Hello everyone.
First off, let me say that I've been very hesitant about writing about my situation here, I created my account over a week ago and all this time I've been contemplating if I should post or not, seeing there are people who are lot worse off than me. To be honest, I don't even know where to start. My thoughts and feelings are just like one big mess right now.
So, I am a guy close to his mid 20's and I've been suffering from depression for about five years now. Medication is a fairly new thing to me, I've been on Fluoxetine for 9-10 months now, and now a couple months on 60mg dosage. During this time I've had my fair share of highs and lows, although recently I've started to think more and more about dying and other negative things. How I got depressed is quite a long story so I'll try to keep it short: let's just say it was due to a lot of pressure from high school, home (my parents and brother) and the fact that I didn't have anyone to talk to (and still don't). This combined with low self-esteem and the lack of self confidence was enough to make my brain chemistry get all f'ed up.
I've been ridiculed about my appearance since I was just a child. I've always had a very, very pale skin and in the past I was very overweight. I still do have a few extra pounds but it isn't so obvious anymore. This, of course, has led to me having an extremely low self-esteem. I'm ashamed of myself. I began to isolate myself from other people and 'social gatherings' about 10 years ago and I still haven't gotten over it. Nowadays I'm all alone, I don't have any friends and my parents have completely denied my depression and mental health problems so they aren't any help.
I'm so lonely and I'm yearning to get at least one true close friend but at the same time I feel like I'm not worthy of another human being's friendship nor love. To be honest, I do not even deserve to live, I'm just a burden to my family and everyone else.
It feels like depression has 'shut down' a part of my brain. I've lost all interest in things that were important to me in the past, everything has lost its meaning. It's so hard to remember things and sometimes when I'm travelling in the city I suddenly 'wake up' and start to think how I got from point A to point B and it's all foggy, I can't remember a single thing of the trip. I also keep making stupid mistakes at work, things that cost money to the company and I feel like my co-workers are laughing at me and talking crap behind my back during the lunch breaks.
In case anyone wants to be an 'e-friend' with a loser like me, I'm available via any means possible, excluding Facebook or similar social networking sites.
My post got a little out of hand when it comes to length but in case you read everything: Thank you so much, it means a lot to me.
- No one should be alone in this. We can help.
If you - or someone you know - are having thoughts about suicide, call 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Calls are connected to a certified crisis center nearest the caller's location. Services are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. If you - or someone you know - are having thoughts about suicide, call 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Calls are connected to a certified crisis center nearest the caller's location. Services are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
|
|
|
Advertisement
Tired Of Living
Started by
Toony
, Jul 08 2012 01:52 PM
6 replies to this topic
#2
Epictetus
-
- DF Support
-
- 2,836 posts
Community Assistant
- Gender:Male
- Location:New Mexico, USA
Posted 08 July 2012 - 02:09 PM
Hi Toony,
I just read your post. You have a lot of insight and understanding of your situation. I think it is good that you posted your message here. I am sorry you are experiencing being low and having low self-esteem. I have found some self-help coping techniques that help me enormously if you are interested. I am happy to share them with you. Perhaps you already know them?
Perhaps you also already know that anti-depressants can lose their effectiveness over time and need to have the dosage upped, an enhancer added or even a switch in anti-depressants. I have experienced this med "poop out" many times in my life. My best advice is to go back to the doctor. Do you know the Burns Depression Self-Test. This short test on the Internet can tell you where you stand in relationship to your low mood. It is a helpful diagnostic tool and used by many mental health professionals for its usefulness. You might want to take the test and see how you do. You can also take the completed, scored test to the doc with you to have a point of reference for discussing your low mood.
I think you are a good person in a bad situation, a bad situation that is temporary and will respond to treatment. I am very happy to communicate with you about anything. You will find lots of caring and understanding people on this Forum. I think you might be being too hard on yourself because of your low mood. You deserve to live and if you don't know why I could help you see why, possibly. Please feel free to respond back to me if you wish. You can participate as actively or passively as you want on this Forum without people being judgmental or cold towards you. I would invite you to 'friend' me on this site, but I don't know all the rules and regs or even how that is done.
I wish I could be more helpful. All good things to you this day and always.
I just read your post. You have a lot of insight and understanding of your situation. I think it is good that you posted your message here. I am sorry you are experiencing being low and having low self-esteem. I have found some self-help coping techniques that help me enormously if you are interested. I am happy to share them with you. Perhaps you already know them?
