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Depression And Anxiety Affecting New Job And Vice Versa


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#1 inamess

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Posted 19 January 2014 - 03:18 AM

Hello - I am new to this forum and thank you for reading my post.

 

Since a kid, I have suffered from depression and anxiety, plus lots of related conditions. Some years they are better, some worse. For the last 5 years things have been the best ever as I was working part time and engaged in community work and also pursuing my dream career, so I was enjoying life.

 

Things got tough financially so 6 months ago I accepted a full time office job. It was a big step for me, as most of my life I have been a freelancer. After 20 years' freelancing, I knew it would be a challenge working in a very large, open plan office. My employer also kind of knew that, too. But now things are really getting to me and my depression and anxiety are the worst they've ever been, even making me have occasional suicidal thoughts.

 

My agoraphobia is really bad and I am very self conscious, so such a large, open and noisy office isn't helping me focus on my work

 

EVERY day my hands shake, I vomit at least once, I cry in the toilets at work, suffer mild panic attacks at my desk, on the phone, in meetings, anywhere - which make my IBS worse.

 

The actual workload I'm given would be tough but manageable for most people, but because I feel so trapped, it feels like a mountain to me

 

Since I started the job, I've been too tired and depressed to even see or call my friends, so I'm quite lonely now

 

Two close friends have died in this time, too, my home got flooded which caused lots of stress, my motorbike (which I use to get to work) has needed taking to the repair shop every Saturday for the last few weeks but I can't afford a new one so have no choice, all my hobbies and activities have been canned as I have no time or energy for them (and they are all things which only happen Monday to Friday, so can't be done on weekends).

 

I did disclose my depression and anxiety before I started the job, and had a heart to heart talk with my boss 2 months in, when I first started to find it hard. My boss is really nice but he tells me I have one more month to sort my life out and fix my depression and anxiety, or it will become a HR issue, as he's kind of tired of me reaching out to him every 2 months when everything builds up.

 

I have so many deep-rooted issues going on since childhood, which I do mask well most of the time, that it will take tens of counselling sessions. I don't have the time or money for counselling so will try to find free help or read books, but it's going to take me more than a month. My doctor doesn't want to put me on medication as he says it will numb my intellectual and creative mind. Herbal medication didn't help (St John's Wort and so on) and nor did CBT.

 

My husband who also works long hours, is fully behind me resigning from this job so I can seek proper help and get my life back on track, pursuing the career I did really enjoy. He knows the pay was poor, but he could see it made me so happy, so wants the old me back.

 

The big hurdle for me now is how to resign so my boss doesn't resent me and the office atmosphere isn't frosty, as this will make my self consciousness and anxiety even worse?

 

Thanks for reading!


Edited by inamess, 19 January 2014 - 03:19 AM.


#2 StoniumFrog

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Posted 19 January 2014 - 05:59 AM

inamess,

First off, welcome. Make yourself at home and hopefully your participation here can help.

 

As for the job, well remember one thing - a worker is replaceable, you are not! If your boss knows of the situation, well then will it come as a shock if you do decide to resign? They will find someone to replace you, trust me. If you can speak to him and give the reasons, giving them a chance to find a replacement, will it be better all round? You need to do what is best for you! If that means a reduced pay packet but a happier you, well then go for it. It is clear that this role is not suiting you, but in life, that'll be the case. At least you had the bravery to try out was iit suitable or not.

 

Sit down sometime this week and work out yourself a plan. Then, go to the boss and apologise for the hassle and maybe state that you will help train in a replacement. You are being proactive - do not forget that.

 

 

Sure it will be arrkward for the fist few minutes but think of the reasons why you are doing this. You are not running, but going to a happier work environment that suits you. Office work is not for everyone as is working down a coal mine or doing night shifts. You have to find your niche, which is what you are doing.


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#3 roseyssassafras

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Posted 19 January 2014 - 01:38 PM

HR and Bosses only understand to a point. They are merely concerned with an efficient worker. So just put in a resignation letter and don't worry about him. If he wants to act poorly in your final two weeks that is his issue to deal with and a reflection on him, not you. If you have vacation or any paid leave time then use it. If things look like they are going to be bad, obtain a doctors note that states you need to vacate your position immediately. 

 

Just a question. Would a very low dose of a medication possibly help? Depression greatly effects my intellectual and creative minds. Granted I am not better in those regards on medication, but I don't see the harm in seeing if a low dose would give you the little bit of a boost you need without effecting you too much. 


I just want to be loved.

 


#4 inamess

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Posted 19 January 2014 - 01:45 PM

Thanks very much for your replies.

 

I accept what you both say - bosses and HR have to accept my decision and should be professional with me in the notice period, and they can and will find someone to replace me.

 

Low medication may be an option, yes, but I don't want it to just provide a patch to enable me to limp on in this job atmosphere/environment/role which makes me miserable. HR said no to me moving desks to somewhere I feel more comfortable and I'm not allowed to work from home if I feel really bad. They suggested I take all my vacation time now, to get fully better in the next 2 weeks, so I can come back a new person. I don't think so... (I'd feel worse for not having any vacation left after February, for a start!)



#5 inamess

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Posted 20 January 2014 - 02:48 PM

My boss has now been telling my coworkers that I'm feeling better now, as he has lengthened a few deadlines for me. Hmm, I don't think deep anxiety and depression from childhood, made worse by the office environment, disappears in a few days! But now it'll make me look bad if I resign...



#6 roseyssassafras

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Posted 20 January 2014 - 02:54 PM

No it won't. When you resign they will realize that your boss was incorrect. Many people do not understand health issues that they cannot see. I assume that these are people who you will never see again once you resign. Do not worry about what you think and take care of yourself!


I just want to be loved.

 





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