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[Paradiselost4992]

I've been depressed for about 3 years straight now. Not all of them severe, but I've never experienced a prolonged happiness that lasted more than a few weeks at best. After about the 2 year mark it became pretty much normal to me. I've forgotten what happiness feels like. Anyway, something funny I noticed was that the other symptoms of severe depression(constant nausea, feeling dead inside, slowness of thought, etc) are still noticeable. I'm in a weird place right now. Everything is slow but I don't really feel sad, I feel empty and dead inside but I don't feel like I want to cry or anything like that. I think worst of all is that I'm pretty nauseas alot of the time and it's hard to keep food down. This has been pretty consistent for awhile too and soon it will become the norm as well. Has anyone else experienced this numbness to depression?

[MaddieLouise]

Paradiselost4992,

I think what you describe is pretty common when depressed, but I would describe it more as apathy, and just an unwillingness to care about anything, including your depression. I think that depression itself has caused all these symptoms for you.

Have you seen a professional, and if so have you tried any treatment? The throwing up sounds more anxiety driven, but generally they go hand in hand (depression and anxiety).

I do hope you find some relief.

Sincerely,

MaddieLouise

[Paradiselost4992]

I didn't mean to mislead you like that. I don't actually throw up but every time I eat I get so sick that I feel like I am about to and it takes alot of effort to keep it down. I feel like I am dying honestly. If I could desribe it as anything I would describe it as that; dying. I feel like I have already died on the inside. Everyday I feel like I am an animated corpse just walking around; empty of all things good and happy and warm. I'm just cold now. This has become my normal state. Sometimes I get little glimpses of light and conciousness and look at myself and realize how far this has taken me and I start to cry because I realize how out of control it has gotten but soon the feelings of numbness kick back in and I'm back to my dead self again. I'm actually not even negative anymore, I'm generally a pretty positive somewhat talkative person but it's like a corpse talking. People try and become my friend or like me but I'm so far gone already that I can't even relate to them anymore. i don't even feel human. I just want to die already; I've lived enough.

P.S. (this is not a sucidal post or anything like that. Yes I want to die, but I have no interest in suicide or anything like that; just thought I'd clarify)

Edited by Paradiselost4992, 05 September 2012 - 11:46 PM.

[Trace]

Hi Paradiselost

There is something called anhedonia, which can be very common with depression. You may want to look into it. Here are a few topics that may help you:

http://www.depressio...nia#entry913547

http://www.depressio...nia#entry913559

http://www.depressio...nia#entry861682

I hope these help.

Trace

[ShySpinster]

I feel like I am dying honestly. If I could desribe it as anything I would describe it as that; dying. I feel like I have already died on the inside. Everyday I feel like I am an animated corpse just walking around; empty of all things good and happy and warm. I'm just cold now. This has become my normal state. Sometimes I get little glimpses of light and conciousness and look at myself and realize how far this has taken me and I start to cry because I realize how out of control it has gotten but soon the feelings of numbness kick back in and I'm back to my dead self again. I'm actually not even negative anymore, I'm generally a pretty positive somewhat talkative person but it's like a corpse talking. People try and become my friend or like me but I'm so far gone already that I can't even relate to them anymore. i don't even feel human. I just want to die already; I've lived enough.

Wow, This almost exactly describes how I feel. Especially the part about being nothing more than a walking corpse.

[Paradiselost4992]

Thanks for the replies and posting those links. I do not believe this to be anhedonia. I have motivation and a sex drive. Would like to see further findings on that disorder though. It sounds like something I might have had at one time a year or so ago.