If I ramble, I apologize. I've just got so much going on. I lost my job on June 1st, I have no insurance, I have diabetes/hypertension/hypercholesterol, on meds for all. Diabetes is not under control right now. My mom (82) just spent almost a week in the hospital. I was staying with her because she fell and broke a rib. Well, the night I stayed with her she experienced low blood sugar. Was unresponsive, I had to call the ambulance. Found out her kidneys were failing. She just got to go home tonight. I've kind of been distancing myself. I love my mom with all my heart. Finding her like that really scared me. Partly because that could be me, unresponsive. I am single, live alone. What if I have low blood sugar at night? Sunday night I got up every half hour to check my blood sugar, which was totally exhausting.
I have two wonderful sisters who have been visiting my mom in the hospital. One of my sister knows my moms medical history, takes her to her appointments, etc. She really does take care of my mom. I feel guilty because I'm the single one, and yet can't (am scared) to take care of my own mother. I feel like my sisters think I'm not contributing to taking care of her, because I don't want to. Well, I don't want to. I can't deal! I feel like a bad daughter/sister.
Plus, being without a job, I haven't rec'd any of my benefits yet, I live paycheck to paycheck. My phone bill was sky high because I called numerous land lines, I'm always at the gas station putting gas in my car with all the running around I'm doing. I owe my lawyer $600 dollars because I filed bankruptcy last fall. My landlord is letting me live here rent free until I can get back on my feet, which I worry about that. It's awfully generous of them, but I just feel like I should pay them.
I take 40mg of Citralopram and am prescribed .50mg of Xanax to take three times daily as needed. I recently increased my Citralopram from 30 to 40, so I'm having some breakthrough anxiety. So, I'm taking more Xanax than I should. Which, I know I shouldn't. I have an appt to speak with a therapist on Monday. It's at a local university and they work on a sliding scale. I'll be speaking with a student who is "almost there".
I don't have many friends, and I know the few I have are concerned, but I don't want to bother them with my problems. They have their own to deal with.
I just want to run away and hide. But, at the same time, I'm afraid to be alone. OMG, what the heck is going on???
Thanks for listening. I just needed to get that out. And, I'm sure I'll repeat these exact same things at my appointment on Monday.
Edited by luzcious40, 13 July 2012 - 08:21 PM.