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Just Some Thoughts

Yesterday was a full day; full being I had some things to do to fill my day that were helpful to me in treating my depression. It wasn't a perfect day, but it wasn't a horrible day. It seemed easier much of the time to cope with things. Today, not so much. I am going to do a couple of things later today that are helpful and gets me out of the house and away from isolation, but so far the day has been a struggle. I even decided to forgo one thing because I just didn't want to do it. As much as I

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Anxiety And Depression Closely Related

After receiving a comment from my last blog post about anxiety and depression overlapping, I did some research online, and found a good article. The summary below is from the Psychology Today website from an article by Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D. It has five parts, beginning with part one. As regards talk therapy treatments for co-occurring anxiety and depression, what does everything I've written up to this point suggest? In reviewing the literature on the subject, I think many points are worth emph

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I Seem To Be Getting More Depressed (Part Three)

To start out on a positive note, last night I went to bed early and seemed to sleep well. I got up early. I know that my depression seems to be worse lately, so I am getting antsy about being able to go to the clinic that I just had an intake evaluation for last week, or to see the doctor about my medication which doesn't seem to be as effective as before. So, I went about trying to call these places this morning. I knew I would feel better even if I could just know that I had an appointment. I

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I Seem To Be Getting More Depressed (Part Two)

I know I am not alone in my depression. There are others like me who are struggling and need answers and support. I have been trying to put myself around people because I feel it could be helpful. However, some people are not helpful, and sometimes being around a lot of people tends to trigger me into a more depressive and anxious state. I hate having to hide that I am hurting, and have people wondering why I am not able to do more with my life. I have tried to use all the resources made availab

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I Seem To Be Getting More Depressed

I have been on Nortriptyline for three and a half months. I know that it was helping after about six to eight weeks, as I went from feeling completely hopeless to feeling some hope and functioning more easily. I wouldn't say that I was transformed, but it did give me enough relief to be occasionally social, and to reach out in various ways. I began to do things routinely that helped: taking a walk, writing, posting on DF, and accomplishing small goals daily. At about the three month mark on Nort

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From: Feeling Down

Source: Feeling Down I copied the above from my post from this morning. I have had the worst day. The weather is cool and gloomy. I am lonely, and I have had the most anxiety I have had in a while. I thought I would feel better if I got out of the house and went to the store, but instead it caused an anxiety attack. I feel overwhelmed in many ways. The things that I normally do - writing and posting on Df - don't seem to be helping much. I just need a little encouragement.

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Diagnosis

Went for a mental health evaluation yesterday. I was diagnosed as Major Depressive Disorder. I was not surprised. Now, I just have to wait a bit to get an appointment for counseling and possibly med management. I had to wait about three months for the intake, so I suppose I can wait a while longer.

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Random

It has been a while, and I just felt the need to write something. Today, I am going to a facility that offers counseling, med management, etc. I think that today is just doing the intake (registration), so I will probably not get an appointment until a later date. Even so, it makes me feel better knowing that I am at this point in the process. I had to wait about three months to get this appointment, and when I made the appointment this day seemed so far away. I look forward to being able to dis

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How Do You Explain It?

I was talking with my sister a couple of days ago, and I felt like the more I tried to explain what was going on in my life, the more I rambled on. My brain seemed to jump from one disconnected thought to another. I told her that I could probably write what was going on with me and it would make more sense. I tried writing a letter to her. I wasn't sure if I would actually send it to her, but I wanted to see if I could concisely explain it. What I found out is that trying to explain depression t

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Christmas

Yesterday, I went for my walk, and I came home feeling good (as good as I can). Then I found out something that just knocked the wind out of me. I can't go in to what it was, but it just seemed to zap away any positive, healthy progress I have made. At a time of day that I am usually feeling better and calmer, I felt low. I felt so fragile. I tried to just "live" with my feelings, as the technique of not looking at my feelings as good or bad, but just observing them seems to work for me. The nat

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My Walk In The Park Is Not Always A Walk In The Park

I had this idea today to go for a walk without my two dogs. I figured maybe it would give me a chance to be social. One of the dogs is protective, so I can't really interact with people because I have to make sure he doesn't get too snippy with passersby. However, when the dogs know that I am going for a walk in the park (and they know) one of the dogs squeals to be able to go along. I guess I used their excitement to go, and my reasoning that they need to walk, too, as an excuse to have them go

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No Lessons Here; Just Want To Put Down My Thoughts

I've been blogging about interesting topics the past few days, but not today. I just want to write about what is going on. I was fully prepared to be home alone for Christmas for the first time in at least ten years. There may have been a Christmas or two where I had to celebrate the day before or after, but never without someone special to share it with. There is an open invitation to a restaurant for anyone who isn't celebrating Christmas, or has no place to go and wants to go. I am considerin

