I have ocd since last year, is about obsessive thoughts, i dont wash my hands or keep checking things like people do
but i have all the intrusive thoughts all the time, i also have an intrusive (i am not sure) or a sound in my mind said to break up with my gf
when the thought does not come to my mind, i can operate like usual and treat my gf very well, i think we can stay for a long time and i love her
but when the though comes to my mind, i cannot stop thinking about that and there is a force which is very strong to push me to say 'break up' with my gf
the most strange and ridiculous part is that from my understanding, saying break up is more frequent and normal when people are in arguing or conflict
but I am not, when those situation I can control myself 1000% well and not to say any thing bad
But when things get to normal and peaceful, the atmosphere is perfect, then I will start to have those thoughts, and I seems to go out of control and start to have panic and a force to force me to say it, just like they are trying to destroy what I got from now.
This problem already ruin all my previous relationships, they all look the same. Nothing really happened ---> one day start to have the 'thought' ---> try to control and argue with my mind ----> my body start to collapse, having stomachache, vomit, diarrhea, extreme panic, cannot sleep and tense muscle and cold sweat ---> too tired and cannot hold up and then say the word and break up ---> relief but lost my gf and start to regret but afraid to come back because those symptoms are horrible and terrible to face one more time.
when i see my doctor, i told my case and they always say to think about the relationship, it always make me confuse for my love to my gf but I always wondering if I dont love my gf why i need to consider her feelings, especially I experience that kind of stress for more then a year just because i want to fight my mind and stay with her, not to make her upset, cry or heartbreak what so ever.....if one day my mind tell me to **** someone, then I should think about that as the doctor say? that is nonsense! I just want to know anyone can tell me something about that...
I got also other intrusive thoughts like hurting people, saying dirty words and dirty sexual thoughts, and they are all the thoughts that will make me panic but not as same level as the 'break up' one.....all the thoughts that make me stress and tension are related to my gf, if they happens to other people like my parents, friends and unknown people, I will not even give a fxxx, so that may be also an reference too...
a little bit too long and bad english, as english is not my first language, hope someone can help me...thanks to all
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I Have Ocd, And I Am Really Tired And Hopeless....
Started by
Leslie217
, Jul 04 2012 06:18 AM
6 replies to this topic
#2
Epictetus
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Posted 04 July 2012 - 09:03 AM
Hi Leslie217,
Welcome to this Forum.
I am so sorry your going through this. Does your doctor know that what he or she has recommended isn't working? You didn't say if the doctor gave you medicine for your OCD. Medicine is essential when therapy and self-help coping techniques don't work. It is important, I think to let the doctor know that things are not working. Worry leads to depression very often. Things can spiral out of control very quickly. It sounds like you are really suffering terribly.
You can seek another doctor's opinion or even change doctor's if the one you have is not helpful.
I have gotten some relief from a little card I carry in my pocket that says: You are not your thoughts. These thoughts are coming from an automatic thought stream generated by your illness. They are not to be taken seriously. Step outside of this thought stream. I am stepping outside it now and watching it from the outside. The obtrusive thoughts and feelings are racing by. I notice them but I am not acting on them. I know I am outside the thought stream watching. Here is a fearful thought. Here comes an angry thought. I do not hold them. I watch them pass into my conscious and leave. This experience is disturbing, but I am not in danger because I am not my thoughts. I am like a mountain. Dark clouds are passing by. They grow, pass, disappear. But I am the mountain.
This self-talk helps me enormously, but I need the medicine to heal the stress that this constant thought stream has wrecked on my poor brain. I love myself no matter what passes through my thought stream.
I am not a professional. So I am only telling you what works for me. I am not giving you advice. Only a doctor or therapist can advise you.
I am really feeling for what you are going through Leslie. It is so good that you shared it. There are many people on this site; wonderful, caring, understanding people who may offer you good words, better words than mine. Please keep checking back on this Forum to see what others are saying. I am sending you my best wishes today. Take care Leslie217
Welcome to this Forum.
