better mentally too. Finally the third thing that has maybe helped me is getting back to poker, my old job. I consider it a hobby now though cos

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