Jump to content

Advertisement
  • No one should be alone in this. We can help.
If you - or someone you know - are having thoughts about suicide, call 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Calls are connected to a certified crisis center nearest the caller's location. Services are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.                                                                            If you - or someone you know - are having thoughts about suicide, call 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Calls are connected to a certified crisis center nearest the caller's location. Services are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

Advertisement
Advertisement
Advertisement
Photo

Intrusive Obsession And Recurring Memory ...


  • Please log in to reply
5 replies to this topic

#1 chucapabra

chucapabra

    Senior Member

    ID: 80975

  • Senior Member
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 666 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:QC,Canada

Posted 25 July 2012 - 04:58 PM

After reading many post I finally realise why did all those recurring sad memory keep coming back to me since April. I finally understand why I keep reminding of bad stuff just to make me feel stressed.

Its actually since I wasn't obsessed with anyone. By obsessed, I mean thinking alllllllllll day long about a crush. and believe me I have a veryyy wild imagination. It felt good to see I wasn't the only one with those problem. since I was young, I would *fall in love* with someone in my class or entourage. most of the time I never spoke to them or anything and even I knew some of them really hated me... all day long I would think of that person imagined all the stuff we would do.. I think I obsessed on a new guy every 2-3 year. the longest lasted for 4-5 year!!!! and it was actually on a teacher. it was actually the last one I had.. and it lasted for this long. I stopped thinking of him since its been almost 2 year I haven't seem him, since I started uni... and I din't have any picture of him... so its weird I just stopped thinking of him that much since April. But still until then I was typing his name in google just to see of it had a picture of him etc or searching for his fb account. *you would be surprised on how most of my teacher does have it* anyway its stopped kinda..

then..after ..all those very old memory came back to me... then those family worries took over all my though.. all this around the finals... even when doing my exam I felt like crying.. I keep thinking of my 3th grade bully then others stuffs.. stuff that came out from nowhere..all because I didn't have a *crush* to think of... no happy stuff to think off or cute guy... I thought some day If I stopped thinking so much about my *crush* I would be more productive , happier and concentrate more on study, but nope it made matter worse.. I can't think of one good thing now.. well ok I'm exaggerating at least I am not in a bad health or homeless..but that doesn't cut it...

Edited by chucapabra, 25 July 2012 - 05:00 PM.


#2 Epictetus

Epictetus

    Community Assistant

    ID: 83947

  • DF Support
  • 4,447 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:New Mexico, USA

Posted 25 July 2012 - 08:51 PM

Hi Chucapabra,


I feel as though I can really understand what you are going through. I have been obsessed by people in my life and felt as though the obsession was sometimes the only thing that kept me going; the only thing that made what I considered a miserable life to be livable. Sometimes the absence of a person we constantly think and dream about can seem like a presence. It is as though the absence of them is more real than the presence of others. Sometimes the absence is torture. But sometimes the presence of their absence is comforting. It is very hard to explain.

Literature is filled with stories of obsessive love: Dante and Beatrice, Petrarch and Laura. There is an entire school of psychology which seeks to explore the nature of love in all its manifestations, without prejudgement. This school of psychology explores what it means "to fall in love," to be "bewitched" or "transfigured" by desire. It has linked love very powerfully to the imagination. So much of myth and legend is filled with the imagery of love, unique love, impossible love. One school of psychology in particular regards all love, even the love we don't understand as being important to our psyche as being soul-making and soul-enriching.

I think that since we live in the age of the photograph, we are in new terrain. Because of photography we can "have" the face of an other in a way people before photography could not. But even without photography, love, passion, loneliness, desire: these are all great mysteries. Anyone who tells you that they have this all figured out is not telling the truth.

The real question has to do with your life. Are you suffering? Is your obsession or lack of it causing you great pain and misery? Sometimes various illnesses of the brain can be the cause of obsessions that cause excruciating pain and agony. And that kind of pain and agony is not necessary. There are medicines available to help the brain heal from suffering like that. Looking back on my life I think I can say that I have been obsessed with people. Perhaps one obsession lasted 13 years. At one time, the famous psychologist Carl Jung was obsessed with what others called "his imaginary friend" Philemon. But Jung insisted the person was very real.
Now Jung was one of the Fathers of modern psychology.

