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[UnlimitedTimeOnly]

I am 25 years old and have been struggling with depression and anxiety for a good seven of eight years now. After college I didn't quite know what to do with my life. Anxiety made job hunting extremely difficult. I get anxiety even just thinking about getting a job. As of now, I'm currently unemployed. I desperately want to work and get financiall independent but it's an uphill battle, between my anxiety, no job history, and the poor economy.

But what is bothering me right now is I just heard my parents arguing about me and how no one else's kid would ever be living with their parents at 25. I feel a lot of anger and resentment that goes unvoiced. I am so ashamed. I don't WANT to be a burden on my parents and I don't WANT to have put my life on hold. I had so many dreams and hopes and this anxiety and depression just makes every day feel like so much work. The shame and guilt and embarrassment is really ******* me. I don't know what to do. I don't understand WHY I can't just get out that door and do what everyone else can do. It's like there some chain holding me back or a weight around my neck. The shame and guilt of living in this house just makes things worse. It makes me want to just hide (which is what I end up doing; just going to an empty room and hiding from all the anger and hatred).

[Epictetus]

Hi UnlimitedTimeOnly,

I can feel for what you are going through. I am an old-timer and when I was your age it was not that difficult to get a job or rent an apartment or buy a house. Economically speaking, times were vastly different than they are today. Sometimes people make certain assumptions when they "think" or "say" what others "should" do. The assumptions are often implicit, unconscious or barely conscious.
Here is an example for you: [If my son was living in an economic period of expansion and easy money] then he "should" be on his own, living on his own, in his own place. But that assumption is somewhat questionable when people are living in a period of time that is almost as bad as the Great Economic Depression. One cannot compare apples and oranges.

Secondly, I think there is another hidden "assumption" in your parent's thinking. Here is what it might be: [If my son was not suffering from mood disorders involving serious disease pathology of the brain, disease pathology as serious as cancer] then he should be out there standing on his own two feet and being self-reliant. If you will permit me a little humor in this completely unhumorous situation, it would be like saying: [If this man were not completely blind] he "should" be able to see. Or . . . " [If this man were not a quadrapelegic] he should be able to swim the English Channel. Please realize that I do not intend any disrespect for your parents and do not think it is necessary to assume any ill-will or malice on their part. I think perhaps that they might be missing something. Maybe I am missing something. Your parents chose to be parents . You did not choose to be born. Many parents have expectations for their children, realistic and unrealistic. And while having a child become independent can be a healthy and good expectation for a parent, circumstances also have to be factored in. If you beat yourself up mentally for being a "burden" on them and so on, I can't see how that is going to help.

I have been in the position of someone with expectations like your parents. And I have been the beneficiary and victim of parental expectations, so I can feel for what you are going through. You did not cause your mood disorders. They involve disease pathologies. You did not cause the current economic recession either. I hope you will feel better soon. Please seek medical consultation about depression because it can involve brain illness. I am just one person giving you one limited perspective. Others here will give you alternate perspectives. Stay tuned . . . All the best to you!!!

Edited by Ep1ctetus, 26 August 2012 - 07:15 PM.

[pinto77]

Hi, UnLimitedTimeOnly,

I know exactly how you feel. I have battled depression and anxiety on and off for the past 13 years. This makes everything, including job search, very difficult for me. I was lucky enough a couple times to have connections that landed me temporary jobs, and I secretly hope that a job would fall on my lap again without me having to put in much effort. This is not because I am lazy (I am usually the hardest and most dedicated worker) but because the idea of having to job search, having to look through classifieds, and having to update the old resume, is very daunting. It paralyzes me. And what's worse is that I still don't even know what I want to do with my life, though I am at a point where I will take menial or any entry level jobs just to have a job. Those who complain about their jobs don't know how lucky they are to have one and to have income. I dream about being financially independent again and having my own place.

I am several years older than you, and yes, I still live with my parents along with my siblings. Only one of my siblings is older than me. Some may think this is very unconventional but I suppose my parents see it as being cost effective. They do not exactly enjoy having grown kids around but the fact that my siblings are able to help out with the bills helps them to cope.

