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Bored...aggitated...irritated...stressed...


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#1 Just_1_Person

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Posted 04 May 2012 - 10:03 AM

I am so agitated these days. Every little sound irritates me and I don't know why. I am currently at a library and I can't concentrate because every body is making small stupid sounds wiping their hands over and over again with a dry towel or opening and closing a cabinet over and over and over again.
I just don't know why i get so agitated with every small insignificant sound. Argh. Chewing with mouths open and just iritated by the small sounds.

Anyway, I have a blank mind nothing to concentrate on ... funny because i am able to concentrate on writing this but I have no idea's in my head. I take pictures but then delete them because I have no idea what to do with them and I just feel like I'm wasting my time taking pictures only to delete them.

I am angry as ---- at my parents. They think I don't WANT to have fun. It's the fact I don't find anything fun or don't know how. THey don't want to understand that depression can lead to misery... I just feel like i do the smae thing over and over and over and over and over again every single day. And I just don't understand. I am at ends with my parents over small things because my mom says I can't make friends because of what I wear. It's what you wear the thing to making friends? I don't think so, and honestly I don't know where she comes up with this crap. It just makes me feel bad about myself even more than i am.

I just don't know. my vision has changed & my attitude has changed. And I just don't know any more. I just want to end it because I just don't see the point in growing old. Why do you want to have wrinkles and look like an old person? It's just going to get worse because your looks start to fade and people just want to bully you over and over and over again. My friend from TX states tht it's not the clothes who make the person and I know she's right but these days I just don't know who to trust and/or what to do with myself. I just sit and watch television.All day, except to walk the dog. :(

I hate this world and wish i can leave it. I am too emotional to have kids because i can't handle if they are bullied like i was. I just don't know. I just feel like i'm going crazy....
I tried taking some pictures with my $1,000 camera but for some reason I don't know how to use it any more. i can't get a decent shot of flowers like i normally do. I just want to throw it in the trash, but I have spent soo much money on it.
I just hate my parents. They play favorites and think i'm not old enough or mature enough to go on vacation by myself. I honestly think it's from them watching too many of those murder mystery shows on television. every time i want to do something "you're a girl , " blah de dah. I feel like I am ready but they base everything on the past. In college i locked my keys in the car cuz i didn't have a button thingy. even if i do change they still won't see it. :(

#2 AquaViolet

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Posted 04 May 2012 - 01:21 PM

Hi Just 1 Person.
I'm truly sorry you are feeling so low. ((((Hugs)))) I was horribly bullied too, when I was younger, so I know how that feels, and I had a rocky relationship with my parents. You are NOT alone. I think others here at DF can relate as well.
Are you seeing a doctor, and are you on any meds? That can make all the difference. I know it has for me.
I'm going to post some hotlines for you. If you are thinking of harming yourself, please call them, as they are professionals, and can help you.
Please take care.

AquaViolet

We are *not* a Suicide Intervention Group. If you are experiencing extreme suicide ideation, you need more assistance than we are qualified to give. Please contact your doctor, your hospital or a local Hotline for immediate assistance. We will be here for you once you are stabilized. Even though we have all, at one time or the other, experienced subtle suicide ideation, constant or continuous threats of suicide hold the potential to adversely effect members.


We care about you so very much...We know you are in pain.
That is why you must call a hotline now.
You need help. You want the torment to end with your recovery, if not important to you, it is important to your loved ones and to us.
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Please call a hotline.


Depression Forums MUST refer you on.
This forum is NOT able to provide immediate crisis intervention or professional counseling.

You need to speak to a PROFESSIONAL who has the training and resources
to offer IMMEDIATE EMERGENCY care.


Please, don't wait. Don't put it off. You need to pick up the phone and take action now.

AFSP - American Foundation for Suicide Prevention

Suicide.com

suicidology.org

metanoia.org/suicide


The deaf hotline - 800-799-4889.

National Hopeline Network 1-800-SUICIDE or 1-800-273-TALK -- All calls to the 1-800-273-TALK Lifeline are private and confidential.

Confidentiality of personal information and of personal disclosures during calls is a high priority for the parties involved in operating the Lifeline.

WWW.HOPELINE.COM

WWW.YOUTHLINE.US

1-877-YOUTHLINE

1-877-SUICIDA

1-800-PPD-MOMS

1-877-VET2VET

1-800-442-HOPE

1-800-COPLINE

1-800 55 1800Kids (Help Line [for children under 18)


DF's International Suicide Hotlines


Argentina ~ 223-493-0430 ~ Argentinian Hotlines

Armenia ~ 2-538-194 or 2-538-197

Australia ~ 1800 55 1800 Kids Helpline or 13-11-14 ~ Australian Hotlines

Austria ~ 142 or 01 713 33 74 ~ Austrian Hotlines

Barbados ~ 246-429-9999

Belgium ~ 02/648.40.14 or 106 or 107 or 108 ~ Belgian Hotlines or French Language or Flemish Language

Bolivia ~ 64 22 100 (Sucre) ~ Bolivian Hotlines

Botswana ~ 391-1270 ~ Botswanan Hotline

Brasil ~ 21-233-9191 or +55 (67) 383-4112 ~ Brasilian Hotlines

Canada ~ 1-800-232-7288 ~ or 911 Canadian Hotlines
CANADA Suicide & Crisis Hotlines. Crisis Counselors National Hotline 1-800-448-3000 . TTY - National Hotline 1-800-448-1833

Canada (French) ~ 1-866-277-3553 ~ Canadien Francaise Hotline

Please see more Canadian Hotlines below.


