Posted 03 September 2012 - 05:38 PM
Posted 03 September 2012 - 08:24 PM
The feelings you describe sound like numbness to me. I experience it too a lot. Sometimes I do feel like I have "no heart", like I am incapable of caring about myself, my future, and other people. I understand it as part of my depression and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Have you been to see a mental health specialist?
Posted 03 September 2012 - 08:59 PM
Thank you for your response! I have expressed this feeling several times to several people but you are the first to understand it.
Yes I have seen a mental health specialist. I go to therapy once a week and am on medication that is monitored by a pyschiatrist. I guess I have just never learned how to cope with my numbness . For me, being numb is more debilitating than being sad. I have such a hard time trying to continue on with my life when I am feeling apathetic and empty. I have no idea how to deal with it. Guess it is something I should bring up with my therapist. It just very hard to descibe sometimes. I feell like everything I am has completely dissapeared and I am just a body with no soul and what is left of my life is not worth trying to fix. I can hardly stand it and i have no idea how to carry on. To be honest, school is the last thing on my mind right now as I doubt I will even go tomorrow. I know I have to it just seems so pointless when it doesn't mean anything.
None the less, I wish you the best tomorrow!
And thank you again for the response :)
Posted 06 September 2012 - 05:44 AM
This has happened before. About 5 years ago I stopped taking all medication completely as I wasn't finding luck with anything. I was off medication for 2 years and thats when my numbness was at its peak. I was numb everyday for literally two years. I couldn't feel, I couldn't cry, I couldn't even recall past memories. In the summer of 2008 I started on Prozac which did help me for a little bit. I was still a little off as I wasn't on the right combination of meds but I definitly noticed a change because of the Prozac.I can't say I ever completely got my heart back but I did feel like something was there from time to time. Anyways, with a lot of medication tweaking and the help of a support group I was able to feel most of the time and have relatively normal summer this year, but I am finding that the numbness is now starting to come back and I don't know how to stop it. I just don't want to spend another 2 or more years like that, I hardly survived last time.
Posted 06 September 2012 - 06:33 AM
Yes, existing without experiencing emotions and being completely numb, like you're just on autopilot or a robot is something I can relate to. It will come back - though I have questioned it many times with my doctor. Like, for example, when I said I felt happy today - is that real or is it the medication? I don't trust my emotions sometimes - like I'm going through the motions but I'm watching myself from outside of my body. My doc said those are real emotions that you're feeling - the medication can't do that for you. I'm still trying to believe it. But keep strong and perhaps get back to that support group - obviously you are under a lot of anxiety right now before starting school so maybe you're just shutting down in a protection mode? I don't know but I wish you well and good luck. Hugs.
Posted 06 September 2012 - 06:33 PM
Posted 20 September 2012 - 04:35 PM
You're first description of the numbness you feel couldn't fit any better into what I am on right now. I also have the "windows" like itstrevor like to call it but they last for a couple of days and then just go away. I feel very frustrated because this is not what I wanted to feel but I am trying to accept that it is like that and I will keep fighting it as long as I have strenght.
My last visit to the Pdoc to explain this was really bad. He just kept telling me that something must be going on with my life to feel that way, like having some problems at work or with someone. The truth: I don't have any problems right now, I don't panic as I used to, I don't have any of the negative thoughts that I used to, but still no feelings, And he just kept on that. He also added that my depression would go away with just psicotherapy. Can he answer me why didn't it after a year and a half of just theray??? I think we was insensitive and cruel. He decided to raise my ad (I didn't want to), I would like to him to accept that maybe effexor is not working for me. He just told me that normally people react weel to this drug. Guess what I might be the one that doesn't. I explain that but still nothing. I have asked for another appt for a second view with a different Pdoc.
Just to tell you that I know it is hard. And I also hated. It makes me be so angry at the world and at people that do not understand. It might sound awfull. but I rather have my anxiety than nothing. Because after a good crying session I normally felt better and the old me. And at least I woud feel something.
I hope you find a way to feel better asap. All the best. ;)
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