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Not Sure Anymore


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8 replies to this topic

#1 Aaron89

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Posted 01 September 2013 - 09:44 PM

Hello all, I am new here and after a quick google I found this website. A little about myself first, I am 24, a male, and a senior in college.

Honestly, I am miserable and so very alone. When I was a kid I had some issues and had to see a psychiatrist for awhile, and I was eventually diagnosed with severe anxiety disorder. Over the years my anxiety problems have gotten much worse. I am so lonely, I can't make new friends or talk to women and it is making life very difficult. I spend virtually all of my time locked away in my apartment, afraid to leave and afraid to talk to people. In my mind, I am constantly telling myself I am stupid, pathetic, ugly, etc.. and after awhile I have begun to believe it. I have never truly had a successful intimate relationship, and the few friendships I have had aren't much of friendships at all, merely aquantiances that have come and gone. I really don't know what to do, I am just so tired of being alone and tired of feeling like I am worthless. I apologize if my thoughts were scattered and hard to follow.



#2 LaurynJcat

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Posted 02 September 2013 - 05:10 AM

Hi Aaron89, Welcome to DF.

 

Your thoughts weren't hard to follow at all.  I'm so sorry you are feeling so awful.  A lot of people here (myself included) feel hampered socially by their disorders.  It's hard for you to be having those problems while in college, which is portrayed as such a great time of one's life.  Yet many students have terrible issues and loneliness.  I had a hard time as a student although it did help me to take an anti-anxiety med when I had something stressful like a workshop where I had to be in a large group.

 

You are not worthless.  Read my signature line.  You have a right to be here, and you need to get some help.  Have you seen a counselor/doctor/psychiatrist?

 

Thing is, you have an illness.  Imagine if you had something physical like, say, epilepsy.  That might hinder you socially as well but you would probably not feel pathetic.  Your anxiety is NOT YOUR FAULT, just as a chronic physical illness would not be.  

 

Also depression twists our thinking.  It's the depression talking when you think you are stupid and ugly.  But there is help out there for you.  I would start with your college counselling center if you haven't already.  

 

Please make yourself at home here and check out the various forums and you will realize you are not alone.  You might also want to introduce yourself in our new members' forum as this one is less busy at times.

 

All best wishes,

Lauryn


"Be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here."
- William Ehrmann, from "Desiderata."  
 
"Nothing you ever did or that was ever done to you could touch, even in the slightest, the radiant essence of who you are."
- Ekhart Tolle, from _The Power of Now_.    Posted Image   Posted Image

#3 ThatGirlisACowboy79

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Posted 02 September 2013 - 02:45 PM

I can very, very much relate to this. I am a 24 year old female trying to finish a bachelor's degree. I feel very alone all the time as well. I do not have any friends, and I find it hard to keep anyone around. I constantly tell myself that I am worthless, and it is very hard for me to get up and go out as well. I hibernate, and when I am not at school, doing homework, or working, I am sleeping most of the time. I don't know what to do about it either. I was diagnosed with anxiety when I was about seven years old and my primary doctor wanted to put me on medication for it. I hope I can eventually find a way to free myself of my pain or I just do not see a point of living anymore .



#4 89Anne

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Posted 02 September 2013 - 03:53 PM

I can so relate to what you guys are saying. Many times I just wanted to stayed in bed and didn't want to talk or see anyone. Of me doing that was like feeding it and I made things worse for myself.  I am on antidepressants and anxiety medication.  The anxiety medication helps me alot.  I take lorazepam, you probably know it as the brand name Ativan.  I will add a link from a site that I frequent and you can check out the side effects. It works great for me and I have had no side effects from it.

 

Lorazepam Side Effects - http://www.pharmacyd...am_Side_Effects

 

Many of the depression medication given are also used for anxiety.  This site also has a listing of some of the more common drugs that are prescribed for depression. I will add that also, it's kind of handy to have bookmarked. http://www.pharmacyd...Antidepressants

 

I also try to exercise at least 4 times a week.  Exercise will emit endorphins which are a natural tranquilizer. If I start feeling really anxious I practice deep breathing and I try and focus on something else. Sometimes I count backwards from 100 by 3's.for something to focus on.  I try to eat healthy, stay away from sugars and caffeine.

 

Maybe you should make an appointment with your doctors and see what they have to say.  There are a lot of different options these days and they all don't include medication.

 

Hang in there, even having a little help with medication can take awhile to get the correct medication and dose that works for you. 



#5 Aaron89

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Posted 06 September 2013 - 01:21 AM

It is very nice to know there are others out there that can understand what I feel. Lauryn, I haven't been to a psychiatrist since I was a teenager, I don't have any form of insurance anymore and with my college expenses piling up I am unable to afford it at the moment :verysad3: . Thatgirl and Anne, thank you replying, just knowing others understand what its like is a huge relief and does help me feel not so isolated.



#6 89Anne

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Posted 06 September 2013 - 11:55 AM

Aaron, keep dropping by and let us all know how you are doing.   Maybe try that exercise like I mentioned..  How about a little volunteer work at school tutoring or a Sr center.

I do know that your time is limited with your homework.   Try taking baby steps to get yourself out there. Even if it's just going out socially with acquaintances for a coffee or splitting a pizza. 

Lauryn is so right about the depression doing the talking and we all know how that feels. 



#7 Aaron89

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Posted 17 September 2013 - 05:56 PM

Hello again, it has been a few weeks since I was last here, and it's been fairly good until this week. I am set to graduate in December, and the realization that I am not only going to be losing the only thing I've known but also that I have no clue what I am going to do has really taken a toll. Sometimes I just want to give up, I mean I'm already alone and in a few months I will be without direction. Everything just feels so hopeless, all I do is question the purpose of anything, up until this week I had been improving but after having a professor tell me I am "screwed" and mock me because of my shyness in front of the entire class, I am right back to where I was when I first came to this site. Life sucks :verysad3:



#8 satrap

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Posted 17 September 2013 - 07:18 PM

Aaron, life does not suck, but not being able to live "in the moment"  or to be able to adapt to various life situations does.  I know, because I was profoundly NOT depressed up until my first episode in 2005 and my current epic depressive episode.    You've got friends here at this site.  I realize it's not enough and that communicating through posts is both impersonal and inefficient, but it is what it is here.  Take people's advice here- they're great and they want to help!



#9 Aaron89

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Posted 18 January 2014 - 03:22 AM

Hey guys, it's been awhile and I'm not sure if anyone remembers me. I went through a very dark period a few months ago, and finally fought through it and had a wonderful month or two of happiness. That all came to a halt, I graduated college and still haven't found a job..I'm essentially homeless, during Christmas I had the pleasure of having several family members tell me I was worthless, and I am completely isolated. I honestly don't know anymore, I wake up every morning with the hope it all just comes to an end. I'm supposed to be happy, this is supposed to be a joyous time in my life but..it's not. Everything had started to look up for me, and then the bad slammed me back to reality.I just feel like I'm worthless, hideous, and pathetic. Who knows, maybe I really am. I know I am rambling and probably don't make any sense whatsoever, I apologize for that.



 






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