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[alpheus]

For my 30 odd years I've been seriously depressed as long as I can remember, even going back into childhood. People talk about going through depressive episodes, but I don't. My life is pretty much a non-stop episode with extra low points and 'low points' for high points. At some point long ago my mood cycles must have dipped down so low that even at their highest point they don't register as a non-depressed mood, like a downward angled sin wave. Not feeling depressed is an extreme rarity. I can remember once in 2010 my mood was non-depressed for an entire day. Usually I spend about half an hour a day in what I'd call a non-depressed mood, the half hour after I wake up, often I stay in bed as long as possible because my mood decays slower while still in bed. This one day in 2010 I was not depressed...it was like nothing else, I felt happy, optimistic and hopeful the entire day. I literally didn't know what to do with myself, I felt like I had been transplanted with an utterly alien emotion and was so overwhelmed I could barely comprehend it.

It got me to thinking. I hear mental health professionals going on and on about 'normal' mood and how I haven't got it. And it ocurred to me that I really have no idea what this 'normal' mood is like or what to do with it if I ever feel it again. What is 'normal mood' like? Do most depressives actually experience it on some regular basis? What is it?

Edited by alpheus, 25 May 2012 - 02:32 AM.

[Trace]

Hi alpheus

It is awful to suffer from constant depression. I do not know what the professionals mean by, 'normal mood', as I don't put labels on people and I don't really believe in normal in any sense of the word, as we are all different and we all have different personalities. What is 'normal' for one person, may not be 'normal' for someone else.

Perhaps they mean that you have never seemed to be happy, non depressed. I am glad that you have had that one day, although I can understand how that would be overwhelming, as it something that you have never really experienced. Did anything particular happen that day in order for you to experience a good day?

Trace

[dusk25]

Hi. I also have a chronically depressed mood, going back to childhood. Last September, for almost a whole month I was feeling good. Optimistic, was able to clean the house and take care of my kids. It was an amazing feeling. I'm guessing that's what being non-depressed feels like. I wish you and I knew more of that feeling. Good luck to you.

[nowherekidx]

I pretty much feel the same way you do. personally I think a normal mood is uniqu to each person and that no one can tell you what your normal mood feels like. I can only guess that a normal mood is not one of compleate depression. I wish I could be of more help, hopfully one day we will both know what a normal mood feels like.

[serenity80]

Hello!! Its sad when we can remember being happy one day in a 1yr period....Normal I think would be that most days people are happy or atleast feel ok and then ofcourse EVERYONE has bad days. No one is happy all the time. I fall under the category of like 1 really good day a month!!! BUT, I am doing much better here lately thanks to the meds Im on. I don't feel so negative about things in general. I think I was born with depression, cuz I've always been a negative person. R u currently taking an antidepressant? They do help if u find the right one for you. And I have come to terms that I will have to be on them for life and I'm ok with that as long as I am feeling better mentally. I am avery outgoing person who always makes other people laugh but personally I feel down almost miserable at times, but much better now with my new meds. Are you taking any steps to feel better?

[Onelightburning]

Hey there,
First of all, sorry for having have to go through this for so long alpheus. I don't know what normal mood is - maybe the average mood you have over a period of time is what they mean? It's all very individual, some people are always social, happy and optimistic and some people are more pessimistic, introvert and more melancholic. If you want to improve your mood do it with small steps and be good to yourself. Walk outside and dream or rent a movie or go jogging or anything that make you feel good. If you do that kind of activities regularly it should improve your mood bit by bit, and enhance your mood in the long run. Needless to say, requires alot of patience, but pays you back over time.

[EastDream]

I wonder about these things too. I've been feeling so bad lately that I went to see my doctor the past week. After talking to me for close to 30 mins she explained that from my symptoms I presented and my history, that this was essentially - "how I was" ..it was how my body and mind and makeup is. I think I've heard just about every explanation for depression there is out there - and nobody seems to have a clear cut answer. I've tried to convince myself it was just attitude, or environment, or whatever anything besides genes - so that I'd feel my life wasn't hopeless, i wasn't a victim of fate. I have tried to be as healthy as I possibly can. I think I am among the physically healthiest that I know. Infact I don't know anyone who eats quite as healthy as I do. I have a body and a life that many would simply **** for, and i'm told this frequently by people that love me. But I haven't dated in years and I feel like I'm barely alive, barely living. And I suffer from the depression and negativity.

