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Fear dominated my life…

Hello, I am finally willing to open up about my experiences with depression. I know it gives me hope and comfort reading others stories and I hope to help whoever I can. so here goes… I am a 31 year old mother of two, happily married, got a great job, a wonderful mother and father, a brother whom I am close to, and have a great life in general.

finallyhopeful is a member of Depression forums

Hello, I am finally willing to open up about my experiences with depression. I know it gives me hope and comfort reading others stories and I hope to help whoever I can. so here goes… I am a 31 year old mother of two, happily married, got a great job, a wonderful mother and father, a brother whom I am close to, and have a great life in general. But I am bouncing back after my second major depressive episode.

When I was 26 I had my first. This is something I would not wish on anyone. I have also suffered from panic disorder, generalized anxiety, hypochondria, and OCD. Personally I think much of it goes hand in hand for me. The depression is the worst by far. I say “have suffered” because right now I’m doing wonderful. But I have been in despair, I know the feelings of darkness and disgust. Extreme guilt (for no particular reason), negativity, deep sorrow and hopelessness. I think for me hopelessness was the worst. To feel there is no way out of this , no hope of ever seeing joy again, is misery. Depression does so much more than make you feel down in the dumps. It presents as a whole different perception of reality. A reality I wanted to escape from but no matter how hard I worked at it, I just couldn’t. A reality that lied to me. A reality that is full of pain and distorted, and even though I went through it once before, I was drawn into it again. Fear dominated my life…fear that I would lose my mind, fear of losing my life, fear of what terrible feelings I would have the next morning, fear of living.

For me medication has changed my life. I have become “well” again. and I am so thankful for that. I think every one person is different. some need medication, some need therapy, some need both. There is always a speck of hope whether you feel it or not. Somewhere deep inside its there. There is always a purpose somewhere. It may take some digging, pulling, crying, wrestling to find it. But its there. think about it…If this disease owned you, if your life meant nothing, then you would not feel so miserable. There must be a part of you that wants this thing gone. A part of you that says “I want to feel well again, like myself again” A part of you that sees there is something wrong no matter how long you have struggled with it, its there. that is the part you must hold onto. You must struggle, keep digging, pulling, wrestling. someday things will change. Sometime change can be comforting because you can always count on it.

Thank you for reading and I pray for all of you suffering. -finallyhopeful

finallyhopeful is a member of Depression forums

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