I am so sorry your going through this. Does your doctor know that what he or she has recommended isn't working? You didn't say if the doctor gave you medicine for your OCD. Medicine is essential when therapy and self-help coping techniques don't work. It is important, I think to let the doctor know that things are not working. Worry leads to depression very often. Things can spiral out of control very quickly. It sounds like you are really suffering terribly.
You can seek another doctor's opinion or even change doctor's if the one you have is not helpful.
I have gotten some relief from a little card I carry in my pocket that says: You are not your thoughts. These thoughts are coming from an automatic thought stream generated by your illness. They are not to be taken seriously. Step outside of this thought stream. I am stepping outside it now and watching it from the outside. The obtrusive thoughts and feelings are racing by. I notice them but I am not acting on them. I know I am outside the thought stream watching. Here is a fearful thought. Here comes an angry thought. I do not hold them. I watch them pass into my conscious and leave. This experience is disturbing, but I am not in danger because I am not my thoughts. I am like a mountain. Dark clouds are passing by. They grow, pass, disappear. But I am the mountain.
This self-talk helps me enormously, but I need the medicine to heal the stress that this constant thought stream has wrecked on my poor brain. I love myself no matter what passes through my thought stream.
I am not a professional. So I am only telling you what works for me. I am not giving you advice. Only a doctor or therapist can advise you.
I am really feeling for what you are going through Leslie. It is so good that you shared it. There are many people on this site; wonderful, caring, understanding people who may offer you good words, better words than mine. Please keep checking back on this Forum to see what others are saying. I am sending you my best wishes today. Take care Leslie217
Mental Illness is a serious health condition not to be trifled with. It requires treament by highly trained, experienced, qualified and Board-certified physicians, physician- specialists, and mental health professionals. There is no substitute for this professional care. I am not a mental health professional, only a fellow sufferer.
"A man is really ethical when he obeys the constraint laid on him to help all life which he is able to help, and when he goes out of his way to avoid injuring anything living. He does not ask how far this or that life deserves compassion as valuable in itself, how far it is capable of feeling. To him, life itself is sacred. He shatters no ice crystal that sparkles in the sun, tears no leaf from its tree, breaks off no flower, and is careful not to crush any insect as he walks. If he works by lamplight on a summer evening, he prefers to keep the window shut and breathe stifling air rather than see insect after insect fall on his table with singed and sinking wings. If he goes out into the street after a rain storm and sees a worm which has strayed there, he reflects that it will surely dry up in the sunlight, if it does not quickly regain the damp soil into which it can creep, and so he helps it back to the lush grass. Should he pass an insect which has fallen into a pool, he spares the time to reach it a leaf or a stalk on which it may clamor and save itself. Animals suffer as much as we do. We must fight against the spirit of unconscious cruelty with which we treat the animals. " Dr. Albert Schweitzer.
"Compassion, in which all ethics must take root, can only attain its full breadth and depth if it embraces all living creatures and does not limit itself to mankind." Dr. Albert Scheweiter.
"A man is really ethical when he obeys the constraint laid on him to help all life which he is able to help, and when he goes out of his way to avoid injuring anything living. He does not ask how far this or that life deserves compassion as valuable in itself, how far it is capable of feeling. To him, life itself is sacred. He shatters no ice crystal that sparkles in the sun, tears no leaf from its tree, breaks off no flower, and is careful not to crush any insect as he walks. If he works by lamplight on a summer evening, he prefers to keep the window shut and breathe stifling air rather than see insect after insect fall on his table with singed and sinking wings. If he goes out into the street after a rain storm and sees a worm which has strayed there, he reflects that it will surely dry up in the sunlight, if it does not quickly regain the damp soil into which it can creep, and so he helps it back to the lush grass. Should he pass an insect which has fallen into a pool, he spares the time to reach it a leaf or a stalk on which it may clamor and save itself. Animals suffer as much as we do. We must fight against the spirit of unconscious cruelty with which we treat the animals. " Dr. Albert Schweitzer.
