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[acerz]

I have suffered from depression for 20 years. Early on there were many severe episodes. Since then it has most of the time been managed by medication. Last week it hit me severely, triggered by work stress and a major life choice that needs to be made. I need to choose whether to stay in my present job or take a new job opportunity that has come up. Because my mind works this way, I am only able to fixate on the worst possibilities for either choice. So whichever choice I make seems to me like it will be the wrong one. I know lots of people would like to have even one job offer. I would be grateful for what I have, but I am depressed so that isn't happening. It is hurting my family life and I definitely need some new thoughts. The standard advice is don't make major decisions when you are depressed. But I think maybe the depression won't go away until I make a decision. The other sticky part is the potential new job may not want me anymore because I ended up telling them about my depression because I was pretty non-functional when we met to discuss and I felt I had to explain. Every time I think I have settled on a decision, all the fears and worst case scenarios overtake me.

[MaddieLouise]

Hi Acerz and welcome to the DF!

I'm pretty positive that almost everyone who goes through a tough decision like this is tormented, but I do know that when you suffer from depression, this seems ten times worse than what they'll ever go through. I bet you suffer whenever you have to make any major decision, right? I know I do-sleepless nights, snippy, and thinking the worst will happen.

Honestly, I've only found one solid solution and that is the classic list of pros and cons written out on a piece of paper. While I do this, I cannot ask any "What ifs", because guess what? As much as you want to control this, much of it is out of your control, except the decision itself. Once you've made it, you have to cope with the what if's or anything that goes wrong OR right. That's just life, isn't it? You didn't have to explain to the new employer that you suffered from depression, and they cannot use that against you in making a decision. Did you do that subconciously to sabatoge the opportunity? That way you wouldn't have to make a decision. Just a thought.

Have you ever read or heard of the book Who Moved My Cheese? by Spencer Johnson MD. It's about dealing with change in your work and your life. Although I've only read bits and pieces, I really need to read the whole thing because I think it would help tremendously.

Best wishes and please let us know what you decide. Best of luck!

Sincerely,

MaddieLouise

[depressedgrad]

This sounds terrible, but sometimes I will look to see what my horoscope says before making a major decision.

I do agree with the post above. Since you tend to focus on the negatives, it might help to force yourself to make a list of the good and the bad for each job.

[acerz]

Thanks guys. There is more info that I can't share without risking my anonymity. Not tht it is likely to get back to anyone, but I'm not comfortable with it. Disclosing my depression was the only thing i could do to keep the job possibility open. I know hat doesn't make a lot of sense but I will have to leave it at that.

The list idea is good. I have made the lists over and over in my head. I should write them down. I do struggle with the what ifs, thats for sure.

This whole situation is really straining my relationship with my wife. She ranges fom supportive to frustrated and irritated. Don't criticize her for that, I'm frustrated with myself also.

[magicfan]

Hi acerz.

Congrats on any job at all. It's easy to forget how huge of a blessing that is at all anymore (especially for me being unemployed).

I would definitely look at both companies and see where they've been and where they are going. Look up news stories about each and see if there are any bad signs, like declining revenue, lower stock price, a lot of top execs bailing for work elsewhere (All bad signs). See if you can talk to any current employees at the new company to see what's really going on inside.

Hope that helps. Good luck in your decision.

[tetsch]

I can't imagine changing jobs. I would not be able to deal with that stress. Unless the new job is way better in pay or some other aspect, I don't think you should add the stress of a new job into your life. You have to weigh all the factors and make the best decision for you, but don't overlook the added stress factor.

[acerz]

Yes change is definitely stressful. It would be higher pay but money isn't everything. But it's also not nothing, if you will allow me a double negative. Right now I have bought myself some time so hopefully I can get in a better state of mind before I decide.

[MaddieLouise]

I'd still put "higher pay" on the pro side of the list-ha!

P.S. You may never get to that perfect mental place to make this decision. You may just have to plunge!

Sincerely,

Maddie