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I Don't Want To Leave The House


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#1 PrivateHell

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Posted 28 December 2012 - 02:00 AM

I've had depression for the last 12 years and it goes back and forth from being bearable to unbearable.  Lately though, I'm just so sick and tired of dealing with the world that I just prefer staying inside my house for days at a time.  In fact, I don't think I've left the house in a week (I've lost count).

 

I don't like the town I live in - it is boring and there isn't much to do and I have no friends anyway, so I prefer just staying inside at home all day.  It's like my sanctuary and the only place I truly feel comfortable.  Also, I just feel like giving up on everything.  I'm too tired to go after the dreams I once had because no matter how hard I try, none of my dreams come true, even simple ones like finding true love or living in a town I like.

 

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to get more motivated?  And before anyone suggests antidepressants - Been there, done that for years in the past, and don't want to try them again.



#2 PrivateHell

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Posted 28 December 2012 - 11:11 PM

Hello, any advice??? :whistling:



#3 starla1979

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Posted 28 December 2012 - 11:46 PM

Hi there. I also have a fear of leaving the house, my 'safe' zone. It becomes more and more difficult to get out the longer we isolate ourselves (that's been my experience anyways). But I guess the opposite is also true - the more you get out, the easier it becomes. It's difficult, i can relate to how you feel...

 

I am currently struggling with feelings of apathy- like you were saying, hopelessness; feeling like giving up. I take meds which could be contributing additionally to that, but its hard when pleasure can't seem to be found in anything most days.

 

I isolate myself a lot, and this forum has been keeping me sane somewhat. I came upon it in a very low point in my life. It's like group therapy online. Hope things get better for you, sincerely


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#4 PrivateHell

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Posted 29 December 2012 - 12:04 AM

Hi there!  Nice to talk to someone else who has experienced this feeling.

 

On one hand I don't feel like it's a bad thing to want to stay at home all the time if it makes me happier, but on the other hand I feel like life is passing me by.  But what exactly am I supposed to be looking for?  I've tried to chase my dreams, and even the simple ones won't come true.  So why bother fighting anymore?  I just feel defeated and I'm tired of fighting the world.



#5 starla1979

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Posted 29 December 2012 - 12:14 AM

Yeah, i've failed at a lot of things and i tend to focus on those negatives. I'm trying to change my thought patterns. get out of thought loops "I failed before - i will fail again - therefore i will make no attempt". I don't think an introverted person should try to be someone they're not... while there are some advantages to being an extrovert, obviously - I've accepted the fact that I'm an introvert and i will always need my space and alone time. But i also have a lot of things I'd like to achieve, and not unreasonable goals, just being able to support myself better financially, go back and finish school, etc.

 

Sometimes i feel like just writing about things get the wheels turning in our brains. These things are a lot easier said than done though! But just try to take things one day at a time. I get overwhelmed thinking about the past and future.

 

Best wishes to you~ wish i had better advice



#6 Veruca

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Posted 29 December 2012 - 05:33 AM

I don't know how many times I had these feelings. I would watch TV or a movie and people were living lives and here I was tucked in, safe in my home but longing to have a life. When the chances arose for me to leave I didn't really want to. Home is safe and secure. I am afraid of being judged in the outside world. Sometimes I feel like everyone knows I have depression and social anxiety and they are looking at me and jusdging me. I know they aren't but it makes it hard to leave home.

I got my doggy and I started going out more, also when I got sick and was away from home for 3 weeks it helped me some. 

As PhalseUphoria has posted this board has helped a lot. Also I agree with her on writing things down. I find seeing my thoughts on paper can help me. You will be ready to leave eventually.

Once you actually start going out it becomes easier and easier.  I had bad social anxiety and missed out on years of my neices and nephews birthdays and family events by using the excuse that I work nights. It was really just my fear. For me getting my dog started me on the road to the outside world and then almost dying and  having to leave finished the job! I am not wishing this kind of thing on you. I can only tell you what changed my life. I still have fears, I still have times when I feel like my dreams will never happen. That is why I am here but I am getting better. Even through the set backs I feel like there is hope. I just needed it to be the right time for me. There will be a right time for you. Don't give up. 


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#7 silenthunder

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Posted 29 December 2012 - 02:03 PM

 I just feel like giving up on everything.  I'm too tired to go after the dreams I once had because no matter how hard I try, none of my dreams come true, even simple ones like finding true love or living in a town I like.

 

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to get more motivated? 

 

I've struggled with the 'motivation' idea for a whlie. I used to think I really needed to build up a head of steam before tackling issues. now I realise I really need to just let go of my excuses for not doing things. My most common excuse is 'I don't feel like it' or a variant of that (I'm too tired, I'll feel more like it tomorrow, My leg hurts, If I wait I'll be in a better mood, I'm anxious, lying on the couch would be easier....)

 

The thing I've experimented with to create motivation is to JUST DO IT.

 

To steal something from a Susan Jeffers book I read:

 

we want to believe that the way motivation works is :          motivation -> action

 

but the real way it works is :       action->motivation->more action

 

That is to say: Just do something, THEN see how you feel - I usually feel a bit better, and a bit like doing something else. I also found that the key to using this sort of thinking is to approach it as an experiment - to really take notice of how I felt before and after doing something. This helps me remember it for next time also. 

 

Something that helps me with completing some things that I really don't want to do is focusing on WHY I WANT TO GET THEM DONE. I have recently started making flashcards of reasons why I want to do some difficult things, like working out etc. I make lists of reasons - and this helps me fight off the excuses rattling around in my head.

 

As you can tell - CBT works for me. especially focusing on the behavior portion. 


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