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Socializing When Depressed


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#1 Talmida

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Posted 04 December 2012 - 02:51 AM

Why do so many sources encourage you to socialize when you're depressed? I have tried for the last 3 weeks, and all it does it leave me feeling drained, alone in a crowd, or makes my head feel like it's been rubbed raw with so much meaningless chatter. I know certain people -- more women then men -- tend to bond verbally, but it just annoys and irritates me and I just want to escape as fast as I can. Usually I'm not good with really long one-sided nonstop chatter without wanting to throw things sometimes, but when I'm going through a depression it's physiologically PAINFUL to deal with people.

#2 Veruca

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Posted 04 December 2012 - 03:00 AM

Yeah, when I am depressed the last thing I want to do is have meaningless conversations with people. I know that it's not healthy to sit alone and walow in it but when you socialize it forces you to be fake and puts more pressure on you.
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#3 Talmida

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Posted 04 December 2012 - 03:03 AM

Not to mention wears you out and exhausts your already limited reserves.....
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#4 vlad007

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Posted 04 December 2012 - 03:25 AM

Maybe you could join a social group like an meditation group or yoga class.

#5 Veruca

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Posted 04 December 2012 - 03:31 AM

The best way for me to socialize when I am depressed is more of a one on one thing. I tend to watch TV with a long distance friend over the phone because that way I am not alone but I don't realy have to say much. I just comment on whatever is going on during the show. It helps take my mind of my depression for a short time but does not drain me.
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#6 lostingothicmusic

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Posted 04 December 2012 - 08:16 AM

I can understand why some people say to socialise - but I really think it depends on exactly how depressed you are to whether that would work or not. I know the idea is that if you socialise, you are not isolating yourself. You remind yourself that you do have friends that care about you etc...but.....if you are really depressed then it can have an adverse affect too. I know how if feels to be alone in a crowded room of your friends and not be able to think of a single thing to say to anybody and it's all too much and you just want to get the hell out of there NOW! I'm sure most of the people on this site have felt that at one stage or another.

Sometimes it does help. I can go out and be content to take a back seat and just find out what everyone else has been up to, without putting forward anything about my self. And yes, it is exhausting, but I generally feel glad I made the effort, because I feel just that little bit more connected to the world. And other times I know it would be a really bad idea to even try. I guess it means one has to work out which they think would be more beneficial on the day...
feeling happy makes me a brighter shade of blue...

#7 jenjerseygirl

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Posted 04 December 2012 - 08:39 AM

It usually depends on how I feel. I think that going out with a group can be a little easier, as someone has said, because I don't necessarily have to talk to anyone. I can just sit back and listen to the conversations. If I get an urge i can contribute but I don't feel pressure to do so. There are times that I've just gone to the gym or the bookstore, just to get out of the house and be amongst people without the pressure of having to talk to anyone. Being out of isolation can give you random moments of where you aren't thinking about the fact that you feel awful. So you have to find what makes you comfortable enough to get up and out of the house.

#8 Livebythesea

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Posted 04 December 2012 - 09:28 AM

I agree, physiologically painful to be around people, groups etc. Anyone who thinks that a depressed person will feel better being around groups etc has in no way experienced a deep depression. I feel exactly as you do.
For in virtually any other serious sickness, a patient who felt similar devastation (depression) would by lying flat in bed, possibly sedated and hooked up to the tubes and wires of life-support systems, but at the very least in a posture of repose and in an isolated setting.

William Styron, Darkness Visible

#9 taut1

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Posted 05 December 2012 - 11:41 AM

I call myself a semi-recluse. I stress out big time going to a social event, especially some kind of party. However I find that if it is a small group of less than maybe six people, I do better.
Put me in a group larger than that and I am one miserable person wanting to get out of there.

I just had a flashback though I have forgotten. Years ago at work I would sometimes have to make quality control aduit result presentations to department managers (mostly men) and even the mill and operations manager. At first I was so stressed out that I couldn't sleep the night before the presentation. The thought of little old me telling all of these "big wheels" what they were doing wrong in their departments
absolutely freaked me out.

But one day I mysteriously had the idea of what I terned "rationalizing the big wheels," or making myself feel that they were not any more important or better than I was. And that was to close my eyes and visualize these department managers walking into the room wearing ladies make-up, lipstick, jewelry, with heir hair frizzed, and click-clacking in high heel shoes, carrying a purse over their arm, and being otherwise completely nude!

I became so good at the virtual visualization game that sometimes as I was making my presentation and going around the room making eye-contact with everyone, that I would sometimes almost burst out
laughing at how that person would look in high heel shoes and carrying a purse. And after practicing that little "rationalizing" defense before each presentation, I became less tense and stressed out.

But I forget to think about my virtualization game in social events now. Maybe I need to practive it more often and perhaps it will help me in the "have to go" social events.

Sorry, I just remembered that little story and wanted to share it. It may not work for others, or make any sense, but if it helps just one person, I will be happy that I shared it.




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