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The Powerlessness Of Positive Thinking

The powerlessness of positive thinking Self-affirming statements actually make some people feel worse by Cathy Gulli on Monday, July 6, 2009 6:12pm - Canadian scientists have some bad news for those in the self-help business: positive thinking can actually make people with low self-esteem feel worse about themselves. Joanne V. Wood, a psychologist at the University of Waterloo who co-authored the soon-to-be-published article with John W. Lee (University of Western Ontario) and W.Q. Elaine Peruno

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Guilt Is Linked To Depression - Maybe Not Surprising

I can't believe I'm already blogging again. In my last blog, I was talking about going for walks. I came back from my walk a little while ago frustrated and down on myself. The entire time almost I kept having these guilt feelings. I knew what the guilt feelings centered around, but I couldn't pinpoint anything that I had actually done wrong that I should feel guilty for. I have been aware for a while that there is a healthy guilt that causes us to make good choices and do hurtful things , and t

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Positive Thinking, Hopelessness, And Other Stuff

I have been trying for two months to get more sleep in the morning hours. I was going to purchase a sleep mask to help me block out light from the street lights and the sun in the morning. Someone mentioned using a soft t-shirt to cover their eyes, so I did that, and I also have used a dark bandana. It works for keeping the light out, but the bigger problem is keeping the thoughts out.   I had a discussion with a family member about having a tough time in the beginning of the day. I was told tha

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Perfectionism

I read a few posts and a blog with the topic of perfectionism, so I decided to see if there was a strong link between being depressed and anxious. Turns out there is. As one website noted, perfectionism might seem like an admirable trait, but in reality it can be harmful. What better to egg on depression and anxiety than trying to live up to some unattainable standard. Could it be that the reason I struggle in the daytime with depression and anxiety is because subconsciously I am aware that dayt

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One Foot In Front Of The Other....i Know, Cliche Right?

I want to blog something because I think it will help, but every time I try, I think what's the use. I feel as if every thing I've tried to do to help myself has gone out the window. It hasn't really, because writing is one thing I do and I'm doing it, so.... Most days I've had courage, but today I am dis-couraged. I'm going to try to recognize my small victories today. It's really about putting one foot in front of the other, but sometimes I put myself down because I didn't run instead. I know

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Kung Fu Fighting?

Today, I was having a difficult time remembering and applying all the positive, helpful things that I have been learning individually and as a part of this forum. At some point, I stopped myself and recognized that I was falling into the same habits or patterns of dealing with the things that were concerning me as I had always done; and by that I mean doing and thinking things that didn't work. The first thing I decided to do when I realized I was letting concerns eat away at me and allowing neg

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Why Does Depression Make Us Choose The Opposite Of Comfort?

A thought struck me recently. Why does depression make us choose the opposite of comfort? For some reason, when I think of being in the sunshine, going for a walk, going to a concert, or being around people I feel repulsed. It's not as if I say, "I want sunshine more than anything, but I just can't bring myself to go outside," or "I want to go for a walk more than anything, but I just can't do it." I don't even desire to do it. A better example might be chocolate cake. It's one thing to want a

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Groundhog Day

I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm repeating myself, but this seems to be the thing I am struggling the most with recently. Every day from when I wake up until late afternoon, I have the biggest struggle with depression and anxiety. Initially, I was more anxious. Then I was given medication for anxiety and depression, and the anxiety got better, but the depression seemed to kick up a couple of notches. However, I am able to deal with everything better in the late afternoon until night. I explained

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Rude Awakening

For some time now, I have been waking up in the mornings, and I haven't been able to go back to sleep. I toss and turn for a while, and then I get up. I had done some searching online and found that there is what is called morning depression and morning anxiety. I have had both. I know that anxiety and depression often overlap, so I suppose one (anxiety) just turned into the other (depression). Anyway, I went online this morning to find out more about why I am having such heavy depression in the

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From: Motivational Thoughts

Let yourself be Unburden yourself from the limitations you've borrowed from others. And let yourself be. Empty your mind of the fears, doubts, worries and distractions that have built upon each other. And let yourself be. This moment is filled with every possibility. All that you need to live it fully is already yours. Look past the noise and turmoil of your thoughts. Be at peace with what is now, and see that peace as it spreads far beyond you. Let any resentment, anger or disappointment from t

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Staying Afloat: Just A Blog About My Day

Last night, I had no trouble falling asleep. One thing that I have done is not to have a television in the bedroom. I watch television, and then I go to bed. Occasionally, I play relaxing music to help me fall asleep; other times I like quiet. Since I became really depressed, I have been able to go to sleep most nights without problems, but I wake up in the early morning, unable to go back to sleep. Many times the reason I can't fall back to sleep is because of a number of anxiety-causing though

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