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[anger danger]

I need help asking for help... who do I go to first? My normal doctor? Psych? ??? The more anonymous, the easier it will be for this too proud 34yr old man to ask for help.

In my mind I've been bipolar most of my life. I've read over the years, I've taken the quiz's and BD certainly seems plausible. Both my parents have clinically diagnosed forms of Depression... What scares me the most lately is that my anger has been off the charts, to say the least. I just don't know how much longer I can keep supressing my anger and keep myself from doing very self destructive things.

Edited by anger danger, 01 May 2012 - 03:42 PM.

[Gibs]

I'm guessing it would depend on where you are from, some pdocs require a referal from a family doctor to be seen. Personally I would do what ever you were more comfortable with. If you are more comfortable with going to your regular family dr and asking about it then that would be a good place to start.

I am 30 and just recently got a diagnosis after stopping therapy and stuff for 12 years. Its painfully obvious that I have been bipolar at least since my highschool years. If I had continued to go to therapy I would have been diagnosed long ago. Plus at 18-19 going to therapy i didnt exactly disclose everything.

Its hard, but try not to let the label become you.

When I found out, I vowed the following:

"I have Bipolar disorder, but Bipolar disorder does not have me. I will not let it control my life, but i can choose to contorl it, and I will not let it define who I am as a person"

Good luck in whatever you choose to do. Try not to hold anything back when you see the doctor.

Gibs

[mef123]

I would go to a psych doc. I went to my family doctor and misdiagnosed me with depression. He put me on antidepressants and I went manic, I would be manic for 3 days and depressed for 3 days. This went on for about 3 months and the higher the dose of the antidepressant went the worse I got. I decided to go to a psych doc on my own and he diagnosed me with bipolar. But you should do whatever you feel is most comfortable.

Good luck

Michele

[anger danger]

I swallowed my pride and called. I have appointments to see a Therapist and Psych.

[Gibs]

Good job, that is the first step.

[electrochemistry]

Mood stabilizers with the right antidepressive meds work wonders for rage and anger. Getting the type and dose right for you is the key. Not too much, not too little. Trial and error. I know very well how unnecessary bursts of anger can be impossible to control, no matter how hard you try. Also look more closely at diet. Certain foods can tend to increase the likelyhood of an unsurpressable outburst of over the top anger.

[anger danger]

Best I can explain is I'm "calm like a bomb". Somethings will set me off in a nano second, somethings that seem like they should... don't bother me.

Can you expand on what foods you know of that can effect mood?

Yesterday was one of my worst in a long while... my appointments aren't untill the 10th :(

[electrochemistry]

Well everyone is different with food allergies and tolerances. I know others with BP, like me, can get more easily triggered by too much sugar and caffeine. Or even what we consider not too much at all. If I drink one cup of coffee, for example, I'm always more susceptible to angry outbursts over petty things. If I drink more than that I get switching happy and irritable hypomania before I switch to a longer depressed mood.

Here's a link that gives you a basic overview -

http://www.everydayh...r-disorder.aspx

[anger danger]

So....... The daily rockstar drinking habit I've picked up for the last few months prob ain't doing me any favors then.... :eek:

[AddictedtoMusic]

Recently, I've read that it has been shown, that men show depression in most ways, different from women. Anger is usually the first one mentioned. Substance abuse, such as the heavy drinking you spoke of, is often the next symptom on the list. So, don't feel like a freak! I know depression is not "normal", but the manner in which you are reacting to it, IS typical. I'm glad to hear you've made appointments. Making that first step, is always the hardest. But beware. Don't talk yourself out of going. (I tend to rationalize my way out of a lot of things which would be most beneficial for my well-being.) I'm eager to read of the results of your visits to these professionals. You're starting in the right place. Way to go! AddictedtoMusic.

[electrochemistry]

So....... The daily rockstar drinking habit I've picked up for the last few months prob ain't doing me any favors then.... :eek:

Obviously not. As fun as drinking can be .Diet is more important.

[anger danger]

Been feeling just *ok* the last few days. Today I came home to a 20 day foreclosure sale notice. Been trying for a loan modification for a long time... which has not helped me! Major anxiety. Like a f'n light switch my mood changed and the thoughts running through my head are all over the d*** place. This is not the s*** I needed right now!

[Gibs]

I am sorry that you are going through this anger. I hope that you can get a loan modification. Take some you time, breath and try to relax....I know thats easier said then done. Thinking of you.

[Out_Of_The_Darkness]

I am sorry to hear about your home, I am also thinking of you here and hope things work out with your house so you may work on taking care of YOU. Remember there are many people here that understand and are here for you anytime you need to talk or vent if the need arises. I am however glad to hear that you do have an appt. with the Doc. Keep us posted and remember YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Take Care

[anger danger]

Had my appt today and went WAY over with my time slot. The session got really deep into my life and I think I have a better understanding where my anger stems from now.

I feel like for the first time in my life some of the load has been lifted. I connected with my therapist very well and I feel that really helped me open up.

I have more solo appts setup and Im looking forward to those. Plus it was strongly recommended I take anger mgmt and depression group classes. I can't start those untill June though.

