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Happy one minute, Depressed the next...


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8 replies to this topic

#1 Duck Muffin

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Posted 19 November 2006 - 12:38 PM

Ehh... don't really know what to say. I found this while searching on google, and I've been depressed for maybe a year or two... not sure why I never thought of finding a forum about it earlier.

Well I'm fourteen years old. I started getting really depressed in seventh grade, I didn't have a lot of friends in my classes and I was teased a lot. In eighth grade things got a little better since my two best friends were in a few of my classes, but I was still kind of teased by some people. Now that I'm in high school, I'm not really teased anymore, I have friends in my classes and it's okay... but lately I've just been feeling really, really depressed... like one day, I'll look in the mirror, feel great about my appearance, and go to school in a great mood. And other days I'll feel like crap and I'll be so wrapped up in my appearance, and the day just turns out to be terrible... In sixth grade (and years before that) I had many friends, wasn't teased at all, and was a very outgoing person in general. But ever since seventh grade, I've gotten shyer and quieter... I used to love hanging out with my friends, going horseback riding, writing, and drawing, but lately I've just hoarded myself in my house and played on the computer all day. Sometimes I would talk to my friends on AIM or MSN but lately I just don't feel like talking to anyone anymore...
I used to not really care about my appearance, but ever since I was teased my self esteem and confidence pretty much died and I am often late to school because I'm looking in the mirror, picking out all my faults and imperfections. At school it's even worse, I'll look at all of the pretty, popular girls and compare myself to them... and then I feel really, really crappy...
I had one boyfriend before but he just made my self esteem even worse. He picked out my faults and didn't treat me right at all and he acted like he was the most sin-free person and that I was lucky to be going out with him. I don't know how I managed to be with him for six monthes, but I no longer speak with him anymore, so that's good I guess. But since then I don't feel equal to other people, I feel lower than them, and I can't see why anyone would date me, let alone be friends with me. I can easily pick out my imperfections but I don't think I can name one good thing about myself...
My eyes are always glued to the ground, I can't look people in the eyes anymore. Sometimes at night I won't be able to sleep at all, and some nights I'll oversleep. I've been eating a lot lately, probably too much. I'm not overweight though, I'm actually underweight. It's kinda weird since sometimes I'll think I'm too fat, and then I'll think I'm too skinny.
I've had really bad moodswings lately, and I sometimes snap at family members and get stressed really easily. Another thing... this just started recently, and I don't know why, but I continously feel like someone's watching me. I look behind my shoulder and no one's there, but I keep on getting this strange feelings that there's someone there. And ever since seventh grade, I've had bad flashbacks of when people teased me. Guess I'm just one big mess..
Before I finish, I haven't told anyone about this at all, not even my parents. I haven't talked to a doctor either, because I'd feel kinda stupid or embaressed if I did...

I'm sorry if I act like I'm whining or complaining. I usually don't tell people about my problems, even though my friends are always telling me I should. Thanks for any help or replies, it kinda feels good to get this all out, after having kept it hidden for so long.
"If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life,
your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars."
-Unknown

#2 violetspike

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Posted 19 November 2006 - 01:26 PM

Duck Muffin, I love your name! And you seem to be very in touch with your feelings. That's good. When I was your age and even throughout highschool years I didn't really understand myself at all. I didn't want to. It was too scary maybe. I didn't think much about it or talk about what was going on with me, which was a lot of problems. Your story sounds similar to mine except you are doing something about it.

Focus on good things that you like about yourself, your special talents, physical attributes,etc.... Maybe when we are feeling bad they appear to be few, but still there are many and it will eventually help your self esteem when reminded that you do have great qualities and a lot to give and you deserve to feel better.

When I feel bad about myself, it seems as if the world is spying on me (like you said you feel people are watching you) and picking at my faults but it is not true. It is all how we choose to look at things. As I am practicing catching negative thoughts, thinking more positively, more realisticly, it is actually helping me to feel like more of a worthy, valuable person. I wish the process would go faster, but it is something that we have to continue to practice.

It takes courage to do what you are doing, to reach out to people honestly, letting your concerns be heard and looking for answers instead of ignoring your needs.

I think it will all work out for you. Keep writing.
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#3 cinnamona666

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Posted 19 November 2006 - 02:14 PM

I dealt with many of the same issues when i was growing up.. but i never dealt with them.. if i felt fat and ugly, i just ran with it assuming it was a truth. I did get depressed, but instead of thinking I could have some type of mental illness, i thought that my life sucked because i was weak and inferior. I had a few good years at the end of high school and thought it all went away. but this stuff doesnt just go away like that. all the years of negative self esteem, all the years of thinking I was fat and being underweight continue to build if not treated. I wish that i had noticed or admitted to a problem when i was 14. I held it all in, thinking i was ok.. and i guess i was in a functional sort of way. but i had a horrible relaspe in college... severe depression.. anorexia..the works. dealing with these problems now might prevent them from worsening in the future. i really hope you will seek guidance.. maybe begin with your guidance counselor and work up to telling your parents so you can get treatment. they may not understand, but they want you to be well and happy.