And then there is me...Because I am unemployed, I rarely contribute financially and I get away with household bills. Sometimes I wonder what my siblings think. I wonder if they think this is unfair or if I am a lazy freeloader. This is unspoken in my family though I am sure words have been exchanged in secrecy. My parents, particularly my mother, have stressed to me many times that I don't need help because I look so normal. And because I am smart, I am very capable of getting a job. But you and I both know that this is not so with anxiety present. The air in my house is very toxic. My friends and I all agree that I need to find a job, save up, so I can move out. But how do you do that when you feel that ball and chain holding you back from moving forward?

If you can get yourself some support and muster up some willpower to get through the tough times, the end result will be rewarding. I haved moved out before a couple times, totalling five years, and it was one of the best years of my life. Granted, my ex-husband was extremely abusive, I felt liberated. For the first time, I felt like I could be myself and I was discovering/uncovering more about myself. I was able to talk, act, dress how I wanted...I was able to do what I wanted. If I wanted to sleep in, that was ok because no one was there to criticize me. If I wanted to eat cereal in my underwear...guess what? No one was there to see me or judge me. I felt this huge weight lift off my shoulders. Little or no anxiety. Conversely, every day that I am living here is a nightmare, but it is one that I partly inflict upon myself. I am hard on myself. I try to appease other people by doing and being who I think they want me to be. There is a huge internal struggle which feeds and feeds my growing anxiety. Once I place myself outside of this kind of environment, those feelings start to dissipate again.

We know what we have to do. It's just a matter of doing it no matter how uncomfortable. I don't believe there are shortcuts here...unless by some miracle, a job lands on your lap or some rich uncle leaves you his inheritance. But I digress. Remember that doing just a little a day is better than doing nothing at all. There is a light at the end of the tunnel..and even if we are forced to take baby steps, we will eventually get there.

[ShySpinster]

After college I didn't quite know what to do with my life. Anxiety made job hunting extremely difficult. I get anxiety even just thinking about getting a job. As of now, I'm currently unemployed. I desperately want to work and get financially independent but it's an uphill battle, between my anxiety, no job history, and the poor economy.

But what is bothering me right now is I just heard my parents arguing about me and how no one else's kid would ever be living with their parents at 25. I feel a lot of anger and resentment that goes unvoiced. I am so ashamed. I don't WANT to be a burden on my parents and I don't WANT to have put my life on hold. I had so many dreams and hopes and this anxiety and depression just makes every day feel like so much work. The shame and guilt and embarrassment is really ******* me. I don't know what to do. I don't understand WHY I can't just get out that door and do what everyone else can do. It's like there some chain holding me back or a weight around my neck. The shame and guilt of living in this house just makes things worse. It makes me want to just hide (which is what I end up doing; just going to an empty room and hiding from all the anger and hatred).

I'm 32 and in the exact same position as you. I feel like an enormous burden to my parents. I can especially relate to what you said about the feelings of shame and guilt you experience over your situation. Like you I often hide in my bedroom because I feel so angry and ashamed about how my life turned out that I can't even look at myself in the mirror without crying let alone look at my family. My parents would never say it to my face but I know that they think I am just being lazy. They have no idea how deep my mental pain goes and how much I hate my existence.

[FeelinBlueAllTheTime]

Wow, I can relate to this so much it's scary!

UnlimitedTimeOnly...I'm sorry that you are going through such a difficult time. I will be 29 in a few months and I don't have a job either.

When I lived with my mother and stepfather, it was hell. My stepfather hated me from the time I was 13 years old and it worsened as I grew older. Once I turned 17 or 18, he wanted me out of his house. I have a severe learning disability (dyscalculia) and I tried to do the best I could. I went to school, tried to get various jobs, helped out at home...but nothing was ever good enough.

I was being verbally and emotionally abused on a daily basis until I turned 24, met my husband, got married, and moved out.

I'm so sorry because I've been in that position and it is miserable. I still feel that way because despite not living with them anymore, there will always be that feeling of shame and guilt, of being a burden to others.

