How can I be more confident when meeting people? I always come off as real shy, unless I'm around them enough than I feel comfortable. I'm wanting to make new and more friends since I;m getting older and alot of my friends have moved or are starting families, so I get pretty lonely :/ I'm afraid I will say something stupid or lame when I meet someone and they wan't want to be around me. ANyone got tips?
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Being Confident Meeting New People
Started by
ted87
, Sep 04 2012 05:07 PM
3 replies to this topic
#2
Epictetus
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Posted 04 September 2012 - 05:25 PM
You can try asking questions about the person you want to befriend. People tend to want to talk about themselves and they tend to like people who are interested in them. So ask a question and when they answer look for a way to ask another question about their answer. For example:
YOU What do you do?
THEM I work at a nuclear power plant
YOU Nuclear power, huh? Is that dangerous?
THEM Not really. I work in the office
YOU What do you do there?
THEM I file safety reports?
YOU That must be really interesting. I better you've read a lot of interesting stuff . . . .
Every answer can generate more questions: who ,what, how, where and so on. Every answer is potentially the start of a new question...
Another thing you can do is look for the direction they are taking the conversation . . . If they always seem to mention their dog, then their dog must be important to them. So ask questions about the dog. If they mention flower gardening a lot, go in that direction. Let them lead you in the direction your questions should take. Pick up on a subtle clues. Let them talk. Usually they will like anyone who is interested in them.
If you find that they are shutting you down all the time, no matter what you ask, then let it go . . . that is probably not someone who is going to be a friend. 50% of the people in the world are not going to like you no matter what. If you meet someone who shuts you down, just say to yourself . . . okay, that person is one of the 50% that won't like me and move on.
If you are insincere, they will know it usually. So don't act interested in them: be interested.
Something to try . . .
YOU What do you do?
THEM I work at a nuclear power plant
YOU Nuclear power, huh? Is that dangerous?
THEM Not really. I work in the office
YOU What do you do there?
THEM I file safety reports?
YOU That must be really interesting. I better you've read a lot of interesting stuff . . . .
Every answer can generate more questions: who ,what, how, where and so on. Every answer is potentially the start of a new question...
Another thing you can do is look for the direction they are taking the conversation . . . If they always seem to mention their dog, then their dog must be important to them. So ask questions about the dog. If they mention flower gardening a lot, go in that direction. Let them lead you in the direction your questions should take. Pick up on a subtle clues. Let them talk. Usually they will like anyone who is interested in them.
If you find that they are shutting you down all the time, no matter what you ask, then let it go . . . that is probably not someone who is going to be a friend. 50% of the people in the world are not going to like you no matter what. If you meet someone who shuts you down, just say to yourself . . . okay, that person is one of the 50% that won't like me and move on.
If you are insincere, they will know it usually. So don't act interested in them: be interested.
Something to try . . .
Edited by Ep1ctetus, 04 September 2012 - 05:27 PM.
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"A man is really ethical when he obeys the constraint laid on him to help all life which he is able to help, and when he goes out of his way to avoid injuring anything living. He does not ask how far this or that life deserves compassion as valuable in itself, how far it is capable of feeling. To him, life itself is sacred. He shatters no ice crystal that sparkles in the sun, tears no leaf from its tree, breaks off no flower, and is careful not to crush any insect as he walks. If he works by lamplight on a summer evening, he prefers to keep the window shut and breathe stifling air rather than see insect after insect fall on his table with singed and sinking wings. If he goes out into the street after a rain storm and sees a worm which has strayed there, he reflects that it will surely dry up in the sunlight, if it does not quickly regain the damp soil into which it can creep, and so he helps it back to the lush grass. Should he pass an insect which has fallen into a pool, he spares the time to reach it a leaf or a stalk on which it may clamor and save itself. Animals suffer as much as we do. We must fight against the spirit of unconscious cruelty with which we treat the animals. " Dr. Albert Schweitzer.
"Compassion, in which all ethics must take root, can only attain its full breadth and depth if it embraces all living creatures and does not limit itself to mankind." Dr. Albert Scheweiter.
