What we do matters.
They are real souls, the 10 people who are watching DF, who are so scared of the stigma, imprisoned at 'home' to such a degree, or hurting so deeply.....
10 are watching at any given moment for every 1 who dared to even sign up anonymously.
If you read this, you probably have encouraged at least one person anonymously, with nothing to gain, just out of love.
And for every 1, there were really 10, check out 'Activity/All Users' to see for yourself.
I made it around my 3/4 mile loop. It took me 15 minutes, and I still had some ankle pain near the end, but I did it. I am hoping to be able to do that every day. I don't know how long I'll have to keep it up before I can extend time or distance. I guess when I get to the point where I don't have any ankle/heel pain or discomfort, I'll extend it. I hate leaving it that open, because it's too easy to just keep delaying progress.
Wednesday, May 12th .81 miles/16 minutes (Gojira)
Gallows humor today, in honor of Monday in all its cursed glory. Once more on the treadmill we go. This meme is almost too true to be funny; I literally cannot get to sleep at night until I come to terms with the fact that I will wake up in the morning - with no money to do anything that brings me joy despite full time job responsibilities that put me around people 8 hours a day five days a week ad nauseum. I love what I do - if I could do it in the complete absence of people, my job would be
Wow...another year gone by and still the chaos resounds.
I am beginning to think that I am crazier than I thought. Functional crazy? Is that a thing? Oh I could list the things that ail me but to what purpose? Physical, mental, emotional.... it doesn't really matter does it.
How does a fighting spirit stop fighting? Reacting, responding, trying to explain... it all just makes it worse.
I am so angry and sad and feel so belittled and persecuted. Apparently.
Damnit. Just w
I've been using CBD Oil in my Vape. I've noticed that when I go up in the milligrams, it works better and quicker. I began with 200mg. Then 300mg. Now I'm at 500mg and I noticed a huge difference.
A difference in my physical pain level. It's helping the pain to not be as intense.
A difference in anxiety. I feel more confident to be able to go out of the house because the anxiety has decreased with the use of CBD Oil.
Even depression isn't as severe.
I hope they keep doing research
I have some scary news. Sort-of. Well, if you have read my other blog posts, I think I mentioned I have a spine condition that … well.. has no cure.
I had surgery on my Lumbar Spine (lower back) to fuse the bone on two levels. I have titanium rods and screws in it.
The scary news is that my neck has been giving me trouble lately. I've already got a pinched nerve which causes my entire right arm to go numb and tingly if I do not take my medication for it. Well, I'll soon be
You want what you want, I get it. I do, too. But it takes a stable mind to dissect the reasons you want what you want, and you, my cherished friend, do not currently possess a stable mind.
So let’s take a look. What do you want right now?
You want to die. I know that is a given, because this thought has been sitting in your brain for so long that the world seems built around it. You can’t leave the house without thinking of it, can’t survive an hour in your dark bedroom without caressi
I should be heading into work right now, but fuck it. Mornings are Monday.... a few hours of Monday hell every morning. Though I have to admit it has gotten somewhat better since I started taking the anti-anxiety meds. My depression has gotten pretty bad - I have many more days staring into the face of death and wondering why I'm playing hard to get... I can say that here, because you guys understand it on a visceral level, you know? I literally got up this morning so I
Got this online and want to put it somewhere:
Think of the amazing things in your life. Think of your family / caring friends / or anything else you value. Be grateful.
Think about what has upset you. Know that it could have been much worse. Visualise the worst case scenario and allow yourself to feel better. This is not that bad.
Imagine this difficult situation happening to someone you love. If your best friend is going through the same thing, what advice would you give them? H
so nothing like a good ole weekend with family to reinforce in your little head that you are a loser. We got together for a bridal shower for my cousin who was the only other one in my family like me...almost 40, quiet, reserved and not dating....but yup she is getting married....she is already pregnant and she is beyond happy, and im happy for her, but yes it really hurts my heart. my aunts joked with my little 25 yr old cousin that shes next! im not even thought about...they all gave up on me.