Sometimes my husband makes me feel that way too, without meaning to...like he'll remind me that I've been out of school for a while now and I should be doing something with my life. And I worry that he resents me because he pays all the bills.

Most people don't really hide what they think of me. They perceive me as being lazy, a freeloader who takes advantage of everyone. I'm not sure why this is, because I don't ask for anything. Yes, my husband works and pays the bills but I also do my share of making sure that his laundry is done and he has hot meals on the table. I don't clean the apartment very often because my depression makes me overwhelmingly tired, but I try to do it when necessary.

My stepfather would literally call me lazy and stupid from the time I woke up until I went to bed at night. Never mind that I would be expected to come home from school and do chores on a daily basis. I would stand there in the kitchen up to my elbows in soapy water doing dishes and he would be shouting about how lazy/bad/rotten I was. He treated me like a slave, but called me lazy.

So yeah, from one "burden" to another...I feel your pain. I agree with what the others have said, too. And pinto77 is right. When you live in a home where you feel resented/unloved/unwanted, it is truly a toxic situation.

My husband also has two friends, a married couple, and the guy is nice to me but his wife seems to judge me because I don't have a job. It is terrible. I hope you can find some peace...we will be here to lend support and to listen if you need somebody to talk to.

Edited by FeelinBlueAllTheTime, 27 August 2012 - 10:10 AM.

[FeelinBlueAllTheTime]

I also have to add that, as usual, Ep1ctetus brings a lot of perspective and insight to the table. Words of wisdom all around!

Yes, there are a lot of "shoulds" in society...especially Western society. There seems to be a timeline that everyone is expected to follow. You go to school, you graduate, you get a career, you get married, have kids, etc...and all of this should be done at a certain time. You're expected to be independent, financially and otherwise. People who live with their parents over the age of 18 are often ridiculed.

The problem is that everyone is on a different journey. So as Ep1 said, there might be some rather simplistic assumptions on your parents' part. We are now living in a world of uncertainty today. Times are very different from what they were when my mother came to this country. She was able to get a job and a place of her own with no problem at all. And unlike me, she didn't have a learning disability or other challenges standing in her way. Her life wasn't easy but things were very different back then. The cost of simple things wasn't as high. But when she divorced my father and he never paid a penny in child support, she struggled a lot.

There are many young people from wealthy families and they get things handed to them all the time...I guess you could call them the "me" generation because they're mostly unaware of how privileged they are. But for others, either those with dead-end jobs or those who can't find jobs at all, life is tough. And it doesn't help when your parents seem to blame or resent you.

Just remember that it is not your fault.

[Dingadilly]

I'm 34 years old, possibly 35 i stopped counting when I stopped getting presents.

I live with my parent after moving out several times in the past, each time managing to incur more rent associated debts.

I came to the conclusion that i lacked the emotinal tools to effectivley survive when living alone, no friends to come round,no where to go, job I hated full of people that were a******s, an insidious tendancy to spend more time thinking than doing also had a contributing factor I feel.

Whilst it may be little consolation, something I have also concluded is that every household, (and indeed) every person, is completely different, what would be a mortal sin in one household, eating after 9pm for example, could be the norm in another.

While you may feel the situation is intolerable, I offer the following, move out or clear the air, infact doing both couldn't hurt.

Do what you want to do :) that would make life so much more fun. if you need to move out because you feel its that important to you, get any job, manual labour, unskilled etc, its money at the end of the day.
Aim for doing what you enjoy doing AND getting paid for doing it. A pipe dream for alot of people, but I think if you have a job, where you actually enjoy being there, you're on the right track

Perhaps a talk with your parents would be, difficult, uncomfortable and probably long

However it would give you the oppurtunity to try and clear the air, which may allieviate some of that resentment.
Everyone is allowed an opinion, who has heard yours in that household?

From your post title it seems to me you have heard someone else's, In my book it would be only fair to give them the oppurtunity to hear mine.