<3laura
nothing is forever; nothing stays the same
even if you desire it to

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#4 violetspike

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Posted 19 November 2006 - 02:48 PM

Very true, cinnamona. Its a good idea to get help with any problems, depression, etc... as soon as possible! Therapy sounds like a good idea and you could go on from there with helpful ideas and support from a professional. Also, I bet, Duck Muffin, that your parents could be very helpful and understanding when they hear where you are coming from.
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#5 violetspike

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Posted 19 November 2006 - 09:47 PM

Hi again Duck Muffin. I just wanted to say that right now I'm dealing with the moodswings too. Feel like a different person than this morning. All of a sudden I feel like a mess again like you wrote about. I try to tell myself that there is more right with me than wrong with me but sometimes I can't really believe it, you know? Blah. Well, hope you are okay. Take care
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#6 Jetgirl

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Posted 19 November 2006 - 11:02 PM

Duck Muffin, just wanted to say that I had that same sort of thing happen to me when I entered high school - self esteem went down, always comparing myself to other people, mood swings, hid in my house and played games or read, or watched tv by myself rather than socializing and connecting with other people, gave up sports because I somehow couldn't muster up the spirit or energy...I wish I had caught myself at the time and realized what was happening, I might have had much happier memories of my teens, and not quite as much emotional baggage heading off to college.

You sound really mature and very aware of what's going on! This is a good thing, and getting it out in the open is a great first step. Please don't wait to seek support from your family or friends. Your friends may be having some of the same doubts, don't be embarressed, and try to forget about 7th grade. Being teased is an awful experience, but those people were almost certainly suffering from their own insecurities.

#7 Just0neMore

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Posted 21 November 2006 - 02:51 AM

mood swings - I hate it for ya

Edited by Just0neMore, 21 November 2006 - 02:53 AM.


HAMM: Use your head, can't you use your head? You're on Earth. There's no cure for that!
Endgame, Samuel Beckett


Most people think the Absurdist writers were depressing. Most people don't understand depression.
The Absurdists aren't trying to sell me anything. They give it to me straight and they don't pull their punches.

#8 Duck Muffin

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Posted 05 February 2007 - 10:16 PM

Haha. I can't believe myself.
At first I didn't post because... I couldn't gather enough motivation too. Eventually I just forgot. And then just randomly last night I remembered this place. I'm not sure why I was afraid to post, you're all such a nice group of people. :bump: So anyway... three monthes later, I'm made a bit of progress.
I haven't told my parents about it- but I did sort of hint that I'd been feeling down lately to my mom. She just told me to stop joking around... which wasn't really the response I was expecting... but oh well. I DID manage to tell one of my closest friends about it. He's six years older than me, but he understands what I've been going through, and has helped me alot with it. ^_^
I had a school counseler call me up to her office the other day, and I was kinda freaked because I thought I got in trouble or something. But no, she just wanted to check up on me, for whatever reason. I didn't tell her about my depression, though I should have, but I was afraid of what she'd think... she was really nice though, and she said that she'd probably call me up to her office again sometime soon, to check up on me again. I think I might tell her then... hopefully I'll have enough confidence to do so.
I have gotten a better self esteem over the past few weeks. and today I felt pretty good, so I was smiling a lot (I usually don't smile much) and somehow that just made the day a whole lot better. I even got a compliment from someone! ^^ It made my day, hehe.

Overall things have gotten better. I'm really glad to have found this forum.

edit: oh, and another thing I forgot to add. the other day I was sitting in my world history class, and I overheard the football players talking about who was the worst player on the team. I didn't really pay attention much, until I heard them talking about one of the guys who had picked on me. This sparked a dicsussion among them, and they immediately started to talk about how bad he was at the sport. I kind of feel bad for him, because he's experiencing what I experienced in seventh grade... but on the other hand, I sort of don't, because now he's getting a taste of his own medicene. Oh well, that's high school for you. :hearts:

Edited by Duck Muffin, 05 February 2007 - 10:16 PM.

"If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life,
your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars."
-Unknown

#9 cinnamona666

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Posted 06 February 2007 - 01:05 AM

hey!! hoorary for progress..and progress that youve gotten all from your own strength! huge props for reaching out to this friend. it is so important to understand this as an illness and NOT a weakness.. i hope you do tell the counselor about the depression. there is no shame in it. and stick around here for the moral cheerleading! ;)
nothing is forever; nothing stays the same
even if you desire it to

^_^


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