Perhaps you also already know that anti-depressants can lose their effectiveness over time and need to have the dosage upped, an enhancer added or even a switch in anti-depressants. I have experienced this med "poop out" many times in my life. My best advice is to go back to the doctor. Do you know the Burns Depression Self-Test. This short test on the Internet can tell you where you stand in relationship to your low mood. It is a helpful diagnostic tool and used by many mental health professionals for its usefulness. You might want to take the test and see how you do. You can also take the completed, scored test to the doc with you to have a point of reference for discussing your low mood.
I think you are a good person in a bad situation, a bad situation that is temporary and will respond to treatment. I am very happy to communicate with you about anything. You will find lots of caring and understanding people on this Forum. I think you might be being too hard on yourself because of your low mood. You deserve to live and if you don't know why I could help you see why, possibly. Please feel free to respond back to me if you wish. You can participate as actively or passively as you want on this Forum without people being judgmental or cold towards you. I would invite you to 'friend' me on this site, but I don't know all the rules and regs or even how that is done.
I wish I could be more helpful. All good things to you this day and always.
Edited by Ep1ctetus, 08 July 2012 - 02:12 PM.
Mental Illness is a serious health condition not to be trifled with. It requires treament by highly trained, experienced, qualified and Board-certified physicians, physician- specialists, and mental health professionals. There is no substitute for this professional care. I am not a mental health professional, only a fellow sufferer.
"A man is really ethical when he obeys the constraint laid on him to help all life which he is able to help, and when he goes out of his way to avoid injuring anything living. He does not ask how far this or that life deserves compassion as valuable in itself, how far it is capable of feeling. To him, life itself is sacred. He shatters no ice crystal that sparkles in the sun, tears no leaf from its tree, breaks off no flower, and is careful not to crush any insect as he walks. If he works by lamplight on a summer evening, he prefers to keep the window shut and breathe stifling air rather than see insect after insect fall on his table with singed and sinking wings. If he goes out into the street after a rain storm and sees a worm which has strayed there, he reflects that it will surely dry up in the sunlight, if it does not quickly regain the damp soil into which it can creep, and so he helps it back to the lush grass. Should he pass an insect which has fallen into a pool, he spares the time to reach it a leaf or a stalk on which it may clamor and save itself. Animals suffer as much as we do. We must fight against the spirit of unconscious cruelty with which we treat the animals. " Dr. Albert Schweitzer.
"Compassion, in which all ethics must take root, can only attain its full breadth and depth if it embraces all living creatures and does not limit itself to mankind." Dr. Albert Scheweiter.
"A man is really ethical when he obeys the constraint laid on him to help all life which he is able to help, and when he goes out of his way to avoid injuring anything living. He does not ask how far this or that life deserves compassion as valuable in itself, how far it is capable of feeling. To him, life itself is sacred. He shatters no ice crystal that sparkles in the sun, tears no leaf from its tree, breaks off no flower, and is careful not to crush any insect as he walks. If he works by lamplight on a summer evening, he prefers to keep the window shut and breathe stifling air rather than see insect after insect fall on his table with singed and sinking wings. If he goes out into the street after a rain storm and sees a worm which has strayed there, he reflects that it will surely dry up in the sunlight, if it does not quickly regain the damp soil into which it can creep, and so he helps it back to the lush grass. Should he pass an insect which has fallen into a pool, he spares the time to reach it a leaf or a stalk on which it may clamor and save itself. Animals suffer as much as we do. We must fight against the spirit of unconscious cruelty with which we treat the animals. " Dr. Albert Schweitzer.
"Compassion, in which all ethics must take root, can only attain its full breadth and depth if it embraces all living creatures and does not limit itself to mankind." Dr. Albert Scheweiter.
#3
AquaViolet
-
- Admin Team-Moderator
-
- 1,972 posts
Senior Moderator
- Gender:Female
- Location:Minnesota, USA
Posted 08 July 2012 - 02:47 PM
Hi Toony, and welcome to DF! We are glad to have you here. This is a wonderful community of people who can relate, and offer you emotional support.
I just want to say you are definately NOT a loser. You are a precious human being, deserving of the best life has to offer.
