I'm female, early thirties..
I have a history of depression which I've been able to cope with on my own in the past. But recently I fell into a severe depression that's been tormenting me. I tend to ruminate over past mistakes when I'm depressed and for the past four months I've been overwhelmed with regret over my sexual past it. It was triggered after I slept with a guy after two years of abstinence. I felt bad for treating sex casually when I was younger and felt like I had repeated the same mistake again. Everyday for the past four months, I have been plagued by the number of sexual partners I had. It's like I was okay with it before this guy and then when I added one person, all of a sudden it became excessive and I'm completely disgusted with myself. I'm not particularly religious and I'm pretty open minded so I don't understand this obsession I have. I can't talk to anyone about it because I think it wouldn't make much sense to other people and it's embarrassing.
I think it's partly because I realized it wouldn't work out with the guy (we're still friends but he lives in a another country) and I'm back to reality dealing with loneliness and uncertainty about the future. So now since I don't have anything to look forward to, I'm holding on to the past. I keep telling myself not to dwell on things that I can't change, accept it, learn from it and move on...etc. but it's been impossible to do. I'm on antidepressants for the first time in my life and have made an appointment to see a therapist. Any advice or support would be great! Thanks!