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New year, some anxiety

I made a new post for New Years 2019 but lost it 😕. It talked about my gains ( paleo diet, work enjoyment, zero shopping/browsing  except food,  hygge nook,  feeling close with sisters, enjoying cats, reading books more, added dancing to ukulele at Norfolk, cannabis oil, Kondo Mari method, political engagement, Netflix, cut cable, Apple Music, bullet journaling didn’t last but it was a good exercise, especially the daily chore list - it’s given me a base to get back to when I get off track (which I do)  it gives me that feeling of moving forward albeit slowly when I’m at a low point. Routine, routine is my new mantra.  My diet is routine too.  Morning meds, coffee then juice then eggs, need to find a good afternoon snack besides cheese and endurance crackers, easy suppers that last 3meals.  Lots of meal prep. this routine business is good in many ways but I’m cutting myself off from social activities which also has its drawbacks.  I seem to be looking for the perfect schedule 😐 plots of good stuff but feeling anxiety about management at work, especially missing pay.  Need to resolve, hate confrontation and am wondering why they are making this difficult for me. On purpose?  This sort of thing brings me down from my feelings of well being.  Makes me think the doctor that said I have problems with stress(wish I could find that piece of paper she gave me- can’t remember the term she used) anyhow, I am procrastinating on resolving.  Feeling the stress in my stomach.  And then mad at myself for being so weak 👿 up and down, up and down. This is when I feel as if I don’t have a chemical imbalance, it’s more about my inability to navigate normal stress. also worrying about money again and feel like I need to get second job.  Just typing that makes me anxious 😟  Was feeling great about lifestyle until I wasn’t.  It all comes crashing down sooner or later.  I feel I have it together finally ( this is it - true happiness and then bam) low energy, lots of time indoors, partly because of cloudy weather. Enjoying hygge but also feel guilty.  Good day,bad day ...more like good minute, bad minute ...  

iconundrum

iconundrum

 

Just ok

Was ecstatically happy the last couple of years.  Great summer but now it’s december and the weather has been terrible. I’m having some troubles concentrating, twinges of anxiety, indecision and withdrawal.  I don’t feel like writing but I wanted to record my mood since I haven’t felt poorly for so long.  I’ve eaten grains the last couple of weeks so crazy as it seems I’m wondering if there could be a connection.  Not all bad though, many moments of elation mixed in. Hmmm  Lots of couch time. Btw, I had problems getting back into my account so there are entries for the last two years on JRNL.com.   Username and password are auto filled 

iconundrum

iconundrum

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