Hey Gang! Well, I'm still feeling somewhat dizzy and unsteady on my feet. I did not go anywhere or drive over the weekend. That's a good thing, esp on Sunday since we had huge rain and flooding here! In some places it was as much as 10 inches of rain! I live in Central Texas, and normally we desperatly need rain. Just not all at once! :-) I have a bad headache, but I think it's from hitting my head on the concrete floor of the grocery store. The back of my head is still very sore and tender.
Well, there's a first time for everything, and I had a first time event on Monday evening about 5 p.m. while I was at the grocery. I was in the ice cream section, and bent over to pick up a pint of BlueBell Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream. I felt really dizzy all of a sudden, and then I don't remember anything until I started coming round in the ambulance. I didn't know what was happening to me, I didn't know who the papramedics were. I thought they were men, attacking me. It was extremely frighte
Hi everyone! Well the hot weather here in Central Texas finally broke over the weekend. We'd still been in the 90's until Saturday evening when a cool front blew in. Now we are in the mid 80's and down into the 50's at night. Wheee! I am so relieved to see cooler weather. The heat and humidity really gets to be a burden by the end of the summer! And, the sun is shining and the breeze is cool. Thank goodness! I can't say that my mood has improved much, altho the weather change helped. I'm still
I didn't want to come to the DF today. There's no point in my posting. I say the same things over and over. I have pain. I am depressed. My anxiety is high. What else is there to say? I cannot help others when I can't help myself. I layed in bed last night and wondered what it would be like to go to sleep and never wake up. I think of people I know or have read about that had that happen. Like John Candy. Like a lady I knew when I lived in South Texas. I thought about what it would be like to fe
I'm sorry. I'm a mess right now. I am in agony in my mind and in my body. I don't feel I can continue this way. My life has not turned out the way I thought it would. I worry constantly about everything. I beat myself up for not being perfect. I'm fat, I'm old, I'm full of anxiety. I look at the young people around me here on campus and I think to myself "They have no idea how fantastic it is to be able to walk with a free, open stride, and not worry about falling down". My head is aching. I rub
I had a very fun weekend! I went to see my second sister and we worked on painting her kitchen. She has a darling 50's house and is redoing it one room at a time. She's on the kitchen now. My sister recently had complete shoulder replacement, so her right arm doesn't work too well (altho it's tons better than it was before! We used to tease her that it was a "flipper" because she couldn't do anything with it or raise her arm or anything!) As most of you know, I have Rheumatoid Arthritis and I wa
I have always liked helping others, which I guess is why I became a Librarian! I love research and I put that together with helping people and that makes a Librarian! LOL! Of course, over the years I've come to realize that helping others helps me too. I feel that I am contributing something to this big 'ol world. I never had children of my own, but I think of all the students I help as my kids. When they succeed, I succeed. When they are happy, I'm happy. I had a patron come in this morning who
Hey gang! Well, here I sit at my desk, splitting headache and groggy at the same time. I just cannot win this battle with pain. If I take enough pain meds to tamp down the pain, then I go unconscious! And, I have to teach a class at 6 p.m. tonight. So, I can't knock myself out. Right now my pain is about a 7 or 8 on a scale of 1 to 10. Sigh. My life is just s*** right now.I can't focus or concentrate. I have a lot of very fun sewing and painting projects in the pipeline and I'm not working on t
Hi everyone! I've been away from the DF for a few days. I have been struggling with my headaches the last couple of weeks. I normally have a headache, but they spiked up into some really severe migraines. I have no idea why! It was bad enough that I had to take off from work a couple of times. I went to see my Dr to see what he could do. He thinks my headaches are mostly side effects of the meds I take for my Rheumatoid Arthritis. Then, if there is a lot of pollen in the air (like there has been
I feel like I'm under seige. My headache pain and joint pain have sky-rocketed the last two weeks. I'm not sure why. I finally went to see my Dr last week because I had decided the headache was a sinus infection. Nope. I saw one of the PAs (Physician's Assistant), and after asking me tons of questions, he feels that my chronic headaches, that often spike up into migraines, are caused by the meds I take for my Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA). I take eight different meds, and 7 of them have headache as
Well, things have not been going very well for me lately. I'm not totally sure why, either. I had to take an extra anxiety pill just now. I'm feeling very antsy and nervous and anxious. I did finally get an appointment with someone in the Psych clinic I wanted to get into. It's for August 5th. I'm very happy about this. So why am I so anxious? What is going on with me? I read other people's blogs and posts and instead of wanting to help, I feel more anxious than ever. I am feeling much more res
Well, I have a lot whirling around in my head! I have not blogged for a few days, because I just had so much going on I didn't know what to talk about! There is so much happening, I'm having a hard time keeping up with it all. As a depressed and anxious person, I find dealing with everyday tasks a real challenge sometimes. Then when you add more stuff to the mix, it just all seems too overwhelming. My boyfriend's Dad came to visit for 5 days. I drove them around in the Texas Hill Country on Sat
