Hi, sorry if this is a bit rambly but I just need some help and advice. I've had depression for years and now i'm 20 and it's getting too much for me. I've been on and off medication since december and now I'm due to start Duloxetine this week, after 2 months antidepressant free. (any advice on Duloxetine would be awesome)
Ever since i've been off them i've had pretty bad anxiety and really sore heads (I thought it was maybe Mirtazapine withdrawal but it's gone on for over a month) and my anxiety is making it really difficult for me.
I feel sick, I can't leave the house some mornings and I keep forgetting things and I am very irritable. Tonight, I have to go out for a meal then drinks. This used to be one of my favourite things to do, to have a night out with my friends but I really really don't want to go. I'm panicking about it already and it's only the afternoon. I won't know many of the people going and I find it hard to make conversation anymore. I also hate eating in front of people and I'm worried about it. There's no way I can bail on it though. I've also been trying not to drink while depressed as it makes me feel 10x worse but I feel like I have to tonight.
This is all getting me down but it's not just tonight, it's always. I've not been at uni for about 5 months and haven't kept in touch with anyone. Cause it's summer, most people are at home and no-one's about as they're either home or working. I feel so alone. I've isolated myself too much and I feel like i've lost all my friends. No-one texts me unless I text them first or if they want something.
My parents get on at me because I have a flat in another town but I'm barely there atm cos i'd be on my own and panic too much. They always complain when i'm at home that i'm paying for a flat i'm not using. But I couldn't stay home for good, I need time to myself sometimes. And that gets me down, it's not like i'm asking them to pay for it and I don't complain about having no spare money or anything.
Sorry this is so long, I just feel horrible like i'm losing everyone I use to be friends with and panicking so much. Hopefully the Duloxetine will help because I have to wait another 6 weeks for my next CMHT appointment, I messed up the last one because I forgot to tell her a lot of stuff.
Any help would be majorly appreciated. Thanks!
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I'm Not Me Anymore
Started by
loopylou74
, Jul 13 2012 07:05 AM
9 replies to this topic
#2
Epictetus
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Posted 13 July 2012 - 07:38 AM
Hi LoopyLou74,
I just work up now and read your post. I feel bad that you are going through this. You are not alone. I've been through this myself many times. It sounds like you are going through a very rough time right now. I think a visit to regular doctor would help. There are many things that can cause you to feel bad other than the circumstances of your life, which you so poignantly and sadly beautifully way wrote of.
Feeling down about things can cause worry that make a person feel even worse. It isn't just that both of these things feel awful. It is that both of these things do something to the brain. Too much sadness and too much worry, even if these things are caused by the events in your life, can hurt your brain itself. That might seem hard to believe, but its true. You are already on a med now but I don't know much about it. I am so so sorry that the other meds didn't help. I myself went through many different meds before one finally worked for me.
I am very glad you are here on this Forum and sharing your thoughts and feelings. You sound like a wonderful person that is just going through a lot right now. Please don't blame yourself for what others are doing to you. Most people are completely wrapped on in their own needs of the time and see things through the lens of their needs. It is absolutely no reflection on you. No one but you even knows the real you. You have given me a look at your soul in the above short post and I can see that you are a good and beautiful person.
I would like to share some ideas for dealing with your mood and anxiety, ideas that help me; but I have to leave now for awhile. I will be thinking of you and sending you my good will while I am gone. You are really not alone now. Sometimes terrible thoughts and feelings come in waves and there are periods of calm. I hope when you read tis, you will be in one of those. Many people here share your experiences in different ways. As they see your post they wil come and try to help or just be there for you.
I must go now . . . but I will be back. Again . . . I am so very sorry you are going through this. You will be in my thoughts. You are not alone in your pain now. Take care
I just work up now and read your post. I feel bad that you are going through this. You are not alone. I've been through this myself many times. It sounds like you are going through a very rough time right now. I think a visit to regular doctor would help. There are many things that can cause you to feel bad other than the circumstances of your life, which you so poignantly and sadly beautifully way wrote of.
Feeling down about things can cause worry that make a person feel even worse. It isn't just that both of these things feel awful. It is that both of these things do something to the brain. Too much sadness and too much worry, even if these things are caused by the events in your life, can hurt your brain itself. That might seem hard to believe, but its true. You are already on a med now but I don't know much about it. I am so so sorry that the other meds didn't help. I myself went through many different meds before one finally worked for me.
I am very glad you are here on this Forum and sharing your thoughts and feelings. You sound like a wonderful person that is just going through a lot right now. Please don't blame yourself for what others are doing to you. Most people are completely wrapped on in their own needs of the time and see things through the lens of their needs. It is absolutely no reflection on you. No one but you even knows the real you. You have given me a look at your soul in the above short post and I can see that you are a good and beautiful person.
