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  • GSpolar

    Does it matter?

    By GSpolar

    What we do matters.   They are real souls, the 10 people who are watching DF, who are so scared of the stigma, imprisoned at 'home' to such a degree, or hurting so deeply..... 10 are watching at any given moment for every 1 who dared to even sign up anonymously. If you read this, you probably have encouraged at least one person anonymously, with nothing to gain, just out of love.   And for every 1, there were really 10, check out 'Activity/All Users' to see for yourself.  
    • 17 comments
    • 6,399 views
 

Week One

Total Isolation seems to be going well. We haven't seen another living soul since Wednesday and as much as that is weird, it also isn't the worst thing. I tried Facetime a couple of times but I really couldn't be bothered with it. I'm not sure why that is other than maybe it is still surreal enough to want to be really embracing the new reality. Home education is going swimmingly. Ruby is teaching my mathematics and, like her dad, is helpfully there to remind me that my left hand is no

Gisele

Gisele

 

Conservative Values

Trigger warning I am not a conservative person myself but I have seen the decline of conservative values. What I mean is this is the party that abolished slavery and many of these descendents went on to be champions great athletes or performers. It was a party of free markets, free speech, free thought, tough but fair love, agree to disagree and competition to sharpen eachother. Now the party is the party of sexual assaults, corporate welfare, anticompetitive monoplies, a facade o

Evergreenforst4

Evergreenforst4

 

Of Crap and Men

My blogs are crap. All I am doing is spewing out the malady, the emptiness and futility that are the basic elements of my very essence. Other than that there is nothing.  Moving on..   I have no aspirations or dreams. I have no skill sets to put in to use. No interests to pursue. My attempts to study(they are legion and have amounted to absolutely nothing) have shown to me that I will never amount to much. I drift through life aimlessly. I have had anger issues most of m

samadhiSheol

samadhiSheol

 

Sometimes, Love Hurts.

Sometimes, Love Hurts. And sometimes, when we love someone, we may need to let them hurt us.  I think most parents with grown children will 'get' me.  As a parent, you will reach a stage in your child's life, generally some point after they strike out on their own (or semi-on-their-own), where your child begins to work through all the not-so-great decisions you made/did not make in their life.  They will generally decide, at least for a while, that you are the most toxic being on the planet

20YearsandCounting

20YearsandCounting

 

Behind the Urals

I think the crack that mattered might have appeared when I was reading the Worksafe directions for preparing my office for pandemic prevention. My office is less than three months old, employs two people other than me and, since I still don't know how well I'm going to fare at making a working life out of sailing my own ship, and because I cannot help myself, I decided to put a premium on office style. No substance? We'll soon see.but in the meantime at least enjoy my impeccable surrounds. 

Gisele

Gisele

 

Conflicted

I'm somewhere between giving up, and being ready to dig deep and make some changes. To start with, I'm in the same trouble as everyone else seems to be at the moment. Coronavirus has hit where I live, we're in lockdown, and overnight my industry (including the two small businesses that I own/operate) is devestated, maybe irreperably. Honestly, I think if I really keep my head, I can find a way provided some extremely minimal government assistance. Honestly, all I need is unemployment benefi

MrMisery

MrMisery

 

Contagion and Canesten

Fear. Its contagious. I wasnt that worried. For a while. Here and there i would get a little bit nervous with my thoughts of what if. But always able to get past it easily. Just picked up a few extra things here and there. We figured there was going to be some hoarding so why not have a few things right? Last week i went to Costco because all of a sudden, the stories started to grow and i thought maybe we should actually stock up. Because it was the first day where we were planning to

Natasha1

Natasha1

 

Hell

..is when you realize life is empty and void of reason. When you fail time and time again to give any reason to your existence. And realize the effort, any effort, is pointless.   ..is when you want to end your life but are too much of a pu ssy to do it.  

samadhiSheol

samadhiSheol

 

Perv-spective

Red pill/Blue pill. Matrix. Deja vu. I’m sure I have written about this before. Oh well. Rinse and repeat. It wasn’t so much the actual movie as the concept of questioning reality. When is life (not) worth living? What “reality” do we live in? You see boys and girls, I can only see things in terms of Big Picture. The minutiae of life are actually lost to me. The details. Don’t. Interest me. Cause that is where the devil is. Once you have seen the world/life/existence from

samadhiSheol

samadhiSheol

 

Pandemic Suggestion Box

Dear World, To help us better manage the scourge, could we please, 1. Get a touching elbows emoji. This is now urgent 2. Notice how our children are coping and promote that as the working model. It's just adults that embarrass us all.  3. Enough already with war analogies. There is no glory. It is not the enemy. It is a virus. It  is especially odd and coolly ironic how the USA in particular loves these references, given how they have not won a war since 1945. We can only hop

Gisele

Gisele

 

Self hate/pointlessness. Again.

