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[sylvia36]

There probably isn't anything you can do about my problems. I'm going to survive--I always have. But it's been a little tougher than usual lately. I have several medical (genetic) and neurological (not psychological--it's as if I was born having had a stroke) disabilities. I am often bedridden for months at a time because of rampant infections like pneumonia and sinus infections that get out of control. I'm healthy right now, but that can always change any day. I lost Social Security a few years back, and I'm in the process of getting a lawyer and appealing yet another denial. I've been filling out a lot of paperwork. My children's medicaid has been cancelled again, for no good reason, which results in even more paperwork. I can't get any government assistance because I would have to enter a works program, because I can't prove I'm disabled.

Now my husband (college grad and a good worker) is only working part-time. He is angry all the time--he's been like this for years--and verbally abusive. He sometimes threatens physical abuse. I have children and no place to go, with no government assistance and no job. His being home most of the time is awful, especially since I can't leave the house when he's home. He's never angry with the children, just me. And one of our daughters is starting to follow in his footsteps--last night she criciticized me on and on about anything she could think of. My husband never stands up for me during these episodes. She also is very unkind to her sisters. She has ups and downs, but she's always got that simmering anger that he father (and his father) has.

And to top it off, my father has just retired, which means I can't talk to my mother the way I used to. He's usually there. I don't have any church or friends or family except a sister I email across the country.

I can't get counseling because my husband is always home at unpredictable hours--I can't make any kind of appointment now. I also have difficulty driving due to the neurological impairments--I can only get to a few places. To add to that, we are beneath half the poverty limit right now, so there's no money.

Yesterday one of my children said I am always grumpy. I don't want to live like this any more. I get so much happier when my husband goes away for his summer National Guard stint. But my 12yo is starting to cause trouble every waking moment. I never get a break. I do everything around here, with the help of the kids. My husband won't do anything, and gets angry if I can't do something. We sleep in separate rooms for the last couple of years.

Like I said, there's probably nothing you can suggest that I can do to fix this. Right now the only 'out' I see is that in 20 years when I reach retiremnt age I'll get Social Security and then I can leave. I can certainly see how any person would be depressed in my situation. I am trying to be as happy as I can in spite of it all, but right now I am not doing very well.

Thanks for letting me rant--gotta go now--the family's been out and they're coming home.

[Sheepwoman]

Is your neurological symptoms visible? or are they "hidden" as you say you can't drive very far away from home. I also have a couple neurological disorders-neither qualify for disability as they're managed by meds. I hope the SS atorney can get your benefits reinstated.

Preteens are always difficult to handle. They are going through a lot of physical and emotional changes. She probably mimics her dad as girls her age get closer to their dads at this time of their life. It seems mom is always left out in the cold. I remember going through this stage of my life and I lived in a very dysfunctional family on top of it all.

Have you thought about online therapy? We have a site here where you can get that type of therapy. I know the first session is usually free and then there's a fee.
Sheepwoman