I encourage you to see a doctor for a medication review. Your meds may need to be adjusted, or changed.
We are here for you here at DF whenever you need a shoulder to lean on. I hope you make many friends here.
Please make yourself feel at home.
I just want to say you are definately NOT a loser. You are a precious human being, deserving of the best life has to offer.
I encourage you to see a doctor for a medication review. Your meds may need to be adjusted, or changed.
We are here for you here at DF whenever you need a shoulder to lean on. I hope you make many friends here.
Please make yourself feel at home.
Edited by AquaViolet, 08 July 2012 - 02:48 PM.
~~AquaViolet~~
My Diagnoses: Severe OCD, panic disorder, depression
My Current meds: Geodon, Klonopin, Lyrica, weaning off Zoloft, and starting Cymbalta
My Previous meds: Prozac, Paxil, Celexa,
Lexapro, Luvox, Clomipramine (a horrible med for me),
Xanax, Seroquel, Zyprexa, Risperdal,
Gabapentin (this med did nothing), Buspar (also did nothing)
#4
Onelightburning
-
- Silver Member
-
- 863 posts
Silver Member
- Gender:Male
Posted 08 July 2012 - 03:09 PM
Hey there,
I'm lonely too so I know where you're coming from. Let me just say that you're no more loser than anyone else. You said that you have been ridiculed over your appearance for long. You have to keep in mind that those people who actually do that, did wrong in the first place, and not you. You're just as worthy as anybody else, with all that you are. I will add you as a friend here if you like. You can PM me anytime ;) Everything will be alright again.
I'm lonely too so I know where you're coming from. Let me just say that you're no more loser than anyone else. You said that you have been ridiculed over your appearance for long. You have to keep in mind that those people who actually do that, did wrong in the first place, and not you. You're just as worthy as anybody else, with all that you are. I will add you as a friend here if you like. You can PM me anytime ;) Everything will be alright again.
#5
Epictetus
-
- DF Support
-
- 2,836 posts
Community Assistant
- Gender:Male
- Location:New Mexico, USA
Posted 08 July 2012 - 03:28 PM
Hi again,
I just read some of the good advice you have received from the other posters here.
It might help you to remember that terms like "loser" are inappropriate when applied to people. A human person is made up of trillions of things and events. Trillions. A one word label like "loser" cannot sum up the reality of a person. How could a word, a thing made of letters, an abstract concept sum up a person like you? It can't. I would be willing to bet my life that you have done literally trillions of good and wonderful and beatiful things in your life for others, for yourself and even for strangers. Trillions. You have been a success at trillions of things in your life. A label, like 'loser' is not appropriate to be applied to you. I think maybe your low mood may obscure this truth from you. But it is a truth nontheless. I am so sorry you are suffering through this. You are a very unique, irreplaceable person. I am glad you are on this earth!!!
I just read some of the good advice you have received from the other posters here.
It might help you to remember that terms like "loser" are inappropriate when applied to people. A human person is made up of trillions of things and events. Trillions. A one word label like "loser" cannot sum up the reality of a person. How could a word, a thing made of letters, an abstract concept sum up a person like you? It can't. I would be willing to bet my life that you have done literally trillions of good and wonderful and beatiful things in your life for others, for yourself and even for strangers. Trillions. You have been a success at trillions of things in your life. A label, like 'loser' is not appropriate to be applied to you. I think maybe your low mood may obscure this truth from you. But it is a truth nontheless. I am so sorry you are suffering through this. You are a very unique, irreplaceable person. I am glad you are on this earth!!!
Mental Illness is a serious health condition not to be trifled with. It requires treament by highly trained, experienced, qualified and Board-certified physicians, physician- specialists, and mental health professionals. There is no substitute for this professional care. I am not a mental health professional, only a fellow sufferer.
"A man is really ethical when he obeys the constraint laid on him to help all life which he is able to help, and when he goes out of his way to avoid injuring anything living. He does not ask how far this or that life deserves compassion as valuable in itself, how far it is capable of feeling. To him, life itself is sacred. He shatters no ice crystal that sparkles in the sun, tears no leaf from its tree, breaks off no flower, and is careful not to crush any insect as he walks. If he works by lamplight on a summer evening, he prefers to keep the window shut and breathe stifling air rather than see insect after insect fall on his table with singed and sinking wings. If he goes out into the street after a rain storm and sees a worm which has strayed there, he reflects that it will surely dry up in the sunlight, if it does not quickly regain the damp soil into which it can creep, and so he helps it back to the lush grass. Should he pass an insect which has fallen into a pool, he spares the time to reach it a leaf or a stalk on which it may clamor and save itself. Animals suffer as much as we do. We must fight against the spirit of unconscious cruelty with which we treat the animals. " Dr. Albert Schweitzer.