"A man is really ethical when he obeys the constraint laid on him to help all life which he is able to help, and when he goes out of his way to avoid injuring anything living. He does not ask how far this or that life deserves compassion as valuable in itself, how far it is capable of feeling. To him, life itself is sacred. He shatters no ice crystal that sparkles in the sun, tears no leaf from its tree, breaks off no flower, and is careful not to crush any insect as he walks. If he works by lamplight on a summer evening, he prefers to keep the window shut and breathe stifling air rather than see insect after insect fall on his table with singed and sinking wings. If he goes out into the street after a rain storm and sees a worm which has strayed there, he reflects that it will surely dry up in the sunlight, if it does not quickly regain the damp soil into which it can creep, and so he helps it back to the lush grass. Should he pass an insect which has fallen into a pool, he spares the time to reach it a leaf or a stalk on which it may clamor and save itself. Animals suffer as much as we do. We must fight against the spirit of unconscious cruelty with which we treat the animals. " Dr. Albert Schweitzer.
"Compassion, in which all ethics must take root, can only attain its full breadth and depth if it embraces all living creatures and does not limit itself to mankind." Dr. Albert Scheweiter.
#3
LilyRain
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Posted 04 September 2012 - 05:49 PM
I'm like that too! I always find it hard to meet or talk to people, I'm really self conscious. I think what's helped me is realizing that many other people feel the same way as I do- unsure and nervous. That makes it easier to relate to them. :)
Also, this is a work in progress, but I'm trying to worry less about what other people think. I just try to act naturally- naturally for me, anyway. As long as you're genuine, people will often take to you. Some people won't like you, but you can't please everyone, and some people spend way toouch time nitpicking other people's faults. That's not the kind of person you probably want to be friends with anyway, so ignore them, it's their loss. You can have good friends who like you for you and you don't have to settle for people who judge all the time. :)
It's weird, but sometimes when I'm talking to someone, I think I'm acting lame or being annoying and think they hate me, but I find out later they like me! So you never know. Just try to smile, be genuine and kind, and ignore the haters. Haters gonna hate. They're not worth worrying about. :)
Also, this is a work in progress, but I'm trying to worry less about what other people think. I just try to act naturally- naturally for me, anyway. As long as you're genuine, people will often take to you. Some people won't like you, but you can't please everyone, and some people spend way toouch time nitpicking other people's faults. That's not the kind of person you probably want to be friends with anyway, so ignore them, it's their loss. You can have good friends who like you for you and you don't have to settle for people who judge all the time. :)
It's weird, but sometimes when I'm talking to someone, I think I'm acting lame or being annoying and think they hate me, but I find out later they like me! So you never know. Just try to smile, be genuine and kind, and ignore the haters. Haters gonna hate. They're not worth worrying about. :)
- Epictetus likes this
#4
Lolacat
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Posted 04 September 2012 - 07:59 PM
I feel like this frequently, especially after I left college and then moved across the country with my signifact other. It felt much more difficult to meet people without classes or a work place to "force" us together. I still struggle with it and don't have any close friends after living here 2 years. I think the tips about listening and asking sincere questions to let the other know you are interested are really important. No one is going to think you are lame or stupid when you are interested in hearing about their life! We are all a bit ego centrical and love to think people find us interesting :) hehe...
If that is still difficult I think another good aproach would be to find a common interest that involves an activity. Once you figure out what that common interest is invite them to do this- Maybe you both like action movies, or skiing, apple picking or playing darts. Whatever! If you can find an activity that takes the pressure off of major conversation you may become more relaxed around each other and build a friendship that way.
Ha! I should take my own advice, I think.
Good luck to you :)
If that is still difficult I think another good aproach would be to find a common interest that involves an activity. Once you figure out what that common interest is invite them to do this- Maybe you both like action movies, or skiing, apple picking or playing darts. Whatever! If you can find an activity that takes the pressure off of major conversation you may become more relaxed around each other and build a friendship that way.
Ha! I should take my own advice, I think.
Good luck to you :)
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