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[JiggyWilson]

I dunno how to describe my feelings right now. I'm more angry than depressed, I guess. Maybe I'm just being an angsty teenager.

I dunno how many jobs I've been rejected from, or how many men and women have turned me away. I'm bad at school (I guess I'm just dumb), and I just generally seem to be a burden to everyone around me. Even now, I feel like I'm whining and being selfish. Whenever I'm not actively doing something, my mind just drifts to offing myself. I can't sleep, because all my dreams focus on death. I thought being a drug-crazed, partying college student gave me bad dreams, so I stopped, but that only made things worse. I have no energy to do anything anymore. I'm failing school, failing at paying my share of rent, failing at being a good friend. I'm a failure.

I just want somebody to give me a reason NOT to do myself in. "Because people would miss you." So? People lose loved ones every day, what makes mine any different? "Because you could do something with your life." I clearly can't get employed, clearly can't continue my education. I just can't handle growing up, so why keep growing? Why prolong this? I'm not satisfied with my life, and have no desire to continue living. If anybody could help, even offer a suggestion, I'm all ears...err...eyes, I guess. But you probably shouldn't help. One less defective little boy to take up bandwidth complaining about problems that aren't really problems.

[QuietWhispers]

I am sorry you feel this way.

Have you talked to anyone about this? Have you tried any medication?

Maybe you just need a change in scenery. Try something different. Its easy to sit here and focus on the negatives of your life. But there has to be some positives. There are always positives. It is really hard to find them when you are in the deepest darkest pit of depression but they are there.

One good reason is because you haven't even had a chance to live yet. You haven't gotten out and seen all you can do. I'm sure you have a family that loves you dearly. I know I felt the same way as you are right now the last time I attempted suicide. My SO figured out I had done something and called my Mom. My Mom was so heart broken and mad and upset and just seeing what it did to her made me realize that no matter how much of a pain I might be to others they do love me and I can't be the one to hurt them like that.

Please call someone, seek help. You can find a way to turn the bad around.

[JiggyWilson]

I am sorry you feel this way.

Have you talked to anyone about this? Have you tried any medication?

Maybe you just need a change in scenery. Try something different. Its easy to sit here and focus on the negatives of your life. But there has to be some positives. There are always positives. It is really hard to find them when you are in the deepest darkest pit of depression but they are there.

One good reason is because you haven't even had a chance to live yet. You haven't gotten out and seen all you can do. I'm sure you have a family that loves you dearly. I know I felt the same way as you are right now the last time I attempted suicide. My SO figured out I had done something and called my Mom. My Mom was so heart broken and mad and upset and just seeing what it did to her made me realize that no matter how much of a pain I might be to others they do love me and I can't be the one to hurt them like that.

Please call someone, seek help. You can find a way to turn the bad around.

I've been in counseling for the past two years after I tried to **** myself (failed at THAT twice, too). We tried meds, but they just made me violent. Everyone I talk to says they'd miss me, and I believe them. I just don't care. That's what really gets me. I'm so sad, but I turn people away who try to help, because I'm "strong" and can do this on my own. I don't want to be a burden to anyone, and maybe if I just weren't around, I wouldn't be. My friends and family would forget about me eventually. Time heals all wounds. Except MY wounds, I guess haha. Although depression (or angst/raging hormones/whatever one would call this) is less of a wound, and more of a big, gross, malignant tumor. I dunno...

[QuietWhispers]

Hey I know what its like to fail at suicide. I got taken to emerg and sent home the next morning hating myself even more because I failed at ending my life. No greater feeling then that eh?

My point is when your friends say they would miss you. They really do mean it. My SO's best friend's brother commited suicide about 5 years ago. He still hasn't healed. And neither has his family. His parents still mourn, his sisters and brother. They still have not been able to fully accept it. Even my SO who was good friends with him still tears up.

But like I said you need to sit down and look for positives. I promise you they are there. They are hard to find, I am still fighting to find mine but I need to do it because I have taken life as a challenge now. A challenge I need to win.

If I can pull through you can too. There are so many people on this forum who have been through hell and back and they are all sitting here today because they have concoured their demons or are fighting to concour their demonds and we are all here to support each other through our battles.

Edited by AquaViolet, 24 May 2012 - 01:40 PM.
TOS

[Acrowley]

Here's one: You've just described how I feel to a tee. Look at it in two ways. One- if I've survived this far (three years on current episode; I think I've been depressed on and off all my life), then you can do it too. I'm not a strong willed person, but I've just struggled on, and the good times will hopefully be worth it.
The second is that if you do yourself in, why the hell should I not. Last few weeks I've been on the verge of ******* myself, if you do it, why should I not?
Lastly, imagine your family or friends. The most important person in your life is the person you think of after this sentence. Imagine how they specifically would react after your death. Imagine your mom. Your dad. Any siblings. Your college professor. Who'd find your body? I think it's so unfair to do this to someone else, I don't know how badly I'd have to feel to do that.
Hopefully this gave some hope, probably not but what can I do? Good luck, and please please please don't do it.