Kind regards

Ding

[Onelightburning]

I totally understand, it's just a simple fact that when you're low on mental energy through depression it makes life way harder. Right now you're responsible for looking after yourself, and most importanly being good to yourself and on your mind. Remember to rest and try to avoid stressing out right now, I admit that it can be hard right now but please try because that only adds to your mental distress and that way your depression. You don't want that right now. Be a little selfish and think about your own well being now. When you're ready, and you have that energy then pursue jobs and your dreams. Do you go to therapy? If you dont mind me asking

[brandon182]

Im 23 and live with my mum, she is very understanding of my condition now she knows just how difficult i find everyday things. I gather that like me you dont have a definitive reason for your depression/anxiety and it just sort of creeped u on you out of no where and now its taken over your life. my psychiatrist told my mum about how hard "NORMAL" every day things are for me. So she trys her best to support me now. If you have a psychiatrist or doctor you could try have them explain to your parenst how hard things are for you at the moment. Im ashamed that i still live with my mum but i have to admit if i didnt have her i dont know what i would do.I understand that the anxiety and depression can be a viscous cycle. to anxious to find a job which in turn gets you even more depressed. hang in there mate.

[ellemint]

I can relate.

I'm back living with my Dad after 20 years of being on my own, and it is not easy. I used to have my own condo and independence before I moved back to Canada in order to get psychiatric care that I couldn't get in the U.S.

Every once in a while, like today, he blows up and says that I'm lazy, selfish, self-indulgent,stupid, that I'm not trying. He says I'm not sick, just lazy. He thinks the doctors are a joke and the medication is useless. When we go out to a grocery store he is very critical of anything I buy, even lettuce or fruit, because he thinks I'm wasting money. He criticizes just about anything I do. He's always glaring at me and acting like I'm in the way. He and his girlfriend fix meals for themselves and do not invite me to eat with them. I can do no right by him. It sucks :(

It certainly doesn't help with my depression. I don't know why parents act this way. Surely, they must see that they are not being supportive.

Edited by ellemint, 27 August 2012 - 08:22 PM.

[Down]

This topic really hits close to home with me too but I'm the parent. My daughter is only 19 and just tonight fought with me for the umpteenth time about how I'm always mad at her and how I just want her out of here. You see, not only do I battle with my own depression but I also am incapable of helping my own daughter with her's. Its not only depression either, its Asperger's and GAD and depression and ADHD, oh yeah, Mood Disorder, NOS--how I hate that label--so unhelpful. She is extremely treatment resistant and after 7 years of doctors and therapists and medication and even a brief hospitalization, I still can't keep her from wanting to die every day. I could really use her help with that. I have done everything I can think of to help her. I have listened, I have calmed her, I have held her and loved her. Its never enough. Just minutes ago she yelled and swore at me because I asked her to repeat something she said that I didn't hear. She said I never listen that I never try to understand her and I don't care about her. I'm all she has and yet she pushes me away. I have been talking with her about moving out some day. Gently and with reassurance that we must find a place she likes with others who can properly support her. There are programs here where we live that I think would be great for her to begin living her own life on her own terms. It's not a matter of me thinking she's a certain age and she should be on her own. She could stay as long as she likes if she stops abusing me. I don't think she'll stop until I'm not so available to her--its a cycle. I don't think she's doing this on purpose. I really don't but it hurts just the same. This is my story, not saying its this way for the rest of you. Being a parent is an unimaginably tough job. Some are good at it, some not so much.

[FeelinBlueAllTheTime]

This topic really hits close to home with me too but I'm the parent. My daughter is only 19 and just tonight fought with me for the umpteenth time about how I'm always mad at her and how I just want her out of here. You see, not only do I battle with my own depression but I also am incapable of helping my own daughter with her's. Its not only depression either, its Asperger's and GAD and depression and ADHD, oh yeah, Mood Disorder, NOS--how I hate that label--so unhelpful. She is extremely treatment resistant and after 7 years of doctors and therapists and medication and even a brief hospitalization, I still can't keep her from wanting to die every day. I could really use her help with that. I have done everything I can think of to help her. I have listened, I have calmed her, I have held her and loved her. Its never enough. Just minutes ago she yelled and swore at me because I asked her to repeat something she said that I didn't hear. She said I never listen that I never try to understand her and I don't care about her. I'm all she has and yet she pushes me away. I have been talking with her about moving out some day. Gently and with reassurance that we must find a place she likes with others who can properly support her. There are programs here where we live that I think would be great for her to begin living her own life on her own terms. It's not a matter of me thinking she's a certain age and she should be on her own. She could stay as long as she likes if she stops abusing me. I don't think she'll stop until I'm not so available to her--its a cycle. I don't think she's doing this on purpose. I really don't but it hurts just the same. This is my story, not saying its this way for the rest of you. Being a parent is an unimaginably tough job. Some are good at it, some not so much.

