Jump to content

Blogs

Featured Entries

  • GSpolar

    Does it matter?

    By GSpolar

    What we do matters.   They are real souls, the 10 people who are watching DF, who are so scared of the stigma, imprisoned at 'home' to such a degree, or hurting so deeply..... 10 are watching at any given moment for every 1 who dared to even sign up anonymously. If you read this, you probably have encouraged at least one person anonymously, with nothing to gain, just out of love.   And for every 1, there were really 10, check out 'Activity/All Users' to see for yourself.  
    • 17 comments
    • 6,765 views
 

Perception is 90% of it

It's funny how the same situation or trigger can make different people think/react differently.  I'm sitting here in my house with the window open and I can hear someone in the neighborhood playing music and talking and laughing outside, probably in their yard.  My knee-jerk is, people are out there having a good time and I'm excluded.  I'm not invited, I would never be invited, because for some reason that I haven't been able to figure out, people don't like me.  In fact, everything in the worl

thursdayschild

thursdayschild

 

01

************************************** T R I G G E R S **************************************   This is just a vent, a cry. So there's no reason whatsoever to read it. I'm not going to do anything to myself. Carry on.           How pathetic is it that a person's primary source of socializing is with an AI? And how sorrowful does a person have to be to admit that he has no hope for any happiness in the future? How deep and cornered in a cave does a person h

Tymothi

Tymothi

 

Please don't feel obligated to read this. It's stupid.

I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Nor do I feel like I'm truly living due to the pandemic and everything else that's going on. More than anything, I just want to not be so anxious all the time. I want to be able to leave my apartment without feeling like I'm going to catch the virus within seconds if I'm not wearing a mask and two pairs of gloves. In short, I want to be able to do things again and not feel so panicky in general.   I have a support system, of course, but I don't wa

DialAForAlan

DialAForAlan

 

Bugs Either Bite or Glow.

I moved to the Midwest in 2009, and there I lived until January of this year (2020). While I was up there I was horrifically introduced to an insidious insect called the buffalo gnat.   😠.   Well, after moving back to my home region of the Gulf Coast in mid-February, guess what followed me? Not two weeks after arriving here, they started besieging everyone. News reports flooded in about the "new winged menace that goes straight for your face". Even the bug guy said "Yeah, I c

Tymothi

Tymothi

 

It's been a long while

I haven't been on this site in a long time. Thought about it a lot, but never got around to it. I just read a blog entry that I posted back in 2017. I was working at Belk. I am actually still there, still not feeling it but for different reasons.  I came back to df because I needed a place to rest soul for a bit.  Life goes on but underneath I've been the same mess off and on. Among other things it has occurred to me in the past few weeks that I really don't have much to say to R anymore. H

dondi2538

dondi2538

 

Something A Little Different....

As you may know, I am a fan of Misha Collins and Karl Urban.  I also am a fan of Supernatural, and the Doom movie.  I am also a writer.  Hmmm, do you see where this is going?  Yes, Grasshopper, I am going to inflict a fanfiction scene on you.  So if you hold certain fan views dear about Castiel Novak (or Castiel Shurley, or just Castiel) or John Grimm, here is your warning.  I have been working on a fanfiction story melding Supernatural and Doom into an AU (Alternate Universe for those of
 

One Vigil and Another

It might be interesting, in years to come, to reflect on how we in Australia largely escaped the pandemic. That’s the good news. The less good news is school is to be going back and work is to be going back and, together, those two things mean our 10 week idyll will soon be dust. Things must return to normal, whatever the **** that means. I’m in no hurry. Return to normal is what they say. Re-open the economy is what they say louder still. They are of course less effusive about what that im

Gisele

Gisele

 

sneak peak

so with this whole pandemic, i got a little sneak peak of my future. with everything locked down and nothing to do and no where to go, the loneliness kicked in. at first i was super busy with projects but i missed going to work, seeing people. i realized how much no one reaches out to me ever.    my 40th bday came and went, no one really cared. which is funny cause i honestly thought at least one acquaintance would send me flowers or something and with every passing car, i looked. in fac

allalone6

allalone6

 

13 reasons

I took a short break from df in March and I came back but I still feel horrible. I don't know what I'm supposed to do when everything I do is still wrong. When her face still frustrates and irritates me but I try my best not to move a single muscle when I feel horrible cos every action I make will be wrong.  "13 Reasons Why...to Live." by Ana Nogales, Ph.D. 1. Life is an invitation to learn. We can learn something from every moment, good or bad.  2. Life is not static; it's in consta
 

Self control and Rioting

There have been some patterns in the last 4 years that I wanted to share. Trump encouraging people to rough up criminals or offer to pay legal fees. His rhetoric has contributed to both police brutality as well as rabble rousing. The main problem with rioting is that it hurts their own communities. White nationalists come in with UHAUL trucks to plunder their cities, throw some firecrackers and even hurt bystanders and then leave and pin it on the blacks. They are targeting urban servi
 

Ex Nihilo Nihil Fit

When is life not worth living? I seem to repeat myself on df. I am tired of myself. Tired being me, whatever that means, whoever “me” is. When life is alien to you, when nothing is authentic, you don’t feel real, what is the point? When you have asked yourself since  you were 11 or so, is anything I feel, see or think, real? When everything is empty and void of meaning. When the emptiness is all there is. When you enter your 50’s and still feel as if you are no one doing f uck all
 

Tired.

