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siyab

Can't Get Over My Past Mistakes..help!

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Posted

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Hi,

I'm female, early thirties..

I have a history of depression which I've been able to cope with on my own in the past. But recently I fell into a severe depression that's been tormenting me. I tend to ruminate over past mistakes when I'm depressed and for the past four months I've been overwhelmed with regret over my sexual past it. It was triggered after I slept with a guy after two years of abstinence. I felt bad for treating sex casually when I was younger and felt like I had repeated the same mistake again. Everyday for the past four months, I have been plagued by the number of sexual partners I had. It's like I was okay with it before this guy and then when I added one person, all of a sudden it became excessive and I'm completely disgusted with myself. I'm not particularly religious and I'm pretty open minded so I don't understand this obsession I have. I can't talk to anyone about it because I think it wouldn't make much sense to other people and it's embarrassing.

I think it's partly because I realized it wouldn't work out with the guy (we're still friends but he lives in a another country) and I'm back to reality dealing with loneliness and uncertainty about the future. So now since I don't have anything to look forward to, I'm holding on to the past. I keep telling myself not to dwell on things that I can't change, accept it, learn from it and move on...etc. but it's been impossible to do. I'm on antidepressants for the first time in my life and have made an appointment to see a therapist. Any advice or support would be great! Thanks!

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Posted

Welcome to the forums. It sounds like you're a good candidate for therapy, based on the fact that your recent episode may have been triggered and/or exacerbated by a specific circumstance in your life. Good luck with the AD. It can take some patience to find one that works for you.

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Posted

Hi and welcome to Depression Forums. You can't change your past but you can control what direction your life goes in the future. If you are not happy with the path you have been on then choose to leave it begins and work toward making the changes you need to head in the direction you want to go. The past is over and done. Leave it behind and don't tear yourself apart over it. What is done is done. You can be who you want to be.

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Posted

Thank you both for your support. It's been extremely hard going through this. I'm hoping therapy will work. I'm definitely unhappy currently so I'll try to figure out what the next chapter will be in my life and work to make changes towards that. Thanks again. It helps to hear from other people.

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Posted

Welcome!

This post is very encouraging. Beating yourself up over past mistakes is as fruitless as can be. Where do you want to be tomorrow? The next day? Next year?

Then start working towards those goals NOW. Please find a professional to help you through this, and feel free to come here to laugh, cry, share, unload, fret, encourage others, and receive some e-hugs!

Take care, and best of luck, siyab.

:console:

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Posted

Welcome and you can get as much as support you need here. So keep your head high! We're here for you.

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Posted

Thanks for your words of encouragement everyone. I know in time I'll start to heal. I'm already feeling a little better than I did last month and that gives new hope for the future.

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Posted

Make each day just a little bit better than the one before...

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Posted

Hello Ratboy, you are right, I try to find things to do that I enjoy everyday and nurture myself. It feels like I'm slowly healing. I also talked to my mom yesterday about what's bothering me and she's been very comforting.

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