Just wanted to update anyone who might accidentally give a f*ck or two.... I have been experiencing quite an irritating amount of heal and ankle pain in my left foot. To the point that I can barely walk. I talked to my doc and he says plantar fasciitis. I've got some shoe insoles he recommended, and I'm looking at exercises for my foot. I hope I can get back into walking soon. I may have to start out much slower than I want to. I think I might need to build up to what I was doing (20-25mins
My life always used to feel like a comeback trail... like I was in this state of disaster and needed to fight my way out.
Then I had around a year or two of feeling like I was just surviving (at best). And, well, that was up until a few days ago, so who knows, maybe I'll fall back into it.
But I don't feel like that anymore.
I feel awake.
I've been slowly fixing things up in my life for a long time, but now it's just on another level.
Years ago I use
So for a little while now I have been going on about a charity fight. Well the 7th June was the fight and I managed to raise just over £5000.00 for MacMillan Cancer Support (A Charitable Trust close to my heart).
Just now recovering from the match. I received a few injuries 😄
Lacerated Spleen causing small internal bleeding*** being monitored for this currently, also harder to breathe***
Black Eye and Concussion (I was knocked down once in the mach. An amazing Left Hook. Evidence
WOW. So, now I am in charge of social media marketing strategy for three clients! A BIG CHANGE!!!!!! I am very flattered I was given this responsibility! I will still carry my other digital marketing role, but it will now be split between the two.
All I had to do was present to my team a few concrete ideas on how it should be done, and voila! I was given the responsibility. I am sure it helps that I have a FB page for business and am very successful with it.
But I am VERY happy that I
I discovered I Prevail recently. I've heard their music for awhile now, but never really listened to anything that wasn't already on the radio. They are amazing. I think their music speaks to me in ways that no other band really does. I'm looking forward to seeing them this summer. When I listen to a lot of their music, I see myself. I see the struggle with depression. I see the struggle with figuring out where I belong in the world. I'm seeing them at a rock festival this summer, and they were
I see open doors and invitations I don't want.
Feeling out of place.
I hate when the only opportunities around are ones that lead to things I already did and want to move away from.
Yet I feel like I'm missing out on this past life.
The egg is not hatching.
The baby is not coming out.
It died in the womb.
It is decomposing and poisoning the host.
Whatever state it is in, it needs to come out.
In the meantime I live the vanilla proletariat life.
I'm sending the wrong signals a
I wish I could go back in time. I'm sure everyone does. I know it wouldn't change my depression. But maybe it would change where I am now. I like where I live, but I feel trapped. If I could go back in time, I'd go back to college and major in something else. I'd change where I went to college. Even though the college I went to sent me to Alaska twice (which, by the way, is my favorite place in the world), and I probably never would have gone had I not gotten an internship, which led me to a job
Lately I've been reading the Bible and books on Buddhism and stuff. Yet life is pretty boring. My chronic stomach disease has got a bit better thanks to medication, but still not what I'd like it to be.
I'm going to need tremendous strength to dig myself out of this one.
That responsibility bestowed upon me weighs like a ton.
Strength that I have never, and will never have the capability to possess.
But, they'd never believe me, if I were to confess.
Regardless they'd like to believe it's possible.
But I am, and never once have been that able.
The only way for me to escape this now,
Is to leave it all behind me and let freedom allow,
i know worth isnt based on how others treat you, but at the same time, I lack feeling worthy cause im so alone. no one reaches out to me, no one talks to me, i feel very unliked and unloveable to the point of feeling unworthy. sometimes i lie in bed at night and pray to god to please let my one and only wish in life of being a mom come true, then i downplay it and ask for at least to have someone love me if i dont truly deserve to be a mom, and then i think, if i dont deserve a spouse or compani
Thank you for waking up to see another day. Thank you for my abled eyes to see. Thank you for my limbs I can use without difficulties. Thank you for letting me be able to breathe. Thank you for money in my bank account. Thank you for the roof over my head. Thank you for my ears I can hear with. Thank you for food in my fridge. Thank you for my car that I can use to drive to places. Thank you for the practice of gratitude. Thank you for moments of positive feelings as I’m feeling at the moment. T