I think if you are suffering terribly from your obsession or if it is causing you to be unable to function and live a full life, you might want to see a doctor. Perhaps you are suffering from an illness. Just because you get better does not mean that you have to forget your life in the past or your loves in the past. Healing your brain will not destroy the unique person you are even in your loves and desires.

I think it is important that you not beat yourself up over an abstract ideal like the concept of "normality." Normality even in its statistical sense, varies very widely across cultures. Sometimes what is considered "normal" say in Japanese psychology might be considered "abnormal" in Western psychology. Was Dante normal? What about Francesco Petrarcha? What about the Sufi Master Rumi. I do not intend to judge you at all Chucapabra. But if your life is miserable and a living hell, please seek the advice of a physician. I wish you the very best. I mean that. You are not alone. You are not alone!!!

Edited by Ep1ctetus, 25 July 2012 - 08:56 PM.

  • chucapabra likes this

#3 chucapabra

chucapabra

    Senior Member

    ID: 80975

  • Senior Member
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 666 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:QC,Canada

Posted 26 July 2012 - 10:02 AM

Hey Ep1ctetus :) thank you for replying


I never took those obsession seriously back in high school, I thought they where just my hormone acting up. I thought when I am teenager its normal to have boy on my mind allll day long... I'm not sure if I'm suffering from it. Its actually helped me go through High school and my whole life. Those obsessions helped me escape a harsh reality : I come from a very strict family and can't do much thing without the consent of my parent. Since I was a child, I always asked my parent why can't I do this or that. There only response was it because it in your culture you are a girl you can't do this blablabla and they always told me to keep quiet. Unlike my brother, he could do anything he want when he want he was free at a very early age. even if he did poorly in school my parent wasn't mad.

So I told myself what is the point? what is the point to live in the real world that doesn't make sense. I knew I would never have the freedom to do what I like. I never lived the fun teenage year. Plus I'm not a attractive person: couple of stretch mark, lot of hyper-pigmentation, puffy hair, body of an old lady (I'm 22!!) I know no one will ever find me attractive. I guess me knowing all this, send me in year of obsession with people.

for the most part of my life,I lived in my head with different crush. Sure this prevented me to concentrate in school, doing homework , socialising with other, or having a ambition. But I felt happy and secure for some reason. Even when I failed many courses I wouldn't mind either, I wouldn't mind if I was a total outcast in school I did mind people make fun of me but the worries didn't last since I keep thinking and thinking..

Now I'm on vacation, I would have loved to have a crazy obsession, I wouldn't have to deal with those recurring memory. Really I didn't remember most of childhood until last April. I was living on cloud 9 until then. The only thing I have now is to make myself feel miserable. I'm not sure if I need to see a doctor. It would be complicated to explain this to my parent, believe me it would!! I'm not sure if all this is because I don't keep myself occupied. I can't really join a offline support group. At least I have this forum and I work with my dad. but now my dad is pushing to get a good part time job. I guess this would help.

I'm not sure what to do. maybe when class start next month it will come back again... Do you recommend any book that could really help? I need to start reading ... again thank you for replying :)

#4 Epictetus

Epictetus

    Community Assistant

    ID: 83947

  • DF Support
  • 4,447 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:New Mexico, USA

Posted 26 July 2012 - 10:32 AM

Hi chucapabra,


It sounds like your life is pretty rough right now. I wish I had the power to just wave my hand and make everything better for you!!!

I don't want to scare you or anything, but I want to talk to you about something serious. Sometimes if we suffer from a lot of unhappiness and disappointment in life we can fall into depression or anxiety. I'm not talking about a temporary low mood or small stress or little obsession. Most people do not realize it, but the brain itself can get sick from unhappiness. Recent studies have shown that the brain can become abnormal in the way it regulates not only our thinking and feelings, but our sleep, our appetite and many things. The structure of the brain, its anatomy can change. The brain can lose size and shape and volume, sometimes as much as 20%. Imagine if your eye shrank 20% or your heart. So that is pretty serious stuff.