"Compassion, in which all ethics must take root, can only attain its full breadth and depth if it embraces all living creatures and does not limit itself to mankind." Dr. Albert Scheweiter.
#3
Epictetus
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Posted 04 July 2012 - 09:18 AM
Hi again Leslie,
May I be permitted to add something to my previous post?
It is usually not a good idea to make major life decisions when you are feeling low. So it might not be a good idea to make any kind of big decisions about your gf right now. When the brain is hurting it is difficult to make helpful decisions. You might consider postponing any big decisions about your relationship until you are feeling better. I would just take it day by day. Aim for progress rather than perfection. Be kind to yourself. Congratulate yourself for your victories. You sound like a really good person that is in a bad situation right now. Try not to confuse your innate goodness with what is happening to you. Take care.
May I be permitted to add something to my previous post?
It is usually not a good idea to make major life decisions when you are feeling low. So it might not be a good idea to make any kind of big decisions about your gf right now. When the brain is hurting it is difficult to make helpful decisions. You might consider postponing any big decisions about your relationship until you are feeling better. I would just take it day by day. Aim for progress rather than perfection. Be kind to yourself. Congratulate yourself for your victories. You sound like a really good person that is in a bad situation right now. Try not to confuse your innate goodness with what is happening to you. Take care.
Mental Illness is a serious health condition not to be trifled with. It requires treament by highly trained, experienced, qualified and Board-certified physicians, physician- specialists, and mental health professionals. There is no substitute for this professional care. I am not a mental health professional, only a fellow sufferer.
"A man is really ethical when he obeys the constraint laid on him to help all life which he is able to help, and when he goes out of his way to avoid injuring anything living. He does not ask how far this or that life deserves compassion as valuable in itself, how far it is capable of feeling. To him, life itself is sacred. He shatters no ice crystal that sparkles in the sun, tears no leaf from its tree, breaks off no flower, and is careful not to crush any insect as he walks. If he works by lamplight on a summer evening, he prefers to keep the window shut and breathe stifling air rather than see insect after insect fall on his table with singed and sinking wings. If he goes out into the street after a rain storm and sees a worm which has strayed there, he reflects that it will surely dry up in the sunlight, if it does not quickly regain the damp soil into which it can creep, and so he helps it back to the lush grass. Should he pass an insect which has fallen into a pool, he spares the time to reach it a leaf or a stalk on which it may clamor and save itself. Animals suffer as much as we do. We must fight against the spirit of unconscious cruelty with which we treat the animals. " Dr. Albert Schweitzer.
"Compassion, in which all ethics must take root, can only attain its full breadth and depth if it embraces all living creatures and does not limit itself to mankind." Dr. Albert Scheweiter.
"A man is really ethical when he obeys the constraint laid on him to help all life which he is able to help, and when he goes out of his way to avoid injuring anything living. He does not ask how far this or that life deserves compassion as valuable in itself, how far it is capable of feeling. To him, life itself is sacred. He shatters no ice crystal that sparkles in the sun, tears no leaf from its tree, breaks off no flower, and is careful not to crush any insect as he walks. If he works by lamplight on a summer evening, he prefers to keep the window shut and breathe stifling air rather than see insect after insect fall on his table with singed and sinking wings. If he goes out into the street after a rain storm and sees a worm which has strayed there, he reflects that it will surely dry up in the sunlight, if it does not quickly regain the damp soil into which it can creep, and so he helps it back to the lush grass. Should he pass an insect which has fallen into a pool, he spares the time to reach it a leaf or a stalk on which it may clamor and save itself. Animals suffer as much as we do. We must fight against the spirit of unconscious cruelty with which we treat the animals. " Dr. Albert Schweitzer.
"Compassion, in which all ethics must take root, can only attain its full breadth and depth if it embraces all living creatures and does not limit itself to mankind." Dr. Albert Scheweiter.