My heart goes out to you, Down...I'm sure it is a terrible struggle.

It sounds like you both are really hurting. I've had a few moments in the past when I had terrible fights with my mother and I said/did things that I'm now deeply ashamed of.

I've also had many times when I felt that my mother didn't love me or care about me, but I know she does...it's just that I wasn't her first priority in most instances.

Your daughter is clearly in a lot of pain. Sometimes people can be destructive and lash out at others when they don't know how to cope with their pain. I'm sure she doesn't hate you, even if it seems that way. You sound like a wonderful mom and you're doing the very best you can.

I know it must be very painful because you've tried to be there for her and you've been supportive. And you also need to take care of yourself because you struggle with depression too. Please be as gentle with yourself as possible. The program sounds like a good idea because she might learn skills to help her be more independent.

I know that for some parents, living with a depressed teenager/adult can be very difficult. I know that in some cases there is abusive, disrespectful or violent behavior that makes it impossible to live with. There was a time when I hit my mother, which is one of the worst things I've ever done. I still feel very guilty and ashamed of myself. I was angry and hurt because she allowed my stepfather to abuse me for years...but there was no excuse for my actions, because I hate to hurt other people. I still can't believe that I put my hands on her.

But I also know that for many of us who were depressed as teens and are now adults, whether we still live with our parents or not, it is/was tough. Some of us grew up in homes where there is very little love, understanding, and support. Your daughter is very lucky to have a mother like you...I love my mom dearly, but she wasn't very supportive most of the time. Her life revolves around my stepfather and he wanted to put me out on the street. That never happened, but 99% of their fights were about me because he hated me. I remember that she actually blamed me for the problems in their relationship at one point.

So I feel for you, because you have quite a lot on your plate. I hope things will improve...just try to take it one day at a time.

[FeelinBlueAllTheTime]

I can relate.

I'm back living with my Dad after 20 years of being on my own, and it is not easy. I used to have my own condo and independence before I moved back to Canada in order to get psychiatric care that I couldn't get in the U.S.

Every once in a while, like today, he blows up and says that I'm lazy, selfish, self-indulgent,stupid, that I'm not trying. He says I'm not sick, just lazy. He thinks the doctors are a joke and the medication is useless. When we go out to a grocery store he is very critical of anything I buy, even lettuce or fruit, because he thinks I'm wasting money. He criticizes just about anything I do. He's always glaring at me and acting like I'm in the way. He and his girlfriend fix meals for themselves and do not invite me to eat with them. I can do no right by him. It sucks :(

It certainly doesn't help with my depression. I don't know why parents act this way. Surely, they must see that they are not being supportive.

I'm sorry, ellemint...that's terrible.

Sometimes I think parents act this way for two reasons: 1) they are old-school types who don't believe that depression is a "real" condition, or 2) their behavior is a coping mechanism. They don't know how to be helpful or supportive so they push you away.

That sounds like my stepfather. I was constantly being accused of being lazy, manipulative, etc. And the part about being in his way? I can relate to that too. My mother would always tell me to stay out of his way. I basically lived in fear under his roof. Sometimes I was afraid to eat because that meant having to come out of my room and see him, knowing how he felt about me. I lived this way from 14-24 years old.

Depression is tough but it's a billion times worse when you have to do it alone, without emotional support.