Chile ~ 22 10 10 or 21 01 43

China ~ 852-2382-0000 or 0800-810-1117 ~ China's Hotlines

Costa Rica ~ 506-253-5439

Czech Republic ~ 602-246-102 or 241-432-466

Croatia ~ (01) 4833-888 ~ Croatian Hotlines

Cyprus ~ 357-77-77-72-67 or Military 2345 ~ Cyprian Hotlines

Cuba ~ 532 348 14 49

Denmark ~ 70-201-201 ~ Danish Hotlines

Egypt ~ 762-1602/3 or 762-2381

Estonia ~ 6-558-088 or 126 or 127 ~ Estonian Hotlines

Fiji ~ (0679) 670565 or (0679) 302998

Finland ~ 040-5032199 ~ Finnish Hotlines

France ~ 01-45-39-4000 or 01-46-21-4646 or (+33) (0)1-40-09-1522 ~ French Hotlines or Hotline in English

Germany ~ 0800-1110-111 or 0800 1110 222~ German Hotlines or Hotline in Russian

Ghana ~ 2332-444-71279 ~ Ghanan Hotline

Gibraltar ~ 55666 or Military 5666 to Samaritans

Greece: ~ 197 or 210-649-7706 or Queen Sophias 135 or 801 801 99 99 ~ Αμεση επικοινωνία

Guatemala ~ 502-254-1259

Holland ~ 0900-0767

Honduras ~ 504-237-3623

Hong Kong ~ +852 23820000 ~ Hong Kong's Hotlines

Hungary ~ (62)-420-111 or (46) 323 888 ~ Hungarian Hotlines

Indonesia - 500-454


India ~ 91-22-307-3451 or +91 (0) 44 2464 0050 ~ Indian Hotlines

Ireland ~ 1850 60 90 90 (ROI local rate) or +44 (0) 8457 90 90 90 (UK - local rate) ~ ROI Hotlines

Israel ~ 1201 or Tel from abroad: 972-9-8891333 ~ Israeli Hotlines

Israel (Hebrew/English)) ~ 09 8848332 ~ Hebrew/English Hotline

Israel (Russian) ~ 1800-24-1201 ~ Russian Israeli Hotline

Italy ~ 06-7045-4444 or 800 86 00 22 or 199 284 284 ~ Italian Hotlines

also German Language part of Italy (South Tyrol) 840-000-481

Jamaica ~ 977-5754 or 1 888 991 4505

Japan ~ 3-5286-9090 ~ Nippon Hotlines or Hotline in English

Liberia ~ 653-4308 ~ Liberian Hotline

Liechtenstein ~ 147

Lithuania ~ 8-800-2-8888 ~ Lithuanian Hotlines

Luxembourg ~ 45-45-45 (German)

Malaysia ~ 03-756-8144 or (06) 284 2500 ~ Malaysian Hotlines

Malta ~ 179 ~ Maltan Hotlines

Mauritius ~ 46-48-889 / 800-93-93 ~ Mauritius' Hotlines

Mexico ~ 525-5 10 25 50 or 9 45 37 77 ~ Mexican Hotlines

Namibia ~ (09264) 61 23 2221 ~ Namibian Hotlines (various languages)

Netherlands ~ 0602 222 88 or 0900-0767 ~ Dutch Hotlines

New Zealand ~ 4-473-9739 or 0602 222 88

Nicaragua ~ 505-268-6171

Norway ~ 815-33-300 ~ Norwegian Hotlines

Paraquay ~ 021 663 187 or 0991 268 384 ~ Paraquay's Hotlines

Philippines ~ (02) 8969191 or Mobile phone: 0917 854 9191

Poland ~ 52-70-000 or 52 70 988 ~ Polish Hotlines

Portugal ~ 239-72-10-10 or 112 ~ Portuguese Hotlines

Republic of Ireland ~ 1850-60-90-90 or see Ireland

Russia ~ 8-20-222-82-10 or (8202) 577-577

Samoa ~ 32000 ~ Somoan Hotline

Scotland ~ +44 (0) 8457 90 90 90 or 08454 24 24 24 ~ Scottish Hotines

Shanghai ~ 021 6279 8990 ~ Shanghai's Hotline

Singapore ~ 800-221-4444 or 000-227-0309 ~ Singapore's Hotlines

South Africa ~ 0861-322-322 or 051 444 5000 or 0861 322 322 ~ South African Hotlines

