Working Through The Depression
Posted 26 June 2012 - 02:07 PM
I have little to no discipline when it comes to looking for work or just getting my own personal projects done. I write and direct movies, having just completed my first feature film in March, I love to paint and write. Yet, sometimes I have zero motivation to do any of these things and they always make me happy and bring me pleasure.
I have been especially down since coming back from visiting my mom/family/friends in Las Vegas (my hometown) about a week ago and going out there, I had no intention of doing drugs or alcohol, but I know my mom has pills (xanax) so I asked her if I could have some and for some reason she said yes. I took the pills along with alcohol and just made a complete fool of myself. I texted people while I was high and hurt a lot of social/casual relationships I have, but the worst part was coming back to Los Angeles stoned and saying some very hurtful things to my roommates and ruined a creative project they were working on. I feel incredible shame and I dont know how to say sorry. Nonetheless I think they have forgiven me, but of course I cannot forgive myself because I know I have lost some of their trust and respect.
I am looking for a way to work through my depression. I cannot afford medical help, but I know I can break through without it because I have done it before. My depression seems to come in cycles. Sometimes I feel amazing and great, other times I just want to die.
Did any of this make sense?
Posted 27 June 2012 - 02:48 AM
There are many, many people who know exactly how you feel. I realize that you can not afford medical help, I am not a professional, but it could be possible that you could have more than depression if you go through cycles of feeling amazing and then crashing into depression. There are various personality disorders and also bipolar which can have mood swings/cycles. You may want to look at finding a free mental health clinic near you, as these can gradually get worse without treatment.
Listen in deep silence. Be very still and open your mind.... Sink deep into the peace that waits for you beyond the frantic, riotous thoughts and sights and sounds of this insane world. - A course of miracles.
True beauty must come, must be grown, from within.... - Ralph W Trine.
Posted 27 June 2012 - 10:20 AM
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