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beachgirl

Why Is Depression Like The Red-Headed Stepchild Of Diseases?

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Posted

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I told one of my closest friends that I was suffering from a debilitating bout of depression. You know what she said? "Wow, you've always seemed so upbeat. This is surprising."

If I'd told her I had, say, MS, I'm sure the response would've been much different. Maybe something along the lines of, "Oh no Beachgirl. Are you o.k.,? What can I do? What are you going to go through medically? If you need anything I'm here for you."

I'm just so frustrated...

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Posted

Hi Beachgirl

Unfortunately there is still a lot of stigma related to depression and a lot of people just do not understand it. Hopefully that will change in the future.

Trace

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Posted

I very much doubt it will ever change to where people understand or want to understand it, unless you have experienced it first hand or a very close loved one has.

The amount of times I've heard "oh pull yourself together, everyone gets down from time to time" or "have a holiday you'll feel great afterwards" even my own husband says the right things and makes the right moves to my family about how worried he is for me but behind closed doors he tells me to pull myself together and the classic of "What have you got to be depressed about?" line which frankly I want to pick something up and throw at him and scream "YOU!!" lol

The fact is, nobody understands us and society has always looked down upon people with any mental health condition on any spectrum and Beachgirl, you sometimes need a sense of humour to mask how unhappy you're feeling as you don't want to ram it down everyone's throat you meet, I'm sure a lot of the time you just want to come across normal and humour is always a good way of masking just how bad you feel. It's only the people who you trust with the knowledge who get to see the real you and how you're feeling.

What I do when I speak to people who don't care or appreciate it is just put them in my 'un-supportive' pile of friends and family, those people I will only meet or talk to if I'm having a good day, otherwise I just stick to a very few core friends who understand but mainly my psychologist.

beachgirl, LibraryLady and Lisa15 like this

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Posted

I've been out of work months before with depression and was too embarassed to tell anyone and I WORK in mental health! Even my bossed seemed embarrassed for me. I started seeing a therapist a few months ago and have to work through my lunch on those days so I can leave early. I told my boss I was in therapy but implied that it was for my hip (physical therapy). I hated to lie but I don't think she'd given me the time off and she'd probably been very inpatient with the whole thing. Nobody at work knows about it. Sometimes I am very depressed but of course go into work. It's hard to hide the fact of how bad I feel and sometimes people ask me if I'm okay. I just tell them I'm tired. Was up a bit of the night with a sick dog. Whatever excuse I can come up with but never that I am depressed.

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Posted

When I told my co-worker that Im taking time off from work because my meds aren't working (we are very close at work) she said, "Why don't you just stop taking the meds and deal with it!" ARGH!!!

It is very frustrating. I know how you feel.

That is the last time I will confide is anyone who doesn't understand.

You become such a good actor when your depressed.

Show business....here we come....

Lisa15 and beachgirl like this

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Posted

I learn to be selective with whoever I talk to- I dont want pity, or drama. Just as you said OP, some empathy from a friend once in awhile.

My ex was verbally abusive and called it lazy, or "not pro-active" he would provoke me, and enjoyed doing so. I learned ALOT from this.

I will no longer allow society to shame me or destroy what self-esteem I am working on: if you do you are handing power over to someone else, on your own recovery..It is an ongoing lesson.

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Posted (edited)

My ex was verbally abusive and called it lazy, or "not pro-active" he would provoke me, and enjoyed doing so. I learned ALOT from this.

Mine too but in a very intelligent way, no cursing or names just keeps making little remarks that he knows will get to me and leaves it a bit then more and more and more until I just break into a massive anxiety attack. As I said to my psychologist at least if he hit me I would have something to show people so they would take me seriously but what I endure is far far worse than one episode of mild violence from out of the blue and what makes it worse is he knows exactly what he is doing. He will wait until the kids are home or due home or if my family are coming over or for a weekend visit and then slowly out come the remarks and by the time they're here I'm the one who looks like this insane out of control woman and he looks like the supportive husband trying to help his darling wife to 'get better'

I know how you feel about learning a lot from it as I'm starting to now and whenever he starts on me I just think to myself "not long now, don't lose your mind again otherwise you'll be back to square one and forever be trapped" It's incredibly difficult but what choice do I have, I need my own sanity and happiness back and I simply can't action anything until I'm stable enough within myself. So if people you have spent over a decade with manipulate people with depression to their own advantage then you can see why mental health is something hardly anyone takes seriously unless it is or their own gain.

It takes a genuinely nice, caring person to sit down with you and ask how you feel and further more to appreciate the answer and just listen without being spoken over with "pull yourself together" attitudes.

Edited by katersbee
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Posted

I hide my depression and it's for a variety of reasons but one big reason is I find that when you open up about it to some people, they then treat you like you're made of glass and that drives me up the wall. They talk differently, treat you differently, etc. Sometimes that could be a good thing but overall I just find it annoying.

That or you end up getting a ton of ignorant comments that are of no help from uncaring pinheads.

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Posted

"Uncaring pinheads" HaHa! Great phrase, and so true.

It's a shame that people who have never been depressed cannot "get it"! I just don't bother to talk to non-depressed people about my depression. There's no point. I've been dating my bf for almost 5 years now and all I've ever said to him was: I wanted to let you know that I'm taking an anti-depressent and an anti-anxiety med now.

I decided to tell him because he witnessed me having a complete meltdown about my car. It was stupid and he could not figure out why I was over-reacting so much. So, I went back to my Pdoc, got a better med and told my bf about it. He was like "Oh, OK." and that was the end of that. :-)

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Posted

Katersbee, I can relate. I did learn how to out- maneuver him (not saying much for "teamwork" though, which is what a good marriage should be).

I have learned to work on my own feelings- "those who mind, don't matter and those who matter, dont mind. :)"

If a person truly cares or loves you they will not push your buttons or make you feel like a pariah/loser/wack job. I have read some sad threads here where depressed people are so hard on themselves, and then are with a partner who keys into this.

Its imporatant to stay away from toxic friends, and sometimes even relatives, for growth and basic survival.

katersbee, Lisa15 and beachgirl like this

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Posted

I've been out of work months before with depression and was too embarassed to tell anyone and I WORK in mental health! Even my bossed seemed embarrassed for me. I started seeing a therapist a few months ago and have to work through my lunch on those days so I can leave early. I told my boss I was in therapy but implied that it was for my hip (physical therapy). I hated to lie but I don't think she'd given me the time off and she'd probably been very inpatient with the whole thing. Nobody at work knows about it. Sometimes I am very depressed but of course go into work. It's hard to hide the fact of how bad I feel and sometimes people ask me if I'm okay. I just tell them I'm tired. Was up a bit of the night with a sick dog. Whatever excuse I can come up with but never that I am depressed.

I would think that your boss of all people should understand your depression. If you haven't read Dr. Rob Dobrenski's book, "Crazy," you might find it helpful. I'll warn you that it contains profanity, but it is written by a psychologist who himself has and at times still is in therapy. His belief is that we're all "crazy," in that we are all flawed, broken human beings.

Hope4theBest and beachgirl like this

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Posted

Sometimes when someone says something particularly insensitive and thoughtless I ask How would they like me shooting them up them with epinephrin then telling them to stay calm. Or block all their dopamine receptors and drain their body of serotonin. Its fun it imagine the results sometimes when particularly annoyed with people.

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Posted

The amount of times I've heard "oh pull yourself together, everyone gets down from time to time" or "have a holiday you'll feel great afterwards"

If I had a dollar for every time someone said I needed a vacation....

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