South Korea ~ 2-715/6/7/8-8600 or (local)-9191 or (82) 51 804 0896 ~ South Korean Hotlines

Spain ~ 91-459-00-50 ~ Spain's Hotlines

Sri Lanka ~ 1-692-909 ~ Sri Lanken Hotlines

St. Vincent ~ 809-456-1044 or (784) 456 1044

Sudan ~ (249) 11-555-253

Sweden ~ 020 22 00 60 or 031-711-2400 ~ Swedish Hotlines

Switzerland ~ 143 or +41 (0) 27 321 21 21 ~ Switzerland Hotlines

Taiwan ~ (037) 332565 or 332621 ~ Taiwanese Hotlines

Thailand ~ 02-249-9977 or (02) 713-6793 ~ Thai Hotlines

Tonga ~ 23000 or 25144

Trinidad & Tobago ~ 868-645-2800

Turkey ~ 182

Ukraine ~ 058 or 0487-327715 or 0482-226565 ~ Ukrainian Hotlines

United Kingdom ~ 8457 90 90 90 or 8457 90 91 92 ~ U. K. Hotlines

United States ~ 911 ~ 1-800-273-8255 or 1-800-784-2433 ~ Hotlines 1 ~ Hotlines 2 ~ State Hotlines

Misc.

~ En Español ~ 1-800-784-2432 (1-800-SUI-CIDA)
~ Veterans ~ 1-877-838-2838 (1-877-VET-2VET)
~ Youth ~ 1-877- 968-4843 (1-877-YOUTHGUIDE)


Uruguay ~ 0800 45 45/0800 84 83 (llamada gratuita) or 099 705 070/094 440 877 (cellular) ~ Uruguay's Hotlines

Yugoslavia ~ 021-6623-393 or (044) 08080 ~ Yugoslavian Hotlines

Zimbawe ~ (9) 650 00 or 080 12 333 333 or (20) 635 59 ~ Zimbabawe's Hotlines
~~AquaViolet~~
Posted Image
Posted Image

My Diagnoses: Severe OCD, panic disorder, depression
My Current meds: Geodon, Cymbalta, Klonopin, Lyrica 

My Previous meds:
Prozac, Paxil, Celexa,
Lexapro, Luvox, Zoloft, Clomipramine (a horrible med for me),
Xanax, Seroquel, Zyprexa, Risperdal,
Gabapentin (this med did nothing), Buspar (also did nothing)

#3 Acrowley

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Posted 04 May 2012 - 04:51 PM

I'm really sorry. That sounds like a horrible situation to be stuck in. I just have one suggestion. You know how your parents don't understand what's happening? Try printing stuff about depression off, or emailing or showing it to them. My parents got told about how I felt recently. They knew nothing about it and gave me pointless lectures and ideas. Then I looked up what to do online. Tip no. 1: Do not lecture the person or tell them to "cheer up" or "get on with things". Don't try to talk them out of depression. They clearly didn't research this, so handled it badly. Result: I haven't talked to them about it again, and haven't gone back for a second therapy session. Currently trying to get over that bridge. So, just get them info if they won't find it themselves. Should help a lot.

#4 whereismymind

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Posted 04 May 2012 - 06:28 PM

I can completely relate to the agitation you experience! I cannot stand hearing people chew or even making tiny sounds make we want to rip out my own hair and sometimes it even makes me break down and cry! I have no idea why it bothers me so bad! Since I have been on AD the past few months I have fewer and fewer experiences like that.
I can also 100% relate to the frustration between your parents, its hard for them to understand how delicate we are in this time of our lives, but its important to share how fragile you are and explain that you cant take their judgement or any extra stress. I get upset all the time over some silly comment my parents will make that may seem small to them but devastating for me. Just share with them how you feel ad hopefully they will learn to become more patient with you, I know mine have!
Dont leave this earth, someday soon you will be able to go vacation by yourself and it will all be worth it! These hard times make us stronger, and don't worry about your photography its normal to loose interest in activities, depression made me loose interest in all sports but as i slowly begin my recovery my interest has picked back up!
Good luck, I hope things start getting better for you soon! =)

#5 Just_1_Person

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Posted 05 May 2012 - 09:38 AM

my dr. gave me prescription AD but since my parents don't believe in DRUGS they won't let me take them. They just don't understand that some drugs are good. I just feel so angry all the time. my left eye feels so weird most of the time and I just don't know what to do with my life.

They don't understand how hurtful they are saying that "its about what you wear that people like you." I just don't understand. It's like they are the bullies now. The relationship got iffy a few days ago when I just felt like s***. They don't understand what I feel. it's like i wrote things down i wanted to discus with them and they just don't care.




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