I want to feel better and the most important thing I heard today is "I have a choice".

[Gibs]

Awesome, sounds like a great appointment. And you are right that is a very important statement!

[Out_Of_The_Darkness]

Very glad to hear that, a good therapist is hard to find. So happy for you it sounds like you are on the right track. wishing you all the best. Keep us posted. :)

[anger danger]

It is official. I have been diagnosed with BD2. I've started taking lamictal for a mood stabilizer. Will see how it goes.

I've learned so much about myself over the last few sessions and I think it will really help me battle my daily demons.

Edited by anger danger, 22 May 2012 - 11:54 PM.

[Out_Of_The_Darkness]

It always helps to have a diagnosis, even though it's sometimes scary, it can be such a relief to put a name to all the symptoms. I am happy that therapy is going well for you. Lamictal is a good medication...hopefully it will work well for you. Thanks for keeping us updated. Keep us posted on your progress and remember...we are always here for you. Take Care

[anger danger]

Just an update... Up to 75mg of Lamictal now, I think it's doing something for me. I've been mostly calm and haven't really blown up over anything. Basically I haven't expierenced extreme mood changes. I Haven't drank alcohol since I started on Lamitcal... I did have a couple of semi-bad mood days, but I think they were caffeine induced. So I decided to stop drinking stuff with caffeine too. The headaches have been tough and it has not been easy saying no thanks to things everyone knows I have always drank.

[electrochemistry]

Hi Anger, keep me posted how the lamictal goes.
I was using Valproate (another anticonvolsant) for a while. It did eliminate explosive anger, but simultaneously killed motivation (flattened 'feel good' mood, too much) to do/achieve stuff. I may start using it again at a lower dose to see how it goes. Lamictal might be the next one i try if i have a bad response to valproate again. At the moment i'm just taking an anti-depressant (mirtazapine) which is working ok. But every now and then i feel the euphoria of over-aggression take over and know the right dose of anti-convulsant could tone it down a bit. It's been hard for me to get the dose right.

Staying away from caffeine and alcohol can be very effective in controlling hypo mania and mania. I really know the difference between not consuming coffee and consuming it, jeckle and hyde, no joke.

[anger danger]

Yeah that was me on caffeine too. Absolute raging lunatic. Some of the really bad days I realized were when I had multiple rockstars and 3+ cokes. Alcohol has always been my security blanket too and I know it.

My family has been gone all week and I kept myself busy mostly. Today I have nothing planned or anything I must do and I'm sitting here thinking of all the things I should be doing. But I just can't get up and do them. Days with no structure seem to depress me a lot.

[electrochemistry]

Structure is very important to build self worth, whatever form it takes. The trouble of course is that when you're depressed it's hard to find the motivation to build structure.

Persistant depressive spells, or even just low motivation, are the reason I sometimes still deliberately caffeinate myself, just to get that bipolar high in order to feel inspired. Even though I know it will be short lived and result in my inbuilt scales being tipped towards the angry high energy side. But angry energy can be better than being stuck in the quagmire of low energy depression, and that's why I do it sometimes. Of course, finding something that gives me normal motivation and energy, and common unhappiness as opposed to hysterical misery, is what I ultimately want. And I feel I'm a lot closer to it than I have previously been.

My theory, for a while now, about why I used to over consume caffeinated drinks, binge on chocolate, and boubon and cola. Is that I was using it to self medicate for depression. This was at a time when I didn't really know what depression actually was. All I knew was it relieved the bad feelings I had on and off for a lifetime. Feelings I thought, at the time, where what everyone experienced. Little did I know that depression was a more extreme form of the unhappiness that everyone felt at times. I also didn't realise, at the time, that the 'high' i was feeling wasn't normal either, it was mania (probably generally hypomania).

My Bipolar seems to give me an over reactive constitution. Where certain common chemicals (ie. fast release sugars and caffeine) give me an energetic 'feel good high'. When the feel good chemical reaction fizzles out, I then drop into an energetic 'angry low'. If I stay away from the danger chemicals I tend to switch between predominantly 'low mood' (although not angry), and rare 'normal mood'. Mirtazapine keeps me from falling into a deep depression. And at present, the occasional caffeine fix keeps me from being stuck in, what I see as, dead unmotivated no-where land. This is why I'm experimenting with low dose NRI (reboxatine), to see if it is more slow release than caffeine, but so far it seems to have an identical reaction on me. The happy UP, followed by the longer angry down.

[anger danger]

Today is day 120 de-caffienated and sober. I even doubted if I could go this long. It's been tough, really tough at times and deep down I know I could be just one major event away from going back to that. I have been at 150mg of Lamictal for a couple months now. It all has seemed to help as I really haven't had major swings either direction... so I guess thats a good thing. Definitely have been depressed and manic still though, just not to the extremes I was having.

I did have to cancel my Pdoc appt last month due to work and now I can't be seen for another 3 months! I also managed to save my home, which has lifted a huge weight off me. Just taking things one day a time and doing things with my family. Been riding my bike alone in the woods a lot... it has been my serenity. Just wish I could escape and do it much more than life allows me too.

Edited by anger danger, 17 September 2012 - 04:52 PM.