Terrible Morning - I Don't Know How To Cope!!
Posted 05 September 2012 - 08:48 AM
3 months ago I moved from Western Canada to Quebec. I've lived in the same city all my life until now and I don't speak French. Today I took my 4.5 year old son to French preschool for the first time. He understands some French (me too) but doesn't speak much. My husband went with us to help on the first day but I have to pick him up alone.
When we got there I didn't understand what was happening and kept asking my husband what they were saying. My son got a different teacher than we thought he was getting so I felt we needed to explain to her that he only speaks English and gets overwhelmed with French. My husband apparently got tired of translating and snapped at me. In the end I don't know what the teacher knows about my son and we left him there to sink or swim I guess. We did wait until my son said we could go but I really don't know how he's going to do this morning and when I get there to pick him up I won't even be able to ask the teacher how it went. I'm a stay at home mom so my son has been with me most of the time - it's devastating to leave him somewhere I don't feel sure about.
The hardest part is on the way home I told my husband that it's pretty hard to feel like I'm all alone here and don't even have him to help me understand what's going on - he said "You need to think more positively" I said I'm doing my best but it's pretty hard for me right now and he said "It's your decision to feel that way". He was cold and even a little mean. I started crying immediately and he continued to tell me that he's here for me but it's up to me to have a good attitude.
I gave up my home, my chance to have a job, my friends and my language to come here and raise our son near his family (I have very little family myself) and it's not okay to feel low sometimes??? I've been with my husband for 10 years and he knows I suffer from anxiety and depression. How can he blame me for feeling sad right now?
I feel hopeless, useless and stupid. Not being able to express myself and talk to people is so isolating. My son will be at school 3 mornings a week and he naps every afternoon so I'm going to be home alone all the time. I don't know how I'll learn French if I have no-one to talk to. This hurt is so deep I haven't experienced anything like it before - and I've had serious depression several times! The worst part is knowing my husband doesn't understand and apprently has no sympathy for me either. How am I going to get through this??
Posted 05 September 2012 - 09:25 AM
As for your husband, it's hard sometimes for people to understand that it's not always as easy as "adjusting your attitude" to come out of depression. Not to excuse his behavior, but he probably means well and just doesn't know how else to react, even though you have been together a long time. It sounds like he does have sympathy for your situation, but is frustrated because he can't fully appreciate what you are going through.
You will get through this - be proactive and get out as much as you can, don't isolate yourself or it will just get worse. If you don't have a therapist in your new city, look into finding one sooner rather than later!
Posted 05 September 2012 - 09:36 AM
It's scary at first, but you'll be okay! Since you'll be immersed in the new language, you'll pick it up quicker than you think. Just try to stay calm. :) I have a friend who lives in Montreal, she's fluent in both English and French. I'm not sure where in Quebec you are, but some of the more populated places are definitely bilingual. And I feel like since Quebec is surrounded by English speaking provinces, they'll have working knowledge of English. Just take it one step at a time, and you'll be perfectly okay!
I'm sorry your husband snapped at you! It may have been that he was also nervous? I would definitely try to talk to him about it.
Have you seen a doctor or therapist about your anxiety or depression? If not, I would definitely recommend seeing one, they can really help your low feelings. If your husband doesn't have depression himself, it may be that he knows objectively that you have it, but it's often difficult for those who don't suffer it themselves to understand how it affects those it does. My husband and I have had long, long conversations about my depression, and I discovered that he didn't understand the depth of the sadness and anxiety I felt. I would definitely, definitely recommend a pdoc or a therapist, that's probably the best step you can take to relieve some of your low mood.
Please remember you are not useless, hopeless, or stupid. That's the depression talking. You are wonderful and capable. You can do this, we believe in you! Keep us updated!
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