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Good News

I recently found out that my brother and his wife will be moving to Colorado by November.  They plan to rent an apartment just a few miles away and I'm so excited.  They were originally going to move last Spring, but it fell through and I doubted they would ever actually move here.  But it looks like it's going to happen now.  My brother is like my best friend but I only ever see him when he visits every other year.  It's going to be so fun having them nearby!   I've also been talking to so

AloneGuy

AloneGuy in Happy

Spiritually Dead

It's the truth and I can't deny it anymore.  I keep trying to tell myself that I believe in something, but I don't.  I've been this way since walking away from Jesus.  Christianity was my last attempt at believing in something supernatural.  Before that there were many others.  I desperately want to believe that there's something beyond death.  I want my deceased loved ones to continue on in another plane or sphere of existence or heaven.  I also want to believe that there's a good reason for su

AloneGuy

AloneGuy in Spiritual

When I'm Depressed...

I feel like I'm just an annoyance to everyone around me. Even here online, I feel like a big baby crying out for attention...I hate these thoughts and I don't usually get them quite this bad. I feel like a burden to my family and friends. What really sucks is that I don't even know if my feelings are rational or not. In social situations, like last night when a few friends were visiting for a Summer Solstice cookout...who would want to hear the thoughts of a lonely, ill, depressed guy? So I ke

AloneGuy

AloneGuy

A Quote

On what has been a terrible day and night for me, I thought I'd share a quote from Khalil Gibran's book "The Prophet", which was written in 1923. It's kind of a non-denominational, "inspirational" book about a fictional prophet-like character in ancient times who answers people's questions about various topics with proverbs and the like. Here's a quote in the chapter on Joy and Sorrow: "Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the same well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled wit

AloneGuy

AloneGuy

Some Thoughts, Etc.

Just some things that have been on my mind lately: - Since mostly recovering from my latest depression, I haven't really made much progress. I still have a hard time facing each day, my sleep is erratic, and even on days when my depression isn't too bad I get bad anxiety. - I hate it when my body hurts when I'm depressed....headache, fatigue, muscle aches, etc. I've noticed this happens a lot when I oversleep as well, so there might be a connection. - I've decided to become a pescetarian...whi

AloneGuy

AloneGuy

My Latest Depression And Anxiety

As usual it's been a while since I've updated my blog. Lately I've been thinking about starting a private journal again, since it's easier for me to write in a book or a letter than post online. Anyway... I have been trying to recover from a particularly bad and dark, but thankfully short, depressive episode. I go through such depressions often and have for many years. So I have the "time tested" knowledge that my depressions will lighten up to some state of feeling "ok" (never feeling 100% gre

AloneGuy

AloneGuy

Restless Night, Rough Morning

So last night, after some friends had gone home, I decided that I was tired enough to go to bed. Mistake. I spent about 7 hours alternating between a light doze and restlessness. My room felt really hot, so I turned on the air conditioner. Then it was too cold, so I turned it to the fan setting. My heart was beating too fast, and I was thinking about how I have only 3 Klonopin for the next 3 days before I can get it refilled. Other annoying thoughts went through my head as well. Usually when

AloneGuy

AloneGuy

Easter Weekend Chaos And Other Random Thoughts

It truly was chaotic here. My brother and I hosted 8 people at various times between Friday night's dinner and Easter evening. I was able to socialize fairly well, as the guests are people I would call friends and wasn't feeling too bad anxiety/depression wise. On Saturday night I went to bed very early and missed a large party, which was definitely a good thing as I was one of few without after effects from overindulgence the next morning :) My brother's girlfriend and I went out to do some sh

AloneGuy

AloneGuy

Herbalism Part 3

More potentially helpful herbs for us depressed and anxious people... Kava - (anti-anxiety & antidepressant) The aged root has been used by Pacific Islanders for ages as a ceremonial drink. Many health stores sell the powdered root (and unfortunately the possibly toxic stems) for use as a tea, but it is meant to be consumed with the liquid, not filtered out. The process of preparing it is complicated and ultra-traditional in the Pacific islands. I have some experience with high quality ro

AloneGuy

AloneGuy

Herbalism Part 2

Ok, so here is the first part of my list of possible herbal remedies for depression, anxiety and mental/physical well being. These are fairly safe, but please do not take any supplement unless you are 100% sure that it won't interact with any meds you might be taking. There is always the possibility of an allergic reaction as well...so be careful :) I am also not recommending any of these herbs. This is just my own thoughts and experiences. Chamomile - (anti-anxiety) Makes for a very tasty and

AloneGuy

AloneGuy

Thoughts On Herbalism Part 1

So pretty much every spring, especially after a very long winter, I seem to get in the mood for hobbies I may have neglected for some time. Trying to appreciate the greatness of Nature is one of these...especially living where I do in the Blue Ridge foothills near the Shenandoah River. The sheer volume of everything natural is in abundance here. I really don't miss living in the DC suburbs at all :) I started becoming interested in the medicinal and "spiritual" use of common plants when I was y

AloneGuy

AloneGuy

Severe Anxiety

Brief update: I had a weird week, the past 7 days. I procrastinated on getting my Klonopin refill last Tuesday....which resulted in a nightmarish day on Wednesday. Wednesday really sucked. I was close to panic all day with no med to rely on. My mind was an anxious mush...worst I've felt in quite some time. Scary feeling for me. Yet, I did indeed drive myself to the pharmacy late to pick up my Klonopin...how I did so while literally shaking with anxiety I'll never know. Since then I've been w