#4
Care Bears
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Posted 05 July 2012 - 03:23 PM
Hello, I have probably had it my entire life, although I have never been diagnosed with it. It is a huge aspect of my life and has ultimately crippled most of my hobbies. But I am finding newer hobbies that may not be affected much from the OCD or not at all. I believe that I have intrusive thoughts also, unless I am mistaken. But I often create them myself and I go into a panic when I do it, because I have an extreme fear of visual and auditory hallucinations to a severe degree. Not that I consider intrusive thoughts a form of hallucinating, unless it is officially considered a hallucination. Overall it is just that intrusive thoughts remind me of my extreme fear of visual and auditory hallucinations.
You probably have those types of thoughts when you are in that type of situation because your mind is more clear and prone to such thoughts. I believe that you have a decision making problem and a lack of certainty due to your OCD, which I believe are symptoms of OCD. You must first find a way to overcome this specific problem of your OCD, before getting into another relationship or if you are still already in another relationship, I still recommend finding a way to overcome this specific problem of your OCD; although the better option would be to break up and remain single until you overcome this specific problem relating to your OCD.
You probably have those types of thoughts when you are in that type of situation because your mind is more clear and prone to such thoughts. I believe that you have a decision making problem and a lack of certainty due to your OCD, which I believe are symptoms of OCD. You must first find a way to overcome this specific problem of your OCD, before getting into another relationship or if you are still already in another relationship, I still recommend finding a way to overcome this specific problem of your OCD; although the better option would be to break up and remain single until you overcome this specific problem relating to your OCD.
#5
Leslie217
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Posted 05 July 2012 - 11:10 PM
i am not going to do that....although i know i will be fine after break up, but i dont think this is the good way to cure my problemHello, I have probably had it my entire life, although I have never been diagnosed with it. It is a huge aspect of my life and has ultimately crippled most of my hobbies. But I am finding newer hobbies that may not be affected much from the OCD or not at all. I believe that I have intrusive thoughts also, unless I am mistaken. But I often create them myself and I go into a panic when I do it, because I have an extreme fear of visual and auditory hallucinations to a severe degree. Not that I consider intrusive thoughts a form of hallucinating, unless it is officially considered a hallucination. Overall it is just that intrusive thoughts remind me of my extreme fear of visual and auditory hallucinations.
You probably have those types of thoughts when you are in that type of situation because your mind is more clear and prone to such thoughts. I believe that you have a decision making problem and a lack of certainty due to your OCD, which I believe are symptoms of OCD. You must first find a way to overcome this specific problem of your OCD, before getting into another relationship or if you are still already in another relationship, I still recommend finding a way to overcome this specific problem of your OCD; although the better option would be to break up and remain single until you overcome this specific problem relating to your OCD.
as without any relationship, my problem will not occur, and there will be no way to cure my ocd symtoms
#6
Spiritual_Wanderer
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Posted 09 July 2012 - 10:49 AM
These types of thoughts definitely sound like OCD. I have the intrusive thought kind too. The only thing that helps me is medication. It doesn't take it completely away, but it lessens the intensity and length of the thoughts and makes them not so bad. I would recommend that if nothing else helps. I'm sorry this interferes with your relationships.
Many Blessings,
SW
Not all those who wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien
Buddha wasn't lying when he said life is suffering. It don't mean you get to check out early and leave me here. -Lafayette "True Blood"
"Just because you can't see something, doesn't mean it doesn't exist."
#7
Nicole80
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Posted 23 July 2012 - 12:34 AM
I'm sorry that you are going through this. I have been struggling with anxiety for years and just recently, started dealing with intrusive thoughts. :( I haven't begun therapy yet, so I can't really offer you any advice in that sense, in regards to what works for me. Other then right now, for me personally, staying very busy, whether that's at work or doing little things around the house, helps keeping my mind off the thoughts that are troubling me. Just know that you aren't alone. And I hope things begin to get better for you very soon.
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