I would like to share some ideas for dealing with your mood and anxiety, ideas that help me; but I have to leave now for awhile. I will be thinking of you and sending you my good will while I am gone. You are really not alone now. Sometimes terrible thoughts and feelings come in waves and there are periods of calm. I hope when you read tis, you will be in one of those. Many people here share your experiences in different ways. As they see your post they wil come and try to help or just be there for you.
I must go now . . . but I will be back. Again . . . I am so very sorry you are going through this. You will be in my thoughts. You are not alone in your pain now. Take care
Mental Illness is a serious health condition not to be trifled with. It requires treament by highly trained, experienced, qualified and Board-certified physicians, physician- specialists, and mental health professionals. There is no substitute for this professional care. I am not a mental health professional, only a fellow sufferer.
"A man is really ethical when he obeys the constraint laid on him to help all life which he is able to help, and when he goes out of his way to avoid injuring anything living. He does not ask how far this or that life deserves compassion as valuable in itself, how far it is capable of feeling. To him, life itself is sacred. He shatters no ice crystal that sparkles in the sun, tears no leaf from its tree, breaks off no flower, and is careful not to crush any insect as he walks. If he works by lamplight on a summer evening, he prefers to keep the window shut and breathe stifling air rather than see insect after insect fall on his table with singed and sinking wings. If he goes out into the street after a rain storm and sees a worm which has strayed there, he reflects that it will surely dry up in the sunlight, if it does not quickly regain the damp soil into which it can creep, and so he helps it back to the lush grass. Should he pass an insect which has fallen into a pool, he spares the time to reach it a leaf or a stalk on which it may clamor and save itself. Animals suffer as much as we do. We must fight against the spirit of unconscious cruelty with which we treat the animals. " Dr. Albert Schweitzer.
"Compassion, in which all ethics must take root, can only attain its full breadth and depth if it embraces all living creatures and does not limit itself to mankind." Dr. Albert Scheweiter.
"A man is really ethical when he obeys the constraint laid on him to help all life which he is able to help, and when he goes out of his way to avoid injuring anything living. He does not ask how far this or that life deserves compassion as valuable in itself, how far it is capable of feeling. To him, life itself is sacred. He shatters no ice crystal that sparkles in the sun, tears no leaf from its tree, breaks off no flower, and is careful not to crush any insect as he walks. If he works by lamplight on a summer evening, he prefers to keep the window shut and breathe stifling air rather than see insect after insect fall on his table with singed and sinking wings. If he goes out into the street after a rain storm and sees a worm which has strayed there, he reflects that it will surely dry up in the sunlight, if it does not quickly regain the damp soil into which it can creep, and so he helps it back to the lush grass. Should he pass an insect which has fallen into a pool, he spares the time to reach it a leaf or a stalk on which it may clamor and save itself. Animals suffer as much as we do. We must fight against the spirit of unconscious cruelty with which we treat the animals. " Dr. Albert Schweitzer.
"Compassion, in which all ethics must take root, can only attain its full breadth and depth if it embraces all living creatures and does not limit itself to mankind." Dr. Albert Scheweiter.
#3
msmanic
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Posted 13 July 2012 - 09:00 AM
Hi there,
Sorry you are feeling so much pain right now. I, too, am supposed to go out with friends tonight but am so depressed I don't see how I'll manage it. But they are good friends and it is one of their bdays so I can't just bail either. So, I understand what you are going through. All I want to do is sleep. And I was starting to get better. I know if I keep on doing what I normally do, I will recuperate faster but it's still so hard. Like working out. I cannot seem to get myself to the gym which is one of the best things we can do for ourselves when we're depressed. Or running, whatever.
Anyway, good luck going out with your friends! I'm rooting for you. I'll need that same luck back :)
Sorry you are feeling so much pain right now. I, too, am supposed to go out with friends tonight but am so depressed I don't see how I'll manage it. But they are good friends and it is one of their bdays so I can't just bail either. So, I understand what you are going through. All I want to do is sleep. And I was starting to get better. I know if I keep on doing what I normally do, I will recuperate faster but it's still so hard. Like working out. I cannot seem to get myself to the gym which is one of the best things we can do for ourselves when we're depressed. Or running, whatever.