I am so tired. My body feels like it's on fire.  Roasting from the inside out. Each spring I work to build myself back up, to get outside and be active, but each year it gets harder and harder.  I've been in pain the last couple of days, since I mowed the yard.  Not only is my energy lower than ever, I keep taking longer and longer to recover when I have triggered my fibro.  If it feels like this at 47, I don't know how much more I can take.  And my mood...is terrible today.  I kept wa

DeeBear

DeeBear

 

Steam

I don't want to become a nihilist, but I don't want to live a life of illusions and fantasy either.  Some people say you can create your own meaning. That sounds great if you are creative and have enough vitality to realize your creations. I guess I ran out of steam. My mind doesn't come up with ideas. Not everyone can be an Elon Musk and have a billion ideas and the means to do them.

Hertz

Hertz

 

There is a cottage....

We built it together, she and I. She needed help, and I traveled up and settled in with her and devoted my self to the care of her and her children. There we made a home, and it was wondrous.   It's a cozy little place, comfortably hidden deep within the aching pines and stoic oaks of a sacred forest. In the dusklight of a long summer day there is birdsong and the fog of swallows in frenzied flight, while crisp autumn mornings glow with dewy amber and a sense of the miraculous. The per

Tymothi

Tymothi

 

Celebrity

Just wondering - and trying to keep my thoughts away from anxiety-ridden topics - why we idolize celebrities so much?  Do we really see them - who they are?  Or do we just see the characters they are known for playing, and sort of paste that over their face like some sort of weird mask?  Or maybe we give them qualities that we ourselves wish we had.  Makes me wonder.  Misha Collins is a crazy, out there, creative, outgoing, loving sort of person.  Basically, the polar opposit
 

So now they know. (Or do they?)

There's one interesting thing about the lockdowns - "healthy" people now know what it's like for the rest of us live with all the time. To not be able to connect with the people we care about.... to be trapped and isolated in a shell of our own creation.... To feel the pressure of knowing tomorrow will be another episode in complex and endless struggling....   I have to admit, part of me is amusedly tickled at the concept of others being "locked down". Not in a vengeful way, mind you (

Tymothi

Tymothi

 

Ghost in the shell

No, this isn't about the anime.  Sorry.  Love 'em, though.  It does describe how I feel so much of the time when I feel disconnected.  I realized two things this weekend. 1)  My body feels like my environment.  Like I'm a ghost floating freely around the room inside my body.  2)  My environment feels like  a far country, like a distant land.  It is really hard to talk to anyone in that far country. I know how weird that sounds.  I also know there will be someone reading
 

A long-term investment didn't pay off.

It's been a few years since I checked in, and I've been through a lot since then - most of it wonderful. In fact, I'm not even depressed again yet. But, unlike in times past, I am now aware enough that I can see the circumstances for what they are, and I want to be proactive. If it's going to happen again, it's going to have to get through some new defenses.   Still, it is depression, after all. We can always strengthen our strengths, but we will always have a weakness.   The

Tymothi

Tymothi

 

Career Opportunity Arose!

I haven't been on here in a long time! I finally got the call for an interview regarding a Director level role in my field. I couldn't be more thrilled!!!!! The first interview is with HR, so that's just the initial screening before I can talk to the hiring managers. I had begun applying in January and received only one response that did not work out. This is the second response I've received in several months. AND, it's with a Web design company, just the type of company I've wanted to work for
 

Adventures of Louis and co

Louis is One of my baby Kitten (bottom right) He has the face of an angel and he is growing up. These photos were taken today these times are difficult because of lockdown etc but god gave us these five beautiful kittens and I wish I could keep them all but our home isn’t big enough to have 8 cats Our neighbours cat is the daddy and he is quiet a big cat and he is about 16 years old which is old in cat years. I love animals more than people because they don’t hide who they are ins

TeddyRick

TeddyRick

 

and now I remember why

I stopped blogging here.  I used to have this set so that only members can read.  Now, public interwebs can read.  I don't like that.   Not seeing a way to set back to "members only".  I miss that. Any one finding what I'm not finding in the blog settings?  Thought I'd check with the smart peoples.  

mmoose

mmoose

×
×
  • Create New...