My emotions have been all over the place recently. I'm not sure why. Last night I felt so down, I felt like I wanted to hurt myself. Of course, I didn't. I always tell myself that if I did anything it would hurt those who love me. I can't bring myself to do anything to hurt others. Besides which, I know that harming myself won't make my life better. Just like binge eating won't make my life better. Many years ago I was doing a lot of reading about different religions. I've always been the sort o
Hey Everyone! I've been away for a couple of weeks, and I'm just now getting back and getting caught up. I went to the Ozarks for a week, and it was very nice! The weather was great and the cabin I stayed in was beautiful. No TV and no Internet. I painted most of the time and drove around looking at the scenery. I took a lot of photos of things I want to paint later. The second week I was at home and I unfortunately went into a bit of a depression spiral. It was brought on by a combination of th
Hi my friends! Well, as you know, I've been struggling somewhat these last few days with my anxiety. I've had to take some extra "happy" pills to get through a couple of anxiety attacks. The semester is almost over! Tomorrow is the last day. Whew! I'm not sure I could have gone on much longer. I will be off for two weeks , until the summer session starts. My second Sister and I are planning another painting trip. She's the one I went to the Big Bend with over Spring Break. This time we are going
Hi Everyone! I send you all a big group hug!! I've been offline for a few days. I saw my Pdoc and my Rheumatologist last week. It was the last time with my Pdoc, she is closing her private practice and going to work for a local mental facility. I really liked her and will miss her. She was my very first Psychiatrist! I painted a painting for her, and gave it to her. She is from West Texas, so I painted her a scene from Big Bend. She seemed to be very happy with it. She is a quilter too, and I to
Sometimes I feel like standing up and just letting out a string of curses. At life. At myself. At my Rheumatoid Arthritis. And of course my ever present headache! However, seeing that I'm a Librarian, doing something like cursing at the top of my lungs is not a very good idea! LOL! At least not at work! I do admit that I talk to and sometimes curse other drivers. But, only if they deserve it! :-) When I was in college, I learned to read Middle English, which is different from modern English. It'
Hey Everyone! So, I had a great weekend, but I breathed in a lot of pollen and I have a super bad migraine today. I'm at work of course, and have big bags under my eyes! LOL! I wore a very bright dress today to try to cheer myself up. I do that. My depression and anxiety can be calculated from the brightness of what I'm wearing. The more depressed/anxious, the brighter the dress. It does help a bit. I went to the open house at the Army Post here in my area over the weekend. It was a lot of fun.
I think my mood is very much affected by the weather. Yesterday was a heavy muggy hot day and I was really down and sort of having an anxiety attack. I'm OK today. It's cooler and windy and some rain is blowing through. Tonight it'll get cooler and be fantasticly beautiful over the weekend. Yesterday was not a good day for me. I was very cold all day and became anxious that I was getting another infection. I didn't really realize how frightened I am of getting one, until yesterday! Thankfully
Hi everyone! I'm sitting on the Reference Desk, and I'm very cold. I may be running a fever, I'm not sure. I'm totally paranoid about getting sick after my 5 days in Hospital in Aug. 2011. That started out as a bad chill and just got worse from there. So, whenever I start feeling cold, I get panicy. I have two little scratches on my arms from my kitties and I'm looking at them over and over. When I ended up in hospital it was because of a cat bite. It got severely infected and I got Cellulitis,
Hi Everyone! It is a fabulous Spring day here in Central Texas. I'm sitting in my office looking out the window. It's about 70 degrees and very sunny. I'm enjoying these cool days because the "hot as he!!" summer is comming! I was driving around yesterday, going to Dr's appointments and the bluebonnets are just everywhere. They are the state flower of Texas, and I can see why. They grow wild everywhere and they are beautiful, and they smell good! Of course I'm also sneezing because of the oak po
Hey Everyone! I was online on the DF and making comments to people's posts and such and it suddenly hit me how much the DF means to me, and how much all of you mean! And, I'm not just talking about those of you that post. I know there is a vast group out there that does not post. This is for you too! I want to say to all of you how much I appreciate you and how thankful I am that you are a part of my life. You are each a unique and wonderful individual. No one like you has ever existed before
Hey Everyone! Well, I'm still struggling with my headache pain, but I'm determined to not let it get me down. It's a little better because it's been rainy and windy here. That has helped clean a lot of the Oak pollen out of the air. I still have a headache of course, but it's not that sharp, spiky pain. It's a dull pain that for me is about 5 on a scale of one to ten. With ten being unconscious from the pain! I have not mentioned my joint pain for a while. I always have that too, since it is cau
Oh my ! I have such a terrible headache today. It's a migraine like headache that is making my eyes jerk around. Forget being able to concentrate! And, yes, I'm at work. I just spent 2 hours on the Reference Desk, trying not to moan out loud! I'm pretty sure this headache is related to the barometric pressure. It has been raining the last couple of days (yay!) and that's when the headache came on really bad. I just got over a sinus infection too! I felt good for all of two days and then this ha