Anyway, good luck going out with your friends! I'm rooting for you. I'll need that same luck back :)
#4
loopylou74
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#5
Megan286
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Posted 13 July 2012 - 01:04 PM
Hey, I know what it's like to feel isolated and not feel like yourself. Do you think it has something to do with not being in Uni for 5 months? Why did you stop going? I guess the old meds weren't helping. Withdrawaling from meds can be pretty terrible and depressing. You are young and you still have a lot ahead of you. I'm sure once you pick yourself up you'll have friends again. sorry you are feeling so depressed. Watch out for side effects with meds. Have you thought about Wellbutrin? It's an antidepressant and stimulant that helps you focus. Just a thought. Make sure to be careful of side effects. Go to the website and get the complete list. Generics can have a bad effect that the brand doesn't have. Just some things to watch for! Hope you have fun at dinner. It's good that you're going.
"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure... think about such things."
Above all else, guard your heart.
"When all the clouds roll away and the sun begins to shine, I see my freedom from across the way and it comes right on time... makes me feel so free, makes me feel like me, and it lights my life with love."
-Van Morrison
#6
loopylou74
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Posted 14 July 2012 - 02:09 AM
Hi Megan, in a way, yeah. I feel that leaving uni hasn't helped with my isolation, I've barely kept in touch with anyone from it but i'm more bothered about losing my friends from before uni. I know we all grow up and go our seperate ways but we've kept in touch up to now and we've been away for 3 years. I left uni because I got severely depressed and so anxious i couldn't leave the house some mornings (I still get like that sometimes now) and i'm supposed to be going back in September but it's gonna be touch and go basically cos I feel even worse now.
Also, I made it out last night, and it was ok once I had a few drinks. I made it, but apparently I kept asking my friend (who's party it was) how she was and if she was doing ok and she got kinda p***** off with me and then we lost her for the rest of the night. She's back here now but I dunno if she's hungover or just avoiding me. I was just trying to make sure she was having a good time. Ah well
Also, I made it out last night, and it was ok once I had a few drinks. I made it, but apparently I kept asking my friend (who's party it was) how she was and if she was doing ok and she got kinda p***** off with me and then we lost her for the rest of the night. She's back here now but I dunno if she's hungover or just avoiding me. I was just trying to make sure she was having a good time. Ah well
#7
Megan286
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- Senior Member
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- 533 posts
Senior Member
Posted 15 July 2012 - 12:22 AM
I'm sorry. You don't need your friend doing that when you ask her what's wrong.
When you say you're not you anymore, does that include the experience of going up to your friend and asking her that? Did the 'old you' not get reactions like that? Just wondering if it could be that you're not fully recuperated from the meds. I know you said you were having problems with your memory. Curious how you interpreted the whole thing. And anyway, your friend's reaction could have been a little less harsh, if you ask me. You were conserned, right?
When you say you're not you anymore, does that include the experience of going up to your friend and asking her that? Did the 'old you' not get reactions like that? Just wondering if it could be that you're not fully recuperated from the meds. I know you said you were having problems with your memory. Curious how you interpreted the whole thing. And anyway, your friend's reaction could have been a little less harsh, if you ask me. You were conserned, right?
Edited by Megan286, 15 July 2012 - 12:33 AM.
"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure... think about such things."
Above all else, guard your heart.
"When all the clouds roll away and the sun begins to shine, I see my freedom from across the way and it comes right on time... makes me feel so free, makes me feel like me, and it lights my life with love."
-Van Morrison
#8
dyspoid
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Posted 15 July 2012 - 06:03 AM
Holy cow. I just read this, and it felt as if I wrote it. I hate how I'm not myself, because it feels like I'm a person that I don't like, and I can't even convince myself that other people like me (my friends, new friends, new people), when the person I am seems so foreign and wrong to me. I assume that you are feeling pretty much the same thing, right? Ugh, it feels like everything acts to compound depression, and essentially causes an unstoppable cycle. You isolate yourself, which makes you lose friends, which is compounded by the fact social situations are difficulty, which stresses you, which adds to the stress of uni, which makes you anxious and pretty much destroys any ability to concentrate or focus that depression has left you with, so uni itself becomes difficult, which also stresses you out, and then the circle joins back up.
#9
loopylou74
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Posted 15 July 2012 - 04:35 PM
Yeah, I just dunno if i'm being paranoid or really ****ed up. I can't even be around my family without getting annoyed and frustrated. I hate it. I've turned into a horrible person and I keep getting annoyed, especially at my mum, cos she isn't helping me. I don't think she really realises how bad my depression/anxiety is. She just thinks i'm making it up and it confuses me, what if I am? Just making it up?
#10
msmanic
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- Junior Member
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Junior Member
Posted 17 July 2012 - 09:31 AM
You're not making it up. If there was one thing we all wish on here is that we didn't feel like this...depressed. You know when you are. And all the things you described sounds like you're struggling with it. Try to have patience with your mom, she doesn't understand. A lot of times family members don't get it. Maybe you could try to explain it to her, your symptoms. If you feel comfy doing that.
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