Posted 04 May 2012 - 10:03 AM
I just don't know why i get so agitated with every small insignificant sound. Argh. Chewing with mouths open and just iritated by the small sounds.
Anyway, I have a blank mind nothing to concentrate on ... funny because i am able to concentrate on writing this but I have no idea's in my head. I take pictures but then delete them because I have no idea what to do with them and I just feel like I'm wasting my time taking pictures only to delete them.
I am angry as ---- at my parents. They think I don't WANT to have fun. It's the fact I don't find anything fun or don't know how. THey don't want to understand that depression can lead to misery... I just feel like i do the smae thing over and over and over and over and over again every single day. And I just don't understand. I am at ends with my parents over small things because my mom says I can't make friends because of what I wear. It's what you wear the thing to making friends? I don't think so, and honestly I don't know where she comes up with this crap. It just makes me feel bad about myself even more than i am.
I just don't know. my vision has changed & my attitude has changed. And I just don't know any more. I just want to end it because I just don't see the point in growing old. Why do you want to have wrinkles and look like an old person? It's just going to get worse because your looks start to fade and people just want to bully you over and over and over again. My friend from TX states tht it's not the clothes who make the person and I know she's right but these days I just don't know who to trust and/or what to do with myself. I just sit and watch television.All day, except to walk the dog. :(
I hate this world and wish i can leave it. I am too emotional to have kids because i can't handle if they are bullied like i was. I just don't know. I just feel like i'm going crazy....
I tried taking some pictures with my $1,000 camera but for some reason I don't know how to use it any more. i can't get a decent shot of flowers like i normally do. I just want to throw it in the trash, but I have spent soo much money on it.
I just hate my parents. They play favorites and think i'm not old enough or mature enough to go on vacation by myself. I honestly think it's from them watching too many of those murder mystery shows on television. every time i want to do something "you're a girl , " blah de dah. I feel like I am ready but they base everything on the past. In college i locked my keys in the car cuz i didn't have a button thingy. even if i do change they still won't see it. :(
Posted 04 May 2012 - 01:21 PM
I'm truly sorry you are feeling so low. ((((Hugs)))) I was horribly bullied too, when I was younger, so I know how that feels, and I had a rocky relationship with my parents. You are NOT alone. I think others here at DF can relate as well.
Are you seeing a doctor, and are you on any meds? That can make all the difference. I know it has for me.
I'm going to post some hotlines for you. If you are thinking of harming yourself, please call them, as they are professionals, and can help you.
Please take care.
We are *not* a Suicide Intervention Group. If you are experiencing extreme suicide ideation, you need more assistance than we are qualified to give. Please contact your doctor, your hospital or a local Hotline for immediate assistance. We will be here for you once you are stabilized. Even though we have all, at one time or the other, experienced subtle suicide ideation, constant or continuous threats of suicide hold the potential to adversely effect members.
We care about you so very much...We know you are in pain.
That is why you must call a hotline now.
You need help. You want the torment to end with your recovery, if not important to you, it is important to your loved ones and to us.
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Please call a hotline.
Depression Forums MUST refer you on.
This forum is NOT able to provide immediate crisis intervention or professional counseling.
You need to speak to a PROFESSIONAL who has the training and resources
to offer IMMEDIATE EMERGENCY care.
Please, don't wait. Don't put it off. You need to pick up the phone and take action now.
AFSP - American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
The deaf hotline - 800-799-4889.
National Hopeline Network 1-800-SUICIDE or 1-800-273-TALK -- All calls to the 1-800-273-TALK Lifeline are private and confidential.
Confidentiality of personal information and of personal disclosures during calls is a high priority for the parties involved in operating the Lifeline.