AloneGuy

AloneGuy

Boring Update

Hi! Its been a long while so I figured I would/should update my blog. In a kind of abbreviated format :) I took a month long break from DF from around Christmas until about the beginning of February. I've been around since then, but rarely post outside the Water Cooler/Forum Cafe. During that period of time: -Christmas was cool, just a small gathering of local friends and good food. A few gifts were exchanged, but Christmas really isn't the same as it once was for me. -My birthday was Jan 26

AloneGuy

AloneGuy

More Thoughts (Short Entry)

A few thoughts: Vacation- Wow once I got back home it didn't take long for me to fall back down into my usual rut. I was able to carry the good feeling of visiting my wonderful family for a few days, not much longer. Online Friends- I doubt it's reciprocal, but I really do care about them and try to talk to them. Hobbies- Summer is coming to a close, and I have done very little of my summer hobbies. Why? Because "there is always tomorrow"...yeah right. Blogging- Yay I enjoy it and really need

AloneGuy

AloneGuy

Vacation (And Other Stuff)

So I made it out to Colorado to visit my parents and other family. I'll be here until next Sunday. I was, as usual, extremely nervous about the trip. Not the visit itself, but the plane ride out here....but of course I made it safely. Ever since I was a kid I've had a fear of flying. I do realize it's an irrational fear, much like my fear of heights (and even spiders!). I also realize I shouldn't be complaining at all while many people on DF don't even have supportive parents to visit...in fa

AloneGuy

AloneGuy

A Few Random Thoughts While Depressed

So I'm roughly a week into my latest depression (no, the pattern never stops for me), and I've been thinking about lots of stuff in general. A few things in particular. -Physical pain is a part of my depression. When I first encountered depression when I was 12-13, I don't think I had any aches and pains...But what I do remember is having the gnawing butterflies in my stomach feeling. Almost like being nauseous for months! Over the past 10 years or so I have increasingly experienced vague ph

AloneGuy

AloneGuy

Down

So for the past month or so I have been pretty much stable. At or near my baseline which is not normal, but just "not bad". Today I wake up feeling achy and a bit down. I always get aches and pains when my depression comes on. Anyway I was in bed for most of the day, sleeping a bit and thinking, and when I get up it has become clear that I'm depressed again :( It's back in full force and I feel like sh**. My thoughts have turned dark, my body hurts, and I just want to retreat into sleep and

AloneGuy

AloneGuy

July 4Th, Insomnia, Etc.

So July 4th is Independence day in the US, for those who don't know :) It's actually a holiday that I used to love as a kid. My family would put on a fireworks display and have a cookout. So for a few hours my brother, his gf and I went down to the Shenandoah River, which is about 4 miles from my house. They went swimming but I just relaxed on the shore and walked around a bit. There were a few other people on the river. Oh and the weather was brutally hot! Overall it was quite fun :) Unfort

AloneGuy

AloneGuy

Feel Sick Today

So I woke up today kinda late, with a bad stomachache and headache and now my anxiety is coming on. I hate feeling sick, all it does is make me anxious. Not even sure why I feel like crap. I ate some homemade stir fry for dinner last night, but it was very light and nothing in it that should be causing this. Some friends are supposed to be coming over this afternoon. But really I just want to take some klonopin and sleep the day away in my room. Hope whoever is reading this is having a better

AloneGuy

AloneGuy

Last Night (A Sad Story)

So something really sad happened last night. I've been thinking about it all day and feel the need to type this all out. First a little background. There is a young guy who lives a couple houses down from me. I don't know for sure but I'd guess he is in his early-mid 20s. He has paranoid schizophrenia and lives with his parents. I know for a fact that he is very lonely, and he will occasionally stop by my house to talk about random things. I'm not exactly the most social guy in the world,

AloneGuy

AloneGuy

Morning Anxiety

Normally I really love the mornings. During my darkest depressions I would get up to watch the sunrise and actually feel a little better, even if only temporary. I feel very bad when I sleep in too late and I hate waking up in the afternoon! Anyway this morning I woke up at 6am. But instead of feeling good I awoke with pretty strong anxiety. Like my heart was beating to fast and I felt very hot and my nerves were frayed :verysad3: It's a terrible feeling. I basically said **** this took a

AloneGuy

AloneGuy

Laughing

So I've developed this really weird habit lately. For example I'll be waiting in line at the pharmacy or other store, and then I'll think of something really funny and have to restrain myself from bursting out in laughter. It doesn't really depend on my mood, as it'll happen when I'm anxious and depressed. The other day my brother and I were at a fast food drive-thru, and as he was ordering, I couldn't help it and started to laugh uncontrollably!! I guess it's kinda funny, but now whenever I

AloneGuy

AloneGuy

Just Starting A Blog

Hey! I don't often post new topics on the Forums, I just reply to the threads that I can relate to and offer some advice to the poster. Or I reply to people who seem to need help pretty bad. OR, I just post in the off-topic forums. So I just thought maybe starting a blog would be kinda helpful. That's my first entry Good night

AloneGuy

AloneGuy

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