Jump to content

Blogs

Featured Entries

  • GSpolar

    Does it matter?

    By GSpolar

    What we do matters.   They are real souls, the 10 people who are watching DF, who are so scared of the stigma, imprisoned at 'home' to such a degree, or hurting so deeply.....10 are watching at any given moment for every 1 who dared to even sign up anonymously. If you read this, you probably have encouraged at least one person anonymously, with nothing to gain, just out of love.   And for every 1, there were really 10, check out 'Activity/All Users' to see for yourself.   How terr
    • 16 comments
    • 5,708 views
 

scapegoat

my parents have both spent 120 pounds on a new phone each and both are in debt then they have the audacity to blame me for their money worries cos they say i owe them 60 quid when i only owe them 40. my sister says theyre looking for someone to blame. i wouldnt mind but its the fact that i dont have a job, i have mental illnesses, and it seems like im the easiest person to blame. well gee you know im so sorry my mum likes going out and buying things and im sorry theyre both in debt the 60 pounds

Guest

Guest

 

Things to do when I am suicidal

What to do when I am suicidal/very depressed!Phone/talk to : 1) Phone Brodie Ward, RCH2) The Samaritans. 24 hrs. Tel: 08457 90 90 90 , e-mail : [email protected]) Welfare Officer, Counselling & Welfare Service, Scottish Executive. Working hours. 4) Employee Assistance Programme (ICAS). 24 hour. 0800 587 5670.5) GP or Duty Doc at GP Surgery. Office hrs. Tel: 634345.6) NHS 24, GDocs and ask to speak to CPN, evenings/weekends. 08454 24 24 24. 7) Friends (Colin, Louise, Ally)8) Distract my

Guest

Guest

 

Halloween

Ive just finished helping my mum put up decorations for our party on saturday with my sister. theres fake cobwebs on the ceiling with realistic looking spiders that made me and gemma cringe. the walls are covered with ripped up bin bags and weve put cut outs of ghouls and skeletons over the top. mum made a big spider out of paper mache and wanted it on the ceiling but i said if that fell on someones head wed have people in casualty so i dont know where its going now. im really looking forward to

Guest

Guest

 

More pessimism

Helped at Rosebank yesterday. Still feel very unsure that what I am doing is the right thing. Trying to help people and yet I know there is actually only a little you can do to help folk who have money problems. You can sort out repayment details and write to landlords/tax people but you can't get somebody money right now. Had usual appointment with pdoc. Was talkative and getting upset. Talked about work, how I feel about myself, about leaving TC, what'll happen after that. Can't reme

Guest

Guest

 

This One's For Dan

Ok Dan, since you haven't been following my threads... I had a glorious 9 year career as an advertising copywriter. I worked the late nights, I beat the impossible deadlines, I won the awards. I quit for a while to take up interior design, but I still worked in advertising freelance. Then all the free time made me it too easy for me to take all the drugs etc., so I decided to get a full time job again in my old agency.Well turns out that the depression and anxiety had changed me as a person.

Guest

Guest

 

so easily overwhelmed

Life always has little bumps, but the small everyday stresses throw me for a loop. My anxiety is way up, along with some bouts of depression. And the bumps are really small and mundane: a new sofa has developed problems in the fabric (I expect the reputable store to handle it nicely), one of my dogs has a cold, and I have to tie up a few loose ends with my divorce attorney. All three required phone calls - to the furniture store, the vet and the attorney - and I required Valium to enable me to m

Guest

Guest

 

depressed

fed up no one can help me. i need to get out of this mood. i just want to cry all the time. in life you must respireits tiringim so tiredim too lazy to breathemy lungs are starting to heavetheyre affected because I grieveand these memories existing wont leaveim tired cos i cant sleepi cant sleep and I just weepi cry because people diethis whole life we spend more dead than alivewe never had a chanceits like im falling into a tranceim dehydrated and losing my stancemy balance is kind of askewim l

Guest

Guest

 

daughter's visit

My daughter visited this weekend, and as always, I enjoyed spending time with her. She's a joy - kind, warm, intelligent, funny. It's a good feeling to have her confide in me about her life, for her to know I won't be judgemental. Her boyfriend and she have a very open relationship; he may become engaged to his other girlfriend soon, who also has a girlfriend. Daughter's OK with all this, which I don't understand, but accept. This man is very special to her, and treats her well. They're honest

Guest

Guest

 

Gotta love hurricanes...10/24/05

It's 5:00 in the morning, and the news says things will start to get bad in about an hour. The storm is also supposed to be stronger than originally thought. Last year, Hurricane Jeanne was a Category 2 and was scary, and this one is supposed to be a 2 at least. EX continues his quest for "Father of the Year" by being too busy shopping for his hurricane party to make sure his children are secure and have everything they need. I'm really angry with him right now. I knew holidays were going to be

Guest

Guest

 

From The Board 10/23/05

I went and got out my book "He's Just Not That Into You" and re-read parts of it for a little reminder. Then I called SH's sister and asked her not to mention my name to SH anymore. He knows how to get a hold of me if he wants to. And if he doesn't want to--oh well. I spent too much time chasing after EX to ever chase anybody again. I need to keep my self worth and dignity that I have fought so hard for. Just like with the storm, all I can do is hold on, ride the wave and stay above water.

