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  • GSpolar

    Does it matter?

    By GSpolar

    What we do matters.   They are real souls, the 10 people who are watching DF, who are so scared of the stigma, imprisoned at 'home' to such a degree, or hurting so deeply..... 10 are watching at any given moment for every 1 who dared to even sign up anonymously. If you read this, you probably have encouraged at least one person anonymously, with nothing to gain, just out of love.   And for every 1, there were really 10, check out 'Activity/All Users' to see for yourself.  
    • 19 comments
    • 8,582 views

Black and Blue

WARNING. For want of a better expression perhaps but also quite literally, this is a day trip through physical self-harm. Despite being here for a very long time, I still have no clue what anyone else’s threshold for that sort of thing is but what follows has the potential to test that. If you are vulnerable, please do not read on. And stay safe.        I was going to write about what follows or something like it last time I was here. I didn’t because I got a bit coy. That is

Gisele

Gisele in Blah

a door has officially closed

I havent written in almost a year cause well, whats the point. ive been dealing with my own issues internally. What brought me back was that my best friend for 27 years died in an accident last weekend. the one friend who knew my deepest darkest secrets, the one who i could, and have, shared with, my worst thoughts. Our friendship had its up and downs, sometimes i didnt know where i stood with her, and times where i felt she didnt care, (and vice versa cause she struggled with mental health too)

allalone6

allalone6 in thoughts

Nice Try "Sweetie"

Lol! Aw....is the pore widdle baby's gaslighting attempt not working? Awwwww pore widdle baby... Gaslight away "honey" You suck at selling, as nobody is buying.  🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Natasha1

Natasha1 in Slowly Dying

Closing a cycle

Now that I figured out what to do with my life path number, it hasn't been stalking me everywhere I go and it's now a new number that has to do with balance.  Karmic justice. Phew. I did a past life reading that supports my past life regression vision. Supports my theory on a major fear that I have in life as well as my kid's severe aversion to a specific thing.  Things are becoming so clear. My recent breakdown was all part of my awakening. It started last fall. Was a yoyo journe

Natasha1

Natasha1 in Slowly Dying

Dad "visited" again

Dad came to me after my request and hypnosis routine. He sent me numbers that break down to my life path numbers. *sigh* 13 (Death Card) and 4 (The Emperor Card). I do know what my life purpose is and I was also a healer in my past lives but I don't want to end what I feel I'm supposed to end in this life. I've come too far and worked on that part of my life.  The Universe doesn't owe me squat, I know, but I the mere human in me still believes a karmic reward is in order lol. I gu

Natasha1

Natasha1 in Slowly Dying

Promises Promises

Today it is time to start channeling again. Yesterday's meditation did wonders. So many synchronicities and signs.  Last night's dreams were full of things to address. I was blocked because I was blocking. I wasn't listening.  I woke up to a request today. Was amazing. So I can help someone today too.  First step  look at the dreams, meditation and collective readings  then help her. It's time to turn things around now. The promised transformation is happening. I like this pr

Natasha1

Natasha1 in Slowly Dying

I had a curse on my career, and now it's removed

My personal Angels told me, once I asked, that I had a curse on my career, so I had them remove it.  Well, now, this makes PERFECT sense to me, because I've had one misfortune after another with my career throughout my entire life. I have felt that a force beyond myself and within the universe was at play. A negative force. And there was!!!!  I had been told two years ago as well that there was a curse by an astrologist/spiritualist. I did a curse removal ritual to get rid of it, but i

RiverLight

RiverLight in Employment

Stardate....it doesnt matter

The problem with depression groups is that we all worry that we will say something that triggers someone into irrevocable decisions. This isn't one of those.  I am not responsible for anyone else and they aren't responsible for me.  My world is a confining and crushing space where only I exist.  I wanted to touch others but can't.  No one exists as more than a tv show supporting character.. All i felt love for were fake creations of my dreams.   Why are we here but to pay for

Break

Life is amazing. And then it’s awful. And then it’s amazing again. And in between the amazing and the awful,  it’s ordinary and mundane and routine.  Breathe in the amazing, hold on through  the awful, and relax and exhale  during the ordinary. That’s just living. Heartbreaking, soul-healing, amazing,  awful, ordinary life. And it’s  breathtakingly beautiful. -LR Knost    I need another 6 month break from here. I’m taking a 6 month break from IG too. Hopefully reduci

Depressedgurl007

Depressedgurl007 in Hi

Fiefdom

It has been a while I have been the best I have ever been, that’s why. Mostly, at least and the exceptions are ripples not waves. I really don’t know why that keeps me away because I like wellness and reading all about it. I just can’t seem to not be a hypocrite. Sharing wellness in a place that exists for the unwell is both the point and so not the point. And that makes sense. And it doesn’t. I wouldn’t after all show my friend, who survived breast cancer, film and (probably even the)

Gisele

Gisele in Blog Entry

It's coming. Maybe.

