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[comedian]

At some point in my life, around age 13, if my memory doesn't fail me, i started to feel angry all the time for no reason, and treated everyone badly.
I don´t know exactly how or why, but since then, i´m 20years old now, i´ve been blocking all my emotions in an unconscious way, and i never really cared about this, after all, being the way i am has helped me through some tough times...

From a couple months till now, i started to feel like an empty shell, i rarely get interested in things other people do... well, i rarely get interested in people. Not that i am anti-social (perhaps some sort of misanthropy?) , i actually like hanging with my friends, going to concerts, etc...

My instincts tell me not to think and avoid some problems in order to things to be "ok". Truth is, i don´t know if i can handle those situations. I have a constant feeling that some part of me is missing.

I´ve met a girl recently and i really like her, thing is, because i am who i am, i made her sad for avoiding some things, and i don´t want to do this anymore, even tough i might not be able to handle those things, i must face it. Not only for that, but also because im sick of feeling like an incomplete human. I feel that there´s so much in my that i just can´t let out. =(

I started to research about these kind of problems lately and discovered a "meditation" that consists on focusing on the sensations of the moment, i´ve tried and now i am getting angrier and angrier again. Sometimes i feel like crying too, but this hasn't happened yet.


I need some guidance. =/

[LaurynJcat]

Hi comedian.

I definitely think you could benefit from talking to a professional therapist or counselor, and possibly a psychiatrist. You could be suffering from depression. Lots of people with depression feel flat emotionally, and especially for males it can be a coping mechanism to shut down emotions, because society expects you to be tough and to control your feelings.

Meditation is difficult. It's okay to feel angry but be aware that anger can eat away at you. Crying is okay too, but it's not always easy to cry. You may find that in therapy you cry a lot or feel angry. Just let the therapist know. I cried all the way through my first therapy session even though I hadn't cried much for months. My therapist said lots of people do and it's fine.

Best wishes to you. Make yourself at home on DF, read other people's stories and feel free to share more if you like,
Lauryn