Ednos & Anxiety
Posted 30 August 2012 - 11:09 AM
I don't know if anyone's reading this but i just had to get this out of my head and into writing before i drive myself mad!!
I was diagnosed with an ednos nearly 5 years ago. I was only eating 1 small meal a day and then throwing it back up again straight afterwards but managed to get it (for the most part) under control in the end and that was around the time i went to university and started to feel genuinely happy for the first time.
I mean, i did have a bit of a purge here and there if was really upset or if something had gone wrong but i was eating fairly normally and had got myself out of feeling guilty and punishing myself.
However this year was my final year of uni and just after Christmas i developed anxiety. I had palpitations and pain in my chest and got completely obsessed with thinking all day and night that i was going to die. It got so bad i missed lectures and exams and got kicked out of uni basically.
So now i owe over 20 grand with no degree to show for it all, i am getting slapped with overdraft interest and i have a credit card to pay off too and even though i have a job and i'm trying to sort things out it just feels like i've ruined my life and i'm never ever going to be back on track.
So anyway, its like my old mentaility has crept up on me again and i'm not eating and when i do i throw up. And the scary part is it feels like all my worry and all my fear has vanished for a while after the food is all gone, so i do it again for the next dinnertime. And if i'm not purging i'm making all the old excuses to get out of mealtimes and i get a stupid rush of power when i don't eat and i feel sick with hunger. Obviously i know psychologically what i'm doing because its all happened before but it doesn't make it any easier, does it?
Agh, i dunno what to do...i feel like i'm going crazy with worry about my debts and my future and i have no idea if its all linked or what. But i'm just frightened because if all this has been a catalyst for my eating habits then theres just no way i can fix it :(
Posted 31 August 2012 - 02:47 AM
I am sorry that you are struggling and that you have all that debt. That is awful and can certainly trigger you. If anxiety has caused this you probably need to see a doctor, as meds can control your anxiety, which in turn can ease the impact it has on your eating disorder.
Listen in deep silence. Be very still and open your mind.... Sink deep into the peace that waits for you beyond the frantic, riotous thoughts and sights and sounds of this insane world. - A course of miracles.
True beauty must come, must be grown, from within.... - Ralph W Trine.
Posted 02 September 2012 - 08:08 PM
Since you are so close to graduating you might be able to transfer all those credits and finish your degree online. I also think if you see a doctor and are able to prove that this was all caused by an anxiety disorder or health issue you would have a great case for getting back into school. You still have those credits and no one can take those from you!
I highly recommend going to see a professional about your anxiety and just to talk to someone. They will be able to give you meds which will help the anxiety and underlying depression (I definitely agree with Trace on that).
The reason the eating disorder is back now is because it feels like the only thing you have control over, while everything else in your life feels like it's out of your control. I also have EDNOS (since I was 15 and I'm 30 now) and still when things get stressful I occasionally will fall back on it because it works so wonderfully in easing the anxiousness. It makes you feel pure again...like a "reset" button has just been pushed. This of course is only temporarily before the depression and sadness set in again, made even worse now by the recent transgression. It's a quick fix and highly addictive for sure, but you CAN beat it and recognize the triggers.
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