I think she is right. This all started happening to me after i hit puberty..and I can't explain the effects I get when I do go on an antidepressant. I feel better, I have more energy and more drive, more dreams and more creativity about the future. Its as if I'm actually living, actually alive. It's as if I come alive. And it feels great (minus the side effects). I hate depression and wish it would just go away. But we have to live with this. ..i know how hard it is. When I'm depressed there are a cascade of changes that subtly take shape in the way i interpret and feel things. It's just as if I can't be positive. If I find out my friend is going to Vegas...and i see him talking about it on fb, with his friends organizing a trip; i instantly feel depressed and resentful and sad. I think "he's going without me". or "he doesn't like me that much as a friend" crosses my mind. What I'm saying is it seems to be a negative interpretive experience that pervades my thinking...but its just how i am. i mean when left alone that is just how i tend to feel and think, normally. On antidepressants I can tell you it wouldn't affect me like that. It would probably hit me as a minor blow I could shake off and still be positive about - and think , hey I hope he has fun!..and maybe even call to ask if i could go with him. The changes your life takes based on mood!!! I do so many things when I'm nondepressed that just wouldn't happen when I feel like i normally do. It's really, really sad.
I'm going to get on an AD this week because, I need it. I finally admit I need it to live my best life. To be myself. I don't know what I'll take because I've tried so many and gotten side effects from nearly all. I know I only need low doses for it to be effective - but I'm thinking trazodone. I know no one uses this as an antidepressant anymore but i can't understand why. I think it just might work, especially if i can get the XR formula.

I've thought about why I can't control this stuff without medication, or if its even possible to control it that way. I just feel that there is a complex cascade of effects that I'm not sure doing CBT would turn around, like taking a med would. Meds change me and they work and I don't know how. I know studies have come out that said CBT is just as effective at treating Depression as medications are. But I can't understand this. Medication changes me in a way that is drastic..i just haven't got the same benefit from doing cognitive therapy. Maybe i haven't tried hard enough...the depression makes you not want to try. it makes everything seem insurmounting and hopeless. Like "how can I catch every single negative thought I have, or change a mindset" ...."it would be impossible" ....or " i cant get the changes i get from taking a med" ....I just truly don't understand how cbt could get rid of all the cascade of effects that depression is.
Has anyone accomplished this? Can you give any advice to me?

p.s. I think that depression, whether its caused biologically or whatever...is underpinned by a pervasive negative way of thinking. I don't know why all people seem to share the same ways. but research has shown that it doesn't matter the cause - addressing the negative thoughts does turn it around. I wish I knew the cause. ...its weird to think of how biology or genes can make your thinking style a certain negative way. there are some evolutionary explanations for how the brain works and for depression - that a depressed outlook is more realistic and helpful for immediate survival situations. So this can explain its adaptive existence. I don't think anything would just come around or exist for no reason. Anyway - i don't know why i think the way i do - why i interpret things negatively and 'in a depressed manner' consistently. but maybe i don't have to. maybe just working on changing it may help. seeing my own thoughts as if iw as an outside observer and generated from my brain, not from me. And though i naturally have a pessimistic style of cognition, that through work i can modify it ...and that though I may always have this pessimistic style of thinking and interpreting..with work i can maybe modify it to the point where i don't have to watch and correct my thoughts all the time - but that i can permanently change my explanatory style. Is there any research for this?

Edited by EastDream, 27 May 2012 - 08:44 AM.

[Manowaffle]

For me, a normal mood is when you're content to simply exist. When your concerns and your blessings are in balance, as opposed to the depressed feeling that your concerns are overwhelming your thoughts.

[Onelightburning]

Haven't been to CBT but reading your post just makes me want to scream "I feel just like that!". I do everything and try to improve every day, yet I see no reaction in my mind. I'm always just in a well of depression unable to reach out. Maybe my thinking models encourage me to feel this way all the time. Maybe it's best to just let it all go and do nothing.. but then again I'm not too sure. I'm pretty confused and empty too. Dealing with this so many years and seeing no way out but through.

[alpheus]

I haven't been on any meds or done any talkie therapy recently. I would like to try the talk therapy again at least, but as of the last several years I've been entirely too poor & uninsured to do any of that. Well I could just buy some AD drugs online, but I'm told that it's kind of pointless to go on AD drugs without going into therapy as well, and my past experiences with AD drugs has been they at best just make me feel numb and super lethargic, taking the edge off the day to day depression, which makes the super depressed spells feel that much worse by comparison. Negative, self-defeating cognition is my worst problem. I try to be more positive and think about the good things that could happen, and the good qualities I supposedly have, but I can never keep that kind of thinking up for long, and as soon as something bad happens I become super devastated and can no longer maintain positivity. In fact it the setbacks of life seem to strike me harder and with more fallout when I'm trying to have a positive attitude.

It's the old depression takes away your ability to fight it schtick, it really does. Occasionally I try to get on an eat right and excercise kick, and sometimes I can keep it up for a week or so, but it gets struck down just like the positivity kick does. I've noticed that my physical symptoms of depression, hypersomnia, lethargy, slowed motor function, sluggish thinking, get worse when the more cognitive and emotional symptoms are better controlled. I guess when medical types say 'normal mood' they mean 'non-depressed mood', like having some enthsuiasm and optimism for life and not always being glum, weepy, sad & preoccupied with death and self-medication. Normal as commonly used is such a loaded word.

Edited by alpheus, 28 May 2012 - 02:48 AM.