I just signed up because I'm having one of those days. First off, I should be a happy person. I should be. Everybody thinks I am. I am a visual effects artist and I create imagery for Hollywoods greatest movies. Chances are you have seen my work. No I'm not trying to impress you. I am mentioning it because I want to illustrate how great my life should feel. I'm working in different parts of the world every year and get to see so the world. I feel like I have the best job one can have. I also have an amazing family with which I am very close. All that is one side.
But then there is the other side:
I have been bullied for the way I look for all of my life until becoming an adult. I was a regularly outgoing kid. But I turned to myself more and more over the years. I have never gone out to meet girls and have never had a girlfriend.
This may sound strange but the worst part is:
The worst part is that when I left school behind I was told on many occasions that I am actually very good looking. This made me rethink all the interactions I had with girls and it suddenly made sense and I suddenly became the happiest person on earth.
So how is that the worst part?
A few months after I learned that about my self I suddenly aged really really, really badly and I now look truly hiddious. I am back to the feeling how I felt all the years before. Way worse actually. Knowing that I wasted all my youth when I could have had fun and built the confidence to not care about how I look when I get older. I can't get over the fact that I could have had such a great first 25 years of my life and now the rest of my life will as the first 25 years actually were, trying to avoid eye contact and interactions with people so that they don't pitty me.
I have given up trying to get a girlfriend. I have a few friends that I hung out with but haven't seen since I have changed so much. I can't bare to meet them again because I can't take their pitty for how I have changed so much for the worse.
I know how absurd it is but I wish I could go back in time.