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I Was Bullied By My Own Family


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#1 zenzen

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Posted 10 June 2013 - 12:05 PM

I'm new to DF and I would love to talk to someone about the bullying I suffered as a child and still sometimes continues til this day.

 

I'm 21 in a few days and I have been depressed for a few years now, not being helped that I am also suffering from a lot of small medical problems, like sinusitis, persistant colds, sore throats, head aches, you name it. I have 2 children, 2 and 3 years of age. I'm aware that a bit of my depression stems from the fact that my life plans were practically obliterated by own actions... but those actions were also influenced by a lifetime of bullying, threats, neglect and emotional abuse.

 

Since I was a child I can remember being treated differently from my 2 sisters. Their pet name for me was "Shorty" because apparently I was short, although I am the youngest and it would just make sense for me to be shorter. My hair was always cut very short by my mother even though I hated it. I was always the one to massage my parents because they were tired from work and because apparently my sisters couldn't do it. I was excluded by my sisters half the time when they play. They both learnt how to ride a bike together but kept calling me a coward so I wouldn't even try. To this day, they remember words I pronounced wrong as a 4 year old, things I did wrong, and my reactions to their bullying. They keep reminding me of stupid little things that you would forgive a FOUR YEAR OLD for thinking and saying yet they can't seem to let it go with me. When my sister was 13, she and my cousin would go outside late at night and early hours of dawn to hang out with her friends and drink. Whenever I confronted them about it or told my mother, my sister would scratch me all over my arms and call me names. When we moved to England, I was really shy in school because I wasn't sure my english was very good. So for the next five years of high school  I was bullied by both girls and boys because apparently they couldn't understand my accent (which is american) and I was different. They even threw shoes at me in the changing rooms, tried to get me detentions, shoved me in the hallways, threw random stuff at me. I couldn't understand why they were doing this. They got worse when I told a teacher since apparently I was "telling on them".

 

At home, my teenage years weren't so good either. I was rarely allowed of the house. I was doing most of the chores and my sisters would just be sat in front of the computers all day. I didn't mind the chores but whenever I listened to music when doing chores my sisters would giggle behind my back and say "Oh she's imagining again" and they would basically try to humiliate me in EVERYTHING I do. They talked back and had a go at my mom and they got no punishment for it. I finished High School with straight As and A*s but was given no appreciation for it but when my sister didn't do as good as I did, my mom still bragged to her friends and even bought her a computer as reward. When I was 16 I started going out with someone. From then on, my life went crazy. Whenever I stayed in college for lunch or my free blocks or about an hour after school, my mom would freak out like there's no tomorrow. When I wanted to go out for a day with my friends and my bf, she would guilt trip me into not going and instead suggests I do more chores. Whenever I swore my mother would slap me quite hard and blamed my boyfriend because apparently he's a bad person. She started calling me UGLY and everyone in my family started ignoring my existence. Living there was hell. I was so depressed and missed my boyfriend I'd cry and when my mom caught me crying, she'd ridicule me even more. For my 17th birthday my parents choose to go to asia than to spend it with me. One day, after an exam, I wanted to just spend a bit of time with my bf. After an hour, my mom called me and threatened that if I don't go home RIGHT NOW, she'd lock the doors and I would never be allowed home again. So I decided to just go with my boyfriend. Of course I came back home after 2 days and when I did, my mother ridiculed me, had a massive go and CUT most of my hair off.

 

Now I live with my bf and have 2 beautiful sons. I've gained 10 kgs and my underlying mental problems have developed. I'm so depressed now remembering everything they'd done and I just don't know what to do with myself anymore. I keep crying and I am so sick of still being bullied.



#2 zenzen

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Posted 10 June 2013 - 12:07 PM

Not to mention in college, there were a LOT of racist teenagers who claimed my boyfriend "bought me on the internet" and that I couldn't speak English. I was just so alienated. I couldn't believe "multicultural England" was full of racist ignorant teenagers.



#3 LibraryLady

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Posted 12 June 2013 - 08:40 AM

Zenzen, I'm so sorry your family treated you this way. I understand because I was bullied by my Father all through  my childhood and into adulthood. It was terrible for me and I developed severe anxiety and depression. I also started binge eating, and have problems with it to this day. My self-esteem has always been low because of the way I was treated by my Dad. I feel that I am not as good as other people and I beat myself up a lot, mentally.

 

So, I understand how you are feeling right now. I'm so sorry!

 

Have you been able to talk to a Dr about how you feel? Have  you ever had therapy or taken meds? I'm asking so that maybe I can give you some suggestions on how to help yourself.

 

We are here for you Zenzen!


LibraryLady

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside a dog, it's too dark to read!"
Groucho Marx


Diagnosis: Depression; General Anxiety Disorder; Eating Disorder - Binging

Meds I've tried: Welbutrin; Cymbalta; Xanex
Current Meds: Prozac; Buspar

Other issues: Rheumatoid Arthritis, diagnosed at age 35 (I'm 57 now); three bulging discs in lower spine; very overweight; severe allergies; migraine headaches all the time.


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#4 coldpain

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Posted 29 June 2013 - 11:09 PM

I can relate in the way that I have family related issues too, mostly my father and his side of the family and my mother's to some extent. I guess I'll keep it all in this thread. 

 

I really had it with the way I'm treated by my family. They are the most obnoxious, offsenive, and hurtful people in the world. All my father and his side of the family does is mess with me, mock me, play guilt games, and play victim when I snap at them. They will do nothing but assume everything about me and intentionally try to get a rise out of me. They know I am at the end of my ropes when it comes to dealing with their bulls*** so they are now doing it even more. It is like a game to them, they love to see me snap at them so they can get mad at me and play their guilt games with me. They will do this till I'm so mad them all I can do is give them the middle finger and walk away with tears of hate in my eyes. They do not want to understand me or my problems, they do not even talk to me much otherwise because they do not want me to be open to them about some things to them. It's so obvious now why they do what they do and so desparately try to silence me and push me away. They want to minimize my chances of trying to get help them as much as possible for some reason. I feel like I am about to explode, I do not know what to do with myself. Every cry for help is thrown back in my face before I can even get any words out with denial on their part. They purposely misunderstand me. I have no other resources in my life, I am pushed in a corner right now and the walls on fire to put my situation in perspective. There is very little that can comfort me anymore, I am so worn down. I'm fighting a war I have no choice but to take part in where I don't see the end and I'm losing the ability to fight. What I want in my life is nowhere in sight, all I can see in the future is pain, lonelyness, and sadness. I am closing in quickly on age 21 and I still haven't felt what I have been looking for since age 16. In fact human affection is so foreign to me that I can't even imagine anyone that actually means it telling me "I love you" or doing something as simple as giving me a hug. If you see where I'm going with this, you can probably see why I'm so worn down. I'm all alone here, I have no one to live for and it seems everything is stacked against me. When nothing is on your side and your only fuel to keep going is strength through willpower and hope it gets very tiring the more time that passes especially if you can't see what you're looking for. It hurts so much, I'm losing the power to keep going with every passing year and every passing year is another lost and wasted.






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