Depression and anxiety have both been linked to brain cell death and profound cellular changes. EVen blood flow and energy utilization can change during depression and anxiety. I do not tell you this to scare you. I don't want to scare you or cause you to suffer anything. I only tell you this to show you how important it can be to see a doctor. A doctor can see whether you are suffering just from the stresses in your life or whether your brain has been affected by those stresses. I am concerned about you and wouldn't want to see anything happen to you Chucapabra.!!!

I do not think I can give you advice about books because the Forum might consider that a kind of "advertising." I can tell you that there is a kind of self-help therapy called Cognitive Behavior Therapy that is very helpful. There are tests on the internet that can give you clues as to whether you are clinically depressed. One is called the Hamilton. One is called the Beck. I like the Burns Depression Test because it is very short and easy to take and grade. You could take a test like this, grade it yourself and see what it says.

I am very glad that you are on the Forum here because there are many people who are kind and caring and will be very understanding of what you are going through.

I would like to say one more thing to you today. I would like to tell you that you are a unique, one-of-a-kind, never to be repeated human person. And that you have an inner dignity and goodness and beauty than can never be taken from you. You are like a diamond. A diamond doesn't have to "do" anything to be precious and of great value. It is valuable simply because it exists. The same goes for you and even more so. You are not like something in a grocery store whose value is determined by others. Your value comes from within you. It is not something you "have." It is not something you can "get" or "lose." It is your BEING. A flower in the desert that no one will ever see is still beautiful and good and true. A little sparrow in the mountains that no one sees or appreciates is still a wonderful and beautiful creature. One way you can feel better about yourself "no matter what happens" in your life is to see the goodness and truth and beauty of yourself. I hope this helps you a little.

I'm sorry if I couldn't be more helpful to you. Others here will have better words for you. Anyway . . . I wish you all the best. Please feel welcome here on the Forum whenever you want to talk. All good things to you.
  • chucapabra likes this

#5 chucapabra

chucapabra

    Senior Member

    ID: 80975

  • Senior Member
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 666 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:QC,Canada

Posted 26 July 2012 - 04:21 PM

Hey! I think you are very helpful thank you so much for replying. this is so much different and better than then offline world where my friend and family to not take me seriously..

I hope I could see the beauty of myself some day and really get to know it but it like the other people around me wont let me..
I never though years of unhappiness could do damage to the brain. I though you could only damage it with substance abuse or other stuff. I know seeing a doctor would be the best option.. but there is two thing that is preventing me of doing it: First is, what if the doctor doesn't take me seriously. Doctor aren't always the most helpful. I feel my problem seem minor compared to other, I wouldn't want to waste his time. The second thing is my parent. I already explained my situation. Seeing a doctor without my family knowing it is hard. My dad wouldn't understand this at all..I love him very much but have difficulty expressing to him. My mom is pretty mean spirited right now and we are not in a speaking term. Plus I remember telling her before that I was feeling so sad, her only response was go read the bible you will feel better or go do the dishes. When I try to point out the problems in our relationship she always interrupt me by telling one negative thing I've done to her and so on.. So that pretty much complicated..its to bad, I am no longer in a university program because I could have benefited of 3 free appointment with the psychologist.
I did the rest you suggested, there are the result..


Hamilton Depression Scale
Your Score: 17
Evaluation: There are some signs of mild depression. You may go further in the study of depression.

the Burns Depression
55/100 severe depression

Beck Depression Test
severe depression


The test are very helpful but I feel I didn't answer truthfully, I dunno if I exaggerated. Maybe I should retake it next week. but if you know some very helpful book you could always PM me *If it still doesn't count as advertising..

Edited by chucapabra, 26 July 2012 - 04:22 PM.


#6 chucapabra

chucapabra

    Senior Member

    ID: 80975

  • Senior Member
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 666 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:QC,Canada

Posted 31 July 2012 - 10:33 AM

I redid the burn test. now I've scored 32/100 *moderate depression* I redid the test since now I'm feeling ok, much better then the last time...




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users