1-800 55 1800Kids (Help Line [for children under 18)
DF's International Suicide Hotlines
Argentina ~ 223-493-0430 ~ Argentinian Hotlines
Armenia ~ 2-538-194 or 2-538-197
Australia ~ 1800 55 1800 Kids Helpline or 13-11-14 ~ Australian Hotlines
Austria ~ 142 or 01 713 33 74 ~ Austrian Hotlines
Barbados ~ 246-429-9999
Belgium ~ 02/648.40.14 or 106 or 107 or 108 ~ Belgian Hotlines or French Language or Flemish Language
Bolivia ~ 64 22 100 (Sucre) ~ Bolivian Hotlines
Botswana ~ 391-1270 ~ Botswanan Hotline
Brasil ~ 21-233-9191 or +55 (67) 383-4112 ~ Brasilian Hotlines
Canada ~ 1-800-232-7288 ~ or 911 Canadian Hotlines
CANADA Suicide & Crisis Hotlines. Crisis Counselors National Hotline 1-800-448-3000 . TTY - National Hotline 1-800-448-1833
Canada (French) ~ 1-866-277-3553 ~ Canadien Francaise Hotline
Please see more Canadian Hotlines below.
Chile ~ 22 10 10 or 21 01 43
China ~ 852-2382-0000 or 0800-810-1117 ~ China's Hotlines
Costa Rica ~ 506-253-5439
Czech Republic ~ 602-246-102 or 241-432-466
Croatia ~ (01) 4833-888 ~ Croatian Hotlines
Cyprus ~ 357-77-77-72-67 or Military 2345 ~ Cyprian Hotlines
Cuba ~ 532 348 14 49
Denmark ~ 70-201-201 ~ Danish Hotlines
Egypt ~ 762-1602/3 or 762-2381
Estonia ~ 6-558-088 or 126 or 127 ~ Estonian Hotlines
Fiji ~ (0679) 670565 or (0679) 302998
Finland ~ 040-5032199 ~ Finnish Hotlines
France ~ 01-45-39-4000 or 01-46-21-4646 or (+33) (0)1-40-09-1522 ~ French Hotlines or Hotline in English
Germany ~ 0800-1110-111 or 0800 1110 222~ German Hotlines or Hotline in Russian
Ghana ~ 2332-444-71279 ~ Ghanan Hotline
Gibraltar ~ 55666 or Military 5666 to Samaritans
Greece: ~ 197 or 210-649-7706 or Queen Sophias 135 or 801 801 99 99 ~ Αμεση επικοινωνία
Guatemala ~ 502-254-1259
Holland ~ 0900-0767
Honduras ~ 504-237-3623
Hong Kong ~ +852 23820000 ~ Hong Kong's Hotlines
Hungary ~ (62)-420-111 or (46) 323 888 ~ Hungarian Hotlines
Indonesia - 500-454
India ~ 91-22-307-3451 or +91 (0) 44 2464 0050 ~ Indian Hotlines
Ireland ~ 1850 60 90 90 (ROI local rate) or +44 (0) 8457 90 90 90 (UK - local rate) ~ ROI Hotlines
Israel ~ 1201 or Tel from abroad: 972-9-8891333 ~ Israeli Hotlines
Israel (Hebrew/English)) ~ 09 8848332 ~ Hebrew/English Hotline
Israel (Russian) ~ 1800-24-1201 ~ Russian Israeli Hotline
Italy ~ 06-7045-4444 or 800 86 00 22 or 199 284 284 ~ Italian Hotlines
also German Language part of Italy (South Tyrol) 840-000-481Jamaica ~ 977-5754 or 1 888 991 4505
Japan ~ 3-5286-9090 ~ Nippon Hotlines or Hotline in English
Liberia ~ 653-4308 ~ Liberian Hotline
Liechtenstein ~ 147
Lithuania ~ 8-800-2-8888 ~ Lithuanian Hotlines
Luxembourg ~ 45-45-45 (German)
Malaysia ~ 03-756-8144 or (06) 284 2500 ~ Malaysian Hotlines
Malta ~ 179 ~ Maltan Hotlines
Mauritius ~ 46-48-889 / 800-93-93 ~ Mauritius' Hotlines
Mexico ~ 525-5 10 25 50 or 9 45 37 77 ~ Mexican Hotlines
Namibia ~ (09264) 61 23 2221 ~ Namibian Hotlines (various languages)
Netherlands ~ 0602 222 88 or 0900-0767 ~ Dutch Hotlines
New Zealand ~ 4-473-9739 or 0602 222 88
Nicaragua ~ 505-268-6171
Norway ~ 815-33-300 ~ Norwegian Hotlines
Paraquay ~ 021 663 187 or 0991 268 384 ~ Paraquay's Hotlines
Philippines ~ (02) 8969191 or Mobile phone: 0917 854 9191
Poland ~ 52-70-000 or 52 70 988 ~ Polish Hotlines
Portugal ~ 239-72-10-10 or 112 ~ Portuguese Hotlines
