DF Archive

Father’s Day Humor

 

Funny Quotes
  • To be a successful father, there’s one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don’t look at it for the first two years. – Ernest Hemingway
  • The thing to remember about fathers is. they’re men. A girl has to keep it in mind: They are dragon-seekers, bent on improbable rescues. Scratch any father, you find someone chock-full of qualms and romantic terrors, believing change is a threat, like your first shoes with heels on, like your first bicycle. – Phyllis McGinley
  • If the relationship of father to son could really be reduced to biology, the whole earth would blaze with the glory of fathers and sons. – James Baldwin

 

Funny Quotes
  • To be a successful father, there’s one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don’t look at it for the first two years. – Ernest Hemingway
  • The thing to remember about fathers is. they’re men. A girl has to keep it in mind: They are dragon-seekers, bent on improbable rescues. Scratch any father, you find someone chock-full of qualms and romantic terrors, believing change is a threat, like your first shoes with heels on, like your first bicycle. – Phyllis McGinley
  • If the relationship of father to son could really be reduced to biology, the whole earth would blaze with the glory of fathers and sons. – James Baldwin
  • My father hated radio and he could not wait for television to be invented so that he could hate that too. – Peter De Vries
  • Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards. – Robert Orben
  • Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. – Red Buttons

Jokes

Today nearly 100 years have elapsed since the first father’s Day was celebrated. Fathers of 1900 didn’t have it nearly as good as fathers of today; but they did have a few advantages: In 1900, fathers prayed their children would learn English.
Today, fathers pray their children will speak English.

In 1900, a father’s horsepower meant his horses.
Today, it’s the size of his minivan.

In 1900, if a father put a roof over his family’s head, he was a success. Today, it takes a roof, deck, pool, and 4-car garage. And that’s just the vacation home.

In 1900, a father waited for the doctor to tell him when the baby arrived. Today, a father must wear a smock, know how to breathe, and make sure film is in the video camera.

In 1900, fathers passed on clothing to their sons. Today, kids wouldn’t touch Dad’s clothes if they were sliding naked down an icicle.

In 1900, fathers could count on children to join the family business. Today, fathers pray their kids will soon come home from college long enough to teach them how to work the computer and set the VCR.

In 1900, a father smoked a pipe.
If he tries that today, he gets sent outside after a lecture on throat cancer.

In 1900, fathers shook their children gently and whispered, “Wake up, it’s time for school.”
Today, kids shake their fathers violently at 4 a.m., shouting: “Wake up, it’s time for baseball practice.”

In 1900, a father came home from work to find his wife and children at the supper table.
Today, a father comes home to a note: “Jimmy’s at baseball, Cindy’s at gymnastics, I’m at adult-Ed, Pizza in fridge.”

In 1900, fathers and sons would have heart-to-heart conversations while fishing in a stream.
Today, fathers pluck the headphones off their sons’ ears and shout, “WHEN YOU HAVE A MINUTE

© : 2009 Indobase.com

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