I'm new to DF and I would love to talk to someone about the bullying I suffered as a child and still sometimes continues til this day.
I'm 21 in a few days and I have been depressed for a few years now, not being helped that I am also suffering from a lot of small medical problems, like sinusitis, persistant colds, sore throats, head aches, you name it. I have 2 children, 2 and 3 years of age. I'm aware that a bit of my depression stems from the fact that my life plans were practically obliterated by own actions... but those actions were also influenced by a lifetime of bullying, threats, neglect and emotional abuse.
Since I was a child I can remember being treated differently from my 2 sisters. Their pet name for me was "Shorty" because apparently I was short, although I am the youngest and it would just make sense for me to be shorter. My hair was always cut very short by my mother even though I hated it. I was always the one to massage my parents because they were tired from work and because apparently my sisters couldn't do it. I was excluded by my sisters half the time when they play. They both learnt how to ride a bike together but kept calling me a coward so I wouldn't even try. To this day, they remember words I pronounced wrong as a 4 year old, things I did wrong, and my reactions to their bullying. They keep reminding me of stupid little things that you would forgive a FOUR YEAR OLD for thinking and saying yet they can't seem to let it go with me. When my sister was 13, she and my cousin would go outside late at night and early hours of dawn to hang out with her friends and drink. Whenever I confronted them about it or told my mother, my sister would scratch me all over my arms and call me names. When we moved to England, I was really shy in school because I wasn't sure my english was very good. So for the next five years of high school I was bullied by both girls and boys because apparently they couldn't understand my accent (which is american) and I was different. They even threw shoes at me in the changing rooms, tried to get me detentions, shoved me in the hallways, threw random stuff at me. I couldn't understand why they were doing this. They got worse when I told a teacher since apparently I was "telling on them".
At home, my teenage years weren't so good either. I was rarely allowed of the house. I was doing most of the chores and my sisters would just be sat in front of the computers all day. I didn't mind the chores but whenever I listened to music when doing chores my sisters would giggle behind my back and say "Oh she's imagining again" and they would basically try to humiliate me in EVERYTHING I do. They talked back and had a go at my mom and they got no punishment for it. I finished High School with straight As and A*s but was given no appreciation for it but when my sister didn't do as good as I did, my mom still bragged to her friends and even bought her a computer as reward. When I was 16 I started going out with someone. From then on, my life went crazy. Whenever I stayed in college for lunch or my free blocks or about an hour after school, my mom would freak out like there's no tomorrow. When I wanted to go out for a day with my friends and my bf, she would guilt trip me into not going and instead suggests I do more chores. Whenever I swore my mother would slap me quite hard and blamed my boyfriend because apparently he's a bad person. She started calling me UGLY and everyone in my family started ignoring my existence. Living there was hell. I was so depressed and missed my boyfriend I'd cry and when my mom caught me crying, she'd ridicule me even more. For my 17th birthday my parents choose to go to asia than to spend it with me. One day, after an exam, I wanted to just spend a bit of time with my bf. After an hour, my mom called me and threatened that if I don't go home RIGHT NOW, she'd lock the doors and I would never be allowed home again. So I decided to just go with my boyfriend. Of course I came back home after 2 days and when I did, my mother ridiculed me, had a massive go and CUT most of my hair off.
Now I live with my bf and have 2 beautiful sons. I've gained 10 kgs and my underlying mental problems have developed. I'm so depressed now remembering everything they'd done and I just don't know what to do with myself anymore. I keep crying and I am so sick of still being bullied.