I pretty much said it all in the title. I am a misanthropic miserable old pessimist and I see no reason to change my take of things life or people. The thing is though, I have even more of a problem with myself. I see nothing worth saving in my self and I am at a loss as to what kind of person I could even like(as myself or anyone else for that matter).  Yet I keep wondering, could there still be something out there to make all this ..living worth while. But I don't even know what

samadhiSheol

samadhiSheol

 

The Lunar Eclipse of Perspective

Hmmm....we're all ****ed, apparently. Or we're not. Big congrats to Hong Kong, Taiwan and Singapore for figuring this out.  As for me, everyone else can get all frothed up. I'm here in Positivity Land dwelling on the many, many, positive things. In no particular order then, 1. There is a chance Peter Dutton  might die. I don't wish him ill but won't mind in the slightest if a virus has lined him up 2. Possums, cats, horses, sheep and a goat can't get it.  3. I might die

Gisele

Gisele

 

Antiman

I have been thinking about blogging here again for quite some time, but I kept putting it off.  I just don't feel motivated to do much of anything, much less blogging again.  My world has shrunk down to almost npthing.  People I worked with for a decade now pass me by as if I'm a stranger.  I haven't seen or heard from the few friends I had in a very long time.  I am now alone.  I guess I feel as free as I can now, no longer living in fear of social interactions. But...I can't escape sorrow

DeeBear

DeeBear

 

CoronaVirus Anxiety

My whole company is now working from home. My husband is still working his job. My anxiety is starting to go through the roof over the Corona virus. Everything in my state is shutting down left and right, the store shelves are empty, and it feels like the apocalypse.  If and when my husband can no longer work, we lose his income and therefore cannot afford our rent and bills. We will have to take out a bank loan in that case, and go further into debt.  I am very scared. I am also sick

RiverLight

RiverLight

 

Bitter and Twisted

I've been angry and bitter  most of my life. I don't live, I just exist. I have come to realize I don't like other people much either. I despise myself and humanity in general. I have felt like this as long as I remember. I don't think life is worth the effort, I don't think I have ever felt anything really worth the effort.  I have just floated through existence. I feel no pull to anything, no passion for anything. I feel more alive than dead.  If it wasn't for this anger and pen

samadhiSheol

samadhiSheol

 

Real Talk

What do I matter? What is there left to do?   This isn't me wallowing in misery. I mean, I'm right there... but I'm not lost here. I just am here.   I don't see what there is that I can do that I can do, that I have not spent years doing. I don't see what I can give, that I have not already. I have poured my heart and soul into my life, and the people within it. None of it matters. If I go now, a couple of people need to learn to cope without, and they can.    

MrMisery

MrMisery

 

Running away

from problems. Sometimes I find myself saying I hate myself I don't want to live anymore. On better days, I would reply those thoughts with, I hate these problems in life I don't want to face all these problems in life. But what choice do I have. None. Zero. Zilch. Gotto force myself. But still, I have to fight. As tired as I am, as tiring as this world gets, but still, I have to fight. I'm gonna take a three months break from here, like the many breaks I have taken over my 10 years here. Gotto
 

I Dreamed Of You

I've always dreamed. And last night it was perfect. How can i dream of you when i have my own life and family? Why did I dream of you? At least they werent in existence there. That would be complicated, confusing and hurtful. You were aloof. Then you wrote. Seven pages. You looked at me from across the room and i closed them even though they were loose pages. I have no idea what they said, even now as I am awake. And then the perfection began to weave and connect. Stitch

Natasha1

Natasha1

 

Conflicted, I think.

It has been a while and it has been a wild roller coaster ride, from the highest of high to the lowest of low. From nearly dropping out of School to a perfect GPA; from nearly quitting my job and attempting to  take my life to finding back the meaning of my work; from having nightmares every night to finding thrills from the success of trying something new - what a ride! There have been good days. Yet, I am unsure if I am okay or not okay when I was asked how I was doing earlier today. I ha

sirenZ

sirenZ

 

Gotto learn from my mistakes

This morning, hubby left baby on bed and expected me who is half asleep to take care of her. I stupidly fell back asleep and woke up to a very loud crash and baby wailing like a siren on the floor. Mil rushed into the room and took baby away. Hubby was shaking his head at me in disappointment.  What else can i do but cry. Afraid of people’s judgement, i just left the house and now the whole scene keeps repeating in my head over my stupidity and fear if baby is ok or is there a bump on her h
 

Martian Envy

So the world is running out of toilet paper. Say that out loud a few times if you dare and see if you don't start to wonder whether we, as a species, even deserve to survive.  The bad news is the federal electorate in which I live was the first to exhaust its shelves of this now precious commodity. That means I am surrounded by selfish _____. Beyond that, it's all rather funny. There's some good memes in a crisis, especially an imaginary one but the one I saw of a Collingwood scarf rolled a

Gisele

Gisele

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