Republic of Ireland ~ 1850-60-90-90 or see Ireland
Russia ~ 8-20-222-82-10 or (8202) 577-577
Samoa ~ 32000 ~ Somoan Hotline
Scotland ~ +44 (0) 8457 90 90 90 or 08454 24 24 24 ~ Scottish Hotines
Shanghai ~ 021 6279 8990 ~ Shanghai's Hotline
Singapore ~ 800-221-4444 or 000-227-0309 ~ Singapore's Hotlines
South Africa ~ 0861-322-322 or 051 444 5000 or 0861 322 322 ~ South African Hotlines
South Korea ~ 2-715/6/7/8-8600 or (local)-9191 or (82) 51 804 0896 ~ South Korean Hotlines
Spain ~ 91-459-00-50 ~ Spain's Hotlines
Sri Lanka ~ 1-692-909 ~ Sri Lanken Hotlines
St. Vincent ~ 809-456-1044 or (784) 456 1044
Sudan ~ (249) 11-555-253
Sweden ~ 020 22 00 60 or 031-711-2400 ~ Swedish Hotlines
Switzerland ~ 143 or +41 (0) 27 321 21 21 ~ Switzerland Hotlines
Taiwan ~ (037) 332565 or 332621 ~ Taiwanese Hotlines
Thailand ~ 02-249-9977 or (02) 713-6793 ~ Thai Hotlines
Tonga ~ 23000 or 25144
Trinidad & Tobago ~ 868-645-2800
Turkey ~ 182
Ukraine ~ 058 or 0487-327715 or 0482-226565 ~ Ukrainian Hotlines
United Kingdom ~ 8457 90 90 90 or 8457 90 91 92 ~ U. K. Hotlines
United States ~ 911 ~ 1-800-273-8255 or 1-800-784-2433 ~ Hotlines 1 ~ Hotlines 2 ~ State Hotlines
~ En Español ~ 1-800-784-2432 (1-800-SUI-CIDA)
~ Veterans ~ 1-877-838-2838 (1-877-VET-2VET)
~ Youth ~ 1-877- 968-4843 (1-877-YOUTHGUIDE)
Uruguay ~ 0800 45 45/0800 84 83 (llamada gratuita) or 099 705 070/094 440 877 (cellular) ~ Uruguay's Hotlines
Yugoslavia ~ 021-6623-393 or (044) 08080 ~ Yugoslavian Hotlines
Zimbawe ~ (9) 650 00 or 080 12 333 333 or (20) 635 59 ~ Zimbabawe's Hotlines
My Diagnoses: Severe OCD, panic disorder, depression
My Current meds: Geodon, Cymbalta, Klonopin, Lyrica
My Previous meds: Prozac, Paxil, Celexa,
Lexapro, Luvox, Zoloft, Clomipramine (a horrible med for me),
Xanax, Seroquel, Zyprexa, Risperdal,
Gabapentin (this med did nothing), Buspar (also did nothing)
Posted 04 May 2012 - 04:51 PM
Posted 04 May 2012 - 06:28 PM
I can also 100% relate to the frustration between your parents, its hard for them to understand how delicate we are in this time of our lives, but its important to share how fragile you are and explain that you cant take their judgement or any extra stress. I get upset all the time over some silly comment my parents will make that may seem small to them but devastating for me. Just share with them how you feel ad hopefully they will learn to become more patient with you, I know mine have!
Dont leave this earth, someday soon you will be able to go vacation by yourself and it will all be worth it! These hard times make us stronger, and don't worry about your photography its normal to loose interest in activities, depression made me loose interest in all sports but as i slowly begin my recovery my interest has picked back up!
Good luck, I hope things start getting better for you soon! =)
Posted 05 May 2012 - 09:38 AM
They don't understand how hurtful they are saying that "its about what you wear that people like you." I just don't understand. It's like they are the bullies now. The relationship got iffy a few days ago when I just felt like s***. They don't understand what I feel. it's like i wrote things down i wanted to discus with them and they just don't care.
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