[UnlimitedTimeOnly]

Hi everyone. Thanks so much for sharing your stories and for your replies! You don't know how much this helped. I wish I could reply to each of your posts individually, but I'm feeling pretty exhausted right now. Just know, I've read each response, and really appreciate everything you guys have said and the advice/perspective you provided. I'm really sorry for all of you who are also going through this, or have been through this. I like the way FeelinBlueAlltheTime put it: "toxic." It's definitely toxic, and it's really hard to "detox" from this negativity. It's really hard to get the momentum going.

I'm terrified of the whole job-hunting process, but I know it's something I need to do eventually. Right now, I probably need to focus on "being selfish" like Onelightburning said, and understand that what I've got is a disease like epict1tus said. It's come to the point where I'm considering having to get on antidepressants. Even after all these years, I've never actually resorted to antidepressants. To be honest, I'm terrified of them. I've heard so many horror stories and anything that can affect your brain in such a way really scares me. But I'm so desperate, and tired, and hopeless right now, I think I might need some extra help.

Edited by UnlimitedTimeOnly, 29 August 2012 - 06:09 PM.

[FeelinBlueAllTheTime]

Hi everyone. Thanks so much for sharing your stories and for your replies! You don't know how much this helped. I wish I could reply to each of your posts individually, but I'm feeling pretty exhausted right now. Just know, I've read each response, and really appreciate everything you guys have said and the advice/perspective you provided. I'm really sorry for all of you who are also going through this, or have been through this. I like the way FeelinBlueAlltheTime put it: "toxic." It's definitely toxic, and it's really hard to "detox" from this negativity. It's really hard to get the momentum going.

I'm terrified of the whole job-hunting process, but I know it's something I need to do eventually. Right now, I probably need to focus on "being selfish" like Onelightburning said, and understand that what I've got is a disease like epict1tus said. It's come to the point where I'm considering having to get on antidepressants. Even after all these years, I've never actually resorted to antidepressants. To be honest, I'm terrified of them. I've heard so many horror stories and anything that can affect your brain in such a way really scares me. But I'm so desperate, and tired, and hopeless right now, I think I might need some extra help.

Hi, UnlimitedTimeOnly...are you in therapy now? That might help a little bit. I'm scared of antidepressants too. And job-hunting is like the boogeyman. I have no idea what my future will be like, if I even have one. I can't spend the rest of my life this way but I don't know how to fix it. I hate being dependent on other people.

Thanks for your kind words in return. I probably talked a bit too much about myself (bad habit) but I wanted to show you that I could relate to your situation and to show my support. I'm still scarred by the way I was treated, but now I'm trying to heal and to focus on how to improve things just a little bit.

*sigh* I guess we've just gotta take it one day at a time. Take slow, tiny baby steps and try to set realistic goals for what we want in life.

[UnlimitedTimeOnly]

Hey FeelinBlueAllTheTime! I used to see a counselor, but since I left school, I haven't been able to meet with anyone since. He really helped, and I still use a lot of what he taught me, but I still have these internal "blocks" that make everything feel really overwhelming and scary. I know I'll have to find a therapist soon, though, because going through this alone is really painful. If you're willing to try some supplements that I've heard some great things about, look into 5 HTP and DL-phenylanaline (DLPA). They're supposed to raise serotonin and endorphins without causing the side effects or dependency of antidepressants. I found out about them through a book called "The Mood Cure" by Julie Ross. You can take a questionaire here to see what type of depression you might have. I was low in endorphins and serotonin, but also GABA. But, the serotonin and endorphins lists felt the most relevant to me. I'm going to give them a go.

I definitely appreciated your message. One concept that's helped me a lot is self-compassion. Being kind to myself instead of the cruelty I learned from my upbringing with my parents. It's hard to get out of that spiral of toxicity when even your own mind is trying to scare you away from life. Here's a link to two talks by psychologist Tara Brach on the topic that I really liked:

http://www.tarabrach.com/video/2011-03-23-Healing-Power-of-Self-Compassion.html
http://www.tarabrach.com/video/2011-03-30-Part2-Healing-Power-of-Self-Compassion.html

Being kinder and kinder and kinder, every moment... that's the only way through this, I think.

