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[Just Adam]

I have great family and friends. But I spend the vast majority of my time alone. And I know it isn't good for me. Alot of my friends have moved away, the majority of my closest friends in fact. I still have friends, but it seems like all but one of them is too busy for me. Sometimes I start thinking that some of my friends and even family don't like me much anymore. There could be some truth to that I guess. I've been reaching out for help and people to listen these past few months. And I get the feeling that some people are sick of hearing me talk about being depressed. Also though, most of the people I'm talking about are out in the world doing productive things, so they probably just don't have time. I'm not doing much with my life. I've been trying to get out and do things I enjoy just for fun, but it can be hard when you have very little money. It can also be hard when you have no one to enjoy things with you.
I notice that when I do get out of the house and actually do something and socialize (Even if it's just with one friend) I feel somewhat better. It is at least a distraction from the negative thoughts that usually swirl around my head. I guess I'm just venting.

[blueskys_lemondrops]

I can relate with you Just Adam, starting to realize that spending to much time alone isn't good for me, yet it's difficult to motivate myself to do something on my own. I used to do alot by myself like walking, biking, going into nature, now I just play on the computer or watch the television. Also with talking about depression with friends I started getting the same feeling, i don't know if your in therapy but thats a place where I can unload all at once while working with somebody else. I think your friends would still be intrested in hanging out with you, the nature of your time can be changed by depression but they are still your friends they will find a way. Best, Matt

[Just Adam]

Thanks. Yes I'm in therapy. I have an appointment tommorrow. I've gotten up to 2 appointments a month instead of one, which is good. But I still feel like it is not enough. It is like I need someone to talk to constantly, even though I've never been an incredibly talkitive person. But being alone and only having conversations with myself in my head seems to have driven me nuts.
And I know what you mean about motivation. There are a couple of beautifull walking trails within a 5-10 minute drive of my house, which I've walked on before a few times. And I know excercise is another thing that would be good for me, but I just can't get up and do it.

[michael please]

Just Adam, I'm not the first one to say this, but can you schedule yourself "appointments" during the day to which you will commit to getting to?

I have a very hard time doing this myself but I ALWAYS make it to my therapy or psychiatrist appointments. Those meetings have an advantage of containing numerous things that are attractive: First is the internal feeling that they may understand the possible way to fix ourselves and end the pain. Second is that it actually is a social interaction with someone who can at least sympathize. Third, is that we've paid for it and will waste the money if we don't go.

One thing that has been close to that for me has been guided meditation sessions. Depending on where you are, there might be ones that meed multiple times per week and take donations at the end. I've been donating exactly $2 each time because I'm so financially unstable at the moment.

But if you know you can get up for the therapy appointments, you know it is possible for you to get up and out to do something.

[Just Adam]

I do get up and go to them, so I do know it is possible. I very rarely miss my appointments, because I feel obligated not to waste their time by not showing up, plus I look forward to going because I feel like they help. The problem is that the feeling like the appointments help wear off very quickly, and I'm back in my hole.
Maybe I can force myself to get up and take a walk before my appointment tommorrow. I don't know.

[ellemint]

That's a good idea Michael -- to make an appointment for / with yourself. I'm going to try that.

:)