It's coming. Maybe. I was slated for age 70. 22 years is a bit to wait. But I have been asking Spirit to take me sooner. I haven't even been giving readings anymore. Giving readings and helping people always helped me. My clairaudience is quieting down though.  My dreams are prophetic. I haven't meditated on some of them yet so at this point I am unsure of it's an awakening/transformation or a literal death. I am meeting with a urologist in 2 months. So it's possible that Spi

Stuck Between a Rock and a Hard Place (??)

I hate my job and I want to leave it SO badly. I am interviewing with a company right now that wreaks of eery similarity to a nightmare company I had to leave after only 5 short weeks of employment, except for the position itself. I am waiting to schedule the final round of interviews and my mother tells me to be extremely cautious. IF I get the job offer, I feel I have to take it given my misery in my current company. This may all be null and void because I may not get an offer, but if I do, I

The End

Yeah, not meant for me Leave what no longer serves me? Spirit says die alone   Tell me dear Spirit Why was it given at all Oh the damned contract?   The one signed in blood? Or  tears from my tired soul? When sent to this hole   My soul is tired  Spirit please make it stop now Have I not learned yet,?   Past life regressions Showed me so much that was done That no one should see   Why give me this

Why do bad things always happen to me?

I've been in a toxic work environment for 2.5 years in total. I was laid off a year ago and they hired me back on this past April. I came back to escape a far worse environment that I desperately needed to escape from. So I went from one bad company back to another. Why does this seem to always happen to me? I've had the WORST luck with jobs - over and over and over again, I land in a toxic work environment, with bully bosses and/or bullying co-workers.  Since being hired back on, my former

RiverLight

RiverLight in Employment

Tarot Warned Me

I wasn't listening. Something I have always been proud of is I could do readings on myself objectively. I should work on opening up and developing my clairaudience more and get my other clairs past their infancy stage.  At least I am able to help other people but who is going to help me? All I have ever wanted in this life isn't meant for me. The cards told me. My dreams as well. Spirit doesn't want me to have what I want.  I THINK im seeing what my life purpose is but it's still prett

Natasha1

Natasha1 in Slowly Dying

Love and forgive myself. Again.

I keep trying n I keep trying n I keep trying but for what???? There’s no results!!!! Is there??!! I don’t know what to do. Waking up crying is really one of the worst feeling ever. I don’t want to live. Again. And again. And again. I don’t understand why I keep coming back to this train of thoughts. The thoughts of wanting to die but I’m stuck here on this earth cos I’m a coward. Why! Is it something I will never understand but I just need to accept it as a part of my life?? Want it or not

Depressedgurl007

Depressedgurl007 in Hi

I'm a Pilot like Grandpa!

I’m a Pilot like Grandpa! I said excitedly to my mother over the phone. She said, “Your Grandpa was never a pilot. Your Grandma was the pilot!” I said, “But I saw airplane models in his office, and he was always talking about flying.” “That is true but your Grandpa was a businessman and didn’t have time to go to pilots school. He sent your Grandma to flight school, and she became a commercial pilot.”, she said grinning. I thought “Wow”. I was more proud than ever

Bbqdad

Bbqdad in AKWriter

What (or Who) is my big why for living?

What (or Who) is my big why for living? I want to be a Grandpa and Dad that is present in the lives of my children and their children and live close so that I get called upon to do baby-sitting and host backyard BBQs. You see 20 years ago I made a terrible decision to pursue a high paying job on the opposite coast. I moved 3000 miles away and it put a chasm between me and my kids. I had chosen a career over family after being divorced. I achieved a modest level of success but los

Bbqdad

Bbqdad in Family

When I want to die, I read this letter

Love ❤️ letter to Bbqdad Dear bbqdad, You are your best friend and you are awesome!  A great dad that built memories with your children camping, soccer practices and chili 🌶 contests. E is your chili taster and C is your biggest fan. You are still their hero. Right now you are either outta control on a 30,000 foot high running for Senator or a 12 feet under low hopeless, lost and alone. At least that is what it seems, but that is not who you are as a person.  You ha

Bbqdad

Bbqdad in Family

Song: I am a Poet

On July 17, 2018 I went to the Forest Country Fair in Girdwood, Alaska. It is a place where people come to hear live music in Alaska's version of Woodstock. I camped in my truck near the music performance stages and local store. Girdwood is kind of a hippy town and home to a lot of women with alternative lifestyles. I say that only because I was manic and thought maybe I will hook up with some herbal friendly chick.  About dinner time I had a campfire going and a pot of coffee brewing. That is w

Bbqdad

Bbqdad in AKWriter

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