[Boxurian]

I had a period of time where I couldn't stand to be out working in public and dealing with people. I had been at a job for about 5 years and pretty consistent, and then I went into such a deep depression I spent 3 months in bed trying to decide if I would **** myself or not. The anxiety was unbearable, in that I had a family, and would probably be losing my job. I actually did work there for about another year after I was able to go back until they found an excuse to get rid of me.

If it's the dealing with people that you have an issue with and you really want to work, there should be jobs that are out there that don't deal with people. Of course you have 2 options, working for someone else, or working for yourself. And of course there are advantages and disadvantages on both. I am now a self-employed, business owner with a staff of about 10, which does have it's responsibilities and stresses that don't come with being employed by someone else.

As far as the parents being embarrassed about your age and still living with them, maybe you could make it more equitable by offering to do service for the room and board if they are also paying for everything for you. You could keep up the yard, or do laundry or run errands for them, etc., to make the arrangement more equitable in lew of rent payment.

[vyse]

In the beginning, my parents had a hard time understanding why I was not as ambitious as all the other kids. It took years to figure out that the economy is not as it was when they were growing up. When mental illness popped into the picture, they became more understanding, especially my father. My mother has her own issues, but I will not elaborate them here.

I explained to them what I thought was wrong with me: I had depression, or some other form of mental illness. They were much more understanding afterwards. That's not to say that these hard times haven't hit anyone in some way, but still. They need to know what you're going through, and unfortunately, communicating with them is the only answer. They will not understand you when you say nothing to them. That's the way it is. If you tell them what is wrong, then there is some chance of reconciliation I believe, and some chance is better than doing nothing about it. I hope you gather the courage to do this and wish you luck.

Edited by vyse, 31 August 2012 - 07:39 PM.

[UnlimitedTimeOnly]

Thanks Boxurian and vyse. I try to be helpful around the house. I even cook everyone dinner from time to time. It does help a little. It's just really hard to get over these feelings of shame and guilt. I think part of it is that I know exactly what I have to do, and yet I haven't done it... because I'm too anxious and overwhelmed.

I'm going to show my parents the video from Robert Sapolsky (in the sticky on this forum) that talks about depression, because I thought that was brilliant.

Edited by UnlimitedTimeOnly, 03 September 2012 - 11:43 AM.

[darkmonkey]

I read so many of these comments where you feel your parents resent you. I'm sorry for your situations and I understand how depression and anxiety paralyzes one in these situations.

I have been on both sides of the issue. In my 20s &30s, after divorce, unemployment, or ending LTR, I had to move back in with my parents several times. I've raised 4 kids to adulthood and my youngest son of 20 still lives with me. Now, my mother also lives with me. So, three generations in one house. There are challenges when families live together, mental illness or not, it's a hard thing to do.

In my case, I think I have develop a co-dependecy with my mother and son. If either of them moved out at this point, I would be very lonely. However, we have fights, sometimes minor, sometimes major. We all contribute to bills, but I've been unemployed for a while now and my money is running out. so things are getting tougher than normal.

As a parent, I can't image I could ever be very upset with my child living with me. It depends however, if the kid was a urn head and got high all day, yeah I would boot them out. If they were down on their luck, I would help them anyway I could. I think that is the same for most parents. You love your kids and want to help them regardless of age. Sometimes parents get discouraged too and say things they don't really mean, so try mot to be overly-sensitive about the resentment issue. Tell your parents you need help and ask they help you find the resouces to change your situation. Like I said, I understand the paralyzing thing..just push through it. I think most the time if parents see you are making an effort to fix the situation, they will cut you some slack. Make sure you let your parents know you appreciate them helping you by letting you stay with them. Keep telling them, weekly or more.Try to do chores around the house without being asked.

I'm sure there are parents out there that do really resent their kids living with them. My advice is try the same stategies I mentioned above. Push as hard as you can to get change going in your life. Times are tough and most people realize that, so don't be hard on yourself.

[UnlimitedTimeOnly]

Thank you so much darkmonkey. Your post really helped me feel a lot better. I know my parents love me and are worried about me. I want so much for them to be happy, and for me to be happy as well. I'm working with a counselor and doing what I can to make life easier for myself. I hope I can get through this to a happier place. Thanks for your support. :)