"Compassion, in which all ethics must take root, can only attain its full breadth and depth if it embraces all living creatures and does not limit itself to mankind." Dr. Albert Scheweiter.
"A man is really ethical when he obeys the constraint laid on him to help all life which he is able to help, and when he goes out of his way to avoid injuring anything living. He does not ask how far this or that life deserves compassion as valuable in itself, how far it is capable of feeling. To him, life itself is sacred. He shatters no ice crystal that sparkles in the sun, tears no leaf from its tree, breaks off no flower, and is careful not to crush any insect as he walks. If he works by lamplight on a summer evening, he prefers to keep the window shut and breathe stifling air rather than see insect after insect fall on his table with singed and sinking wings. If he goes out into the street after a rain storm and sees a worm which has strayed there, he reflects that it will surely dry up in the sunlight, if it does not quickly regain the damp soil into which it can creep, and so he helps it back to the lush grass. Should he pass an insect which has fallen into a pool, he spares the time to reach it a leaf or a stalk on which it may clamor and save itself. Animals suffer as much as we do. We must fight against the spirit of unconscious cruelty with which we treat the animals. " Dr. Albert Schweitzer.
"Compassion, in which all ethics must take root, can only attain its full breadth and depth if it embraces all living creatures and does not limit itself to mankind." Dr. Albert Scheweiter.
#6
Toony
-
- Newbie
-
- 9 posts
Newbie
- Gender:Male
Posted 08 July 2012 - 10:18 PM
Thank you all for your kind words.
I'm posting this in a hurry as I have to leave for work soon but still I wanted to write something back for you guys. It's one of those mornings when I just want to call my boss, tell him I'm not coming to work and just disappear from the face of the earth completely.
I will get back to you later.
Take care.
I'm posting this in a hurry as I have to leave for work soon but still I wanted to write something back for you guys. It's one of those mornings when I just want to call my boss, tell him I'm not coming to work and just disappear from the face of the earth completely.
I will get back to you later.
Take care.
Edited by Toony, 08 July 2012 - 10:18 PM.
#7
Toony
-
- Newbie
-
- 9 posts
Newbie
- Gender:Male
Posted 14 July 2012 - 06:15 PM
Hello again everyone.
I wanted to get back to you earlier this week but work has been absolutely exhausting. All I can do is eat something and go to sleep when I get back home. I always end up sleeping all my spare time because I don't have any energy left in me to do anything else in the evening.
@ Ep1ctetus, if you're willing to share your coping techniques, I'd love to read up on them.
@ AquaViolet, I've contacted my psychiatrist and we're going to review my medication next week, hopefully I can get rid of these negative thoughts soon.
Thank you all again for your kind words and help you've offered me so far. It really helps me to know that there's a caring community like this to go to, hopefully I can return the favour and help other people here in the future.
I wanted to get back to you earlier this week but work has been absolutely exhausting. All I can do is eat something and go to sleep when I get back home. I always end up sleeping all my spare time because I don't have any energy left in me to do anything else in the evening.
@ Ep1ctetus, if you're willing to share your coping techniques, I'd love to read up on them.
@ AquaViolet, I've contacted my psychiatrist and we're going to review my medication next week, hopefully I can get rid of these negative thoughts soon.
Thank you all again for your kind words and help you've offered me so far. It really helps me to know that there's a caring community like this to go to, hopefully I can return the favour and help other people here in the future.
0 user(s) are reading this topic
0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users
- Privacy Policy
-
Copyright © 2013 The Depression Forums Incorporated - A Depression & Mental Health Social Community Support Group. All rights reserved.
Information supplied on The Depression Forums should not be relied upon and is not a substitute for medical advice from a health professional or doctor.
* DF © is an acronym for DepressionForums.org
DF © does not endorse any product advertised on Depression Forums Incorporated.
| About Us | Terms Of Service | Privacy Policy | Contact Us |
