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How To Deal With Toxic People You Can't Avoid??


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#1 Seff

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Posted 20 December 2013 - 11:41 PM

To save money it looks like I will be moving in with my mom while I go back to school.

 

I don't have the words to describe how negatively she affects me. Robs me of my strength. Sux all my energy away. Stifles me at every turn.

 

At least I'll be getting the largest room. Might just put a bolt lock on my door.

 

Any advice appreciated. 



#2 RRLittle

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Posted 21 December 2013 - 01:44 AM

This is a toughie.

Trying to avoid someone you live with is a task. I moved over 1000 miles to be away from someone I was in a toxic relationship with.

Simply try staying away from her as much as possible. Stay in your room (as you said, it's fairly large). When you are in contact, try not to let her push your buttons. This advice is easier to give than to follow, I know first hand. But I had something of a choice as to how I could handle my situation. Sadly, your situation is quite a bit different. 

If you know of any all night cafes, this might be the time to check them out.

 

Peace



#3 Softball4

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Posted 21 December 2013 - 01:49 AM

I have always been interested in what makes a relationship toxic. I know that in all close relationships we can push each others buttons at times and it is normal for someone to argue once in awhile. I'm sorry that ur mother seems to really get to you. I'm not sure i have anyone in my life that I would consider toxic. Ad I have hoped that no one would consider me toxic. This topic really interests me. I'm not sure where a relationship with normal ups and downs turns toxic.

#4 Hotaru

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Posted 21 December 2013 - 03:04 AM

The local Caribou Coffee became my best friend and safe haven when I had to live with my extremely toxic sister for several months.  I'd be there at the hole of dawn when they opened and would stay as long as I could, studying and using my laptop - and of course, occasionally making sure to keep buying a small tea or some other little something every few hours or so to earn my keep there.  

 

Expensive, yes - but to me, it was a small price to pay to get away from her nagging, shaming, threatening and everything else that came with the constant stress of having to stay at her home for that period of time.

 

I like the idea of a lock for your door, too.  

That'd work!  :)



#5 apple_bloom

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Posted 21 December 2013 - 05:48 AM

I feel you on this one - I lived with my mother for a while and the two of us have never had that great of a relationship. She was also in a bad spot (mentally, emotionally, and financially) and she's was very dependent upon me, which in turn had a very negative effect on my own depression.

 

My advice would be to take as much time for yourself as you can, stuff that will get you out of the house. Go to a local coffee shop, bookstore, gym, hang out with friends - whatever you're interested in. It'll keep you occupied (which may in turn help your depression) and also keep your mother out of your hair.

 

Good luck!


"I think hell is something you carry around with you. Not somewhere you go." -- Neil Gaiman

#6 River_of_becoming

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Posted 21 December 2013 - 03:47 PM

Seff,

 

My advice is to maintain a healthy social life, with new groups as well as established friends - create as many avenues for escape as possible. It's hard getting out when so ill, but it's better than having one's strength and energy sucked out by a toxic parent.



#7 absent

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Posted 24 December 2013 - 12:50 PM

To save money it looks like I will be moving in with my mom while I go back to school.

 

I don't have the words to describe how negatively she affects me. Robs me of my strength. Sux all my energy away. Stifles me at every turn.

 

At least I'll be getting the largest room. Might just put a bolt lock on my door.

 

Any advice appreciated. 

 

I've been there. The worst thing was that not only our relationship was toxic but she couldn't accept me being separate from her. She kept me isolated and under control. I know it sounds unbalieavable, and I'm sure it wasn't an entirely consious act, it was the result of her action and words. At some point I just stopped going home and started hanging out, but this can lead to other problems and getting into a bad company. I would suggest to look for any relatives/firneds you can move in with instead.

 

Anyway it sounds like you are at an age where you can take care of yourself. I would suggest talking to her and imposing rules if you gonna live together.  One rule shold be restect or privacy and non intervention in personal life. Is there anyone in the house that can act as a mediator?

 

Is she expecting you to cover any rent/bills?


Stopped all medication due to financial problems. 

Been on: [1]Fluoxetine,[2]Citalopram, [3]Mirtazapine (4/7/2012-14/8/2012),[4] Escitalopram/Cirpalex 20mg (15/8/2012) + Depakote (1/8/2012) +Zopiclone (15/8/2012), [5]Sertaline 200mg + 2mg Diazepam 


#8 dsm

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Posted 24 December 2013 - 07:49 PM

My advice is just don't do it.  You are knowingly and willingly moving in with someone who will hurt you emotionally.  If you are already suffering from depression, you won't stand a chance.  You deserve better!  I'm in my 50s and still don't know how to leave home. I wish I had left long ago. Now I feel to old. I hope you can avoid this trap.






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