Dink's Paxil Journal...
Posted 18 August 2012 - 12:34 AM
DAY 1 (8/18 1:30am) - Took my first Paxil 10mg, along with Ativan 1mg, which was also prescribed for anxiety. It has been an hour since I took the first dose, and I felt lethargic and slightly anxious at first, but the Ativan seems to be helping dull down my anxiety some. Feeling kind of spacey, but compared to the "brain fog" my anxiety/depression has caused me to have over the last 3 weeks I'll learn to deal with it.
The Ativan (which normally knocks me out cold) seems to be less sedating tonight, probably due to Paxil performance anxiety and/or the fact that I just got off work and I'm usually wired anyway. Gonna read Donald Trump's book, watch some MSNBC Lockup, and go to bed. Ace Frehley of KISS is performing in Erie tomorrow night and I would actually like to go...lol.
PLEASE feel free to offer opinions/insight/encouragement. This is my first go-round with an SSRI, and I'm praying that the first time is the right time. Three of my closest friends here in town are also Paxil/ex-Paxil patients, and have spoken very highly of it....so up, up, and away we go on Dink's Paxil Journey :)
Good night to my fellow DPers...more to come tomorrow after Ace ;)
Posted 18 August 2012 - 05:35 AM
PS: An Ace Frehley fan, awesome! You're so lucky to be able to see him in concert. He's not playing anywhere near me unfortunately. I went to many of his shows Back In The Day, but I'd love to see him again soon. Enjoy the show!
("Unwell," Matchbox 20)
Posted 18 August 2012 - 01:45 PM
MeMyself...I will be sure to post details of the show as well when I do my next Paxil update. :)
Posted 19 August 2012 - 08:30 AM
P.S. Ace Frehley ROCKED Erie last night...I'm so glad I got to see such an awesome show!
Posted 19 August 2012 - 09:53 AM
I want to commend you on what you are doing. It is very encouraging to read that you are fighting this battle. It is hard to fight depression when depression is a disease that takes all the fight out of one. I am glad there is some part of you that is above the depression and is trying to reach out to help your brain heal. Your brain loves you for it, believe me. And it will respond to your love by getting better. I like your idea of sharing your progress with us each day. What a great idea. I wish you all good things.
"A man is really ethical when he obeys the constraint laid on him to help all life which he is able to help, and when he goes out of his way to avoid injuring anything living. He does not ask how far this or that life deserves compassion as valuable in itself, how far it is capable of feeling. To him, life itself is sacred. He shatters no ice crystal that sparkles in the sun, tears no leaf from its tree, breaks off no flower, and is careful not to crush any insect as he walks. If he works by lamplight on a summer evening, he prefers to keep the window shut and breathe stifling air rather than see insect after insect fall on his table with singed and sinking wings. If he goes out into the street after a rain storm and sees a worm which has strayed there, he reflects that it will surely dry up in the sunlight, if it does not quickly regain the damp soil into which it can creep, and so he helps it back to the lush grass. Should he pass an insect which has fallen into a pool, he spares the time to reach it a leaf or a stalk on which it may clamor and save itself. Animals suffer as much as we do. We must fight against the spirit of unconscious cruelty with which we treat the animals. " Dr. Albert Schweitzer.
"Compassion, in which all ethics must take root, can only attain its full breadth and depth if it embraces all living creatures and does not limit itself to mankind." Dr. Albert Scheweiter.
Posted 20 August 2012 - 12:16 AM
To make my med (and sleep) schedules more conventional, I am going to once again pull an all-nighter tonight and maybe use a vacation day at work tomorrow so that I don't "crash and burn"...lol. I will take the Ativan at bedtime and continue to take the Paxil at 6-6:30 am, so that there is a continuous routine for both. That way by Tuesday I'm back to a semi-normal sleep schedule.
More to come!
Ep1: Thank you so much for the kind words of encouragement. Your words are quite honestly uplifting and inspiring. This is a battle that I quite frankly REFUSE TO LOSE. I know there are some of you out there that have suffered FAR longer and FAR worse with GAD/SAD/depression than I have, and my 8 months with it really makes my heart go out to each and every one of you. The main purpose of this journal is to convey the message to everyone here that dreams do come true, and obstacles (no matter how great) CAN and in most if not all cases WILL be overcome.
More tomorrow...Good night and God Bless all of you!
Posted 22 August 2012 - 12:51 AM
Monday - I stayed home from work due to a hellish migraine and a fever. I slept off and on much of the day but sat on the couch watching Monday Night Raw on TV in the evening. Of significance...my anhedonia (flat moods, not caring about anything) is showing signs of improving. John Cena was on Raw with CM Punk explaining loyalty to the Fresno fans, and his words brought tears of pride to my eyes. His words reaffirmed how much I love my hometown of Erie and how genuinely proud I am of my city's rich history and tradition.
Tuesday - Woke up around 1pm, went to work. Actually had a productive day today. No significant change in me as of yet, but if I really sit down and think about it, I did find myself kind of giggling a couple times today about various things. I am back to the Ativan/Paxil mix due to anxiety issues. Tomorrow I call my doctor to seek her approval on doubling my Ativan dosage at night (Dink isn't sleeping too well)...I want to start being a morning person again due to a possible shift change at work coming up. We'll see how it goes.
Until next time, this has been the Dinkster.
Posted 22 August 2012 - 05:40 AM
("Unwell," Matchbox 20)
Posted 26 August 2012 - 02:38 AM
Wednesday was basically uneventful, I did notice that my energy levels are starting to increase and I'm finding myself singing along with the radio at work more often (this is/was a longtime favorite of mine...lol)
Thursday...I was told by a good friend at work that I have a "glow" to me recently, as compared to the depression "blues". Funny thing is these changes are so subtle that other people usually notice them in me before I do. Nonetheless, it's really awesome.
Friday was a REALLY good day (by present standards). I dropped my phone on the sidewalk at the bus stop (cracking the screen) but didn't get upset, angry, or any of that. Work was as fun for me as it has been in several weeks, and I'm slowly starting to enter back into my "old me" antics and shenanigans that my co-workers have missed over the last 8 months or so.
Today was uneventful. I slept most of the day (until about 5pm) and just enjoyed a day at home playing SimCity 4 (a LONGTIME favorite hobby) and watching some TV.
As for side effects, my foggyness and headaches are subsiding, as is the "added depression" that some Paxil users have encountered. I'm still far from being "the old me", but a week in and I'm already feeling that progress is being made. Patience and keeping my mind active go a long way. It is also worth noting that I am starting to feel that my self-esteem is beginning to rise again, especially after completeing certain tasks at work or after conversations with friends.
Until next time, I wish you all a happy, safe, and AWESOME weekend!
Posted 26 August 2012 - 02:46 AM
Just thought this might be of interest in the Journal :)
Posted 06 September 2012 - 09:06 PM
Good luck and I will keep reading your journal and seeing how your days are going. Might make one for myself on here
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