Guest

Guest

 

Rejection 10/23/05

Rejection really hurts. The storm is coming, and all I can do is lay in bed. Usually EX made us safe and sound with everything we needed during a storm, but now he doesn't even call to see if we're okay. My crush on SH got too big, and now I'm being crushed. Needless to say, he hasn't called to check on me either. I know I'm being ridiculous and feeling sorry for myself. I'm sick with a cold and laryngitis and feel terrible anyway. My house is all dark because my ex-father-in-law was kind enough

Guest

Guest

 

feelings of revulsion

Feeling not so good today. Feeling like I'm repulsive, want to cut. Haven't though.Every time I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror, I feel repulsed. Everytime I eat, I feel repulsed because I am fat. I am fat! its not an eating disorder view of my body.I try and limit what I eat but nothing helps. I'm not motivated enough to stick to a diet. Its lack of exercise. Problems getting out and doing something. I don't even want to go on holiday looking the way I do. my thoughts aren't t

Guest

Guest

 

Meh.

She ground up her insidesto make space for the emptiness to consumeand you know we all assumed she was okWe just figured she was heartlessas opposed to having too much heartthat was fracturedshe had matured into a broken dreamwith a god awful themea nightmare that continued when she wokeeveryone knows God loves his sick jokesand how much we can takehe needs to seebut she just couldnt take itripped out her insides and cried with every grindblood red sprinkles flecked the tableas she tried to make

Guest

Guest

 

"Hold my hand Im scared!"

Hey again. Hope everyone is groovy. So, last night his best mate didnt come to mine, she said she needed to do some work but shes a shrewd and very kind girl so I guess she figured I would want some time alone with him. It was nice, we were a bit late meeting his mate cos we got a bit distracted but wont go into that ha ha.When it is good it is very very good and when it is bad, well you know the rest of the nursery rhyme. thats what its like with us. My best mate J was in the pub very drunk a

Guest

Guest

 

surgery......and beyond

I'm soooo scared. Last year when I had obgyn surgery, I wasn't worried at all. It was safe. No worry of cancer. This year....god I'm pretty stressed out.....Am I making the right choice, second guessing the doctor to save an ovary.....I think I am making a good choice, that she will go in there and find two ordinary cysts stuck together, remove them and I will be fine.......but the doctors are scaring me quite badly this time, with the cancer word. I feel floaty sometimes. I try not to thi

Guest

Guest

 

The Outsider

One of my ex-boyfriends, Rafa, told me that this is his song for me. He's been trying to get me off the drugs for a long time. And he also said that I have this annoying need to be liked by everyone. Well here's his song for me. WARNING: May be triggering to some. (I was really hurt when I read the lyrics)A Perfect Circle - The Outsider lyricsHelp me if you canIt's just that this is not the way i'm wiredso could you please,Help me understand whyyou've given in to all thesereckless dark desire

Guest

Guest

 

BUMP! Comments please

To all the unwitting victims of my moods (ps This was mostly written for my boyfriend) This is an apology to all those who have been subjected to the outlashes of a moody Biotch. Forgive me for writing it, Im too much of a coward to say this to your faces.I have to go through life afflicted with severe depression and anxiety disorder. This leaves me scared, angry, frustrated, tired, defeated, and obviously very sad. At the moment I have yet to learn to tame this great beast. It has not revealed

Guest

Guest

 

choir service

The kids choir sings their first service of the year tonight, and I'm anxious. I just took some Valium so I can stand up in front of people and direct, assuming anyone shows up and is willing to sing. I hate making a fool of myself, and I know the situation is not good. But here goes. It doesn't really matter, but I'm anxious anyway.I'll finish this post after services; keep your fingers crossed for me...I'm back, and services went well. About a dozen kids sang, and they did a nice job for their

Guest

Guest

 

Communicating with your loved ones

As we all know, a lot of our loved ones in real life don't really understand what I'm going through. Recently I was infuriated with my boyfriend for handing me useless platitudes while I was on the brink of suicide.I wanted to break up with him right there and then, believe me.But I calmed down and told him exactly what he did to hurt me. He cried and apologized and said he was having a hard time dealing with this. I know that of course, but it's just so annoying when people tell you to rela

Guest

Guest

 

Recorded Delivery

Thursday we didn't have ARt Therapy as the therapist is off on holiday. Instead we mooched around. I looked through old cards/letters from ex-members of the TC. Kept some and added them to the scrap book we have. It is filling up with cards etc from ex-TC members saying how it is for them once they have left. This can be quite uplifting, especially if one is feeling a bit down and not very hopeful about life. I had to phone the gas boiler people to come and look at the boiler as its got an

Guest

Guest

 

End of My Winning Streak

Fell off the wagon. Was depressed. Swallowed 6 rivotrils to sleep. Then decided to drink alone. then invited friends who didn't know i took the rivs. We went out to an art gallery launch and apparently I was swayinng on my feet and passed out right there. I have absolutely no memory of even leaving my apartment. I woke up wondering why I was so dressed because when they came over I was in sweats.I am hating myself right now. I'm so disappointed. After being clean for 3 months. I let mys

Guest

Guest

 

June 25, 2005

So finally, I blog.A big step for me. It kinda means that I am no longer just passin' thru the DF, but that I have unpacked my bags for a long stay.My depression came out of the blue in January. Something apparently runs in the family, and I must've had the perfect storm of triggers to push me over the edge (China trip, newly adopted daughter, intestinal infection, major business changes, Grandma breakin' a hip, daughter having a flu seizure, etc.) Just a bit more than the usual stress, that'

Guest

Guest

Announcements

×
×
  • Create New...